Chapter 1

Note - we are calling Mrs Coulters daemon in this ozymandias (oz) just so it's easier!

Lyra had never seen anything like it. A mighty flying balloon of some sort. She had watched as Jordan College, her Oxford, faded away. To a place much grander, though she thought that impossible. This place had much taller buildings, busier streets, and as she had figured nicer rooms. This was discovered as she entered Mrs Coulter's house, she admired the woman. She was amazing. And the youngest scholar she knew. And she knew her uncle, though that was a brief tale. "wow..." she whispered, stroking pan who was on her shoulder.

Mrs Coulter wasn't quite sure how to feel about lyra coming along with her, to live with her. Of course, she had Lyra's room already prepared, she had contacted some of the best designers in london, god this girl needs some proper clothes. She had big plans for Lyra, for both of them, but it will be very strange to have a child running around her apartment, a disobedient child on top of that. Before she met Lyra she never knew she wanted her daughter back with every ounce of blood in her veins and that scared her the most. The girl even managed to put a smile on Marisa's face, she seemed to be truly happy to go live with her, probably because she hoped to see the north one day. Children also take lots of time and responsibility and that also scared her quite a lot, her hands were already full, for she has dedicated most of her entire life to her work and the Magisterium, and besides, Marisa didn't even know anything about this girl besides the fact that she was already blindly fascinated by her and loved polar bears, well at least she didn't have to worry about asriel anymore.

Marisa and Ozymandias could barely keep up with Lyra as they practicality ran on their way to her house, she genuinely smiled at Lyra once again as the child walked around the house, admiring all the rooms in her apartment, Marisa let her run around and explore each and every room, except for her study, she made it very clear for Lyra not to go in there and bother her under any circumstances. "... and this room will be yours, i do hope you'll be fine here" she whispered as they walked into Lyra's new room, the bed was huge, white sheets above its frame were perfectly clean and properly maintained, some old fashioned maps and blue paintings hanged on these white walls, the carpet was made of the softest wool, the chandelier was also quite big and exquisite, just like everything else in Mrs Coulter's beautiful apartment, all because she simply wanted only the best for her child.

Lyra couldn't believe it, this was nothing like her old room, absolutely nothing like it. She audibly took a deep breath before breaking into the brightest smile and running forward, jumping on the bed, she bounced before she flopped onto her back, feeling the expensive sheets under her body, the feeling was beyond anything she'd ever felt, it gave her more butterflies in her stomach than even talking about the north did. She didn't even bother to apologise for her improper behaviour, the staff at the college probably would have slapped her knees for such silliness. She immediately remembered the thing in her pocket that the head master had given to her. He'd told her to lie, to this all but fabulous woman. Surely she couldn't. This woman mesmerised her. So much. Her smile made her smile, and her laugh, which was rare, would warm her up, why would she lie, for at this moment, Mrs Coulter felt like the closest thing to a mother. "so you know uncle Asriel? Have you met the Polar bears?" she desperately wanted to ask about the north more, about what she'd seen in the study she was forbidden from but went in anyway. "are there gobblers here?" she asked, she sighed a little, stroking her daemon in her lap. Her heart sank, for on the journey, was this the first she had thought about her good friend Roger. She hadn't had chance to tell him that she was leaving, who else would he play with. Though, she'd noticed his peculiar absence that day, she ran a hand through her dirty twisted hair. "I'm going to miss my Oxford" a small sad smile touched her lips, it had seemed that she'd calmed a little, perhaps the adrenaline wearing off and the exhaustion settling in.

