56.  Catching A Beetle

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Rita Skeeter was excited to be able to get an interview from Happy. The last Lestrange was still free and living a normal life in the school. Of course, she wouldn't be Rita Skeeter if she wasn't planning on conveniently adding things to the interview to get more views.

Happy sat down on a bench, and opposite him sat the blonde woman. He reckoned she must have been quite pretty in her youth, but now she was just an old hag who had a personality as nasty as her hideous golden teeth.

"Please, you can start at any moment." Happy gestured.

Rita Skeeter nodded at the scroll and quill that magically flew before her. Then, she cleared her throat with a cough and began asking questions.

"So, Mr. Lestrange, can you tell us about your views on your family?" She started with the heavy hitter straight away.

Happy, continuing to smile, answered like a gentleman. "Terrorists…That's what you mean when you talk about them. Well, what can I say other than that, in my eyes, they are beings of lower intellect than House Elves."

Rita's eyes widened with excitement, and the quill wrote faster. "Why?"

"Tell me, what is an elf? A servant to a wizard, correct? What do House Elves do? They do whatever their master orders, am I right?" He created a sense of build-up.

She bobbed her head firmly. "Yes, yes…They are loyal servants to us wizards."

"Then…" Happy took a dramatic pause. "What does that make all the pureblood wizards who followed the Dark Lord? Slaves! Miss Skeeter, I consider all the wizards who followed the Dark Lord no wiser than the troll I killed last year. We, powerful wizards of ancient families, knowingly become slaves, servants of some upstart Dark Lord nobody heard about. Who even is that Dark Lord? What is his family name?"

"I feel, for being so pompous and pretentious about our bloodlines, my family and other families were certainly not very wise regarding who they gave their allegiance to. So, the destruction of ancient bloodlines and all those who now rot in Azkaban are the true blood traitors in my eyes. If they really wanted to follow someone, why not stand behind some actual known pureblood—Black, Lestrange, there were so many. I truly feel sad truly…they became the destroyer of their lives."

Rita frantically wrote everything down. "Then… What would you have done if you were in their shoes?"

Happy acted as if he was thinking. "Hmm… If I were my elder brother or even my father, I would have gathered all the other pureblood families, who are akin to my own distant family members, to come together and hunt down this so-called Dark Lord… So-called Voldemort…A man who hid his true name."

Rita gasped as Happy boldly uttered the name. But she remained unafraid. So Happy continued.

"Who does he think he is, commanding us ancient, millennia-old families to be his dogs? A Dark Lord that died at the hands of a child… We should write jokes about him, create comedic artwork about him… For a man claiming to be powerful, he was the weakest of all. He terrorized the wizarding world, not with his personal strength, but the strength that they—the few pureblood families generously gifted him—a deeply foolish move when we consider wizards are a dying species already."

A brief silence ensued as Rita absorbed it all. Nobody had ever dared to speak so openly in her presence before, as they feared she would manipulate their words. However, at the current pace, she reckoned she wouldn't even need to change anything.

"Don't you fear you would anger the ancient families by saying those words?" Rita asked.

Happy crossed his arms over his chest and proudly replied. "I am a proud Lestrange—if they detest me, I'd call them weaklings; Who, even after Voldemort's death, remain his stooges. I traveled to Japan last year, and I must confess, the Wizarding World spits at our names these days.

"This isn't an era of Dark Lords and world domination anymore. This is an era of making millions and billions in gold—I say, all my fellow distantly related families need to get their priorities right. Do they want to be slaves, or do they want to be rich lords, with wealth that can earn them titles and respect across the globe? I'd say the same for Halfbloods and Muggle-borns. You should only focus on earning money and respect.

"Ms. Skeeter, through you, I can happily reveal that within a year of joining the school, through my investments outside, I have earned two million Gold Galleons (18 million USD), from an investment of a mere five hundred thousand Gold Galleons (4.5 Million). And I say, this is only the beginning."

"WHAT!?" Rita exclaimed, rising from her seat. "How? Can you tell me, please?"

Unquestionably, Rita did all she did for money and fame. Happy was the golden goose, possessing the secret to the riches she sought after.

"Maybe after the interview. Why don't we continue?" He asked her, acting like a calm, rich lord, which he definitely was. The richest of them all, if he wasn't wrong.

"Yes… What are your thoughts on your life at Hogwarts? You're in Gryffindor, going against the norms," she continued.

"I have nothing to say about that. Hogwarts houses are just houses, a place where one sleeps and spends some time. There are enough talented wizards in each house, and to me, all of them are friends. Be it my good friend, Draco Malfoy from Slytherin, Harry Potter from Gryffindor, or Cho Chang from Ravenclaw, and of course, my great foodie friends from Hufflepuff." Happy replied, although he sadly couldn't recall the name of any Hufflepuff he was close to.

