That’s Not His Grandchild

Mr. Dawson couldn't believe it. The big bright eyes staring back at him in fear looked identical to the larger pair staring at him from the steps. "There's no way Hope had a child and didn't tell us. How could she hide something like that for so long? How could she embarrass the family like this? How could she be so reckless," he thought to himself, fighting back the anger raising towards his daughter.

With tears welling in his eyes, he gazed at Hope, waiting for answers but she hung her head low as she walked over and plucked her daughter from her mother's arms. Hope comfortingly smiled at the girl and tucked her little head into her neck, as though she was trying to protect her, and gently stroked her back before addressing her father.

"Hello Daddy, this is Eliza Jane, my daughter. She is three years old. She's very excited to meet you all and I've told her all about you and how good of a dad you were to me. I know you have a lot of questions, and I'll gladly answer them, but I'd rather not say anything in front of her. If you don't mind if we still stay here, we can talk later on tonight."

Mr. Dawson looked at his daughter as she choked back the tears. He wasn't sure how he was feeling. His baby girl had a baby girl now. How did this happen? When did this happen?

"Tell me, please, where did we go wrong, Hope?" He pleaded with his daughter. "Martha can watch the girl while we talk. I've had a long day and I don't want to wait until later to hear about this. Get the child settled, then meet me in my office."

At that moment, Hope was thankful her father was a judge. He'd given her a chance to plead her case, instead throwing her out immediately. She desperately wanted to mend things with her family but she knew the years of lying would take their toll on their relationships. At least he was willing to listen to what she had to say, Hope reminder herself doubtfully.

Hope handed her daughter over to her sister and offered to get some toys and snacks out of her car for the child. After coming back with the items, her sister and brother took their niece to the foyer with worried expressions on their faces. "Good luck," her brother whispered over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Hope glanced at her mother, looking for something. Reassurance, hope, forgiveness, she wasn't sure. Her chin trembled and her mother wrapped her in a tight hug, trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, Mom, I really am."

With that Mrs. Dawson wiped her child's tears, lifted her chin for her and lead her towards her husband's home office. Her heart had a deep aching in it, though she was interested in hearing Hope's explanation as well. She pitied her child who had had to face motherhood alone these past three years. Though she may feel differently in the morning once she'd had a moment to process things, she felt that was more than enough punishment for her daughter. Opening the office doors, she allowed Hope to walk in first as she closed the door softly behind them.

"Dear, I want to be in here when she explains what happened. I have the right to know too," Mrs. Dawson stated as she sat down on the brown leather sofa opposite the one Hope was on.

"That's all good, my love," Mr. Dawson replies and took his seat next to Mrs. Dawson. He reached for her hand, seeking comfort and also providing support to his wife. They were in this together and he knew they were both feeling similar emotions. They both locked gazes for a moment lost in silent communication then turned back towards their daughter and waited patiently and silently for her to begin.

Hope looked at her parents and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall at any given moment. Then she looked down at her hands that were fidgeting with the hem of her dressed and tried to put her story together. "I'm not sure where to start or what to say. I guess I'll just start at the beginning," she thought as she glanced back up to see her parents waiting expectantly.

"I'm not sure where to start or what to say," she said with a quivering voice. She cleared her throat and started speaking.

"Eliza Jane was born three years ago on April 30th. She is smart, sassy, sweet, funny, independent. She's everything I could ever want my little girl to be and though she came unexpectedly and early, I could not be more proud or in love with her. She is the reason I worked so hard to get through college a little earlier, she motivates me to be a better, happier person. From the time she could talk, she'd make friends with all the elderly people in any store we went to. She took her first steps while I was reading my Child Phycology textbook to her. I was carrying around her favorite ball and walking in circles and she just decided she wanted it and got up. She's determined and feisty, like all of the Dawson women are, and I know that if you give her a chance you will fall so deeply in love with her too. She has this enchantment to her that just draws her in and her smile is so contagious it brightens the worst days.

