Moving On

"Hah, hah fuck! Hah oh fuck, Barney! Aah~"

Unloading into his last tissue, Ted crumples and then tosses it towards the waste basket that's overflowed beside him. If others saw it, they'd think he had been sick with a cold for weeks. He was sick though, just not physically. Without his scented tie to hold on to, it was taking him longer and longer to finish himself off. God he needed help. 

In a moment of clarity, Ted realized he hadn't gotten laid in a while! Probably months! In fact, the only women he's seen naked have been the strippers Barney dragged him to go see. Well, it was more like he invited Marshall first and Marshall then told Ted who then begrudgingly invited himself to tag along. It's not that he didn't want to go, but these outings were mainly focused on getting Marshall back out there in the dating scene. Ted didn't know how Barney thought that was a good idea but, it was going out with Barney without Josh around, he had no choice but to go along with it, if just to get a little closer to Barney, like they used to! 

" Sigh ...oh right, the wedding..."

Ted pushed the thought of Barney out of his mind for now and reached for his phone that was on the nightstand. Looking through his contacts, he landed on Robin's number and then sent a quick text:

Teddy Westside: Hey Robin! Wanna go to a wedding with me?

Ted waited until 10 minutes had passed, seeing as it might take a while for her to respond, he decided he needed a shower. His "morning workout" left him more sweaty than he felt comfortable with.

Ted took a longer shower than normal as a certain blonde popped into his head midway and he didn't have the self-discipline to stop his hands from wandering downward. He really needed help... Once Ted got out and checked his phone again, it had one unread message. It was about time! Unlocking his phone, he clicked on her message.

Robin Sparkles: I'm sorry Ted but I'm doing research into the rape druggings and I really need to focus on this! Maybe next time?

Again with the date rape druggings? And what "next time"? Like the next wedding? Or Claudia and Stuart's next wedding? Heh, it didn't matter, the answer was still a no. Guess he'll just go alone. Tossing his phone down and getting dressed for the day, Ted sat on his bed. Suddenly it occurred to him... did he check whether or not he'd bring a date with him to the wedding on the invite?

"...oh shit..."

***

On the day of the wedding, Ted found himself glad he didn't bring a date. Seeing how Claudia reacted whenever a small problem arose, he didn't want to be on the receiving end of her tantrum. It was a beautiful ceremony, though he didn't understand why Stuart would want to marry someone like Claudia, he was jealous of the love they had. He wanted something like that. It seemed like everyone around him was getting their soul mates but him... no, there was still Robin! Yeah, he and Robin could still end up together! There was still time...

"Okay, everyone, gather around! The bride is about to toss the bouquet!"

The maid of honor made the announcement and Ted watched as almost all the young female guests started crowding around the dance floor. Ted gave a slight chuckle, he thought it was funny how everyone could be obsessed with wanting to catch some flowers, it's not like they'll actually be next to get married... that was until he saw an unmistakable blonde male in a suit also make his way through the crowd of women. Ted felt his stomach flip, his eyes only had Barney in them. Maybe it was some new play to get a girl! No… Barney wasn't even looking at the other women, just the bride who held the bouquet.

'Barney wants those flowers... Why? Was it for...' 

Ted couldn't finish his thoughts. No, it's more like he didn't want to finish them. It would be too painful... Ted watched as the bride stood on a chair and turned her back to the group of people who gathered on the dance floor. The crowd held their breath as Claudia got ready to toss until finally she threw the bouquet up and over herself. It flew high into the air and it seemed like it was anyone's guess as to who would catch it, Ted just hoped anyone but Barney would catch it. As the bundle of flowers fell right in the middle of the crowd, everyone piled inward, grabbing, pulling, and pushing like it was the last flatscreen on Black Friday. After a moment, a hand emerges from within holding the crooked and slightly torn-apart pile of roses. As he stood up from the dog pile, Ted saw that it was Barney... his black suit jacket hung off one shoulder, his button shirt was partially ripped open and became untucked and his tie was nowhere in sight. Damn, he's even hotter with messy clothes... Ted's heart beat faster, he felt both excited and sick, he wanted Barney to turn around. To face him and hand him the torn-up and ugly flowers. However, he knew better and when Barney looked over at his date, Josh, Ted got up from his table and rushed to the open bar. 

'Thank god for this at least.' 

He expected Barney to walk over to Josh, but he didn't. Instead, Barney walked over to Lily who was in the back of the group by herself. He holds the flowers up and gently places them in her hands.

"Oh, Barney, I don't-"

"Lilypad?"

Barney takes a step to the side as Lily looks up from her hands and sees Josh standing behind Marshall. He wore an amazing black tuxedo suit, the kind she thought she would see him in on their wedding day. Tears started welding up in her eyes, then she quickly rushed into Marshall's arms.

"Oh, Marshmallow! I made a terrible, horrible mistake! Please forgive me!"

"I do! I forgive you! Oh Lily it's been awful without you! Barney keeps trying to get me to go to strip clubs and meet hookers! And Robin kept making shoot guns, which was fun at first but I still missed you! Ted's been moping, I can't continue to drink with him! I won't! Sniff"

"Oh, honey! It's ok, it's going to be ok! I love you."

"I love you too!"

