Chapter Nine

I remained where I was standing, as still as a statue, unsure of what to do. So many things ran through my mind, but my body was numb, like someone had walked over, and drenched me with an invisible bucket of water. I turned back to the sink and turned the tap off, looking down at the freshly cut strawberries. I felt like crying, but I wouldn't let myself. Why was I so hurt over this? I shouldn't have let him kiss me in the first place. A relationship with someone like him wasn't healthy and was only asking for trouble I didn't want.

The kitchen door banged open, the loud sound making me jump out of my thoughts, and also physically leap in the air in shock. I turned around to see a slightly chuckling Lucas, his green eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya. What are you doing in here alone? Shouldn't Ashton be with you?" He walked over to the fridge and opened it, not reacting much to finding me alone in the kitchen.

"I was just washing some strawberries we picked, and he ran off somewhere. I'm not sure if he's coming back, to be honest." I wanted to completely avoid the subject of our heated kiss. I didn't know what he would think about it, even though Lucas seemed a little more sensitive than everyone else.

"Oh, you have strawberries, can I have one?" he asked and eagerly walked over. I handed him a few and he helped himself. "I love strawberries, but I never have the time to go out myself, and when I do, I never think about it."

He looked at me, his eyes squinted and narrowed. I felt like he was trying to read my soul.

"You're…different," he said hesitantly.

"What does that mean?" I frowned, not sure if that was a good thing.

"How did you get Ashton to go strawberry picking with you?"

"Oh, well, I didn't really. I picked them, he had just fetched me the basket. When I first arrived here, Lucien let me walk around the garden at first, and Ashton of course escorted me. I had said I wanted to pick more strawberries, so when we walked through a second time, I guess he remembered." As I had recalled the memory earlier, my heart fluttered lightly.

Lucas was now staring at me with a shocked look. What had I said?

"You really are something," he muttered, smirking, and popped another strawberry in his mouth.

"Why do you say that?"

"Ashton isn't the sweet type; he never really has been. As you can tell by both his mother and brother, there is a lack of compassion in the family. Their mother has never really shown them that much affection, and their father passed at a young age. Ashton had just barely been born, he was only two years old."

I had wondered a little why there was never any mention of Ashton's father, but it was never too important for me to remember, or something I wanted to bring up with him.

"There has been something off about him, ever since we met you," he added.

"How so?" I asked.

Lucas shrugged. "I wasn't sure, until now. When you aren't around, he's always in his room. Before, he would come out and play games with Charles and I in the recreation room, or go out downtown with us. Now, all he ever does is guard you, or lock himself in his room. He barely even comes out to eat, only when he is tasked to deliver you food, does he maybe grab something for himself."

I was a little shocked to hear this. I wasn't sure at all how he had acted before I showed up, but from what Lucas was telling me, he was a slightly more interactive person then he was now. Why would me presence affect that?

"I suppose he is just bored and tired of always having to guard and escort me around everywhere."

Lucas frowned, turning back to the fridge to grab something else to eat, before he spoke. "Before Marion arrived, you were never allowed to leave your room. Ever after, you have barely left, and I can understand that a little, I have been avoiding her as well. He hasn't had to guard you that much, and Charles and I have tried to get him out of his room many times. He keeps saying that he doesn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything." I felt a little bad when I heard the saddened tone in his voice.

It seemed like he was disappointed that he no longer spent any time with Ashton, or really saw him, it also sounded. Was that my fault? Everything was beginning to get confusing. I was already slightly delusional from the kiss with Ashton, I was barely able to process was Lucas was saying.

"Why do you think his behaviour is because of me?" I asked quietly.

"I can't say for sure, but I know when Ashton is hiding something. I feel, deep down, he is hiding feelings for you, and he might be afraid of them."

I was a little taken back by his blunt response, I wasn't sure how to respond. Should I tell him about the kiss? I felt that might complicate things further. If Ashton really was hiding feelings for me, he might think the same thing. Our situation was already complicated enough, and like I had thought earlier, a relationship between us was too dangerous and unhealthy.

He was a bounty hunter. I was his target. It had to stay that way.

"I don't think he could possibly ever have feelings for me, there isn't much to like in me. Besides, I see him finding me a nuisance more than anything else, he's just here to guard me until I can go home." I offered him a tight smile, before picking up the bowl of strawberries and wrapping them.

I put them in the fridge and excused myself from the kitchen, not wanting to talk about Ashton and I any further. My mind was already swirling with too many different questions and emotions; I didn't want to add to it. I pushed open the kitchen door, and was about to rush down the hall, when something caught the corner of my eye.

Ashton was leaning against the outside of the door frame; a tense look on his face. I froze instantly, wondering how long he had been there, and if he heard anything Lucas and I had said. He lifted his head slowly, his eyes emotionless, but guarded, like he was trying hard to mask his emotions.

He said nothing, and walked past me briskly towards the stairs. I followed behind him, my head hung slightly, and let him lead me back to my room in silence. Like usual, I walked into the room and went straight to my bed, waiting for him to close the door. But like last time, he followed in after me, only this time closing the door behind me.

I took a seat on the bed, biting my lower lip as I watched him walk over to the couch and lean against the arm, facing towards me. He remained silent, his head hung as he gazed at the ground, his eyes blank. Like many times before, I wondered what was going through his head. He seemed afraid of something, and I was reminded was Lucas said.

