Chapter 37 Hurt
Before the trip, Wonwoo had thought of many ideas and searched many things online to get to know how to seduce Mingyu.
He felt quiet embarrassed at the thought of seducing but it's not like he had any other choice as he has low confidence and don't want to confess his feelings directly. If he successfully manages to attract Mingyu's attention then he believed that Mingyu, who is an extrovert and outspoken person would surely confess to him first and even if by chance Mingyu did not say anything about him starting to have feelings for Wonwoo, Wonwoo could still observe him and try to deduce from Mingyu's reaction to see if he was successful or not.
So he researched about the place they were going to visit when suddenly a beautiful picture of some people playing in the water near waterfall popped up on his laptop. It was after seeing that picture, an unusual but clear idea formed in his mind about what he should do.
When on the trip, he was very nervous about executing his idea and kept delaying it due to his hesitation until he realized that they would be going back day after tomorrow. Their trip would come to an end. Then his plans and preparations would be for naught. And....
He would have no choice but to introduce Minji to Mingyu.
He can't let that happen. He has to do something.
This way he kept thinking about it until he finally asked Mingyu to accompany him under the pretense of 'seeking thrill'. When he was acting like a child in front of Mingyu, he was actually really nervous but after seeing Mingyu's reactions to his words he started feeling playful instead. He felt so much joy after seeing the Mingyu who was concerned about him but still can't say no to him. Seeing him like that Wonwoo became even more determined about taking a dip into the water.
The things that happened next confused him the most. As he had left his glasses on the soil, he wasn't able to see Mingyu's reaction towards himself clearly and when Mingyu accidentally broke his glasses it was even more impossible to read Mingyu's face and expressions. Though he thought that Mingyu was behaving a bit unusually with him, he still wasn't able to confirm anything.
In the van, when he was waiting for Mingyu to go and come out of the bathroom so that they can set out to make breakfast together, he heard some noises when Mingyu was taking a bath inside. He didn't knew if it was his illusion but he also seemed to have heard soft moans. Suddenly when he thought about what Mingyu might be doing inside the bathroom might be related to him, his face flushed and he felt extremely shy while his heart started beating wildly.
Though he tried to calm down and keep a neutral face when he saw Seungcheol entering the van. Then he became distracted while chatting with Seungcheol.
So when Mingyu came out of the bathroom, he had wanted to tease Mingyu about it to confirm his speculation but became shocked when he saw Mingyu's red eyes and before he could say anything Seungcheol asked him the question he had wanted to and got to know that Mingyu had cried because of the shampoo and maybe the moans he heard were not of pleasure but of pain. He felt thoroughly disheartened. But still he felt like Mingyu was behaving unusually again and Seungcheol seemed to have understood something but he wasn't able to grasp anything.
Then Mingyu seemed to be keeping his distance from him or was it just his mind playing tricks on him?
But when Mingyu fell unconscious with high fever, Wonwoo felt at loss. It was because of him that Mingyu fell ill. It was due to his own selfishness and actions that has made Mingyu suffer. He started to realise his actions were so wrong as the guilt started eating his insides.
The plan he made was utterly ridiculous! What was he even thinking while doing that?!!
Wonwoo couldn't help but feel more and more depressed as he was taking care of Mingyu and also receiving the scolding of his friends when they got to know about the situation. At one point he got lost in his thoughts, when he suddenly felt Mingyu's movements.
Mingyu seemed to be struggling and having a nightmare. It made Wonwoo even more worried as he hurriedly went near him to wake him up but suddenly Mingyu calmed down and started murmuring something in his sleep. Wonwoo went even more closer to him to hear what he was saying,
"N-no... Wonwoo.. Wonwoo hyung... P-pure...pure... Hyung... "
Wonwoo felt stunned.
'W-what is this? What's going on??' Wonwoo felt terrified and confused.
His mind was a mess and he felt like he needs to go somewhere else. Some quite place where he could sort out his thoughts. So he left the tent hurriedly without looking or stopping for Woozi who was calling him probably to ask him where he was going.
He thought, ' What is the meaning behind Mingyu's words? Was the nightmare Mingyu was seeing related to him? Is it possible..... that instead of attraction Mingyu, I had scared him?! So much so that he is having a nightmare about me?!'
Wonwoo's thoughts started getting jumbled even more as he sat on a stone in a quiet place. Unknowingly, he started to feel gloomy and guilty about the situation. That's why when Mingyu came to talk to him afterwards, he wasn't in the mood so he unconsciously treated him coldly and lied to him. He really wasn't feeling like seeing Mingyu at that moment.
When sitting in the van while going back when the topic of girlfriend was suddenly mentioned, maybe it was because he wanted to make Mingyu jealous or see a kind of reaction from him to confirm Mingyu's feelings of liking him or not one last time, he impulsively mentioned about him liking Jiwan.
