Chapter 137
Bastian exhaled through his nose with a fatigued expression, in an apologetic voice he answered, "No. Hydrangea, I can't-"
Hydrangea interrupted him by shoving him aside and getting to her feet, "You can." She huffed and crossed her arms, "I take it back, I don't love you anymore." She stuck her chin up in the air stubbornly, an aloof expression framing her face. But she could not hide the hurt and desperation in her eyes.
He stood and she ignored as he approached her.
"Hydrangea," He tried, but she would not hear him, "Why do you want to come with me?"
Her shoulders hunched forward; he wouldn't understand.
She tensed when she felt his hands on her shoulders, his voice whispered near her ear, causing her skin to goosebump, "You tell me or I'll have to kiss those beautiful lips of yours again."
Her heart skipped a beat and she stopped breathing.
"Hydrangea…" He teased, his arms slowly encasing her.
"Alright, fine." She snapped after blocking out the flood of excitement that had dashed to her brain.
She removed his hands from her body and walked to one of the windows. She then noticed that her headache had disappeared.
"I don't want…" She blinked and sighed, hugging herself tighter, "I don't want you to leave me alone here." She confessed, cringing at how she sounded like a desperate, desolate woman.
"Oh, Hydrangea. I don't want to leave you, but I couldn't live with myself should anything befall you. You've already suffered too much." He walked up behind her, his step slow as he spoke.
She looked down at the snow covered garden beyond the window, images of the snow jaguar, the furred seal and the man in the dark flashed in her mind, "It's not your fault, I should never have said those things." She muttered.
He was quiet, "It is my fault Hydrangea, I was foolish, and reckless. I was heartless."
She didn't know what to say to comfort him, he had been all those things, but now he wasn't.
"I don't want to lose you." He admitted.
She closed her eyes, fighting back the images of her dead body that Ratri-kar had showed her too many times. Turning around she faced him, "What about the Primals? Will they not protect both of us? Are we not supposed to fulfil the task given to us by them?"
His expression became focused, "I have not seen anything or heard from Samadur in quite awhile."
She nodded, "Ratri-kar has shown me nothing since I was ill." She shivered upon remembering the horrid visions.
Suddenly Bastian's expression changed, as though a thought had come to him, "Samadur had said that he needed us to stop Lord Stone because he were killing Cadarama. He said that the Primals were weakening."
Hydrangea's brows rose, "How can a Primal weaken?"
He shook his head, "I don't know, but Samadur is apparently linked to Cadarama because that's where life began, because Lord Stone is going to tip the scales and cause Cadarama to burn, Samadur is deteriorating. And so therefore the other Primals are as well."
She couldn't help but be impressed with how he'd calculated the situation.
"So, you're saying that they haven't given us dreams because they're… dying?" She asked, her own mind trying to puzzle out the reason.
Bastian tilted his head, "It seems the best answer."
She nodded, "I don't care if they can't protect us or give us warnings, they've given us plenty of visions. I'm going with you to Selva."
Hydrangea knew that he was losing patience, but she didn't care.
He stepped up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She wasn't sure how to react to all of this physical touch; the moment she'd confessed to loving him—which she did, her heart warmed every time he smiled, laughed. And it broke each time he looked pained—but the moment she'd confessed, he'd begun touching her in ways that made her chest flutter and her body warm.
"Hydrangea…" He sighed, closing his eyes, "The Tzar wants me to take you with me." His eyes opened and she was surprised by how firm they looked, a hidden fire in them, "I won't let you go."
"Then let me come with you."
He let go and groaned in exasperation, turning to face the other side of the room, "Why are you so stubborn? Why do you not listen? I just want you to be safe."
"And I just want you to be safe. I don't want to…"
He turned, facing her, his eyes searching her face.
"I don't want to be without you. Y-y-you're all I have." She whispered, her body shrinking at revealing such a personal feeling.
He was quiet. She didn't want to meet his eyes.
"Okay." He breathed.
She winced, 'Oh, now it was ruined.'
"Now, is it alright if I hold you?"
She looked up, he was watching her as though she would sprint in the next second.
"You've never asked before." She shrugged.
He grinned, "So, I'm allowed to take you in my arms whenever I feel like it? Do you like it?" He asked, inching closer.
She blushed, "I don't know."
He now stood only a few spaces from her, they were each exchanging warmth.
"Mm, well I'll need a definitive answer. Because I would like to be able to hold you any chance I get."
Her cheeks deepened in colour, "Why?"
He hummed, lifting her chin. It was as if he'd transformed within a few moments; he was suddenly so… sincere and… loving. She couldn't say she wasn't enjoying this side of him. "Because I want you to be comfortable, if my touching you makes you uncomfortable then I will try to refrain from it."
She looked down, his thumb stroking her jaw sending a pleasant feeling through her skin, "It… doesn't make me uncomfortable, just… it's new." She admitted, clenching her fists.
He kissed her forehead making her step back. She blinked, "I think it's too fast, you weren't like this b-before."
"Alright, I'll slow down." He grabbed her hand, his expression turning serious, "Now, about me being all you have… you are the only one I have. And I will not risk losing you."
"You will. I don't care about the danger, I will not be left here alone. And you are not going there alone." She stomped her foot to make her point. She was sick of his stubbornness.
He sighed, his chest heaving as his eyes reflected how tired he was of this topic, she was too. He began to massage her hand, his fingers moving slowly.
He grinned and her eyes narrowed, "I will bring you with me, if you kiss me."