He thinks Ashton has hidden feelings for me, and is afraid of them. I could imagine there was many reasons why he would be, if that were the truth. Was that why he looked so afraid now?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted so irrationally earlier. I wasn't thinking, and acting on my impulses," Ashton finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. I wasn't sure what to say. A part of me didn't want him to apologize; I liked the kiss. I wanted to do it again, except not be interrupted next time. The other part of me knew that it was wrong, and shouldn't happen again.

Instead, I asked, "why did you do it?" I wasn't sure what had compelled me to ask that, but I realized after I wanted to know.

Ashton looked up at me, his eyes finally meeting mine. The dull light from the small table lamp, was enough to illuminate the regret and fear in his eyes. That stung me a little, knowing he had regretted the kiss. His mouth opened and closed a few times, as he struggled to find the words to say. I could tell by the crease in his brow, he was having an inner battle with his emotions. It was hard for him to express them, like Lucas had said. He was never shown much affection, I assumed that meant he didn't know how to express it either.

He ran a hand through his hair and down his face, shutting his eyes for a moment, before they flashed open and bore straight into mine. There was a new emotion behind them, one I recognized instantly; lust.

Ashton crossed the small space between us in the blink of an eye, and crashed his lips on mine without hesitation. This time, I reacted quicker, giving into the kiss instantly. It started off slow and sweet at first, before becoming slightly rough and desperate. I felt his hands clinging to the sides of my shirt, pulling me as close to him as physically possible. I was shocked and overwhelmed by his hunger and desire, never imagining he could be so passionate, yet rough at the same time.

We eventually broke away for air, but Ashton didn't move away, instead he rested his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. We stayed silent for a few minutes, taking the time to catch our breath, and me personally to calm my hormones. It has been awhile since I have felt any sexual emotions, or even tension, and that kiss was more than enough to ignite quite a few different feelings in me.

Ashton eventually opened his eyes, a soft look in them.

"There is something about you, Ava. From the moment I chased you down in those woods, amazed at how fast you could keep away from me, and how brave you were to try and run from three strange men half your size, I knew there was something special about you. You have invaded my thoughts and dreams ever since, I can't get you out of my head," he whispered, his hand coming up to caress my cheek.

"I don't know why I feel this way, I just know it won't go away. I have tried to ignore it, banish the thoughts, treat you like crap so I would stop feeling anything. Nothing has worked, and I couldn't hold the urge back any longer." He paused, and something shifted in his eyes. "The way you smiled at me in the garden, the way it made your eyes sparkle and dimples appear on your cheeks, it was almost too much. I wanted to kiss you so bad, I almost did."

I thought back to that moment, when he had reached out and touched my cheek for the first time, an unknown look in his eye. I recognized the look now; longing.

"Then you smiled at me again, reassuring me that getting your only pair of clothes dirty wasn't an issue, because you wanted to assist me. That smile, and your kindness, I could no longer hold myself back. I didn't want to ignore the feeling anymore, I allowed myself a selfish moment, and gave into it. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. It felt too good," he whispered the last part, looking directly into my eyes.

A pleasurable shiver ran down my spine, and my heart flipped at the thought that it felt good for him too. I was disappointed, thinking that he had regretted it because he didn't like it, or didn't have any feelings towards it.

"I liked it too," I said, biting my lip gently. His eyes widened a fraction, before he closed them and took a deep breath. He pulled away and seated himself on the bed, putting his head in his hands.

"This only complicates things further," he muttered. I sat down next to him, thinking the same thing. Even though our feelings for each other were wrong, they couldn't exactly be ignored at this point. With Marion's party, only a few days away, I hoped that my father could reach some sort of agreement with Lucien – preferably one where we weren't left homeless on the streets – and I could leave, and put this all behind me.

But is that what I wanted? Did I really want to leave, and never see Ashton again? I couldn't even think if there was a possibility of us forming a relationship outside of this, after everything is said and done. What would my parents think? Could I hide who he was from them? Or would a quick google search of his name reveal all the info they need, to know I shouldn't be with him?

I wasn't sure if there would be anything about him on the internet, or anywhere my parents could search. Ashton was connected to Lucien, and they did share the same last name. There was the chance I could fake his last name to my parents, but for how long? This was not something you could think short term on, and wing it. There were a lot of consequences facing me, if my parents ever found out this situation, and if it continued further.

The big question was; did I want to risk it all for him?

I took a deep breath, and looked over at Ashton, to find he was staring back at me. He looked just as confused and hurt as I did, probably also couldn't find a way to make this work, without any major consequences. I wasn't sure what he had to face, but I could imagine it was just as bad.

"What should we do now?" I asked quietly, breaking the deafening silence that had started to build between us. Ashton frowned, and looked down at the ground. I could see he was frantically trying to think again, before he closed his eyes and breathed in deep.

"Fuck it," he whispered, so quiet, I was sure he was talking to himself. "I don't care what happens, my feelings have grown too much to ignore, and to be honest with myself, I don't want to ignore them anymore." He looked back up at me, his blue eyes bright and intense. "I don't want to ignore them anymore, Ava," he repeated, this time his tone gentle and clear.

"What are you saying?" I asked slowly. He stood up, taking my hand in his and lifted me up with him. He grabbed my other hand in his and gazed at me silently for a few seconds.

"If you are willing to give us a try, I want to continue to see you after you leave."

I wasn't prepared for that.