One Less Horcrux. 

(Two new chapters available in the secret Cheese Society for those who want to read ahead.)

"So that's what a priceless artifact looks like…" Sirius said, holding a giant golden cup under his armpit.

Behind him was an exasperated Andromeda and Ted, who frankly didn't know why he was tagging along.

Sirius didn't know why she always had to be so damn serious all the time, pun most definitely intended. He was the one bringing levity and laughter to their highly dysfunctional extended family, she should be thanking him!

"You forget it's also the vessel for the soul of the worst dark lord in recent British history." She said, letting out a sigh when they entered Grimmauld.

"Yuck." He let go of the thing, the cup fell down with a loud clang.

"Sirius!"

He wasn't sorry, it was only now that he realized why she insisted that he should be the one carrying the historically meaningful enchanted cup.

"Good master Magnus's filthy relatives are back." Kreacher, who was looking way better than he deserves, greeted them with a bow. "And they already brought chaos to the household, the Mistress would be ashamed...Kreacher failed her."

It didn't stop him from taking their coats and preparing some collations, without poisoning or spitting in any of them. Why his own house elf only took commands from his son was beyond him, but he was just happy Magnus saved him some troubles.

He was also happy for the change in decoration, the Black ancestral home had been recently modernized. Of course, he still had half a mind to repaint the whole thing red and gold but he had a feeling his son wouldn't appreciate it.

Sirius would do it anyway, but it felt less like a prank and more like the kind of stunts his own father would pull...when he was conscious enough to actually do anything, that is.

Orion Black had two things in his mind, the purity of his blood and its continuation. Which is why he only refrained from partaking in his numerous parties and lavish lifestyle when he had to bed the disgusting banshee Sirius had the intense displeasure to call his mother.

How anyone could look at her and not feel like gouging their eyes out was beyond him.

Feeling the memories coming up, he headed toward the kitchen while Andromeda finished nagging. Yes, some firewhiskey was exactly what he needed.

'More alcohol, less thinking.'

Sirius didn't realize when or where Andromeda left, nor did he register Ted joining him for a few more shots. He continued drinking his mind away, long after the latter fell asleep.

E+S

In Hogwarts, everything seems sweeter.

It was a shared sentiment among all of its students, old and new. Even Voldemort couldn't help but love the most magical place in Britain, and that fucker was incapable of love.

That's another reason why good old Voldysnot would never sire a child, his absence of genitalia aside.

Magnus could get behind the whole horcrux business, he really could.

Death was scary, he should know something about it, he died and now he's stuck in the same universe as Dolores Umbridge.

Shattering his own soul was a bad move, but one he could understand and with some mental gymnastics justify. Vampirism seemed like a much better option, someone as bright as Tom Riddle would also have quite a good shot at recreating the philosopher's stone.

But if there was one thing he could not understand, condone or even picture too long without feeling uncomfortable...it had to be the dick sacrifice.

Yes, it was a thing.

No, he won't ever say where he learned about it.

Yes, he was traumatized.

"You look distracted…" Padma said, nose buried in a metric ton of paperwork.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about what in the world could convince a man to sacrifice his own penis for power." He said.

She stopped her writing, and looked at him for a good while.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Don't get me started…" He said, rolling his shoulders.

"I...just why…." Padma struggled to understand him sometimes. "What kind of question is this?"

"An oddly relevant one….don't worry I'm not talking about me." Magnus reassured her, seeing her getting increasingly horrified "I would sooner burn this entire nation down than sacrifice one inch of my manhood."

Padma slumped in her seat, face red. He felt for her, honestly, being stuck with someone like him could do wonders for normal people's psyche if they weren't careful.

Luckily, his family had their own sets of issues.

"Maybe it's small?" Said the ever adorable adorable Luna, biting her pencil.

"That's...very possible." He stopped for a moment, putting this thought in the 'must investigate' category.

'I could write a best seller out of this if it's true.'

