Mad Patched Blabbering Hat

The stone walls were lit with flaming torches, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors. We followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Buzzing of hundreds of voices could be heard from a doorway to the right – the rest of the school must already be here – but Professor McGonagall showed the first-years into a small empty chamber off the hall.

'Welcome to Hogwarts,' said Professor McGonagall.

'The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common room.

'The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards.

While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours. 'The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting.' Her eyes lingered for a moment on my perfectly fitted cloak, which was fastened in order to look like a British aristocrat and further my striking pale face with red eyes matching the robe collar. 'I shall return when we are ready for you,' said Professor McGonagall. 'Please wait quietly.' She left the chamber.

Harry swallowed. 'How exactly do they sort us into houses?' he asked Ron. 'Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking.' Harry's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? But he didn't know any magic yet – what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived. He looked at me anxiously and asked hopefully "You do know how they sort us, don't you?

"No of course not, how can I know it might be anything like writing an entrance or getting sorted by an old patched-up hat? It's kept well hidden from children of wizard families as well." I can understand his dilemmas but can't ruin a good surprise now, can I!?

"Seriously Hat but I wouldn't mind the entrance exam but wait do I know the course?" Hermione started reciting very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need.

"Entrance Exam" Harry kept his eyes fixed on the door. Any second now, Professor McGonagall would come back and lead him to his doom. Several people behind us screamed then. 'What the –?' He gasped. So did the people around us.

About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to each other and hardly glancing at the first-years. They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying, 'Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance ' 'My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost – I say, what are you all doing here?' A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years.

I answered smilingly. 'New students. About to be sorted.' A few ghosts nodded smilingly.

'Move along now,' said a sharp voice. 'The Sorting Ceremony's about to start.' Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall. 'Now, form a line,' Professor McGonagall told the first-years, 'and follow me.'

As we walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles which were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the Hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting.

Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of us. On top of the stool, she put a pointed wizard's hat 'The Sorting Hat'. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty.

The hat began to sing:

'Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, But don't judge on what you see, I'll eat myself if you can find A smarter hat than me. You can keep your bowlers black, Your top hats sleek and tall, For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat And I can cap them all. There's nothing hidden in your head The Sorting Hat can't see, So try me on and I will tell you Where you ought to be. You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart; You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil; Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, If you have a ready mind, Where those of wit and learning, Will always find their kind; Or perhaps in Slytherin You'll make your real friends, Those cunning folk use any means To achieve their ends. So put me on! Don't be afraid! And don't get in a flap! You're in safe hands (though I have none) for I'm a Thinking Cap!'

The whole Hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

'So we've just got to try on the hat!' Ron whispered looking daggers at me.

"I'll kill you, Cad I was wrecking hell thinking about the entrance test" Harry add smiling weakly.

"Yes, trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell." but knowing Hermione's character she did wish they could have tried at least some written test.

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment. 'When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted,' she said.

'Abbott, Hannah!' A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause – 'HUFFLEPUFF!' shouted the hat. The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her. 'Bones, Susan!' 'HUFFLEPUFF!' shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah. 'Boot, Terry!' 'RAVENCLAW!' The table second from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them. 'Brocklehurst, Mandy' went to Ravenclaw too, but 'Brown, Lavender' became the first new Gryffindor and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Harry could see Ron's twin brothers catcalling. 'Bulstrode, Millicent' then became a Slytherin.

Sometimes the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others, it took a little while to decide.

'Granger, Hermione!' Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head. 'GRYFFINDOR!' shouted the hat. Ron groaned. Seriously no doubt she's brave and needed in the golden trio but if in Ravenclaw she might as well have done some great things. But I guess because of her obsession to get friends she was chosen as Gryffindor who knows.

The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouted 'GRYFFINDOR', Neville ran off still wearing it and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to Professor McGonagall.

Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, 'SLYTHERIN!' Malfoy went to join his friends nodding at me looking pleased with himself. There weren't many people left now. 'Moon' … 'Nott' … 'Parkinson' … then the pair of Indian girls, 'Patil Twins' and at last star of the evening – 'Potter, Harry!'

As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall. 'Potter, did she say?' 'The Harry Potter?'

GRYFFINDOR!' Harry heard the hat shout the last word to the whole Hall. He took off the hat and walked shakily towards the Gryffindor table. He was so relieved to have been chosen and not put in Slytherin, he hardly noticed that he was getting the loudest cheer yet.

Percy got up and shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, 'We got Potter! We got Potter!' Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier.

Now there were only three people left to be sorted. 'Turpin, Lisa' became a Ravenclaw, and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now. Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, 'GRYFFINDOR!' Harry clapped loudly with the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him. 'Well done, Ron, excellent,' said Percy pompously across Harry.

"Diggory, Cadmus!"

I finally (why I was last though was not it supposed to be alphabetical) walked over to the hat and placed it on my head. The whole hall was silent with wizard kids knowing me being genius and with recent exaggerated news in prophet on the kidnap of Luna mostly flattering me as the young hero who fought with the vigilante to save the young girl (mostly to cover their involvement) but now that I think it's not good news me getting linked with my undercover vigilante cover.

The Sorting Hat is one of the cleverest enchanted objects most witches and wizards will ever meet. It literally contains the intelligence of the four founders, can speak (through a rip near its brim), and is skilled at Legilimency, which enables it to look into the wearer's head and divine his or her capabilities or mood. It can even respond to the thoughts of the wearer.

"Hmmm," the Hat said. "Difficult. Very Difficult."

"Seriously is this your signature dialogue or what. "

The Hat chuckled, actually chuckled. "Oh please, do you really believe that?"

"So finally after waiting all these years you returned back. I almost gave up thinking you'll be never reborn."

"Ok hold on a moment. Who do you think I am again?"

"Who else other than $#@#$#? The champion of Hogwarts. You know I was thinking the heritage was going to pass into oblivion.

"Wait Wait Wait. I couldn't actually hear my name."

"Oh, it might be because you have not inherited the curse yet and it is not a name but names. Don't worry Hogwarts is here to guide you as always."

"So how do I get in touch with Hogwarts?"

"Everything will happen as it should have been now that you are here. So should I put you back in your favorite Slytherin? Or you'll go in another House?" the Hat asked hopefully.

"I would go to any house, I really would, but I'd like to be with the trio. They are too immature right now to fight with dark wizards. Furthermore whatever I know about is revolves around them."

"Fine," the Hat gave an amused nod. "I suppose the vigilante memories of yours shows how incredibly reckless you are, might as well put you with some other people who would do things recklessly as you to save random beings "GRYFFINDOR!"

Predictably with my young brilliant wizard born in a century rumors running around, Gryffindor House gave the loudest cheer yet, the twins banging the tables while Ced ran over to Gryffindor table hugging me.

Professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away.