Trapped by myself

I wasn't a coward. So far from it.

I too didn't know what happened.

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell her all I've been through with Trevor. The opposite, I really wanted to vent it all out and gaining the courage to stand in court with him only to find out that I was simply unable to.

I couldn't bring myself to say aloud all my failures in life to a complete stranger who can go and spread my story to everyone she knows.

Maybe she was right about me being on guard all my life that it had became my second nature. But,all this didn't explain why I was covered in puke all over my body, I was a mess and numb...

That happened when I was told to share with her how my last day leaving with Trevor was. Saying that I needed to speak up in order for me to move on. I needed to get it all out there.

I agreed in her words but, what happened that day made me dissapointed in myself and disgusted to the max. I let him reduce my worth and stooped so low that even the devil was above me.

And I didn't want that.

I didn't want to think about much less tell the world about it. I was embarrassed.

"You called..., What's wrong with him?" I then heard a panicked Damon's voice just after the door was opened. Running to my aid.

I didn't know why but at that moment I felt so relieved to hear the worry in his voice, I wanted to run to him too, to hide myself from the world as he was my shield. I became dependent of him and that wasn't a very good thing for me to opt.

That's why when he touched me, I whimpered. I was safe again. I was so far from a cheating, conniving bastard of a husband I had, Trevor. I was with Damon and I didn't know about the love part but, he cared, even in his twisted kind of way. I felt his care resonating from deep within me.

"He just shut down" The shrink said in concern.

"You've got one job here, One job! Make my baby want to see again and not worsening his condition damn it!" He yelled as he cleaned me up with some wet soft materials on my mouth and chin before my hands.

"I can't do anything if he doesn't want to" Explained the shrink professionally.

"This is a good thing at least now we know the root of his problem" She went on with a relief to her tone.

"Fuck you and the root of the problem. I may not do mind healing but, you pushed him too hard and you're going to pay!" I heard Damon yell before something crashed some distance away from where my shrink was.

"I'm going to wash him up and when we return, you better fix him up!" Said Damon before he carried me to the bathroom to bath me.

"Anderson love" He called to me desperately yet softly playing with my nipples lightly through the warm soothing water.

I wasn't kidding when I said I couldn't react to anything because it felt like I was in a coma all over again only this time it wasn't the body's fault as it was before. This time my mind decided to cease working and put my subconscious in a hidden box and there was no way out for me.

I was trapped by myself.

It felt like I was paralyzed. I could only feel emotions but no way to react on them.

"Do you remember when we first met?" He asked before chuckling to himself and I really wanted to reminisce with him just so I could know how much of an editor I was but, I couldn't do more than just listen to him.

"You were... actually, still are the cutest and feisty and sexy, smart, arrogant, narcissist... God! What have I done to you?" He self blamed himself before I felt his lips on mine and so are his raw emotions.

"I'm sorry" He said on my wet lips after that one sided kiss.

It really wasn't his fault. He told me that he couldn't go with me to his hometown because of some unfinished business and my safety but, he'll come for me when everything is settled and there he was.

It wasn't his fault, he successfully kept his promise and came back to me but, I was not the same man whom he left three years ago. I was a man resolved to never associate himself with love affairs and relationships as they tend to get messy and hurtful.

I was just a simple guy wishing to start over. Away from all that.

"Do you know? That, that day was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I was free to dream about my future, I started to live for us. Your crazy demands, your glowing smile, purest heart, innocent mind, intelligent brain... Love, you became the light at the end of my tunnel. Don't you get it?" He said kissing my throat again and again before he nipped on my Adam apple making me tremble all over. He remembered.

He truly was my one night husband!.

He got me out of the water before I felt something fluffy covering my naked body and his hot body engulfing me in a bear hug. Boy, was he built!.

Damn! sad story aside I knew how to choose a husband, Didn't I?. A little bit of crazy, a lot of care and a drop of vulnerability. Perfect.

He dried me up before going to place me on the bed, tucking me in as he always do but he didn't sit beside me on the bed as he always does and as I wanted him to, He went to sit on the floor with only his hands on the bed threading in mine.

"My wife, do I even have the right to call you that? I failed you so miserably" He said sadly when he undoubtedly and obliviously set my heart racing in a good way by his words, My wife. He remembered.

I wanted to be treated like that, his wife. Gently, treasured and still not being near him. If that makes sense.

I wanted to grab his neck and throw him on top of me or me on top of him, I really didn't care as long as I could feel his hands and lips all over me, worshipping me through sex, praising me through his words, trusting me with his heart.

He was a generous lover. My first and the best.

But, I couldn't do a damned thing and just left him there, crying his heart out in guilt. The shrink forgotten.