It was times like this that made his stay in Hogwarts worthwhile, the simple moments of casual madness.

"Why are we even doing this? This is the asset sheet of a company in New Orlean." She said, lifting a paper up.

"Correction." He snatched it, copying a few values. "It's the asset sheet of my company in New Orlean."

And in Chicago, California, New York, Massachusetts and many other places. His portfolio was looking really good too, mostly fuelled by recently laundered real estate money.

"What is this for? And don't tell me you don't want to rely on your family's wealth, we both know you don't give a damn." She said, schooling her features.

Magnus chuckled, amused that the girl knew him that well.

"Safety." He said.

She looked from him to Luna who was equally clueless, murmured something about troublesome friends before resigning herself to her fate and asked him about it.

She knew she would regret it, knew nothing good could ever come out Magnus Black's mouth unless things were really dire. But she couldn't help herself, it was in her nature.

A Ravenclaw's curiosity is really a bitch.

"I'll be blunt." He said.

"I'm not sure you know how to speak otherwise." She quipped "Unless you're bullshiting."

"Unless I'm bullshiting." He agreed, "But this time, I am not."

"I see the muggle world, their advancements and technological growth is like a never ending wave of potentially destructive dumps. It's compounding, with each discovery leading to another and creating vast amounts of money, money and opportunities." He paused. "And frankly, I don't think we can keep up."

That was a large pill to swallow, especially for a pureblood like Padma. The questions and arguments came in waves, much like he expected, and she surpassed all his expectations in their solidity.

She put in a lot of passion in her defense of the wizarding world, the economic and militaristic applications of magic, the infinite amount of possibilities...

Unfortunately, facts don't care about their feelings.

As it was, the muggle would soon advance far beyond anything wizards are prepared for. His own knowledge of the future, his experience with social media and modern cameras leading to the death of privacy, was proof that the wizarding world was in deep shit.

The Statue would break, and the paranoid greedy men in suits would find themselves with vast communities of very different people they knew nothing about and could hardly control.

This meant fear, fear and conflict.

And a conflict between worlds could only lead to mutual destruction; nevermind the inevitable schism between muggleborns who chose their native governments over the magical world, the long standing problems of wizarding cluelessness regarding the muggle world and the thousand and one issues Magnus could think about in one sitting.

All it would take is for one wizard to Imperius a few high ranking officials, and a nuclear war would be unleashed.

"It's not about our ability to win a war against the muggles." He said, after she made that exact same point he once reached. "It's about our ability to deal with the fallout."

"If what you're saying is true, the muggles would go back to the dark ages." She said, "But we would be stuck with a vastly uninhabitable world for many generations."

"Exactly." Magnus said, "That's why I'm doing this."

It took her a few moments to link the facts, but when it did, it hit her like a tsunami.

"You want to manipulate the muggle economy to stop any troublesome advancement." She said, eyes shining as she thought through the whole thing. "That's genius...and oddly reasonable coming from you."

"What? You thought I'd organize the massacre of all muggles just to be sure?" He gripped his heart "You wound me."

She just rolled her eyes, but he didn't take it to heart.

Deep in his mindscape, there was a folder containing a plan to do this exact thing he'd just denied.

It involved weakening the muggle's morale, tricking them into focusing on non-existent issues and gaslighting them into oblivion until he could arrange for a conflict between the major powers.

'The best way to get rid of mankind, after all, is to wait for them to do it.'

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Author Note:

Hey guys! It's Uncle Sheo the cheesemonger extraordinaire!

The plot is coming along rather nicely, isn't it? The horcruxes are becoming less and less of a problem, but then again a story without problems wouldn't be much of a story.

The muggles might be a danger once their technology advances enough, the statute would be hard to keep and avoiding conflict impossible. Unless someone took measures to avoid the shitfeast of a wizard muggle world war...or is Magnus just being a paranoid arsehole again? If you wanna know about this then stay tuned for the next chapter of dragon ball z...i meant, HP: Eagle Soars.

Peace and Cheese!