Chapter 39: Leave.

Chapter 39: Leave.

"How are you feeling?" I ask Zachary as we walk back to his car.

"Numb." He says and I nod.

"That's normal." I say, clutching my purse in my hands.

"I'm sorry." He says and I stare at him in confusion.

"For what?" I scoff.

"It's been eating at me for a week now." Zachary says, pulling at his hair.

"What has?" I ask him and he just stares at me.

"How are you so cool about all this?" He asks me.

"Cool about what? Look, what are you talking about?" I ask him.

"Me, Sierra, now Drew. You're always there, Vee. And I don't know why you're not mad at me." He says, staring at me.

"For what?" I ask, moving my hair out of my face.

"For choosing someone else." He blurts out.

"I've given up on you, Zach. You thought I'd keep wanting you even when you didn't want me back." I tell him, trying my hardest not to cry.

"I'm sorry." Is all he says and I give him a sad smile.

"You're always sorry." I tell him.

"I just wanted a fresh start and I didn't check in with you first. I totally neglected how you felt." He says, grabbing my hand.

"You've done that for years, Zach." I let out a sigh.

"That's why I'm apologizing now." He says, rubbing my hands with his.

"Your apology means nothing to me. Can't you see that you do this every time? You pick someone else. You never choose me." I yell at him.

"I know. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I just don't want us to pretend like we don't know each other when we get to Bradford. I still want you to be my friend, Vee." He says, staring at me with hopeful eyes.

"Your friend?" I ask. "I can't do it." I tell him as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"What?" He asks, dumbfounded.

"I can't pretend like nothing happened between us. Friends don't do the things we've done, Zach." I tell him.

"I know that, but I need to protect Sierra." He says and my heart sinks in my chest.

"And what happens to me, huh? You're just going to walk away?" I ask him.

"I'm not walking away." He whispers.

"You're a coward." I yell, shoving his chest.

"How am I a coward?" He asks me, raising his voice.

"You'd rather be with someone new because you don't want to commit to anything or anyone. You don't want to commit to me. You're scared." I say, calling him out.

"That's not true. I wanted us to work, but you wouldn't even tell your mother about us." He yells back.

"That was in the beginning but I told her eventually didn't I? I did everything for you, hell I'm going to Bradford because of you." I retort.

I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that I was going to Bradford because I wanted to be with Zachary, but now that he's with someone else I feel really stupid. I shouldn't have rejected Harvard.

I'm so dumb.

"What did you want me to do?" He asks, gripping my shoulders.

"I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to tell me that there's nobody else and that you'd rather be alone than be with someone who wasn't me." I tell him as I hit his hard chest.

He grabs my two arms to stop my assault.

"I can't give you what you want, Vee. Not now when there's someone else in the picture." He tells me and I nod slowly.

I don't even reply as I walk away from him. He yells my name, but I don't turn back.

It feels like I've just been hit with a ton of bricks. The weight on my shoulders is so heavy right now.

***

"So, you guys are cool now?" Adam asks me as he stares at Zachary who is seated at the booth two tables from ours.

"Not even close." I say, picking at the salad on my plate.

"She's not even pretty." Hannah says, staring at Zachary and Sierra.

I mean she wasn't ugly, her blonde curls reached her back. She had pale skin and flushed cheeks. Her eyes were a tad too big, but other than that she was cute. Let's not forget her big rack. Yes, she had bigger boobs than I did, but it's fine.

"Is it?" My subconscious asks me.

I don't know.

"She's...cute." I say as I shove a piece of lettuce in my mouth.

"Lies." Adam says, folding his arms.

"You're prettier." Hannah says, nodding her head.

"Yet he's with her." I scoff.

They keep quiet after I say that.

I wasn't jealous.

Really, I wasn't.

I just didn't think that Zachary was capable of being with someone else.

Yes, he's had flings in the past, but I didn't think he'd actually date one of them. But I think it's for the best. With the two of us going to the same college, it's going to be super weird seeing them in the halls, but I'll manage. I still have Devon.

"I think it's for the better." Adam says and I nod.

"I mean, you and Zachary we're going around in this toxic circle. It's good to see that the two of you came out unscathed." Adam says, leaning back in his seat.

That's what he thinks.

I'm hurting.

Bad.

"I'm just ready to leave this town already." I tell him.

"Well, before you do that we have one last party." Adam says, biting his lip.

"No freaking way." I tell him, meaning it.

I've been to too many parties.

"Don't exaggerate, you've been to like three parties." My subconscious quips.

Three too many.

"Come on, Vee." Hannah urges on.

"Not you too." I groan.

"It'll be fun and besides I wasn't complaining when you made me get this tattoo." Hannah says, folding her arms.

She has a point. I should be a team player.

"Fine, but this is the last one for real." I tell them.

"Yes." They both cheer.

"Losers." I say, taking a sip out of my water bottle.

