The Situations In Which You Are Honest

Ashton!? What is he doing here!? She thought.

By chance, Ashton had caught Emris while coming out of his office. Ashton, still holding Emris after seeing her, kept his face hovering remarkably close to her, their breaths mingling as they lingered in an unexpected closeness. He stared at her with no shame and kept his eyes focused on hers. He supported her back as her hand stayed glued onto his shoulder.

Pulling away, her eyes filled with irritation.

Where did he come from? He popped up out of nowhere! I swear my luck has gotten worse after entering this world.

Internally, Emris cried painfully, feeling the jab of the world acting against her when her quick glare at Ashton caused her to notice.

Huh? He's staring at me so expectantly…wait a minute, don't tell me. He wants me to thank him? Haaa… let's get this over with quickly.

Emris expressed gratitude for the things people did for her, even if it caused her nausea doing so. Masking the unpleasantness in her eyes, she put on a face full of gratitude, but her tone of voice sounded of hatred. "Thank you for preventing me from falling, Your Majesty."

Her gaze not once met his. Meanwhile, he focused on her as if fused to her face. Ashton scoffed and crossed his arms. Leaning back, a smug smile tugged at his lips. "You have a way of turning gratitude into arrogance, but seeing as you lack refinement, I'll overlook it this time."

Emris's voice was laced with disdain, yet her smile ceased to fade from her lips. "I find that ironic, Your Majesty, considering the improper greeting you gave me last night."

The tension boiled like the fuming steam of a boiling pot as their eyes locked onto each other.

I'm so sick of this! I don't want to be in a room with him or even see him from afar. I'm just going to be blunt and reveal my true feelings, hoping it keeps him far away from me.

"I hate you, Your Majesty." Outright, as she had thought, she spoke with an unwavering tone that broke down her eyes of kindness. "I thought it best to be honest since you must feel the same way about me."

Ashton's eyes wavered, his whole body taken aback by Emris's declaration. He did not like her either but never expected her words to be brutally honest when she had always hidden it.

"Though what you say is right, I can't help but think it a threat to my life." Taking a step forward, his face contorted his features into an expression of suspicion while he rubbed his chin.

Raising an eyebrow and scoffing, Emris confidently stepped toward him. "As the daughter of a loyal vassal to the Imperial Family, I would never take measures to threaten your life, Your Majesty."

Her brows furrow ever so slightly, not a single trace of doubt found on her face. "It's merely my stance on our relationship for the future. I'm implying that I wish for us to stay away from each other and never come in contact again. No more than a little."

Before him, Emris stood with a posture assuming sturdiness, her shoulders squared and her spine straightened, declaring her readiness to face any consequence that her honesty might bring.

"Do what you want; your affairs don't interest me. As for your declaration, I don't feel the same; how I see you is the same as everyone else." His lips remain straight, devoid of any sympathy. It is a look that seemed to freeze the air around him, bringing an unyielding coldness to the very atmosphere.

Is he saying that I'm not even someone he hates? The way he talks really gets on my nerves, so much so that I want to punch him for such little remarks.

"This is why I hate you, Your Majesty." Emris's voice seethed, words spat with venom as her eyes burned the mark of her glare.

"There you are, My Lady!" Irene waved, running as quickly as her short legs could take her. Coming to a stop, she pants heavily, supporting her body on her wobbling knees. "I've—I've been looking…Haaa…e-everywhere for you, My Lady!"

The arrival of Irene disrupted the conversation between Ashton and Emris.

"My Lady, It's time to take your medicine."

Emris turned her gaze toward Irene, her anger momentarily overshadowed by compliance. Realizing the time had slipped her mind, she remembered the medicine prescribed for her constant headaches.

"Ah, has it been 3 hours already? The time passed in the blink of an eye while I was napping. It felt like only a few minutes had gone by. Let's head back, Irene; you can give me my medicine while I prepare for dinner." Emris clutched Irene's arm and turned her back to Ashton.

Ashton's expression remained stoic, his eyes following Emris' stepping away from him farther until she looked over her shoulder to lock her fierce, splitting glare on him all over again.

Stay away from me, Your Majesty. I hate you!

These were the words Ashton believed her eyes were saying. The cold aura seeping from him repelled any hope of warmth or sentiment even as his thoughts of the words she wanted to say filled his mind. His posture remained frigid for the while she remained in his sights until she was gone entirely.

***

The click of her heels echoed against the polished marble. Emris, in a simple gown, walked toward the dining room entrance through the grand corridor. Her heart raced with a myriad of emotions, mainly the anxiety of being caught as she made her way to the place where her Father, Stephen, and Ashton awaited her arrival.

Leading the way, Irene, who traversed the Palace many times before, brought her to the dining hall. The doors to the grand dining hall swung open, revealing a scene of luxury and refinement.