She smiled and moved on to her next question. "What about the rumors of you possessing golden blood? Felicis Felix potion?"

"It's a hoax, Miss Skeeter. The Lestrange family is ancient and rich. There will be many enemies out there who'd think they can defeat a child with senseless rumors. That's all I have to say about it." Happy lied this time, as it was in his best interest.

Finally, she arrived at her last question. "Then, as we come to a close, may I know what your plans are after you complete Hogwarts? What is your dream? Join the ministry? Or perhaps start a business?"

"Ministry isn't a place for me, Miss Skeeter. I'm a free bird who likes business, and I wish to travel the world to explore new opportunities to enrich the heritage and inheritance left to me by my father."

With that, Happy rose to his feet, "I believe that was enough? Sorry, I can't spare more time as I have something extremely important to discuss with Professor Snape."

"Of course." Rita swiftly packed the scroll and quill into her bag and rushed to the door. Her head repeatedly turned to glance at Snape's lab in the classroom, her mind filling up with insatiable curiosity.

Happy escorted her to the classroom's door and left. Though, he ensured to leave the door slightly open by 'mistake'.

Then, he returned to Snape's lab and started talking loudly. "Professor, is that resurrection potion ready?"

"Not yet, Lestrange. It will only take a few minutes." Snape acted the part rather awkwardly, but Rita's intelligence was questionable at best.

Bzzz…!

Just when Snape stopped speaking, they heard the faint buzzing sound of an insect's wings. They knew very well the cat was near the box, and they simply had to capture it. So, they continued to speak and position themselves to catch the beetle.

"Once it's completed, we'll be able to resurrect our dead families, Professor." Happy gave the false juicy detail that would ensure Rita was focused on the revelation rather than the surroundings.

"Indeed, Lestrange. You can then revive your father, so he may lead the Lestrange family…And aid us in capturing a beetle!"

Bam!

Snape swiftly reached behind him, producing a concealed jar, and forcefully slammed it on the beetle perched on the table's edge. It was a tiny jar, just enough space for the beetle to rotate but not move freely.

"Haha! Good catch, Professor. Pests can contaminate potions. We should throw the beetle in the fire," Happy wickedly suggested.

Snape reciprocated, acting like the perfect partner. "So you remember the lessons, Lestrange. Contamination can indeed turn an elixir into poison when it comes to potions."

Both of them gradually made their way toward the fireplace. The beetle inside the jar frantically moved, rotating and trying to climb to the jar's lid but to no avail. It was too tight. At last, there was no way to get free but to do it.

The glass jar suddenly shattered, and the beetle inside appeared to grow vastly big. It continued to grow until it assumed a humanoid form, revealing the unmistakable figure of the blonde woman, Rita Skeeter, in all her naked glory. Furthermore, she appeared injured, as evidenced by the profusely bleeding cuts on her body.

She gasped for breath and tried to stand up, but ended up falling back on her butt again. When she looked up, all she saw were Happy and Snape gazing down at her, both having their arms crossed over their chests.

"I… I can explain," she muttered fearfully.

Happy sighed and fetched a cloth to drape over her shoulders first. After all, he was no beast to violate her modesty. His battle was with her mind, not her physical form.

But then he turned serious. "Miss Rita Skeeter… One word from me and you'll find yourself in Azkaban for being an unauthorized animagus. Furthermore, the secret of how you collect information will come out."

"You knew beforehand?" She deduced from how they caught her.

"Yes, and from now on, you will do everything I say. If you disagree, Professor Snape here will graciously cast a Killing Curse on you, as he already cast one on the Basilisk before—nobody will suspect anything even if they check his wand." Happy explained everything with an evil smile constantly shining on his face.

Rita's chest heaved with instinctive terror. "What do you want?"

"Hehe." Happy extended his hand. "A one-sided Unbreakable vow!"

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[Information of the top 5 richest Wizards in British Wizarding I found on the internet]

Sirius Black $1.6 Million (199513 Galleons)[Black family money was possibly used by Bellatrix since she was the oldest.]

Gilderoy Lockhart $2 Million (243309)

Harry Potter $2.6 Million (319995 Galleons) - AFTER BLACK INHERITANCE

Lucius Malfoy $1.6 Billion (321285145 Galleons)

Bellatrix Lestrange(NOW HAPPY LESTRANGE) $2.1 Billion (421686753 Galleons)

Richer than Malfoys because Bellatrix's personal money and all of Lestrange's Money are now Happy's. Since Bellatrix had no children.

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[A/N: No, the interview was not pointless. It was an actual interview that Happy wants to be published.]

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