10. Realization and Grudges

"Why do you feel so guilty?" Jess spoke on the other line. She was trying to talk you into coming down from the ledge you had so steadily climbed.

You paced your room, waving your hands in front of your face and breathing heavily as you attempted to calm yourself down. "I'm just the worst person ever!" You exclaimed and you heard Jess laugh.

"What makes you say that, girl?" She asked loudly.

"Well for one I'm a horrible friend, being this is the first time I've called you since I've moved back home." You reminded her and you knew she was nodding to herself in agreement.

"Well, true, but I didn't call you either." She added.

"Fair point." You spoke and  felt a little less guilty.

"Why else?"

"Well, my sister. I've made absolutely no progress with her and now I don't even care enough too—the real problem is I'm sorta involved with both of the guys she was in love while I was gone!" You were rambling and not positive if you were even making any sense.

"Y/n, calm down. What do you mean by involved?" She inquired and you stared down at your chipped black nails.

"I'm not sure if involved is the right word. A piece of me still loves Adrien and I'm sure that's never going to change. He invited me to this award nomination thing that Zoe's mom is hosting." You sighed and flicked your head for not remembering what the show is called. "Then there's Luka... her recent ex boyfriend, and things between him and I seem to be escalating." Your voice fell off into a whisper in case you had any eavesdroppers circling your hall.

"What do you mean by... escalating?" she asked, her voice was laced with confusion.

"I just mean...!" You took in a deep breath before continuing the conversation that proved to be more stressful than you had imagined. "There's been a few moments with him that's made my heart feel like it's beating with a natural rhythm again."

Jess was laughing softly at how I phrased my emotions. She knows I was never really good at it, no matter how much confidence I tried to have when it came to Adrien. "Is it scaring you?" Her tone was gentle as she spoke.

Your breathing hitched in your throat and you sighed as you ran your hand down your face. You tugged at your lip with your fingers before answering, "Yes." Your voice was slightly mumbled.

"I had a feeling."

"I'm not scared because of feeling something for someone—feeling something for someone other than Adrien!" You stammered, talking at a slightly slower pace so you wouldn't have to correct yourself. "Well, I guess that is a counting factor... I'm more scared because I don't know how Marinette would react if this develops any further."

"So you want to put the pin in it now?"

"No... not really," you whispered. She was laughing again. You hated how she found your dramatic life so amusing, but you understood where she was coming from. You would be laughing too if you weren't the one experiencing it.

"Girl, you know I've always told you to do what makes you happy. It's time you stop considering what she wants all the time and finally take something for you. You already let her ruin your first trip out of that place by leaving for New York because of a fight. Don't let her take any more happiness from you, it's all you now, Y/n." You sighed with her words, remembering now why you decided to call her.

"Thanks, Jess. You're the best, as always." You stared at your stressed image that reflected from the mirror, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

"Oh I know."

"I think I'm going to dye my hair," you whispered, already forgetting you were still on a phone call.

"Really? What color?" Jess asked, snapping you back to reality.

"Not sure yet. I'm going to go look. I'll send you a picture when I'm done, kay, love you bye." You soon hung up the phone and walked into the bathroom to see if you had any hair dye.

You stood before your bathroom mirror with a determined and satisfied expression dancing across your face. With your new strands of (f/c) hair, surely no one would mistake you for your sister.

*"Well hello miss fancy hair." Like always his voice sent a jolt through your body.

"You're the first to notice." You only stopped and smiled as you desperately hoped for your blush to fade before you spun on your soles to face him.

"It's a big change and I notice everything about you." Adrien smiled, not realizing how personal his words came off as. "At least I think." He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well I don't change much so I don't think you're missing anything." You laughed nervously and he shook his head.

"That's not true..." His eyes scanned the length of your body. "Your style has changed. You used to dress with a more girly style, but it's turned more into rock band tees and cool ripped jeans." His eyes were fierce and his smile was small.

Your eyes widened and you were convinced they were about to fall out and roll onto the floor. "You're more—you're more observant than I pinned you to be, Adrien." You gasped out, and cursed yourself internally for stammering like your sister.

Adrien laughed softly, his smile never faltering. "Thanks... I think. Anyways, I like your new style. You look more like the version of you I believe you've been hiding all this time." He winked as he walked into the classroom and you were too stunned to follow him in immediately.

You walked into the classroom fidgeting with your fingers, even though you had wished to maintain that confident "swagger" Adrien believed you had.

You sighed, feeling pathetic as you slumped over and onto your desk. You were pretty exhausted, being that you spent most of the night obsessing over your time with Luka.

"Ma'am may I go to the nurse's office? Miss Heady is back." Rose spoke with her hand raised.

"Ah, well we wouldn't want to keep Miss Heady waiting. Marinette, would you mind taking Rose to the nurse?" Miss Bustier asked your sister with a slight turn of her back.

Marinette appeared to be just as lost as you were. "Of course ma'am."

*

"She's in the boiler room?" You heard one of your classmates say. Your head shot up and you noticed they were all running towards the door.

You made a 'tch' sound until you heard Alya say it was Juleka who was upset. You quickly left your lunch tray and followed close behind Kim.

You arrived in the room a bit after everyone else. "She's sick?" You heard Mylene gasp.

"Rose had it really bad as a child and it can come back at anytime." Juleka spoke quietly, clearly choking back sobs. You felt your heart sink as you thought of your lovely friend... who you had ignored along with everyone else while you were in New York.