"I know you're both wondering why I didn't tell you about her sooner and the only thing I can really think of is that I didn't want to disappoint you. I'd always felt like there was so much pressure on me to make you proud and be perfect. I know that was just my own perception and I'm not blaming you. I messed up plenty of times and you always accepted me and forgave me. A year or two after I had Liza, I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. I had this crazy delusion that if I told you, you'd try to take her away or convince me to put her up for adoption or tell me that I needed to stop school because I had so much on my plate and I loved my daughter and knew I could handle it. I felt like everyone could potentially harm my baby so I just went completely off the radar. I changed my number, moved into a single mother's apartment that was located on campus, I changed several of my classes to online and brought Liza to many of my other classes. I only let my best friend's mother watch her every now and then if I had an exam or a meeting for work that I couldn't bring her to. I got a night time job working for a medical biller and she allowed me to stay at my apartment and work. I know things should have been much harder for me than they were but the only thing I can think of is that my child was blessed and I was meant to have her.

"Um, I don't talk about Liza's father much. He was an okay guy but he already had a family and just didn't want to have to take care of Liza with me. To be fair, we didn't really know each other that well and I don't know if he even believed me when I told him I was pregnant with his child," Hope pause for a moment to steady herself. Her mind was reeling as she was reliving this portion of her life. It felt like a bad dream, like it wasn't real. She still couldn't believe everything that had happened in such a short time period. She looked at her parents to see their reactions to her story so far. Her father's eyes were glossy and her mother's tears freely flowed down her face as she sobbed quietly. Her father had put his arm around her mother's shoulder so she could rest her head on his chest. Seeing this Hope wanted to comfort them somehow but she knew she couldn't. After several moments passed by her father spoke up.

"That doesn't explain why you didn't tell us that you were pregnant and could you blame us for having your best intentions in mind? You shouldn't have had to change your whole life for a child. You had so many big dreams and you're still so young. You're life just started."

Hope wiped her tears, sniffled and listened to her father. She knew he would grieve the life she given up but she'd never felt that way. She thought about Liza and everything they'd been through together and replied sadly.

"Daddy, do you feel Ike you would have missed out on life if you'd have had me earlier? I was always quiet, without many friends and didn't like to go out much. I had always wanted to be a teacher. I achieved that goal with my little sidekick along the way. I don't feel like I've suffered from having a child. If anything if changed me for the better. It made me more social, and caring for other people. I might be ashamed of getting pregnant early and without a husband but I will never be ashamed of having my child or the way I've raised her. She's amazing."

Mrs. Dawson smiled softly at her daughter's declaration and was proud of her, in a way. Hearing her stand up for her child and listening to her gloat over her gave her confidence in the type of woman and mother she'd raise. She had no doubt Hope would continue to raise Eliza Jane just how she wanted to, with her head raised high. She looked at her daughter and encouraged, "Please tell us why you didn't let us be there for you while you were pregnant or after you had your baby."

"After I found out I was pregnant, rumors started, thanks to my roommate, so I was forced to tell Liza's father about it before I was ready because the rumor had already spread to his fiancé. They met me one day and asked if it was true and I said yes and apologized to the girl. I didn't know the man had a girlfriend and I was hurt after Derek broke up with me. I really just wanted to get him off my mind. I think I had the thought that if I gave myself to someone else it would erase the hurt and confusion that Derek had caused when we broke up. I'd been so in love with him and felt so betrayed by him getting Chloe pregnant. I remember thinking that I wished I could just disappear and not feel any pain even for the slightest second. I don't know, my mind was just so muddled at that time. I was away from my family and everything was changing and the one thing that I thought I could control was who I gave myself to.