"Greetings, Your Majesties, Father; it is an honor to be allowed the pleasure of dining with you." Her hand over her heart, she dipped into a graceful curtsy, clicking the tip of her heel on the marble floor.

"Miss Emris, you should treat this place as you would your home and Ashton and I as your family. I would hope you would drop honorifics and etiquette as such when you're with us." His expressions of earnestness create a throbbing pound in the depth of Emris' heart that rattled her emotions.

"Come here, my darling. There's no need to be uncomfortable around us." Warin's voice was laced with the gentle insistence that made the quiver of her lips amplify, although she knew in her mind repeated the rational words her heart longed to be treated with care.

"Shall I?" Hidden behind the smiles was the emotional turmoil haunting her, of traumas she thought she had long buried, and clinging to the collar of her dress, fiddling with it until the top button came undone.

"Quickly, Emris, sit beside me." Warin nodded, beckoning her with the flick of his pointer finger.

Feeling obliged, she heeded the command and sat beside her father, fixing the undone button.

An array of fine cuisine is laid out before them, and the scent wafting from the dishes is delectable, tempting to the taste buds of others. However, the sight of the food instigates her stomach into churning and twisting, creating an unsettling sensation that clenches her insides.

A wave of nausea crashed over her, the sight of food now warped through the lens of her distorted perception. Emris felt a bead of sweat trickle down her temple, yet amidst the waves of dizziness and the ache gnawing at her empty stomach, a flicker of longing remains.

Haaa…of course, my bad luck, and I had to be cursed with only foods of high calories. I really don't want to eat it; it's making me want to throw up. Should I just take small bites to ease the mind of Emris' father and Stephen?

Nervously, her hand reached out and picked up the silver fork and knife to cut the tiniest sliver of steak. The lids of her eyes twitched in sync with her eyebrows as she slowly slipped the bit of steak into her mouth.

Each bite filled her with the weight of guilt that tugged at her churning stomach as if an anvil had weighted her to the floor and deeper.

"Is the food to your liking, My Dear? I had the chefs prepare Salisbury steak, especially for you since Warin tells me you are very fond of steak." Anticipation twinkled in Stephen's eyes while he grinned warmly at Emris.

Emris musters a smile, her eyes briefly darting towards the food before her. She struggled to find the words to conceal her feelings.

"Thank you, Mister Stephen. The food…is very delicious and savory; I can taste the bursts of flavor." She gripped her arm, rubbing her palm against it as she forced a smile.

"What a relief; I was nervous about choosing such a heavy meal since you still have yet to recover fully." Stephen's voice brimmed with happiness of the highest level as he breathed relief.

"Yes, thank you for your consideration, Mister Stephen." Emris looked back at her food, poking it with her fork as if it was a dirty bag of oozing garbage.

Distracting her action, Warin reached his hand to her shoulder, his thumb brushing her shoulder with a deep, caring touch. "Eat up, Sweetheart." Warin let the curves of his lips pull into a faint smile that exuded more love than a smile beamed from ear to ear.

His glance turned away as quickly as it came, hurling Emris into the pit of despair that was her mind.

Ashton watched her closely, his keen eyes following her actions as if observing her to find her most inner feelings. However, his eyes were not filled with the intent of concern but skepticism.

I didn't take her for a liar. In her words, she always puts everything bluntly, so what is her reason for lying? There's no reason for you to impress my father, who already loves you, so why? Why are you lying with that facade spread on your face?

In the depths of his mind, Ashton directed Emris' facade with apathy towards her lies. Despite being blunt in other situations, the idea of her lies makes him wonder, not out of concern but with the purpose of observing the reason for her scrambled actions.

Directly across from him, Emris caught a glimpse of his piercing stare. His eyes were like pools of deep oceans suffocating her as if drowning whenever meeting his sapphire blue eyes. Her anger surged, her frown deepening as she glared back at him, allowing her emotions to take control of her actions.

What's with him? He's staring at me so much that I feel the muscles in my body hardened to stone. His eyes are the worst part of it; I wish I could walk over to him and glue his eyes shut because of them. No, better yet, if he didn't stare at me with a stare similar to death, I would be fine.

"Would you like some more wine, Warin?" Stephen drew attention to the empty crystal glass with faint stains of red wine.

Adrenaline shot into Emris's body, almost as an alert to the danger around her. Her body tensed, and a flicker of fear washed over her. She froze in her seat, a mix of panic and discomfort overwhelming her senses. The mention of wine sent shivers down her spine, serving as a chilling reminder.

Her trembling hands were shoved underneath the table, grasping the creased folds of her dress. Up and down, her palms moved, alternating between rubbing against her legs and gripping her nails into her clothes.

Though her head dropped, Ashton's gaze on her expressions lingered as he observed her with cold indifference.

