Use all of your weapons against me

If he tells her that, she will run away on the first chance. He can't even show it to her. This person hates him the most. There are billions of people in the world. He doesn't understand why does it have to be a crazy person like her. Honestly, he has never been in love before. He has never even dated before. Then, she is his first love?

He doesn't know how it is supposed to be. How he should treat her or how he should make her love him back? Whatever he does, she dislikes him more. It's only the beginning.

She makes him feel frustrated. He is always worried about her. She makes him go crazy. Sometimes, he is so mad that he wants to kill her. Other times, he wants to lock her in the house. He doesn't want her to get sick or hurt. He is afraid. Really afraid. She gives him the feeling that she easily disappears from his life. She has even warned him this repetitively. If she ever finds out that he has feelings for her. Something beyond sex. He knows that she would not approve of him. She hates being tied, especially to the Kamiyama family. She hates him because he is the son of the man who stole her mother away. She hates him because Kamiyama Shintaro broke her family.

He has to pay for his father's sins.

***

Suddenly, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder.

"Kamiyama, what are you doing?"

"Just stay like this for a while."

"Are you tired?"

"Mmm." He is tall. So, he is halfway bending his body. He snuggles my neck. His hot breath tickles me. I squirm, but I don't push him away. I don't know what to do. Should I pat his back? He did have a bad day. I guess I should not have high expectations from him. Rich people can lack a great deal of common sense. He is good at being a CEO, but he can't board the right train. Each human being has their own challenges to tackle.

It feels like an eternity. He finally lets go of me. He looks sad for some reason. The problems at home must be bothering him a lot. I keep creating problems for the Kamiyama family. Under his solemn gaze, I can't help but feel more guilty. Takeshi will be affected most by this. I am afraid that he would go through what I had gone through. I don't want that.

"What are you staring at?" He has been staring for a good minute now. "Is something wrong, Kamiyama?"

He lets out a loud sigh. "Takeuchi, let's go back. It's cold here."

"Kamiyama, I want to stay here for a while." The air is fresh. The night is cool. "It's beautiful here. The sky is full of bright stars. The land is full of fireflies. Isn't it dreamy?"

"I promised you that I would take you to beautiful places." He follows my gaze. "I guess I am keeping my promise."

"You are still talking about that?" He is weird. He is getting weirder. The mood is light now. "Show it to someone you love. I am not the right person."

"I will decide who is the right person." He lifts me up in his arms. "Your body is weak. You didn't eat dinner either. You should get a thorough checkup after we go back home."

"I am fine. It's nothing serious." Sooner or later, he will become suspicious. It will be a disaster if he finds out. What if Takeshi finds out? They will start feeling bad if they know the reasons. I don't want them to pay for my mother's sins. I am tired of hating people. I want to rest now. Away from this chaos where nobody can recognize me as the abandoned daughter of Kamiyama Hitomi.

There has been a time when I hated Takeshi a lot because my mother chose him over me. He became an important person. I hated Kamiyama. I still hate him. But, they are not at fault. They had little control over the adult's actions back then. Takeshi wasn't even born. Kamiyama was the same age as me. I don't want to shift those blames on them anymore. I still dislike the Kamiyama family a lot. I can't help with it. Grudges run deep, probably because of the issues that I still have. I can still find a hiding place again after everything is resolved. I want normalcy to come back to Takeshi's life. Is it too much to ask for?

I guess I hate myself the most. My father. My mother. My friends. If I had been lovable, they wouldn't have left me like that. They wouldn't have forgotten about me that easily. It must be me who couldn't be loved. I can't blame Takeshi, Kamiyama Kiyohira, or Kamiyama Shintaro for the things that I lost.

Kamiyama is carrying back to the Ozaki house. I close my eyes and fall deeper into my dreams.

***

Kamiyama puts her on the mattress beside him. She is sleeping soundlessly. He puts his arms around her and stares at her face. When she is asleep, her guards are down. She doesn't frown or glare. He wonders what she is dreaming about. He wants her to dream about him. That way, she will think more about him.

"Why would I like you?" He pulls her cheek. Her cheeks become red easily by his pinch. She is deeply asleep. He is sure that even the earthquake won't wake her up. Luckily, the night is cold. She won't suddenly start taking her clothes off. He doesn't know what he will do to her if she does that now. He knows now that he wants her to stay in his life forever. It is not easy to pretend that he doesn't want that.

"How do I make you love me back?" He thinks about Takeshi's suggestion. His younger brother is good at this. He should ask him more. But, how does he know more than him? Kamiyama frowns. He is sure that Takeshi hasn't dated anyone either. He doesn't understand his younger brother.

"You can have all of your guards up." He cups her cheek with his palm. "I will break everything down. I will enter your heart and become a resident. You can be stubborn. You can try running away. I will be vigilant. You doubt my abilities. It's alright if you still hate me. I will replace that hate with love. I will make you want me back. I will make you confess first. I will love you so much that you won't be able to run away from me. My love will become your cage. Use all of your weapons against me. I am ready for the war to obtain your heart."

Rie doesn't respond to him. She is dreaming about happy memories before everything went wrong. Her Birthdays. Laughter. The daily walk with her father. Her mother who loved to cook new food for her. Being hugged and kissed by her parents. Going to the festivals together and watching the fireworks in the sky. The pictures.

Those are her best memories before her family was broken apart.

________________

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