Chapter 19: The letter

"Haya, honey what is wrong?" my mom slowly opened the door and got into my room.

"Are you crying? why are you crying, dear? are you just going to give up when your father suddenly starts being competitive trying to get you to own up to what you love doing with certainty? there are a lot of people who are going to doubt the worth of your talent but honey you do not walk away!" my mom said while gently caressing my back.

"But mom why am I always supposed to be the strong girl who has everything figured out? I am tired of always trying to prove myself, I just want to have nothing figured out for once. I want to be a mess, I want my life to be a total mess. I did not choose to have this hunger to put my work, my talent out there mom but I know I have to make it or else I will never be at ease." I turn to look at my mom wiping off my tears.

"Your father and I have the same hunger for you to be successful dear. Success does not mean having big cars and big houses it just means that we want you to be happy with yourself. We want you to find the part that you play in this world Haya, you give so much that you forget to give back to yourself. Do you remember how shattered you were when Jahin suddenly disappeared, you almost ended your own life. You thought you needed him to stay alive, to keep you alive. You gave him a huge part of you and your time that you forgot that loving yourself first is the only way to love someone else. You were obsessed with him and just maybe you still are." my mom replied.

"I understand mom and I promise when I get to Cape town I am going to begin a new chapter of my life. I am leaving the past behind and I am going to try my best to make you both proud." I replied holding back the tears that wanted to fall out of my eyes when all my demons were suddenly revealed to me once again.

"Good, get ready your dad and I are taking you out to Mall of Africa for the day, we want to make your last day here remarkable." my mom said then stood up to leave my room.

I took my cosmetics bag and went to take a shower. I never take a shower or a bath without playing great music so I decided to connect my phone to my speaker then put on The Weeknd's new album titled After Hours on. My favorite songs on the album are, Escape from LA, Snowchild, and After hours.

While playing After hours I remembered something about Jahin. When he left I wrote him a letter to sort of giving myself closure, I...I think I remember where I put it! All this time I had thought that I burned it but now I remember I put it where I keep all the gifts and letters I got from Jahin. I had promised myself to burn them all so that I can leave him in the past but I just could not.

The letter is titled Home

"I feel you whenever you are near

The nostalgia your presence provides me with takes me back

Back to a time where your shoulder was my home

Where our touch made the earth's tectonic plates collide

I was a simple caterpillar when suddenly a breathtaking butterfly inspired me to fly

You taught me how to feel comfort in being out of my comfort zone, I became so attached

One day the darkness that you let haunt you overpowered your light

You became so distant and harsh

My wings fell off and once again I was a lost child

Lucid dreaming was the only way of keeping our supernatural connection alive

But I still yearned for your touch

I could never accept you were happy somewhere else

There is just something about the way we looked into each other's eyes

-H" the letter read.

I finished getting ready, my family and I headed out to the Mall of Africa for my last day in Pretoria. I am going to miss this place, it has been my home for years and it will remain my home no matter where life takes me. I have so many fun memories here, I just can not believe I have made friends and also lost them. I guess it is the way life goes, some people do not stay in your life forever they just come into your life to teach you lessons that are going to be with you for the rest of your life.

We decided to eat at a nice restaurant and since I am finally 18 my dad himself ordered me a cocktail. We talked and laughed for hours. Seeing how far I have come with my parents I am proud to say that no matter how damaged I am because of them they are the only ones who have stood by me all my life.

I think I finally understand the meaning of Family, F is for Forever, A is for arguments, M is for mending things, I is for intertwined, L is for Love and Y is for Yummy meals together. I hope one day I forgive my parents and they forgive me. At the end of the day, these people raised me.

We got home, I went straight to my room because my mom and I were wasted from all the cocktails we kept ordering at the restaurant. We were making so much noise that we ended up being kicked out of the restaurant. My dad had to walk two drunk ladies to the car, I wonder what sorts of things people said to him. They probably thought he was kidnapping us because my mom and I did not even want to leave.