Chapter 0.5 (Katsuki Yaku)

**Writer's statement**

Hello reader! I know things like this are annoying as hell. But I just wanted y'all to know how this character feels and how he sees the world. I wanted to show it's past before the actual story. After all I had created this character with lots of inspiration from my own life too. It's my character self to be precise.

You can just skip chapter 0 and this one as it's not related to story.

That's all, I hope y'all enjoy!

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I was 16 when I first woke up in disappointment. I wished to God as much as I could to free my soul but it seems like it wasn't possible yet. I hate this world. I hate it's principle. I no longer have the will to live in this accursed world. From that day on, I've been waking up with nothing but disappointment. Most likely because I've stopped fighting my own illness. I have given up on everything.

According to the reports, it was from the age of 7 when I started getting ill. The list of diseases I have started to increase after that. My eyes started to get weak. The world was blurry, though now I wish for that world again. 2 years later, I got rid of that problem but it give me a parting gift, migraine. I was 9 when I got a sickness even adults fear. From that day on, my life was miserable enough.

I woke up with headaches. If I flinch my routine just a bit, my whole day would end up in pain. I couldn't study nor do something too much physical. I was miserable. It took me 2 years to get used to it. But I think the method I chose was the biggest mistake in my life.

Distraction is what I thought. "Maybe it's the best solution" I thought. How wrong I was. I chose friends as distractions. The number grew and never stopped growing. I made sure none of them was lost so I worked hard. Worked so hard that it ended up taking a part of me day by day. I stepped on my own self respect for them. It took me years to realize. 'I was nothing but a backup friend.'

The realization was good but it was too late. I lost trust in everyone. The 100% trust no longer existed in me. Everyone was fake. Yet I tried to live with them. I lived with them as long as I could. And all I ever did was apologize. I apologized again and again that it no longer had any meaning to it. They were just mere words.

Words like

"I love you."

"I adore you."

"You're the best person I ever met."

"You're beautiful."

"You're so kind."

"I miss you."

These words no longer meant anything to me. They were all fake. They were all attention seeking. I had to wear a disguise to earn such words. Like hell I'd be happy with such lies. The little bit of dignity I had won't let me accept it. I recognized this fake behavior when I tried to be myself for a day. No more disguises. No more hiding my real personality. No more lies.

And what else could happen, I lost friends. I lost every friend I tried to talk with. They were fake and there was no doubt to it. So I put the disguise back on.

Humans are unfair and disgusting creatures. Reality hit me with this fact once again. People who I treated with most love started to argue with me more than the people I hate. They all, in the end just seek attention. They would miss me when I don't talk but would argue when I talk too much. Funny isn't it. This world is horrible. It's dark. It's depressing. I hate it. I started to hate it more and more. The person who I loved the most, that person ended up being the most fake. I shred tears almost everyday because of how hurt I was. In my view, the world went darker and darker. It was painful. Too painful.

I just wanted to see a light of hope in this darkness. And soon, I did located one. It was always hidden in a closet, always watching over me. Finally it decided to to come out. And unexpectedly, seeing it as hope, it was my biggest mistake ever. For that one person, I left everyone. I followed not a light but a hallucination. I followed a dying star like my life depends on it.

"Maybe this person, maybe this person can handle the real me."

"Maybe this person can understand me."

"Maybe I can once again love someone."

"I don't care if it's one-sided but I want to trust this person."

Such naive thoughts were running in my mind. But it ended too quick. It ended too unfairly. It ended in the worst way. I left everyone. I left every single one of my so called friends. I left them just so I could give my all to one person. But I guess I expected too much. I was stabbed more than once. I was thrown away like trash. I found myself with stress marks and sudden memory loses as well as a continuously aching heart at the end of this journey. Maybe I was imagining it. But I wasn't, it turned out to be serious illness. My life has shortened for someone who didn't care about me. I am the cause of my own ruin. I'm dead inside and I fail to awaken.

The thing about humans is that we use something as long as it's good and then throw it away like nothing. We cause the pollution and then we suffer from it. But that pollution isn't only of plastic or fumes, but also humans. No human is born evil, no human is born with shreds of negativity. One is forced into such ideals. Humans are surely the most disgusting beings. The most dumb creatures. The most careless ones.

Now here I am, Katsuki Yaku, a 16 year old guy with too much life experience, too much life lessons and his dream is to die. I am blessed with technology expertise because of curiosity and common sense. I believe I understand the behavior of a human much better than anyone of my age. I have started to look down on everyone. I have decided to live a lonely life and die alone. Nothing else could be more blessing to me.

I have decided to destroy this world with my negativity because it can't be fixed with positivity anymore. No one understands the way an intelligent human thinks so I'll force everyone around me to such environment where they have to enhance themselves spiritually.

This will be my revenge on this accursed world.