Conflicted

After the appointment. We talked about having an abortion. Which I refused and thanked the gods that here. We do not do abortions after three months. So that was out of the question. Which isn't the issue. Now I knew bd loved me. However I also knew he had room in his heart for others. I know we were only with each other. We never experienced anything without each other. So I knew he was curious. Except his curiosity started to truly show. The moment I began to show. Don't get me wrong. We started doing it a little more. "To help prevent premature labor" Anyway one day I decided. I really wanted to go to the beach. Now this is where the issue lay. This is when I realised that I loved him way more than he loved me. He had his 5 month pregnant girl in the passenger seat. Yet while looking for parking. He decided to stare at girls and nearly crash his car. So we argued. I don't care if you're looking but do so safely. We got into a heated fight. So the entire day we went without speaking. During make up session. I ended up with a female infection. It didn't make any sense. As it was not a pregnancy related one. It was curable though. So I brushed it off. Except I kept catching it after being with him. I was blinded by the love I had for him. So I never put it together. Time just kept pressing forward. Eventually my doctor called him in and treated him as well. Then by the time I was 6 and a half months pregnant I found the gender of my baby. I was having a girl!!! My doctor asked me to stop having sex with him. The closer I get to giving birth. With the constant infection being dangerous for the baby. I agreed. Then at 6 months and 3 weeks I was asleep in he back seat. He fell asleep driving. Totally not his fault. He works in construction. He left home by 4am to get to work by 6am. He stayed at work until 6pm only to get me by 8pm. I was at my grandma place. Visiting and spending time. Anyway he crashed into a gulch. His first concern was the car. I was bleeding. My grandma came and helped us get the car out. The next day I went to see the doctor. I had a blood clot in my cord. A slight detachment. I was placed on bed rest. So I moved back in to my grandma place. I didn't complain to him about any of it. I just kept going. I mean our fights were off and on extreme as it was already. When he fought I was terrified. Between his slamming things, punching things around me, head slamming into walls, ground and his car. Him screaming at the top of his lungs, calling me names. Making things worse for myself. He was choosing to watch corn while doing me. Rewinding and fast forwarding and pausing. I was getting fat because I was pregnant. I was on the verge of leaving him. I was in love with him but the more we fought. The closer he got to hitting me. So when I moved back with my family. We sat down and talked. While living with my family things calmed down a lot. He would pick me up and take me out. Everything was back to before I turned 18. Peaceful and in harmony. So I put the breaking up choice out the Window.