34. Chapter 34

It was several minutes before Dean's tears slowed to a stop. Castiel held him the whole time, rubbing his back and whispering reassurances, and then, trusting that they wouldn’t be disturbed, continued to hold him until Dean had settled down completely. He suspected that what Dean really needed was a nap, because it had been an overwhelming day, and if they had been at home in the nest Castiel wouldn't have hesitated to put him in the stroller and take him for a walk until his little boy conked out for a while.

Unfortunately they were at Bobby's house, and there was no way in hell Dean would allow that to happen. Just like there was no way Dean would want to leave before he at least had supper with Sam, Bobby and Rufus. And though Castiel could've probably coaxed him into going, he didn't really want to. If Sam could learn to keep his mouth shut, it would be good for Dean to spend more time with his family. After all, family had always been the most important thing in the world to Dean.

With that thought in mind, Castiel pressed his lips to Dean's forehead for one last kiss and then took a reluctant step back to look at him. Dean's eyes were swollen and rimmed with red from crying. His face was pale and blotchy, which made his freckles stand out, and he was chewing on his bottom lip. He looked very little and very fragile. Castiel put a thumb to his chin and gently tugged his lower lip free, frowning when he noticed how reddened and raw the flesh was.

"Don't do that, baby boy," he said softly, frustrated at himself for not even having enough grace to heal something so small. "You're hurting yourself. I know you can't have your pacifier right now, but that’s not a good substitute."

"I don't need one," Dean said immediately, drawing himself up. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking quickly, which only served to make him look even younger.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at that, knowing that Dean had no idea just how close he'd come to sucking his thumb in front of his brother in lieu of a pacifier. In spite of all of his protests, Dean had taken to pacifiers exceptionally quickly. It seemed to give him a lot of comfort to have something solid in his mouth. If he was upset or crying, sucking furiously on a pacifier almost always helped to calm him down. But it would be a cold day in hell before Dean ever admitted it.

He forewent saying anything about it, because if he pushed the issue it would be just like Dean to start refusing the pacifier out of pride, instead smoothing Dean's hair back from his forehead. "Do you think you're ready to go back inside now?"

Dean took a deep breath and nodded, rubbing his eyes again. "Are you - what are you doing?"

"I'd like to spend some time with Sam too. So I'll come with you, if that's okay," Castiel replied. It was obvious that Dean wanted to be independent. He wanted to pretend that he was still the same hunter who could take everything in stride by locking it all up deep inside. But he wasn't. His emotions were way too close to the surface now to be ignored, and even without the grace Dean had been getting used to actually feeling things. Like a real human infant, his first instinct when upset, stressed, frightened or angry was to cry. Sam had been thoroughly warned, no doubt, but that didn't mean everything would go smoothly.

"Okay," Dean said slowly. He turned towards the door and Castiel followed, both of them walking through the living room and back into the kitchen. Bobby and Rufus were already in there; Rufus was sitting at the table nursing a beer while Bobby slathered mayonnaise and butter on some slices of bread that had seen better days. Dean made a face when he saw what Bobby was doing and Bobby scowled at him.

"Don't say a word, idjit. Ya wanna eat, this is what I got."

"I'm not so sure I do. Sam's right, when was the last time you went shopping?" Dean asked.

"I got a little busy with some hunts," Bobby said, slapping the two pieces of bread together without putting anything else in between. It didn't look very appealing. A thick glob of mayonnaise was oozing down the crust, and when it hit the floor with a wet sound everyone stared at it silently. Then Dean cleared his throat.

"Where's Un - Gabriel? He can bring us something."

"You expect an archangel to be your errand boy?" Rufus asked skeptically.

"If you ask nicely," Castiel said. He reached out with his grace while ushering Dean over to the table. As they took a seat, Gabriel popped into the room. One arm was draped around a rather surprised Sam's shoulders, while the other held a large stack of pizza boxes that smelled divine.

"Pizza!" Dean's eyes lit up. "Thanks Un - um, Gabriel."

"No problem, kiddo," Gabriel said, slinging the boxes down on the table. "Thank your brother. He's the one who watched a documentary last night on pizza in Italy. I will admit it’s pretty fabulous, but there are way better places than the one you were thinking about, Sam."

“I told you to stay out of my head,” Sam said with an annoyed look as he sat down on Dean’s other side. Gabriel just smirked and took the last remaining seat between Bobby and Castiel.

“Drinks?” he asked, snapping his fingers. Bottles of high quality, Italian beer instantly materialized on the table. Bobby and Rufus and Sam looked ecstatic – Dean, not so much. Castiel watched out of the corner of his eye as Dean twisted the cap off and cautiously tasted its contents. His surprised expression made Castiel grin and Gabriel give them both a subtle wink. What was in Dean’s beer bottle might have looked like beer, but it was actually apple juice.

“So tell us more about this hunt,” Sam said to Bobby in between bites of vegetarian pizza. “What exactly happened that you ended up getting stabbed?”

“Bobby thought it was just a random spirit,” Rufus said.

Bobby glared at him. “Yeah, well, you thought it was a werewolf.”

“What was it?” Dean asked.

“The ghost of a werewolf,” Bobby said grumpily. “Along with the witch who’d brought it back to life in the first place.”

“I hate witches,” Dean muttered, and the whole table nodded in agreement, even Castiel and Gabriel. Witches were among some of the more… annoying humans: their willingness to make a deal with hell in exchange for power never failed to puzzle Castiel.