***

"Who wants to see my third nipple?" Adam yells from on top of the bar.

"Get him down." I tell Hannah.

"Why do I have to do it?" She asks me.

"Because he's your friend." I tell her.

"He's your friend too." She says, glaring at me.

"I don't know him." I say, covering my face.

Adam and Hannah practically dragged me to this frat party. It literally took us three hours to get here.

Three.

Like, who drives that far to go to a party?

Apparently Adam.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Get him down." I tell Hannah.

I walk up the wooden steps, I make a right turn and I hit someone.

"I'm so sorry." I say before I look up at the person standing in front of me.

"Larry?" Devon says, looking at me.

"Hey." I say, waving at him awkwardly.

"You just ghosted me, Larry." He says, folding his arms as he smiles at me.

He's so cute.

"I didn't." I shrug.

He raises his eyebrow at me.

"I've just been...busy." I say, trying to defend myself.

"You aired all my messages, missed all my calls. If you weren't interested you should have just told me." He says with sad eyes.

"No, it's not that. I was genuinely preoccupied with other things, but I'm here now. Standing in front of you." I tell him, biting my lower lip.

"What are you doing here anyway?" He asks me, putting his hands in his pockets.

Damn, he's tall.

"Well, my two best friends literally dragged me here." I tell him, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Wanna head to my room?" He asks me, sucking on his bottom lip.

"Your room?" I ask him.

I thought his frat house was in Bradford.

"Well, technically it's not my room, I'm just staying here because the Frat house at Bradford is getting renovated. So, all the guys from my frat are here." He tells me.

It all makes sense now.

"So, when are you going back?" I ask him as we start walking towards his room.

"When school starts. You're still coming to Bradford right?" He asks me.

I nod in response.

Devon opens up his room door and I walk inside. His room is a mess. He's a total opposite of Zachary.

Zachary's room is never messy.

Can you stop thinking about Zachary right now?

Damn, I'm trying.

"Make yourself comfortable." He says, nervously.

Where.

I sit down on the wooden chair beside his desk. It's the only place that looks decent.

"Need something to drink?" He asks me as he walks over to his mini fridge.

"Alright, I can't do this." I say as I start picking up his clothes from the floor.

Devon looks at me, confusion clear in his face.

"We're cleaning this up right now." I tell him, picking up more clothes.

"I didn't think it was that big of a mess." He says, shrugging.

"Well, I do. So, let's start cleaning this up." I tell him.

Twenty minutes later, Devon is tying the bin bag filled with plastic cups and bottles.

"Don't forget to recycle them. It's good for the planet." I tell him, dusting my hands.

"Thanks for helping me clean up." He says, flashing me a small smile.

"It's nothing." I say, smiling back at him.

Zachary's POV.

I didn't want to leave her.

I didn't.

She's the one that moved on first. I tried to make it up to her but she won't listen. She's still hung up on that Devon guy. He's dangerous in more ways than one. He was part of this drug dealer's squad I used to roll with. I had seen him once or twice but I never really cared about him. Not until now, not when he was with someone I loved.

But you're with someone else.

I know that. Valarie made me get with Sierra. And I know you're probably wondering if I'm in love with her, I'm not. Sierra's a nice girl, but she's just a little too nice.

You know what I mean?

"Babe?" Sierra says, snapping her fingers in my face as she sits beside me on the bed.

"Yeah." I say as I scratch the stubble on my chin.

"Which one do you want to get?" She asks me.

I have no idea what she's talking about.

"Um...the first one." I mutter.

"What's the first one?" She asks me, folding my arms.

"Fine. I wasn't listening." I admit, letting out a tired sigh.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks me as she touches my forearm.

Valarie.

"Nothing." I tell her, clearing my throat.

"Don't you want to get the apartment together? Are we rushing it?" She asks me and I shake my head.

"No. No, I want this. I want you." I tell her. I feel like I'm saying it out loud to reassure myself that I want to be with Sierra, but in reality, I'm madly in love with Valarie.

"That's great to hear." She says as she drops the iPad in her hand. She climbs on top of me straddling me. She brushes her blonde curls to the side before she takes my lips in hers.

Damn, she's a firecracker.

But she's not Valarie.

Damn, this little voice in my head keeps ruining everything.

"What's wrong?" She asks me, I stare at her in confusion.

"You didn't kiss me back." She asks as hurt flashes in her green eyes.

I grab her waist and she places her hand on my shoulders, making sure she doesn't fall off. I kiss her gently as I grab her ass. She lets out a soft moan and I move my lips to her neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses. I suck on her collarbone, giving her a big red hickey. Her hands move to my pants. She unbuckles my belt and puts her hand down my pants.

Damn, her hands are cold. I let out a hiss.

"What's wrong?" She asks me, batting her eyelashes as she bit her bottom lip.

"Nothing. Everything's fine." I tell her and with that, she pulls my pants down.