0: Zero
There was this hill I used to go up to at night whenever I wanted to be alone, away from everything.
It was not far from the city I used to live in.
I used to sit on the green grass as the winds of the night greeted me kindly, embracing me with a cold, comforting hug.
The grass danced as the winds guided them, with the clouds as the spectator watching in amusement.
The scene brought solace towards my being.
I then looked down upon the city lights, seeing it as if it was an ocean of fireflies.
Pulsating, breathing,
as if it was a single, living creature.
It was astonishing, yet it made me feel pity.
Because I know that all the people down there struggle.
They suffer, they grief, they cry, they lose, they hate.
Yet...
They smile, they laugh, they bond, they joke, they love.
It made me ponder,
Why are we able to go through all of this?
Why are we even able to smile after the suffering we go through?
What is the purpose of all this suffering?
Why even live, if our life is not even welcoming us with open arms?
Then, the moon and the stars looked down with interest.
'What are these creatures doing?' , They asked oh so sincerely.
I leaned up to the sky and whispered,
'We struggle. So please do keep on spectating us.'
I looked back towards the ocean of light, pulsating oh so serenely, and keep on pondering,
if us humans could be stripped off of our suffering, our pain.
If we could just live on happily without a single weight burdening our shoulders.
Would it be a better life we live?
...
..
.
The wind answered with a cold breeze.
And nothing followed after.
...
..
.
We are just a speck in this vast universe, insignificant.
Yet our lives are significant in and of itself. Each individual. Towards one another.
We matter, and yet,
we do not as well.
We cling onto these insignificant lives we have, searching for our purpose in them.
In these purposes we find our reason to continue living, to continue to walk on this earth.
Even if our path is filled with anguish, we continue to tread down that road.
Clinging onto these reasons.
As hard as we can.
We suffer, yet... we live.
Then, a firefly greeted me as it landed on my finger. It looked up at me in curiosity, 'What is this creature even doing?'
I gazed back at it with bitter eyes and a small smile, and said, 'I struggle. So please, bear witness to my suffering'.
The firefly then flew into the sky, as if it was going to relay my message to the world.
I sighed as I watched it fade away, vapor emitting out of my mouth.
It was almost winter, I had just realized, but I paid no mind to it.
I then gazed back towards the city. It looked like it was waiting for me to look back, as if it wanted to show something to me.
...
And it did.
...
An explosion occurred.
...
..
.
A mother with tears endlessly streaming out of her eyes, covered in blood and ash, wailing in agony as she stradled her now deceased son.
A lone kid with blood running down his arm, limply walked down the street, with confusion on his face looking for his family. They were probably already dead too.
An anguished father was holding his daughter's ashen hand out of the rubble she was trapped under, biting his lip as he tried to let the tears not escape his eyes.
...
As I bear witness to lives being taken away right in front of my eyes, it dawned on me.
...
..
.
We truly are insignificant.
We do not matter in the grand scheme of things, of this universe.
Then,
Why do we even exist if death is what awaits behind that door?
...
..
.
From earth, and to earth we will return.
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