Marisa laughed a bit when Lyra imminently jumped onto her cozy bed, she was happy to see Lyra so glad to have a new room, beautiful and neat. Marisa noticed that the girl wasn't used to this feeling of having something nice, something new, she stared to think of how she was treated back at Jordan College, Lyra was seemed brave and way too wild for a child her age, careless even. she carefully sat down next to Lyra on the big, queen sized bed. but then Mrs Coulter's expresssion changed in a second and oz let out an uneasy growl and scarily peaked on Lyra's daemon, Pantalaimon. her heart almost started racing at the mention of Asriel and the Gobblers. she narrowed her eyes and smiled, to put her anger aside, so and this time her smile wasn't genuine at all. "Lyra, do not mention that word, we will find Roger, i'll contact some of my best people first thing in the morning, you have to trust me, Lyra. promise me you will trust me" her tone turned a bit sharper as she tried to get these words out as quickly as she she could. "and.. i've met your-, Asriel, i've known him even before you were born, i worked with him for a little while." her mind suddenly forgot the thought of Lyra's father as soon as she answered her daughter's question, even ozymandias' expression changed, he appeared a bit warmer as he slightly apologetically gave pan a small gaze. Marisa would definitely prefer to charm Lyra and talk about her adventures rather than lying about her past.

The woman decided to intrigue Lyra even more, this girl truly had no idea what the north is really like "and well of course, i've met the bear king himself, would you like me to tell you a secret? what fascinated me the most was that this bear wants a daemon of his own, he wants to be more like us, humans.. but i-" she paused for a moment to take a long breath "never understood why.." Lyra seemed to be exhausted after their trip, but she also badly needed a bath, Marisa started to realize that Lyra hasn't washed today, all day.

There it was, that laugh. Lyra smiled, though she immediately felt guilty when Marisa told her off, her own heart hammering a little in her chest, she hadn't meant to offend her, and unlike the staff or students at Jordan College, this time she actually cared. She gulped a little, eyeing up the golden monkey, it seemed that Mrs Coulter didn't like that topic anymore than she did. She calmed down, taking in a long deep breath to calm down herself and the anxious white pine marten beside her. "I'm sorry, am i not allowed to talk about it... Sorry" she mumbled, almost gracefully. She took in Mrs Coulters expression, nervously biting her lip her hand glided over marias hand, holding onto it lightly. "im sorry... If i upset you" she noticed the change in her and the daemons form. "thank you for telling me the secret, though.. Could i have a bath?" she was desperate to try the new facilities, and she didn't doubt for a moment how good the shampoo would be.

Marisa couldn't help but feel bad about her attitude towards Lyra after seeing the girl so stressed to find that she had upset her, her monkey was still quite eager to lash out at any given moment. she felt him, she sensed that he had the nerve to overthink Marisa's sudden kindness towards Lyra, and Lyra was extremely kind to her in return, she did expect Lyra to be excited and thankful but never she had expected her to care for Marisa's feelings. The woman patted the young girl's head and told her she didn't mean to be so furious and that lyra doesn't have to worry about roger while she's with her. "and lyra, you can talk about whatever you want, just please don't mention any silly children's stories." she reminded lyra that she doesn't want to hear any of it, it made her think about wether lyra would be as good to her if she knew about her work or not, if she would accept it and realize that it is all for the future generations, for a better life, for everyone. she knew lyra might think of it wrong, even quite evil, it would all scare her. it's better for her not to know just yet, especially if her friend is involved. "but of course, come on, let's take a bath" she jumped off of lyra's bed and showed lyra the way towards her luxurious bathroom.

Lyra smiled and nodded, she felt a bit better now. And the thought of water on her skin, hopefully it wouldn't be cold or luke warm like it was at Oxford. She was indeed looking forward to this. "would... You tell me more about the north?" she said. She wanted again, to know the adventures of what her uncle had been on. She was desperate to know. "I've never seen anything like this" she gasped as she entered the bathroom, her excitement shot through the roof, almost quite literally as pan turned into a brown moth and flew around. Lyra immediately began taking off her shirt, a vest underneath, she felt quite anxious, what would this woman think about her scrawny small body, nevertheless she was strong for her age. She thought it best to fold her shirt up and place it down, she looked down at the floor, shuffling slightly. She was fine around marisa, she had even grown to trust her and like her, she'd apologized before for her behavior, and seemed to mean it. It was the professor who had tried to kill her uncle. She didn't know who to trust. And apparently. She wasn't allowed to trust anyone. She nervously played with her hands, not daring to meet the kind woman's gaze, ashamed of the few white and pink scars that scattered her left arm.

