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HP: The Big Bad Wolf

Bailed, gives a lazy guy a few wishes and sees how it works out. That is all that is required to comprehend the story if one wishes to engage in its reading. Picture is an AI art done by 3D1viner on DeviantArt. If the dude complains, I will change the picture!

Ikaru5 · Book&Literature
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59 Chs

Chapter 29: Part 1

[Part 1: ]

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"Okay, my wish is for you to help me become a god worthy of your hand in marriage!" I declared boldly.

The goddess of chaos, Eris, stared at me for a good few seconds, completely dumbstruck. Eventually, she regained her bearings, and I could see a dozen emotions flicker across her face in just a few seconds.

First, there was sheer burning anger at my audacity.

Next came a spark of interest.

Then, to my surprise, she blushed.

Moments later, she was deep in contemplation.

Anger returned in full force morphing her face into what I'd best describe as an Oni.

Then scheming accompanied by a dirty grin, one that promises that some poor motherfucker is going to get fucked over.

Finally, after some time, resignation settled in.

"So, you want to go through ascension?" Eris asked, her tone measured. But I could see in her eyes that she was already plotting.

--

"I do," I replied with absolute resolution in my voice. Like, why should I not? I believe even that idiot Gaydore has managed to ascend if he wasa able to meet Potter Jr. in the afterlife. Scheming old bastard that he is.

--

"You do know that just the thought of that will bring you endless trouble, right? The gods do not like it when mortals reach for something they believe only belongs to themselves!" she asked, trying to dissuade me, or maybe test me.

"Let them come! The only way for a mortal such as myself is forward, and I very much intend to go in that direction. Ascension is just one step on the way!" I replied confidently.

"Oh, is that so? And what about proposing to me? Just another step?" she asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice.

"Well, I did word it in a way that demands you to help me become worthy of your hand, didn't I?" I replied with a smirk.

"Haha, I noticed that, and it is the only reason you are still breathing, Sev! But you are dodging my question!" she said with a smirk.

"I know! I mean, you are a goddess, and asking anything too outrageous of you would be, well, idiotic. What would stop you from just killing me or tricking me into dying after you grant my wish? Absolutely nothing! And, well, in all honesty it is one!" I replied, annoyance lacing my voice.

"If you only knew how many mortals do not grasp this simple truth! A god, demon, deity, or whatever the fuck it is these mortaly manage to encounter, has no reason to follow the rules they believe are in place! It is like an ant dictating to a human how he or she should behave," she said, rolling her eyes.

"So, the only thing I can do if I want something outrageous is to align both our interests," I explained, before adding, "Also, seeing how you are the goddess of chaos, creating chaos is surely something you'd enjoy, right?"

"I know it will be glorious! We'll rattle their feathers when you finally manage to ascend! But we will need to piss off so many people to make it happen," she said, her eyes gleaming with excitement, and I swear to all that is holy, I believe she is getting horny from the thought of ruining other people's days.

"I expected nothing less," I replied with a grin.

Eris sighed, shaking her head slightly. "You truly are a peculiar mortal, Severus. Very well, I accept your proposal. But know this: the path to godhood is treacherous and filled with unimaginable challenges. And I do not accept no bitching from a man that wants to marry me! Are you prepared for that?"

"I am! But first I need to take care of all my projects in the mortal world," I replied without hesitation.

"Good," she said, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. "You want to fuck up this world! I don't know why you are so angry and hateful towards everything, but I also do not care as long as you're creating more and more chaos."

We spent the next several hours discussing the steps required for my ascension, my plans, and how we should stay in touch.

I even asked her about having a harem and she only laughed in my face! Telling me she is chaos incarnate, why the fuck wouldn't she want me to create more chaos by messing around?

Eris explained that ascension requires reputation and feats, such as performing a few complex rituals, facing off against powerful enemies, creating my own tale, and finally becoming a legend.

See, I already had this hunch, but ascension is just my family magic tuned up to one billion! If people believe in me, that belief transforms me into a greater being, and then I can chain my existence to a concept until that concept is me, and I am that concept!

Throughout our conversation

I couldn't help but notice the occasional glint of amusement in her eyes and a primal hunger hidden within them. It was clear she was becoming excited at the thought of the chaos and problems we would be creating for everyone around us.

As the meeting drew to a close, Eris stretched. "Well, Severus, it looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us. I will be watching you closely, and I will leave a reminder behind!"

She waved her finger and made an X in the air. I felt a sharp pain as the skin above my heart ripped, etching an X into my flesh.

"Damn it, woman!" I shouted, gritting my teeth against the pain.

"Excellent," she said, clapping her hands together. "This mark will allow me to find you no matter where you are, and when I get bored, I shall come over for a visit, my future husband!"

'More like toyboy, considering how ancient you are!' I thought to myself.

"That is very rude, little Sev!" she replied to my inner thoughts.

"Did you read my thoughts?!" I questioned her.

"More like I read your soul! Your thoughts are hidden behind that pesky shield of yours, but your soul is like an open book," she replied.

"Well, I should look into protecting my soul somehow," I said.

"Indeed you should! Oh, and if you want to be my husband, we need to get you at the very least to the starting line. I will talk with Hecate about you and see how to go about doing that. After all, you are one of her children, albeit by extension," Eris said.

"I see, thank you," I replied.

"Before I forget I will just merge those toys with you! It will be much more useful that way than they are now! See ya," she said before disappearing into a wisp of smoke.

