One Step At A Time

"If that's what you want, then I'm okay with it. I just want you to be happy, Mia." his voice kept ringing in my ears.

I sat nervously in class, my heart pounding in my chest as I remembered telling Ray that I thought our relationship was moving too fast.

I had been struggling with these feelings for a while, But I didn't know how to bring it up to him. Now that the words were out, I couldn't take them back.

His reaction was not what I had expected. He seemed taken aback and confused, and it made me feel guilty for hurting him.

I knew that I was starting to care about him deeply, but I also knew that I needed to take things slower. I was supposed to attach myself to him, not get entangled.

'Jake, see what you're making me go through.' I said to myself as I let out a deep breath.

As I left school, my mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions. I was beginning to think if my conversation with Ray today was the right thing.

Just 1 single picture had made me travel back to the past, and return with emotions I'm not supposed to be having. Things with Ray have been going on fine.

I walked home in a daze, lost in my own thoughts.

Once I got home, I couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness. I missed Ray already and wished that he was with me. I decided to take a long bath, trying to clear my mind and relax. I closed my eyes and let the warm water wash over me, trying to focus on the positive and letting go of the negative thoughts.

After my bath, I picked up my phone and contemplated if I should call him. I needed to make things right.

'No, I don't think so.' I thought to myself.

I need to talk to someone, someone who will understand me.

Kira is having group study with some people I don't even want to think of.

I picked up my phone and decided to dial the only person I could talk to, the only person that has an idea of the situation.

As soon as he answered, I took a deep breath before saying anything.

"Hello, Jake?"

"Hey, sis. I thought you've forgotten about me. How are you doing?"

"I've been busy." I said to him, then continued. "Busy cleaning up your mess."

"Oh... I'm sorry you have to go through this." He said trying to apologize.

"Are you? Jake, you're saying you're sorry but seriously are you?" I was getting annoyed at how he sounded nonchalant over everything.

"Mia, calm down." He said.

"Don't tell me to calm down. I'm the one battling with feelings and emotions here while trying to save your head from those stupid gang you entangled yourself with."

I snapped at him.

" But what are you doing? You're there doing only God knows what."

" See, Mia. I'm sorry. I truly am. But we've planned this. You don't need to develop feelings for him."

" Like that's something I can control." I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.

" If you think you're falling for him, then get this over with as soon as you can. Get what you need and leave. When he's out of sight, he'll definitely be out of your mind." He said.

"Well, thanks for the advice." I answered sarcastically. "I've gotten involved already so I have no choice but to see it through to the end." I said and hung up the call.

I was thinking he would be sensible enough to even calm me down, instead he only added anger to the pool of emotions swirling in me.

But he's right with one thing. I should try and get this over with. And I can only do that by getting close to him, not pulling back.

I then decided I was going to use a day to cool off before calling Ray to apologize to him.

Days passed and I couldn't shake the feeling of uncertainty and regret. I knew that I had hurt Ray and I wanted to make things right, but I didn't know how.

I avoided him at school and tried to focus on studying and other things, but it was hard to push him out of my mind plus my being here was to try and get close to him. My thoughts were consumed with the fear that I had lost my chance.

Finally, after about three days, I mustered up the courage to call him.

"Hi Ray, it's Mia," I said, my voice shaking with nerves, unsure of how he was going to respond.

'Like he doesn't have your number stored or recognize your voice?' My mind said sarcastically.

There was a moment of silence on the other end before he spoke. "Hey, Mia. How are you?" His voice was distant, guarded, void of any emotions.

I felt my heart sink.

"I... uhm... I just wanted to apologize for the way I handled things. I know I hurt you with the way I spoke the other day I want to make it right." I said hoping that was an more an apology than an explanation.

"It's okay," he said, but I could tell that it wasn't. I could feel the tension between us, and it made my stomach churn with guilt.

I couldn't help but think about how I had let my own fears and doubts get in the way of what could have been a beautiful relationship. I had let my past experiences cloud my judgement, and now I was paying the price.

"I miss you," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I miss you too," he said, and I felt a glimmer of hope.

"Listen Ray, I know you care about me and I do too. I just think we should take things a bit slower. Can we work through this together?" I asked.

"Of course, I'm willing to work through things with you. Let's continue with the dare and know how things go from there."

" Thank you, Ray." I was grateful I was starting to make things right between us.

"Can we meet in person?" He asked.

"Yeah, that would be great," I said, and we made plans to meet up that evening.

As I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but sense a little bit of hope, my mission wasn't over and I get to spend more time with Ray.

I spent the rest of the day trying to prepare myself for our meeting. I wanted to look my best, but I also wanted to be honest and sincere, well not entirely though. But I wanted him to know that I had made a mistake and that I was truly sorry.

As I walked to our meeting spot, my heart was pounding with nerves. I got there and he was already waiting.

When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat. He looked so handsome, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness that I had hurt him.

"Hey," he said, giving me a small smile.

"Hey," I said, feeling my nerves start to dissipate.

We sat down on a park bench and talked for what felt like hours. I poured my heart out to him, telling him about my fears and doubts, and how I had let them get in the way of our relationship.

I told him about my past relationship with Kyle and how it ended due to my nonchalant attitude.

He listened patiently, and I could see the understanding and compassion in his eyes. He forgave me, and we decided to start fresh.

I was relieved that Ray was willing to try and see if things will work out, but I also felt guilty knowing I might end up hurting him.

I leaned in and placed my head on his chest as we stare at the park together, his hands wrapping around my shoulders.

As we walked home together, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief and happiness. I pushed all other negative emotions behind and concentrated on this.

'It'll eventually work out well.' I hoped.

'One step at a time.'