marisa entered the bathroom after lyra with the golden monkey lazily stumbling behind her as she started rambling about her trips to the north and the place itself, slightly mentioning her studies as well: "..i've got a laboratory in north too, where i study all sorts of things, physics and such, things you shouldn't be interested in yet, you're too young but as i told you, you're gonna have learn at least the basics of quantum physics." marisa warned her and opened the faucet to let the water run, poured in some bath foam and took out some fresh, blue towels and an expensive shampoo that smelled of lavender and placed all that on the edge of the oval formed bathtub. the woman felt happy.. for once, she felt less lonely here, for the first time in forever her apartment seemed lively, like true home, lyra gave some color to it. mrs coulter exchanged cold looks with her monkey who sat in the corner of the room, it was almost unnoticeable. 'how dare he question me?' she asked herself, her mind was racing and she couldn't explain this feeling, she did not like it, oz did not like it, it was so unfamiliar and incomplete. marisa turned to the bathroom wall, standing next to the monkey who turned away too to give lyra some privacy when the girl took off her old, dirty clothes before she gets into the warm water that was filled with bobbles. "do you need some help?" when lyra got in she politely asked before turning around, and sat on the floor behind the girl to wash her hair. marisa instantly noticed lyra's small form and the ugly, red mark on her skin and wondered what this girl had gotten herself into to get such bruises, she also questioned if those old scholars even fed her at all. marisa gently touched the child's arm and looked straight into her eyes "lyra, how did this happen?" her curiosity, possibly even motherly protectiveness and care for this silly, little girl got the best of her.

Lyra sank into the feeling of the warm water against her skin, a smile appearing on her lips. She felt much more tame now. And it was warm, so much warmer, she felt her body relax. She closed her eyes, listening to the tales of the north, thankful Mrs Coulter had turned around. What an amazing mother she would be. Everything felt right, it was right, but, then she asked that. Her body tensed up, her shoulders hunched, she averted her gaze, though did not have the courage or strength to move her arm from the side of the bathtub, leaving it exposed. "i... It doesn't matter..." she whispered quietly. She'd gotten a few bruises from the staff at the college, for misbehaving. And some, like the old scars and faded cuts, were self inflicted. She gulped, her mouth dry, and stared into the bubbly water. She'd never forget the tone of that voice, she sounded like she actually cared about her, it was nice to have someone like that, besides Roger.

mrs coulter's smile slowly disappeared after hearing lyra's meaningless words while she kept washing the child's dirty hair. this was something deep, something lyra wanted to keep silent about. it surprised her that lyra didn't even make up any interesting stories or lies as she usually does. but nevertheless.. lyra didn't want marisa to know this, so she decided for herself that this girl doesn't trust her yet, and she was determined to make her daughter trust her with everything she holds most dear, for she is her child, nobody else's. she had to make sure lyra tells her everything. "lyra, you can trust me with everything, you can tell me your secrets, i wouldn't tell anyone about you and i will not fail as a- .. as your guardian" she mocked, barley able to keep up with these ridiculous lies, but she had to, lyra would never forgive her for abandonment. "it does matter, tell me, you have to tell me" of course it mattered, lyra had some actual and rather deep scars on her body and this wasn't fine, this wasn't fine for her child. the monkey kept sitting in the same, little corner like a statue, not even daring to move but he kept marisa's mind alarmed about this. he thought that marisa acted way too desperately when it came to lyra, every time, he kept saying she was at the loss of her power. and in this moment she wanted to smack him harder than than ever, ..so badly.

Lyra chewed her lip nervously. Lyra didn't like how heavy her heart felt when she so much as thought about her body, this was another reason she seemed to admire Marisa, she was amazing, quite possibly the greatest person she had ever met. She hung her head quickly before looking up, she could feel pans emotions, she couldn't count the amount of times she'd gone to bed crying with bruises on her, holding pan to her chest, stroking him for comfort. She finally turned slightly to face Mrs Coulter. "i... Myself. Sometimes" she said slowly as if unsure what to say. "and the staff... People there have given me a few..." she quickly wiped away a tear, all ambition to make up stories and tell tales. "not everyone likes me..." she laughed sadly, she cautiously looked at Mrs Coulters daemon. "it's fine" she quickly averted her gaze.

