regrets

My mother in law is a scary person. We got into your huge fight. Specifically because she was creating this whole drama between me and his family. She came to talk to me. She ended up seeing my prenatal pills and told how family. She wasn't lying I was going to take these babies and run. I wanted all of them out of my life. I came here to grow and heal. Not to continue this crazy cycle of abuse. So I stood my ground. It got super crazy for a moment. Then after the fight finished. She left the program completely. I didn't think much of it since the 2 youngest siblings were no longer there. There was her oldest but he was on the single side. Then a few days later me and Trace got back together. Well we decided to start trying. We were only in the talking stage. Then I met a girl. Her name is Kc. She was younger than me but we connected on levels that I haven't felt since my ex Josh. He died so lets not talk much about him. He was the love of my life. We never did anything too serious. He wanted to wait until we were married. It was movie type love. Sneaking behind me and tickling me, water fights, cuddles, fun jokes and silly pranks, outings and pure joy. Then he died and a part of my died with him. So yeah... Now his family knew I was pregnant. I tried to deny it but I was showing. My mother in law kept trying to talk to me but I refused. Then I did the most horrible thing ever. I ended up losing one of the babies naturally on the toilet. I plucked it out of the toilet. Stuck it in a bottle. Then left it on the floor in front of his door. I labeled it our baby. I knew there was 2 and I did not care. I needed him to think the pregnancy was over. We stopped talking all together. He thinks I forced an abortion and I was not about to tell him otherwise. So I went with it. Then randomly I got into a fight with one of the residents. My daughter was heading to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I wasn't far behind her. The elderly lady grabbed my baby by the arm and refused to give her to me. Saying I was a bad mom because she walked out before me. Telling me it's parents like me that give men a chance to r*pe little girls. She was going off. All because she got out the door before me. I dropped her pull up and stopped to pick it up. So I wasn't that far behind. The security checked the camera and saw she was holding my baby away from me. My baby ended up pissing on her. She got mad and almost smacked my daughter. Staff was forced to kick her out. Child protected services showed up the next day. Talking about a lady called. Said my children were malnourished, sexually abused, physically abused... The staff told them it was a disgruntled peer who was kicked out. Which it didn't matter to them. They still put on an investigation. Then when they didn't work. She called again saying that my child was indeed sexually abused by Kimo. At which point child protected services had to step in. They told me because he lives in this program to. They have no choice but to either have me move or remove the children from my care. So I ended up at a tent city. They provided new with supplies. A large tent, blankets, air mattresses, battery operated air pump, grill and a bunch of huge bottles for water. Some grill meats and vegetables, diapers, portable potty. Basically camping gear and a few baby gates. Which I used to keep my babies in our camping site.