At first when Mingyu's gaze met his when he talked about having crush on someone. His heart really stopped beating for a moment because of the intensity of Mingyu's gaze. He almost had an illusion of seeing endless love and eagerness in Mingyu's eyes at that time but when he mentioned Jiwan he also felt like he saw a flash of disappointment and bitterness in Mingyu's eyes.
'Why would Mingyu's eyes contain so many emotions for him? Is it that he likes me too?!' Wonwoo's heart felt erratic at this thought. He almost found it hard to believe but later when he thought about Mingyu's nightmare being related to him, he felt like someone had poured cold water on his joy.
The water became icy cold when he heard Mingyu wanting to start dating a girl as soon as possible. He was feeling so cold that he felt his bones ache due to chills but he knew it was all only psychological pain.
After getting off the van he felt like a lifeless puppet who was being controlled by his sane subconscious mind. The only thought in his mind was to go and meet Jiwan so as he could share his misery with her and maybe cry to his heart content to vent his sadness. That's why he made up a reason and was on his way but then unexpectedly Mingyu approached him on his way, asking him why he was avoiding Mingyu and if he had done something wrong.
'I'm avoiding you because I don't know how to face you' Wonwoo thought to himself while shifting his eyes.
But after looking at Mingyu whose face looked tense and sad while asking if he had done something wrong, Wonwoo subconsciously denied it quickly with a kind of searing pain running through his body as he thought to himself that the one who had done something wrong was he himself.
It was a good thing that he could control his expressions well or else when Mingyu was comforting him he was already on verge of tears. It felt unbelievable for him as well about how he was able to laugh when Mingyu cracked a joke when he was hurting so much on inside. At last he didn't forget his promise to Minji and mentioned her crush on Mingyu to make him consider making her his girlfriend.
And that's it....
The years of love he had for Mingyu should start disappearing from this moment. It wasn't a choice, it was a necessity. Because in this lifetime he would never be able to obtain Mingyu's love.
But Wonwoo was being unable to harden his heart so for the first time since he became friend with Jiwan, he hugged her and cried silently for a while in the dance studio. She too seemed to have understood the reason for his tears and didn't say or ask anything while caressing his back comfortingly.
That day he cried to himself the whole time and it took a lot of comforting from Jiwan and also Sol her girlfriend who arrived at the studio later. Fortunately, the studio was empty that day and only Jiwan who was a dance fanatic was present or he would have felt embarrassed if he had cried in front of others from their studio.
Later he tried to maintain his distance from Mingyu and the lie of liking Jiwan solidified when Jiwan had arbitrarily demanded going to amusement park to lighten his mood. Actually he never thought that he would see Mingyu there as he knew beforehand that Minji and Mingyu were having a date at cafe.
Though Wonwoo felt weird about Mingyu dragging him somewhere in amusement park, when he got to know that it was because Mingyu was being considerate towards Minji, he couldn't help but feel displeased but his tone of speaking was calm. He also mentioned about having a double date as Jiwan was present too.
He don't want to keep lying about liking or dating Jiwan but whenever he sees or thinks of Minji and Mingyu being together, he doesn't want to feel himself to be a miserable, single man who is not being able to forget his first love. So he kept lying impulsively, for his pride maybe?
Fortunately, when they got back together with Jiwan and Minji, as Jiwan knew about his lies to his friends, she went along with his lies. He was really in need of it.
Later he became more moody with Mingyu when Minji and Mingyu officially announced about them being a couple. Even Jiwan felt angry for some reason so she continued to act as if she and Wonwoo were dating and for some reasons that started irritating Mingyu, maybe it was because Mingyu wasn't used to share his best friend with others, then seeing Mingyu being irritated and unreasonable it started irritating him too. And so everything bursted out after accumulating for so long, though he did regret it afterwards but what was done was done.
The sadness that had kept accumulating did burst out too that day as he finally decided to take a step towards losing his v card. He even wore revealing clothes that day which was a very out of character thing for him to do and made his way towards the bar he usually visits with Jiwan and Sol that evening. Though Sol and Jiwan went on a separate way than him to get some privacy for themselves and he went on the dance floor to let off some steam and dance care freely to his heart content.
Who would have thought that he would meet Mingyu there!
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While wearing his clothes Wonwoo shook his head with a silly smile as he thought about the past events.
Though Mingyu had asked him earlier about his deal with Minji but Wonwoo feels too embarrassed to tell him these things. Now maybe Mingyu has forgotten about it but if he asks about it to him again, Wonwoo will honestly tell him everything without feeling shy.
Now, let's head out to eat something.
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