Desire For Revenge

'My desire for revenge should be greater than any felt love on earth.

He has to pay.'

I told myself.

"Kim do you really believe I did that? You know I can't do such a thing. That night....."

He inches forward.

"Not a step closer!" I shout placing my index finger directly on the trigger recalling the lesson nine of the shooting training I had.

-Always keep your trigger finger off the trigger and outside the trigger guard until you have made a conscious decision to shoot.-

Hell yes. I had made a conscious decision to shoot and kill.

"I know you believe in my innocence even if you don't admit it. I know you do. And somewhere behind that vengeful heart and soul i know there is a part of you that believes i am not capable of committing such a hideous crime."

Sadness clouds his face. It is as if he is looking for even a single proof that I believe in his innocence so he can die a hero if I'm really going to shoot him.

"There is a part of you that knows I've been telling you the truth all along and that i suffered in prison for ten years for something i didn't do. That is why I'm asking you to give me the chance to prove my innocence."

A chance to prove his innocence? Hell no!

"I don't believe you Carl. Don't get your hopes up. There is no way you couldn't have done that. The autopsy report...the finger prints on the gun, in fact everything proved you were the murderer!___" 

I can't believe he thinks he can still lie when everything points to him as the murderer.

"___I let you into my heart and what did you do? You played with me and murdered my father so you can take the firm?. Don't get too comfortable Carl because I will stop at nothing to drag you down to hell exactly the place you belong and you can bet on that." Tears run freely on my cheeks as I speak. Yes, that is me being my strong best.

"I love you Kim. Trust me. I can't stand doing something like that to you. Just give me time to prove myself. Let's solve our differences and get back together"

"Don't be stupid Carl. Its over between us. we were done ten years ago. Besides___" I hesitate.

"Besides what?"  His eyes hit the 18k white Jardinière diamond ring on my finger.

"Oh I get it. You don't have to bother telling me. You know what? Why don't you go ahead and shoot me?" he pulls the gun closer to his forehead. I linger and tell myself, 'this is the opportunity you have been waiting for for the past ten years. Shoot him!' but I couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I stand there for minutes not being able to pull the trigger my hands trembling.

I drop the gun in disappointment and dash out of the room. I run straight into my car and drive off before he could decide to come after me.

On my way to Boston, I flicker the radio to find some cool tunes to dip my mind in but then again I realize the sound from the radio was making my head hurt.

'What is wrong with me?' I query in confusion.

I have Carl all over in my head. Every part of my brain is repeating his words and I can't get it out of my head.

I drive through the bustling city of Boston in silence wondering why I couldn't shoot him when I had the chance.

***