If I did not have the burning X on my chest, I wouldn't believe that I just encountered a goddess. The mark was pulsating in time with my heartbeat, and with each pulse, I could feel some minuscule change happening. However, I had no idea what exactly was changing, as Eris did not give an explanation.

[Part 2: ]

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"What is wrong with all the women I know?! Some of them are stupid beyond a normal level of tolerable stupidity, some of them love getting abused, and then there are those who just love to abuse me. I feel as though I need to get a grasp on what I am doing and pull through with at least one or two of them!" I muttered to myself as I left the dungeon. Rubbing the pain in my chest away, I cursed silently. The stupid bitch had ripped my skin with her magic, and it wasn't healing up even though I wanted it to. 

'What is the point of having a healing factor, if that shit is not kicking in?!'

Just as I was about to reach my room, our house elf, Slavto, apparated in front of me.

*Sigh*

'I love it when these morons do this!' I thought sarcastically.

"Young master, the Lord wants to speak with you," Slavto announced, his voice carrying an urgent edge. I could feel his worry.

"I will go to him later!" I replied dismissively.

"Not later, now! The Lord is outraged," Slavto insisted.

"Okay, is he in his study?" I asked the annoying elf, feeling a twinge of unease. It was not unusual for the old man to blow a gasket, but rarely did the elves want me to intervene. Normally, Grandma was there to take care of the old man's odd behavior.

"Yes, young master." Slavto said, starting to run in front of me towards the study, which was somewhat cute. His small figure wobbled when he walked; I think Gramps kicked him once, and it didn't heal up properly or something like that.

*Sigh*

'Let's see what the old man wants and who has managed to piss him off this time!' I thought as I changed direction and moved towards Gramps's study, following the elf.

Even before entering, I could hear the old man destroying his furniture. The sound of wood splintering and heavy objects crashing against walls reached my ears.

I opened the door slightly and was greeted by a scene of total chaos. The study was in disarray, books scattered everywhere, and several pieces of furniture reduced to kindling. My grandfather, a towering figure with a mane of silver hair, was in the middle of it all, his face a mask of fury.

"Gramps, what is going on?" I asked, stepping carefully over the debris.

"This!!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the room. He hurled a red letter in my direction. Luckily, I saw it coming and dodged before the letter embedded itself into the door behind me.

If you didn't know, even adults are prone to using magic when they're in a state of strong emotional distress. But normally this only happens in rare cases. 

'Crazy old man! You nearly killed your favorite grandson!' I thought, my heart pounding.

I pulled the letter out of the door and began to read it. The parchment was heavy and finely made, the crimson ink practically oozing menace. The content was basically a demand for surrender to the Dark Lord, a pledge of loyalty, and a requirement for me to publicly ask for Heir Malfoy's forgiveness on my knees during the upcoming Black Ball.

"Well, this sounds fun!" I said to Gramps, trying to inject some levity into the situation.

Gramps's face contorted with rage, his eyes blazing. "Fun? This is an insult, a threat to our very name and honor! The nerve of that pretentious brat and his wannabe Dark Lord! I will rip up their assholes and shove my foot so deep up their arse they'll taste the dirt I walk upon for the next decade!" He slammed his fist down on the remnants of his desk, the wood groaning under the impact, and I could now see a fresh new imprint on the desk.

I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Gramps, calm down. We'll handle this. Kneeling to Heir Malfoy? They must be out of their minds. Also, who would give a fuck about some no-name Dark Lord?!"

Gramps's expression softened slightly, though his anger still simmered just below the surface. "I know you'll handle it, Sev. But this... this is beyond the pale. We cannot let such disrespect stand. Look at the backside of that letter!"

I nodded and turned the letter over. What greeted me were the names of more than 20 families. "Oh, well, this just got even more interesting! So, all these morons have aligned themselves with this new Dark Lord?!"

"Yes, and this is what pisses me off! I know some of them for decades, and I never thought they'd bow to some upstart Dark Lord!" Gramps said with utter disgust.

"Agreed. But we must be strategic about our response, Gramps. Flying off the handle won't help us. We need a plan, and it just so happens that your favorite grandson has one." I told him with an amused smile on my lips.

Gramps took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing a fraction. "You're right, and you are my only grandson. You bloody bastard! A response is needed. But one that shows we won't be cowed by their threats, no matter how many they are."

I began to pace the room, thinking aloud. "First, we will play these two factions against one another, and meanwhile you'll start to address all neutrals, and make them join us. We need to gather people who are willing to stand with us. Find out who else has received similar letters and gauge their reactions. We can forge alliances and present a united front against this Dark Lord's demands."

Gramps nodded, his anger giving way to a more calculating look. "And the Black Ball?"

"We will absolutely go, but no one is going to grovel. And I will make Malfoy regret standing up against me! We'll show strength and solidarity. I'll confront Lucius publicly, on their terms. It does not change anything."

A slow smile spread across Gramps's face. "I like the sound of that. Make sure they know who they're dealing with."

I grinned. "Don't worry, Gramps. We'll make sure they all regret ever thinking they could intimidate us."

As I left the study, I felt a need to start preparing my own forces, and I think it is time I visit my favorite group of bloodsuckers and ask them if they want to join me.

Slavto was waiting outside, his large eyes filled with worry. "Is everything alright, young master?"

I nodded. "Yes, Slavto. Everything is under control. But we have work to do."

The house elf bowed deeply. "As you wish, young master."

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Hey everyone,

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So, if you're enjoying the story and want that extra chapter, let's work together to hit these goals. Every bit of support counts, and I'm excited to see what we can accomplish as a community!

As always a big "Thank you!" for all your continued support!