Rufus launched into a more lengthy explanation, detailing how a couple of well-placed hex bags had nearly gotten the drop on them. But it turned out the ghost of the werewolf hadn’t been completely under the witch’s control, and it had distracted them right before they would’ve walked into the trap. Unfortunately, while Rufus was dealing with the ghost, Bobby had been left to fight the witch – and she had ample power at her disposal and a fondness for sharp knives.

“Did you take care of her?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, you take one witch down, you’ve taken them all,” Rufus replied. “She lost a lot of steam after she thought she’d killed Bobby.”

“A witch with a conscience,” Bobby said, shaking his head. He rubbed the place on his stomach where he had been stabbed and finished off his drink. Noticing that the bottles were empty, Gabriel topped them all off.

“Never thought I’d see the day. Bobby says you’re gonna be an angel,” Rufus added, looking directly at Dean. He sounded a little skeptical. “How long before you think you’ll be able to help out on hunts?”

“It will be a while,” Castiel said firmly, not giving Dean the chance to respond first because he knew what Dean would say. It had been a while since Dean had talked about going out on a hunt. But if he thought that his presence was needed, Dean would fight tooth and nail to go. And honestly, though physically Dean was in the best shape he’d ever been in, he wasn’t mentally ready to go on a hunt. He was just too little for that.

“I could go if I had to,” Dean said with a frown, though he didn’t sound very sure. “You said… back in the beginning, if my help was really necessary –”

“But we’re supposed to be taking a break, Dean.” Surprisingly, it was Sam who cut him off. “Remember? When I said I wanted to go to Stanford, you said you’d think about taking a break from hunting too. I know you didn’t end up at Lisa’s and that’s fine.” He smiled hesitantly. “But, you know, that doesn’t mean you have to keep hunting right now. I think we did more than our fair share during the Apocalypse.”

“Agreed. The Apocalypse was more than enough for all of us,” Gabriel said, shooting Sam an approving smile. “But if hunting is getting to be too much for you two, I could ask a couple of angels to help out every now and then.”

Rufus sputtered. “We don’t need the help of no angels! That’s -”

Bobby just rolled his eyes and gave Rufus a kick in the shins to shut him up. “You boys are better off relaxing,” he said, grabbing another slice of pizza. “Thank you for the offer, Dean, but there are plenty of hunters out there already. In fact, just three days ago I got a call from a couple of newbies up in Chicago. Seems they got my name from an old acquaintance and needed my help figuring out what was pinpointing a small, independent theatre. Turned out to be a vampire.”

“A pack?” Sam asked, perking up with interest. He started absently tapping his bottle on the table, causing the beer inside to slosh around.

“Nope, rogue. They took care of it pretty quickly once I clued ‘em in to take the head off,” Bobby said with satisfaction. “So I directed them to another hunt just east of where they were.”

He started talking about the hunt, but Castiel was no longer listening. He was preoccupied with watching Dean, who was squirming a little in his seat. “Dean,” he said suddenly, interrupting Bobby mid-word. “Can I talk to you for a minute in private?”

Dean nodded, his face a little pink, and stood up. Castiel didn’t miss the way he winced or how he bent over slightly as he hurried out of the kitchen, but no one else seemed to notice anything unusual except for Gabriel, who caught Castiel’s eye with a knowing look. Bobby kept right on talking as Castiel followed, not surprised to find that the bathroom door was shut. He stood outside for a moment, listening, and then when Dean was finished he knocked lightly on the door.

“It’s me. Open the door, Dean.”

It took a moment for Dean to obey, but eventually the door cracked open. Castiel picked up the diaper bag at his feet – courtesy of his brother – and slipped inside. He wasn’t surprised to find that Dean was naked from the waist down, diaper discarded on the floor, and blushing from anger or maybe embarrassment.

“This has to stop!” he hissed as soon as Castiel was inside, recoiling from the diaper bag. “I just – I didn’t even notice I had to pee until Sam started doing that thing with his bottle. I almost pissed myself right there in front of them!”

“They wouldn’t have known,” Castiel pointed out.

“Like that makes it any better? Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t – I just – this can’t – ” Dean stumbled over his words and gave a panicked gasp for air. Castiel dropped the diaper bag and stepped closer, seizing Dean’s trembling hands. His baby was shaking all over.

“Calm down, little one. Breathe with me, okay? No one knew what was happening. This is normal. Just breathe, baby boy, there you go,” Castiel said, keeping his voice low and firm. The timing wasn’t ideal. He’d hoped that Dean would use the diapers for the first time while awake in the privacy of the nest, not where it would give him a panic attack. But at least he’d gotten Dean out of the room before it actually happened. There was only a few drops of urine on the diaper. Otherwise he would’ve had a full scale meltdown on his hands.

After a couple of minutes, when Dean didn’t seem to be calming down any, Castiel sat on the toilet seat and pulled Dean down into his lap. “Dean, listen to me. We’ve talked about this. All babies pee in their diapers. You’ve already been going at night and while you’re napping, remember? Your body is getting used to ignoring the signals. That’s all. It’s normal. No one knows what happened except me and you and Uncle Gabriel, I promise.”

Dean’s breath hitched and he whimpered softly from where his face was hidden in Castiel’s shoulder. “I don’t… I’m… I can’t… I – Daddy –”

“Shh, it’s okay to be scared. I’m right here with you. You’re not alone, my Dean,” Castiel said, rocking him back and forth. “You’re not alone.”