35. Cat’s Out

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While Happy had no idea about the elves scheming against his taste pallets, he had to accept that the elves were a tough nut to crack. So in defeat, he had to go to the Great Hall and eat the food he ate every day.

It wasn't bad in taste or anything, he just wanted to explore other foods from around the world, and it was impossible to do since he was stuck in Hogwarts, and when outside, he'd likely be chased around.

"Hmm… At least they made mango pudding today. It's something new." Happy mumbled while eating the dessert. In front of him remained ten stacked plates, all cleaned up with no trace of what was on them before. Chicken, ribs, fish, sandwiches, cakes, chocolate, cinnamon rolls, boiled potatoes, and whatnot.

"Happy, will you be joining the main quidditch team this year? You did great last year." Harry asked him, interrupting his deep thoughts.

Happy scoffed and ate a mouthful of pudding. "No, I'd rather be on the bench and just relax. I never really wanted to do Quidditch and only joined to skip a few classes occasionally in the name of practice."

"Ugh… He's in his lazy mode again." Hermione mumbled. "Then, at least, you should study with me. You didn't score that great in the last exams."

"I take pride in being average Andy." Happy proudly replied. "At least I scored more than Ron and Harry without even studying, so I'm happy. Besides, I have something more important to do."

"What?" Ron inquired.

"Learn how to cook dishes from around the world. Since the elves aren't helping me, I have no other choice. So, I'll do it myself." Happy announced his plans.

The trio made faces hearing about his plans. They couldn't understand why Happy was so interested in food. Sadly, they didn't know the pain of someone living a life where they couldn't ingest anything but medical fluids.

Soon, the night fell, and everyone returned to their rooms. Happy knew what was going on outside in the hallways of the school. He wanted to see the snake, but at the same time, he didn't want to push his luck too much. It was a giant snake, after all, not a little one he could step over.

That night, Happy hugged Koko tight. "Buddy, learn to make roster noises from now on. Anytime you feel danger, just start screaming like a rooster."

"COOKOO!"

Koko, the good, diligent goose, woke everyone up in an instant, earning his owner some curses.

…

The next day.

Happy's stomach grumbled as he made his way to the Room of Requirement. He was determined to diversify his meals, and he was craving ramen today.

Walking back and forth in front of the room for a few moments, Happy imagined what he needed and then entered.

There, a cozy ramen shop with a wooden counter and a chef who could teach him how to make the perfect bowl of noodles was waiting for him. The chef, or more precisely, a wooden puppet wearing a Japanese chef's uniform, bowed and welcomed him with a gesture.

'Ah, I forgot to imagine him having a mouth. Oh well, at least he can move smoothly.'

Soon Happy found himself standing in front of a small wooden counter with a large pot of steaming broth on a stove. Next to him was the silent puppet that moved with deft precision.

Pa—!

The puppet slapped his hand if he tried to take the noodles out too soon or taste the broth.

For hours, Happy watched and mimicked the puppet's every move. He mixed broth, made noodles, and added the perfect toppings, all while the puppet watched, correcting his mistakes with nudges and gestures, and Koko watched from the sidelines.

The kitchen was in a flurry as he darted back and forth. Pots and pans clanged loudly, and the sharp scent of burning oil hung heavy in the air. Despite his best efforts, ingredients were spilled, and dishes were burned, adding to the chaos of the kitchen.

As the day wore on, Happy grew more and more tired. Finally, with a sigh of exhaustion, he stepped back from the counter.

He looked down at himself and winced. His face was blackened from the smoke in the kitchen, his clothes were stained and dirty, and Koko looked more like a crow than a goose.

"Mooo!"

"I know, buddy, I suck at cooking. But again, the dishes came out masterfully. You even ate two bowls. Who knew making ramen was as easy as throwing ingredients together...but again, that could be just me. Though I wonder if this technique will work with potions as well?"

With his disheveled appearance, Happy couldn't help but grimace.

'Still, since when did making ramen cause an explosion? Did I even summon the right teacher?'

Confused and dirty, he decided to head to take a bath before going out to practice Quidditch.

...

Happy dragged Koko to Gryffindor's bathroom.

Koko squawked, barked, shrieked, and flapped his wings, clearly not enjoying being bathed. Happy struggled to hold onto the slippery goose as he scrubbed him clean.