She's changed again; her mood's become sour. Is she perhaps feeling uncomfortable because I continued to stare although she glared? Haaa…understanding her actions is a difficult chore.

The piercing stare shifted away and reverted back to eating, believing her depleting state was because of him.

Desperately, Emris tried to soothe her racing thoughts and pounding heart, taking deep breaths and attempting to calm down.

'I hate alcohol; I hate it so much, especially the scent and the memories that drag along with it,' Emris whispered in her thoughts, her inner voice quivering from her hidden anxiousness.

When I watched my father drink even a sip of alcohol, I could tell my own future. My father's beatings were much worse than when he wasn't intoxicated.

Emris glanced over at Warin; his lips pressed up on the glass while the red wine trickled into his mouth.

The Duke is kind to me, but I'm still scared. People can change; everyone has a breaking point, but that doesn't mean everyone's breaking points are the same, and I…I would rather not find out the Duke's.

I also feel bad when staring into the eyes of the Duke because I'm not his daughter; I'm a being who's occupying it. I want to end this mission as quickly as possible to return to my world so Emris can have her life back.

Her heart throbbed with anguish as if the fire was boiling underneath it, and the thoughts she bared became the wood that fueled it. Her eyes, devoid of any light, began to fill with misery and emptiness. However, no one noticed; the world seemed to break apart from her as if a wall had been placed between her and the others.

The sense of panic only grew and festered inside her; Emris couldn't sit around with her father, Stephen, and Warin while her thoughts plummeted to the depths of things she tried to ignore.

Her legs pushed against the chair, moving it back and allowing room for her to stand. Abrupt in her movements, Stephen and Warin were startled and waited for Emris to explain.

"I apologize, but I would like to be excused. I suddenly don't feel well and would like to rest before the trip to Moonhollow, may I?" The long lashes from her eyes brushed closed, then opened to reveal the sharp change in her eyes, back to the emotions that would allow her to leave.

"If that's the case, you should leave to your room quickly to get as much rest as possible." Warin fretted a look of concern for his daughter, his posture slumping over to her direction.

"There's no need, Warin. You and Miss Emris may leave as soon as she feels healthy enough for the carriage ride. That would be okay, right Ashton?" Stephen asked for the opinion, hoping to influence it with the slightest pleading tone.

The time when Emris looked to wait for his answer, Ashton's eyes met hers as he gazed up to look at her at the same time. The twitch in her eyebrows was captured before she could mask it by turning away from him.

"…It doesn't matter." Disinterested and disconnected from the conversation, he gave his answer and kept his gaze far from Emris' sights.

"See, Miss Emris, you don't have to feel rushed, so go on and rest up as much as you'd like." Stephen smiled at Emris and Warin, then continued to cut away the pounds of his steak.

"Thank you, Your Majesties, Father, I'll be going now." In the wind of her steps, her hair flew like a flag in the open breeze. She headed down the hall first with subtle steps of calmness until, moving further, the steps turned to stomps down the hall.

Why here? Why now? Any place would have been better than here! I have to get out of sight! Please….anything, please be close by; I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

Emris' eyes welled up with unshod tears, feeling the weight of her emotions pressed down upon her chest and throat, making it hard to breathe. Her strides grow faster, driven by a desperate desire to find a secluded room to be alone in for a while.

Nearby, she found a small closet meant for cleaning supplies and hid inside, secluding herself in solitude. Emris leans against the closed door, her body shaking with the force of her stifled sobs. She took a deep breath and allowed the tears to cascade down her cheeks, each droplet hitting the floor.

She slid down the door until her butt felt the hard cold floor. One last glance, she double-checked the lock to make sure no one could come in.

The tears evoke the memories of the past, the beatings that were etched on her skin like invisible scars that were seen through her own lens. Her palms press against her chest as she gasps for air, the sound of her ragged breath mingling with the soft echoes of her muffled cries.

The flashbacks of the past flashed through her mind. All those images replayed as their pressure strangled her throat. She felt her every breath being trapped in the tightness of her chest as the burning sensation she felt caused her to feel light-headed. She was terrified at the fact that it felt like she was losing control; she couldn't help but cry.

The world around her became hazy, crumpled to the floor, Emris curled into a ball, tears soaking the fabric of her sleeves. All she could do was wait out the pain, let it fade until she felt nothing.

***

The departure time came, and the carriage was scheduled to leave at the time decided. Stephen and Warin gave their greetings while Emris conversed with Irene, answering her questions about the manor.

"Are you that excited, Irene?" Emris' face was pale, but the under part of her eyes held a faint blush color that was visible when she stood in the shadow of the carriage.

"Yes, My Lady! Every day, I'll be able to see you, and I'm happy to be promised colleagues who will treat me with kindness." Irene blushed, the little heart inside her pounding and the flicker of her eyes overtaking their pink color.