marisa finished washing lyra's hair, she was now impatiently waiting for lyra's response. mrs coulter was both curious and furious, she has the will and power to kill or torture anybody who ever laid a finger on lyra, even if they were just some of lyra's wild, irresponsible, reckless friends at jordan collage. her eyes grew darker and darker each second as lyra explained the whole situation, even ozymandias stuttered. she couldn't believe that such a brave, careless child was able to do something like this. the woman herself felt this young girl's pain.. and it wasn't just any young girl, it was her daughter who hasn't been treated well during her childhood life at jordan collage. 'how could asriel have let this happen?' mrs coulter thought to herself, because for the first time in forever marisa felt somebody else's pain, as if it was her own body covered in cuts and scars. she realized lyra wasn't at all so different from her after all, but what marisa could not understand was why, lyra was just a child.. how can a child have as much as a single thought of harming herself. and those scholars? how dare they harm her daughter? didn't they know exactly who the girl is? awful to think what will happen to them now. her daemon let out a single, noticable growl. she didn't want this to affect her this much but it did, .. because she liked lyra. quite a lot. "lyra.. it's not fine.., you shouldn't i- believe me i understand and i forgive you for that but i do hope it won't happen ever again." she whispered laying her own head on the edge of the bathtub beside lyra's, pointing at her cuts. these feelings weakened her, she felt so angry but too tired of injustice to show it. oz on the other hand seemed restless inside, he kept growling silently. she wouldn't let anyone get away with this, that's why she strictly ordered lyra to try and remember who hurt her. "lyra, if you remember, i need to tell me their names, the names of every single person that has ever done you harm"

Lyra stared at the bath, she closed her eyes. This was the best she had felt in such a long time, the greatest. And now it had seemed that she'd brought Mrs Coulters emotions down with her own. Though the luxurious water around her was still warm, she shivered, a tingle going through her spine. She blinked away some quick tears and nodded as Mrs Coulter spoke, her hand anxiously going to the arm, thankfully she didn't know about the scar on her ankle, a scholar had pushed her and she'd landed awkwardly. She was lost in thought which was why the growl of the golden monkey made her jump out of her skin. She pulled her legs to her chest, frowning as she watched this amazing woman. "i... I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to upset you. She layed her own head next to Mrs Coulters and looked directly into her eyes. What an amazing mother she would have been. If not for her, for someone else. But she saw no other sign. Her curiosity couldn't help her, the daemon seemed much more active, where Mrs Coulter looked, worn out. The young girl placed her now smooth clean hand on Mrs Coulters cheek briefly, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. "i.... I can't remember, um..." she screwed her eyes shut, her thumb absently stroking the other womans cheek, not even thinking if she'd accept such an act of passion and care for this woman. "it was just a few" she managed to name some, too mentally and emotionally exhausted to notice oz still growling. "of course, i broke my ankle when the head Master pushed me" she whispered, a bit jokingly trying to lighten the mood, but she didn't understand the serious extent of that situation, or that she was talking to a very worried mother, who had the ability to do anything, it seemed.

lyra has the power to change her, mrs coulter thought to herself. and she feared from this kind of remorse, all this hurt made her anxious, every single one of lyra's small smiles made her fragile, hopeless even. these feelings were like strangers that came creeping behind her back in the middle of the night. and the gesture of lyra's tiny hand on her cheek was too much, but she couldn't reject it so she put her own hand on top of lyra's against her skin. none of this was lyra's fault, it was her own. marisa was the one who left the girl alone in the first place for all these years, the one who chose not to raise lyra on her own and she couldn't stand it. marisa was drowning in her own guilt and she needed someone to hold onto now. she gave the girl a sad, small smile in return as she spoke "i am not upset because of your words lyra, it's not your fault, none of it." she felt her heartbeat rise when lyra mentioned the master's name, she wanted to end him, to end herself even for letting this happen. she chose not to show her anger towards the master to her daughter. "alright" she instantly stood up and passed the girl her soft towels. "i'll leave you to it and find you some clean pajamas." she coldly nodded to herself and followed her monkey daemon out of the bathroom, almost shutting the door behind her. the woman was so filled up with ange