Afterward, he quickly changed clothes and dried Koko off, puffing his feathers like a giant cotton ball. Then he hurried to get to Quidditch training on time.

As Happy sprinted down the hallway, he suddenly came across a crowd of Slytherin and Gryffindor students, all wearing their quidditch robes. Happy noticed the tense air between the two groups.

"What's going on?" Happy asked, approaching the group.

"It's just a friendly scrimmage." One of the Slytherin players coldly replied, but Happy could tell that something was off. He took a couple of steps closer to the center of the crowd.

"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to BUY their way in. They got in on pure talent!" Happy could hear Hermione's sarcastic tone.

"No one asked for your opinion, you filthy little mudblood!" Draco sneered back.

'Oh, it's that scene!' Happy remembered.

"You'll pay for that one Malfoy..." Ron pulled out his wand.

Happy arrived just in time, right before Ron could flick his wand. His wand wasn't broken this time, so the likelihood of the slug spell working was high. He raised his hand and charged in.

"Wow wow… What's going on here, my fellow incestborns?!" Happy made the strangest remark that anyone could have ever imagined.

"Pfft!" Ron tried to hold his laughter.

"Nobody is pureblood here, lads." Happy butted in. "We're all mud-bloods at this point. All our ancient families had squibs from time to time who left the families. They married muggles, birthed wizards again, and joined the families back. We all have tainted blood after thousands of years of mingling, and even worse—incest blood!"

The faces of all the Slytherin members fell in disgust. But Happy wasn't done, for he wished to say such nasty things that they'd hate their own blood status.

"Well, be careful, my friends. Lest, you might find yourself marrying your own cousins and sisters soon. That's the norm in our families, after all. Isn't that the case, Draco? House Lestrange, House Black, and House Malfoy have a long history of intermarriage. So in a way, you could be my distant brother, my nephew, my uncle."

"..."

Everyone was speechless, but Happy had no control over his mouth.

"Wait! Could it be…The reason the number of wizards is dwindling is because of incest. After all, if we look at the great self-proclaimed demi-god Pharaohs and ancient kings in the past, they were all born of incest and were usually either crippled or mentally deranged."

At that, the captain of the Gryffindor, Oliver Wood, agreed. "I think I read about that in the History of Magic once. Ancient Kings and Queens had wizards in their courts, and the Wizards advised them to keep the bloodline pure, hence marry their own sisters and such."

Happy agreed. "Look at the Habsburg family. Poor folks cursed with a jaw big enough to work as a Beater's bat in Quidditch. Even my house elves look prettier than those incestuous abominations."

"..."

Hermione came close to Happy and grasped his arm. "H-Happy…I think that's enough. They're gone."

Happy chuckled. "I know. Well, now we get to use the training grounds!"

"Thanks," Hermione mumbled from the side, knowing that Happy said those words to send them away. But she also understood that Happy disrespected his own blood by saying all those things.

Though, Happy didn't care as he didn't consider himself a Lestrange in the heart. "Ah, after speaking so much, I feel hungry. Guys, you all go and practice."

"Ehm…! Mister Lestrange!"

Happy's shoulder fell instantly, for he recognized the voice behind him. "Yes, Professor McGonagall? Let me guess, Headmaster?"

"Headmaster Dumbledore has called you to his office. I'd hurry if I were you."

Happy looked even more defeated as he wanted to go and eat something. Not to mention, ever since the old man showed his focused fanaticism for Harry, he didn't consider Dumbledore much of a help to himself.

Happy trudged off the Quidditch field, feeling tired.

As Happy entered the headmaster's office, he immediately felt a chill run down his spine. The air inside was cold and tense, and he could feel an unnerving energy that made him feel uneasy, almost as if the atmosphere was warning him of danger.

Looking around the room, he saw the headmaster sitting by his desk with a stern expression. The old man's eyes were fixed on Happy, and he seemed to be looking through him.

"You called me, Professor?"

Dumbledore remained seated and pushed a copy of the Daily Prophet to him. "I tried my best, Happy, but the rumors have spread too far among a few groups. I'm afraid, things won't be getting easier for you after this."

Happy quickly unfolded it and looked. Just under the title of the paper on the first page, he saw his huge face pasted on it, with the headline appearing particularly daunting, while not too unpredictable.

'So it has started?' He sighed and read it.

"B-BOY WITH GOLDEN BLOOD?!"

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