"The whole staff will treat you with respect and care for you, so there will never be a need for you to worry. If that one day stops being the case, please consult with me about it." Emris softly placed her hand on Irene's shoulder, giving her a sense of security in her words and mood.

"I will, thank you, My Lady!" Irene blushed, nodding vigorously and leaving afterward to put away her luggage.

Emris joined the conversation between Warin and Stephen as an outsider like Ashton.

"Warin, expect a letter from the Palace. I hope to visit you more frequently when you're not busy. I would like to discuss some matters regarding what we discussed last time." Stephen spoke, blocking out the topic of the matters in question.

"Oh, yes, I was hoping also to continue that conversation. Then I'll be awaiting your letter, Stephen." Warin remembered going along with Stephen, confusing those not involved in their matters.

Again, from the corner of her, Ashton had been starting, and once she had noticed and glared, he continued to lock his eyes on her shamelessly. However, more specifically, he had been staring at the areas underneath her eyes, the faint pink blush that appeared to be covered in makeup.

There's a puffiness underneath her eyes as if she'd been crying. The atmosphere during dinner must have taken its toll on her. Eating with her only makes her more unsettled; her declaration must have been more serious than she'd let on, or could there be something else that I'm missing?

"Miss Emris, may I hug you goodbye before you go?" Spreading his long arms, his posture upright, Stephen waited for her.

Awkwardly, Emris nodded and stepped closer, "Yes, I don't mind." She opened her arms wide enough, wrapped them around his thin waist, and placed her hands on his upper back.

His arms entrapped her, scrunching up her hair while his cheeks brushed against its soft texture. Emris felt the coat fabric scrape her face while the scent of clean pine and lemon entered her nose.

At first, his random request made me feel uncomfortable, but his hug felt warm compared to the feeling of the cold, hard floor that hugged my body earlier. It's…nice.

"Please come back to the Palace when you are able. These doors will always remain open for you, Miss Emris." Stephen released his grasp and backed into the space next to Ashton. The sense of warmth radiated from his violet eyes, like the warm sun that made Emris' skin glow.

"Yes, I wish you well, Mister Stephen." Warin grasped her hand, helping her into the carriage as she lifted her dress from the ground.

Her smile faded away as she walked up the steps. Ashton, with an instinctively cold stare, remained focused on Emris and the deciphering of the patterns that left him with questions.

***

'A week later'

Conan bent his body forward, touching the bandage of Emris' head wound while she sat on the couch and tilted her head up toward the light.

"How is it?" Emris asked, flinching at his rough touch.

"This is the last time I will need to use alchemy on it, so stay still and don't cause problems." Stretching his body, he exited his bent state and relaxed his back.

Then he bent back down, supporting his weight on the handle of the couch, lifting his large hand that engulfed Emris' face in its shadow. A light the color of the sky shined in symbols and patterns, landing on her scabbing wound, enclosing it as if it had never existed. Emris flinched and clenched her eyes through the process, scared it would hurt.

"Huh? Is that it? I was afraid for nothing; it didn't even feel like anything." With the mirror laid beside her, she moved away the couple of hairs from her bangs and saw the fully healed forehead without a single blemish or leftover scar.

"Thank you, Conan! It looks so much better than I expected; Alchemy is useful! We should use it more often during the mission. I bet it has many uses in your world, just like this world!" Emris praised his skills, rising from the couch to place the mirror on her vanity.

"Pfft!" Conan laughed, and by the time Emris turned around, he'd followed behind her to flick her exposed forehead. "You're very easily impressed."

These past few days, Conan and I have become closer. He truly feels like the first friend I've ever had, the only person who knows I do not belong here, just as he doesn't. It's comforting to know that we are in the same boat, two people trying to complete our missions and return home.

Emris went back to sitting on the sofa and resting for a bit when Conan transformed into a penguin and jumped on the spot beside her. Conan's identity was still a secret, so he had to continue being in his penguin form.

Loudly, he panted and sweated, worrying Emris, causing her to jolt from her resting position to his side.

"Are you okay!? Conan?" Emris reached to grab him, but he pushed his body up against the sofa and sat upright.

Emris sighed and picked him up, placing him in her lap. "Conan, you have to stop transforming in and out of your penguin form. I know you need to keep your cover, but still doing this often is clearly bad for you."

Conan had a disorder in his shape-shifting. He'd said it can happen in his world where someone can be born with irregularities. Conan had been born with the problem of frequent shape-shifting; doing so too often can give him fevers and even seizures.

I've read countless books, but nothing comes up regarding a shape-shifting disorder. Hopefully, today at the Palace, I can find something that will be even remotely a cure. Anything at this point is fine as long as I can use it to help Conan.