460 A Good Boy

Billie Bob Taylor 

Even though I was terribly sleep deprived, it felt like I could barely sleep the entire night as I held Benedito close to me. His words had been ringing in my head the entire night and I felt so guilty that I had been so caught up in my own problems that I never noticed that Benedito was hurting. 

This is surely what Pa meant when he said Benedito had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Even though he did not know the extent of that statement, I finally saw it yesterday. I rarely saw Benedito cry like that. Cry for something he had lost and so clearly loved that it turned his whole world upside down when he thought of it. 

His sobs still echoed in my ears and I wished I could take away his pain. Behind the big, intimidating, scary, powerhouse of a man we all saw, was a lost, lonely and guilt written young man who took his brother's life. It was the biggest wake up call I had ever had in my life.