Taking a moment to separate from their tight embrace, they looked lovingly into each other eyes and then shared a deep and passionate kiss. The guests cheered and applauded their performance, but only for a moment as Claudia made the DJ announce the couple's dance would be taking place. Marshall and Lily had a perfect moment so they didn't care about being interrupted and even went towards the outer part of the dance floor to have their own couples dance. Josh went up to Barney, helping him to redo his buttons and retuck in his shirt. It was a cute scene from an outsider's point of view. However, once Josh noticed a small cut on Barney's cheek, his hand roughly grabbed Barney's shoulder, rubbing his thumb over his adam's apple almost like he wanted to strangle him. 

"How dare you let someone else mark you."

"Wha-what are you talking about?"

Josh moves his hand from Barney's neck to caress his cheek and pushes his thumb into the cut, making it sting and begin to bleed. Barney let out a small hiss as the pain began to intensify. He wanted to pull away, but he knew that would just make things worse for himself. Josh has been getting kind of scary lately, more than what Barney was comfortable with.

"Josh, you're freaking me out. Stop!"

Barney didn't mean for his voice to rise at the end, but it did. He quickly closes his mouth and ducks his head down. Josh takes a moment to eye the area, making sure no one saw or heard them. He was pissed now. Grabbing Barney's wrist, he drags him towards the other side of the dance floor where there are fewer people and pulls him in close as they begin to slow dance. In a hush angry tone, Josh whispers into Barney's ears:

"No one can hurt you but me. You'll learn your lesson when we get home. Remember, you need me. This is for your friend."

Barney couldn't say anything and just nodded, as they spun around Barney caught sight of Ted. He was talking to a girl at the open bar, it seemed like things were going well for him. He might actually get laid tonight… Barney tightly held onto Josh. This is good… This was working, his plan was working… So why does it hurt?

"A wedding huh, that could be fun to plan, don't you think."

"…"

***

It was an especially dark and chilling night in downtown Manhattan as ambulance lights drowned out the harsh yellow streetlamps that littered the outside of a local gay nightclub. A small crowd of people huddled outside its doors as the paramedics closed the doors on their truck. Robin stood close by, observing the situation. She had come too late, her lead was right, there was going to be another drugging. However, it looked as if something went wrong with this attempt. This was good for her though, this meant they were getting sloppy and making mistakes. It was only a matter of time before whoever it is gets caught. Once they do, she'll be right there, front and center as one of the first to report the arrest! This could propel her career to new heights! Though it pained her to see so many innocent people getting hurt, she had to continue, in order to stop this. In a way, she was also doing this to protect her friend. Checking her phone, she sees a voicemail left by her boss. The time was now 11:45 pm since everything here was already over, Robin turned around and went to go home. Along the way, she pressed the play button to listen to what her annoying boss wanted to say.

"Robin! It's clear to me that you haven't found anything new about these date druggings! So I held some interviews and congratulations, you'll be getting some help from a professional. You'll be meeting him tomorrow, so look sharp!"

Beep

"Fuck me…sigh"

***

"Fuck me…"

Ted first thought as he woke up in his bed, completely naked. His head ached, a pain he was getting far too familiar with. Next to him was an attractive equally naked woman, Ted guessed she was one of the bridesmaids. He remembered he wanted to speak with this girl with a blue dress but she was saying something about not hooking up at weddings and Ted lost interest. Getting back into the groove of things, he decided an easy and very drunk bridesmaid would be better to sleep with and he was right. Last night, finally Ted slept with a woman… and didn't feel anything. It was hollow and meaningless, Ted sat up and took a better look at the girl. Long flowing brunette hair, nice breasts, and a slim waist. Yup, by Barney's standard, she was definitely worth the lay, so why did he not feel anything? Not even fondness, he just wanted her to leave because she was taking up most of the blankets. Oh god, is this how Barney feels? Fuck, why is he thinking about Barney now when there is a very attractive and very naked girl literally in his bed right beside him. 

"Mmm, you're up already?"

Ted froze as he just watched the girl start to wake up. Her makeup was slightly smudged and her fake lashes clung to her bangs. It was actually kind of funny how she looked, but Ted figured if she had time to touch herself up, she could look like a model. Taking a moment to think, Ted decides he'll ask her to leave and maybe she won't remember where he lives.

"Hey, by the way, who's Barney? Is that like, your first love or something?"

"What?!"

Ted's heart rate suddenly skyrocketed. What the fuck happened last night? Was he so wasted he confused this girl for Barney? Shit, what if she says something or assumes he's… but he's not! At least, Ted didn't think he was…

"Wha-why-why would you think that?"

Ted swallows hard, terrified of what this girl will say next.

"Oh it's cool, I know wedding hookups aren't like a way to meet someone haha. I only asked cause you were calling for her the whole time we did it. You must have really fallen hard for her. Honestly, with how good you are in the sack, I'd say she's one lucky lady, ugh my back. I'm gonna need a minute."

"Oh, hahah yeah she-she's a lady. Um, take your time, I'm just gonna… yeah"

And with that, Ted carefully slides out of bed and walks towards the bathroom. Running the faucet water, he took his time and watched as the sink filled up. Trying to remember what happened during their time "together" Ted recalled screaming Barney's name while he came. For that split moment, he felt good. Complete. Like everything he was feeling was blocked from his mind as he only focused on releasing himself. Maybe this could work…Yeah, this will definitely work! This totally isn't a 'replacing one drug for another' scenario! Ted's got everything under control. Everything will go back to how it was before…