Conversations

Once they reached the room Harry closed the door behind them to keep nosy reporters out and turned to Sirius. He looked a bit unsure of how to treat his godfather.

"When do you think your treatment in St. Mungo's will be over?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. But I guess I'll have to stay there for one or two weeks to get at least over the worst effects of the long-term dementor exposure. So I think I won't be out of there before Christmas." Sirius answered.

"And you also don't have a place ready where you can live. Why don't you come and visit me at Hogwarts? I'm sure Professor Dumbledore can arrange that over the break. Before I agree to living with you, I want to be sure we can get along. I have some things I insist upon; in others I'm willing to discuss them with you. I have made too many bad experiences in my life to just let others control me." Harry said bluntly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I wanted to take care of you like I promised. I just didn't think they would just chuck me into Azkaban, being innocent without even giving me a chance to explain myself. They just let me rot. I thought after I caught Peter I could explain everything to Dumbledore and he would help me getting custody of you." Sirius said remorsefully. "I regretted ever letting you go the moment I could think again. As far as the dementors let me think."

"No, the best you could have hoped for would have been visiting me until all the Death Eaters were caught. Dumbledore placed me with Petunia as Mum gave me a protection based on her sacrifice. He set up blood wards based on that sacrifice. As long as I could call the place where my mother's blood lived home, I would be safe from Voldemort and his minions there."

"The wards have fallen now as I don't see that place at home, never did in fact, but to break the spell I needed to declare it. Which happened when Professor McGonagall came to visit me after I asked for more information about Hogwarts after I got my letter." Harry explained.

"I see, but he must have known how Petunia disliked magic. All of us in the Order of the Phoenix knew that." Sirius exclaimed horrified.

"He knew she did and placed Mrs Figg to look out for me in the neighbourhood. But my magic worked too well for her to notice. She knew I was neglected, but she couldn't spot physical abuse. And as long as I was 'only unhappy' Dumbledore didn't want to risk the protection the wards gave me. After they broke my arm when I was four and I was in pain for four days, my magic took over and healed me. It was the same from then on with all my other injuries over the years. It stopped when I scared them by using accidental magic against Vernon when I was nine. I froze him in his position for four hours. After that they feared what I would do next if they didn't stop physically harming me." Harry said in a low voice.

Sirius sank onto his knees and carefully hugged Harry, knowing that with that history he would be cautious of physical contact. He had been through it himself with his parents after he had been sorted into Gryffindor.

"It's okay, I understand. Take all the time you need to get to know me. I'll be there for you when you need somebody to talk to. You don't have to, but I can say from my own experience that it helps telling someone." Sirius said seriously.

"Huh? You went through abuse too?" Harry asked still tense in the embrace.

"Yes, but for me it were my own parents who did it. I am from a very dark family. The only close family member I ever liked was my cousin Andromeda. The others followed the stupid pureblood supremacy doctrine. My brother even became a Death Eater. My parents were so proud that he was going to clean the world from the 'mudblood' filth." Sirius spat out the word mudblood. "But obviously he soon got cold feet after seeing what the Death Eaters really did and wanted out. Sadly you didn't just tell Voldemort 'I quit'. It was life-time service or death. Shocked my parents massively when their precious perfect son died by the hand of Voldemort or more probably one of his minions. I don't think Regulus was important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person.

"Well, I was the only one not following the family doctrine. I was sorted into Gryffindor when I started Hogwarts. The rest of the family was always in Slytherin. Nasty bunch altogether. Two days after the sorting I got a horrible howler about staining the family honour and if I knew what was good for me I would have a resorting. She really managed to get the resorting done, but the hat refused to resort me, stating he didn't make a mistake. After that life at home for me was horrible. I was seen as a bloodtraitor. They only saw Regulus as their son from then on; I was the unwanted house guest. And my parents showed me exactly what they thought of me. There are some curses you never should use, the least on your own child. I'm pretty sure they used all of them on me.

"From then on I always stayed at Hogwarts over the holidays, the only time I went 'home' was over the summer and if it got too much for me, I used the floo to go to James' home. Sadly there is nothing you can do against your own parents while you are a minor in the wizarding world, especially if they are as wealthy as my parents were. I couldn't just tell a teacher and have them take me away from there. No court would have done it. The name 'Black' had too much political power. In the summer before my sixth year I couldn't stand it anymore after my mother had put me under the cruciatus curse repeatedly for refusing to join Voldemort. I packed my school trunk with everything I wanted to take with me and ran away in the middle of the night after picking the lock on my door. Your grandparents took me in. They were great people. Even after I came of age and got my own place with some money my uncle Alphard, who was my godfather, left me, I was always welcome for dinner at Potter Manor." Sirius told Harry.

Harry was surprised. He hadn't thought that in the wizarding world things were even worse than in the muggle world. For him at least he had the security that his parents wouldn't have treated him like the Dursleys did. But for Sirius going through that on the hands of his own parents? He couldn't imagine how he must have felt. But if Sirius went through that he could probably understand him better than others.

"When I was little, the Dursleys always let their anger out on me. The one who became violent was Vernon. Petunia only shouted at me and they all called me a freak. They told me it would have been better for everybody if I had just died with my parents in the car crash that they caused when they were drunk. Halloween was always the worst. Dudley paraded with all the sweets he got in the neighbourhood from trick or treating and rubbed it into my face that I wouldn't get a single sweet. The first time Vernon beat me with his belt that I remember was when I was five. Before all injuries were from him grabbing me too hard and shoving me into the cupboard under the stairs where I slept. He had been denied a promotion at work he had hoped for and got drunk and vented his anger on me. At school things didn't get better except that I was away from Privet Drive most of the time. When it was apparent that I was smarter than Dudley they forced me to not outdo him." Harry didn't know why all those words spilled out of him, but now that he had started he for some reason couldn't stop and he felt strangely safe in Sirius' arms, who was rubbing circles on his back.

"Over the breaks Dudley and his so-called friends always hunted me and, if they got me, beat me up. The library at school became my refuge. The teachers had been told that I was a delinquent by Vernon and Petunia and that I needed to be handled with absolute strictness. In the neighbourhood they gave me the fault for all the things Dudley did. There was after all no way that their precious son could ever do anything wrong." Harry said bitterly.

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