"Anyway, after I apologized the guy said that he already had a child and didn't want having another child around to hurt his fiancé and I told him I understood and wouldn't bother him for anything. I told him to not worry about me ever trying to find him because I could raise my baby and never wanted her to feel like she wasn't wanted or loved by his fiancé or anyone else in her life. They left and a couple of days later the girl almost ran into me with her car while I was walking on the sidewalk to class. She told me that I needed to stop the rumors about her fiancé being my baby's father or she'd kill both of us. Looking back, I don't think she would have. I think she was just hurt by his actions and needed to blame me and wanted to protect her family at the same time. I don't know why I didn't tell you guys. I was just so afraid at that rumors would start again and something bad would happen. Everyone looked down on me once they found out I was pregnant and I just didn't want you guys to as well. I don't think I would've been able to handle that. I wanted so badly for you all to be at the hospital and I wanted you to fall in love with her with me. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making everything worse. I just felt so alone and blocked everyone out but I didn't want to hurt you guys so I still answered your calls. I just could not let you visit. After about two years, I started taking medicine to help me PPD because I was still so anxious that this guy and girl would try to take or harm my baby. I didn't sleep at night at all. Anytime I'd see headlights in my window I'd check to make sure it wasn't them. I got better once the meds kicked in but then I didn't know how to tell you that I'd been lying to you for 3 years. There were several times that I was going to but I always chickened out. And I know that there isn't anything I can say to make this better and I know my reasons for doing it sound so dumb but you didn't feel or experience what I did and you don't understand how fearful I was of everything. I'm so, so, so sorry I hurt you. I'd really like for you all to be in Liza's life because she deserves to have the best grandparents around. She deserves to know her family, not just her mom. I won't ask you for anything. We've done fine on our own so far. I'd just really like to be a family again. I promise no more lies... Do you think you can forgive me?"

Hope finished her long, painful speech and closed her eyes as a fresh wave of tears started trickling down her cheeks. She pinched the bridge of her nose and prayed earnestly that they would forgive her and love her still. After a few moments her mother asked, "How did Jennie come to know all this?"

"Jennifer visited me, shortly after I'd had Liza, while she was touring the campus. I couldn't hide it from her since she showed up. I begged her not to tell anyone. Because if word started circulating again, the woman might try to harm my child. She agreed not to tell because she thought it was my place and I think when she saw me and how scared I was, it helped convince her."

"You know, thinking back, Jennie has made a few jokes about you being an amazing mother and I thought it odd for her to say things like that. Now I know why," Mr. Dawson said. " Hope, I understand that you thought you were protecting your child and I don't know what I would have done in your shoes." He grabbed his wife's hand again, hoping she'd understand what he was about to say. "All I know right now is that I'm shocked and angry. I'm sure that feeling will fade in time and we will be able to start building a relationship again but," he paused as he collected himself and to give his wife time to process what he was about to say, "I think it would be wise for you to move out and stay in a hotel while your house is being fixed. I'd like time to process all this information and I don't want to be sharp or angry towards you or your child while I'm doing it."

He directed his attention to his wife who sat in astonishment, unblinking as she gazed at him. "My dear, I hope you can understand that I need time. I'm not kicking your daughter out and she's welcome to visit you outside of our home. I just need a little bit of time to adjust and get use to being a grandfather." He patted his wife's hands tenderly, seeking reassurance and was surprised when she suddenly jerked her hand away and shot him a cold glare.

"I've missed three years with my granddaughter and daughter. I don't care what she's done. I can accept it and so can you. I just want her back home!" Mrs. Dawson raged. How could her husband not understand how she felt? Why were his wants more important than hers or her family's? She fumed and started to pick up where she'd left off and give her husband quite the earful when Hope interrupted her.

"Mom, I completely understand and think Dad was more than generous in what he offered. I am thankful for you sticking up for me and I can't wait to mend our relationship with each other but I can respect Dad's wishes. It was a big blow and I'm so happy that he hasn't shut me out completely. We can all slowly work through this. Thank you so much, Dad. I was so afraid you'd hate me." Hope began crying again and her chin wrinkled in both sorrow and thankfulness. After hearing this her father immediately threw his arms around her and reassured her, "You'll always be my baby girl, Hope. I love you and I hope you really do understand. I just don't want to make the situation worse. Why don't you come over for Sunday lunch after church? You can sit by us and follow us over after the service." Mr. Dawson's heart ached, but he knew he was doing the right thing. He would hate if he lashed out or raged at his granddaughter because he was feeling hurt and angry. He didn't want to let his daughter go again but he was confident they could build a stronger relationship from all this. He kissed the top of his daughter head as she whispered back words he hadn't heard in a very long time, "I love you, Daddy."