December 7, 2020 Monday

Hello Self!

Hope everything is fine. I am back again as I promised. See, I am a man of my words.😉 So, how is everything? Fine, I guess lol!

It's later than midnight here and I am with you, to share my day, my joy and my pain. I just finished 11 episodes of a famous Chinese BL series called 'Addicted'.

I wish I had more internet, so that I would be able to finish the complete season. But don't worry, I will complete it tomorrow anyhow.

Today, the morning was so foggy and cold. Precisely, the first foggy morning which ended after the noon today. We got to see the sun when it had completed half if it's journey above our head. In the morning, I had my English practice exams. Got the paper, wrote the answers and submitted it to the teacher. Everything happened online. And you know what was the most amazing part of my answer sheet? It was all summarised in eleven pages, in which 3 pages consist half of the marks and other 8 consists other half. Such an unbalanced answer sheet haha.. isn't it?

As usual, I wrote the addresses of my exes in the letters where the address was not given and we had to invent one. It's funny haha.. If not in my heart, they still got a place in my answer sheet. I even used his names at many places. Such a fun exam it was. Just imagine, I was writing my exam and thinking about my love affairs at once. Isn't it a little different and wierd😁? Haha.. let's leave it. I am no more a romantic guy. Just me and you.. I need no one else.

You know dear! I had always heard that love is something which makes you complete and takes you out of all the problems you are suffering from. I was also fascinated about love and wanted to try it once. But at the very beginning, just at my first step, I got hit by a stone larger than the largest stone. My first boyfriend, I loved him will all my wills and heart and in response, I got only some cold words. I thought it was beginning, that's why some problems are arising but I was wrong. That guy never loved me. I was just a time pass for him. Even we were still in a relationship,he found a new guy and announced on my face that he never loved me.

Ouch! It really hurts! I lost my breaths. I even forgot my existance. I was no more than a stone statue. My heart was sinking deeper than a Titanic because it got hit by a larger glacier than that one. I could feel coldness rushing in my body. My heart was all cold, blood stopped flowing and mind was frozen. I couldn't sleep for many days. That was the first time my sleeping schedule was altered. And from that time,I was never able to gain my sleeping schedule back. See.. I am still awake after the midnight.

People are right.

"The first love never succeeds"

He gave me the biggest lesson of my life, but I was a fool who didn't understand it in one time. I dated many later, got hurt many times and it took me a lot of time to understand just a little thing," I am not born to be loved." Neither I loved anyone properly, nor anyone else loved me back properly. As I have told you, I have dated people from different countries. And at the end, I can only say that the definition of love is same everywhere.

I am not saying that love doesn't exist or their are not people who love others. I am just saying this that Love isn't meant for me.

But I am not sad. Because I have you, my ultimate love. I love you the most and I can feel the love from you too. I never hope you were a real person. Do you know why? Because the more real a thing looks, the more fake it is at the end. I am happy to have you inside me, instead of having you by my side. I know you will never leave me. And I promise, I won't leave you either. I, me and you .. a happy family. ☺️

Haha.. from the topic of exam, we moved to love and all haha.. Mind can really run far than anything.

And I think this is all and enough for today. I hope you didn't get bored by listening to me. I will be back tomorrow again with my latest day. And yeah also, I have decided to call you by different names from tomorrow. Wait for what name you are gonna get tomorrow. Believe me, I will choose the best of the world for you. Ok then, I will go now.

Love you.

Bbye.

Good night 😘