Goodness Gracious!

In a dimly lit room with cribs lining the walls. An adorable infant boy, lied in a crib in the middle of the room. Suddenly, the eyes of the babe opened wide, revealing the soul of a grown man trapped inside. One who had lost all memories of his encounter with a certain goddess, upon birth.

"What the actual hell just happened? One moment, I had everything under control, and the next... I was butchered... now look at me! How did I end up in this puny, helpless body?" Seymour whispered to himself, with flashes of what occurred before his untimely death, playing in his mind. He glanced down at his tiny hands and wiggled his puny fingers in frustrated.

"Oh hell! My conditioned fingers." resounded his inner musings, as a jarring realization took hold. His talents for playing the piano wasn't merely the capability of an expert, but also his primed fingers. They were slender, nimble and as sturdy as stilettos.

"I mean, I had a great job, women, an enchanted fanbase, and a wicked fast car." He lamented, "But now, I'm... this! A baby!"

Glancing around, he watched other babies gurgle and coo, confirming that he wasn't dreaming. He furrowed his tiny brows with anger smoldering in his eyes. He was gradually ticking off, and it was just a matter of how long he could tolerate the annoyance of his situation.

"I was the guy who had it all together. Self-assured, confident, in charge." His thoughts turned into torment. "But no, life just had to throw me this unholy curveball. Seriously, what did I do to deserve this?"

Seymour kicked his legs in frustration, causing his pacifier to fall out of his mouth. He attempted to cuss at whomever did this to him, but only produced a high-pitched squeal.

"Oh, great! Now I can't even curse properly. This...This... is just fantastic!"

A midwife walked into the room, carrying a bottle, and saw him awake and active, more so than regular infants.

"And how's my little Alistair doing today?" She cooed like babies do.

Seymour's breath caught in his throat as he stared daggers at the nurse, a mixture of irritation and regret in his eyes.

"Don't patronize me with that "little Alistair" nonsense!" He yelled. "I used to be a grown ass man, for crying out loud! And what's with that stupid name? It's Seymour! Sey...yy...mourr!"

The midwife bent down in attempt to put the pacifier back in Seymour's mouth, but he batted her hand away with a sudden swat.

"Don't you dare think you can just pacify me! I see now, you want to snuff out my inner fire." He barked inwardly, while backing away. "Ain't happening lady, I demand answers! How did this happen? How do I reverse it?"

With a concerned look etched on her face, the midwife drew closer.

"Oh, sweetie, you're just tired. Your family will be in to claim you any moment from now, and we don't want them to see you tired, do we?" She asked rhetorically in a gentle tone. "It's nap time. Let's calm down, okay?"

"Yes we do! Don't tell me to calm down! I refuse to be silenced!" Seymour clamored. "Just because I'm tiny now doesn't mean I won't fight back!"

He wanted to attack her, but an overwhelming feeling he had never felt, even ones in his previous life, started to well up in his chest.

"No! No! No! Get a grip, Seymour." His mind screamed, but his composure as an infant was as insignificant as tissue paper. Before he knew it, he began to cry, his voice mixed with newborn wails and a man's indignation.

"Awww! Hush little Alistair." The midwife couldn't deny the fact that she was touched.

"Shut up! You don't understand." He barked. "I had it all figured out. I had control, dammit! And now I'm stuck in this helpless body, unable to do anything."

The midwife picked him up, soothing him with gentle pats on the back.

"There, there, Alistair." She hushed. "It's going to be alright. You'll see."

Seymour felt an overwhelming warmth engulfing him. "No! No! Not this too." He wailed inwardly. "Too many vulnerabilities to exploit."

He couldn't help but reluctantly calm down, with his cries slowly tapering off. It seemed all the tricked to appease a baby worked on him, regardless of his manly soul.

"Maybe she's right. Perhaps things will be okay." Seymour thought. "But mark my words, once I figure out how to get back to my life, I'm going to make the universe regret ever messing with me."

Suddenly, the door was heard opening and shutting. Upon peeping between the midwife's arms, Seymour saw an attractive woman who looked to be in her early thirties, saunting towards them. Her hip meat swayed seductively, and her ample bosom heaved with each step taken.

"Goodness gracious! I think my eyeballs just did a double take!" Seymour exclaimed, as dirty thoughts filled his baby mind, making him squirm with delight. "Someone find me a cartographer, I need a map to navigate my way around those curves!"

"Wait a minute!" He thought. "Am I in some pirated version of heaven with buxom ladies instead of the glits and glam?"

Baby Alistair was wiggling with excitement, causing the midwife to turn toward who was causing him all the sudden joy.

"Oh boy! I've got to call her." He thought, flapping his hands excitingly. "Well, hello there, Miss Dangerously Distracting Curves! You've just caused a certain gravitational pull in my direction."

"Awww! My sweet babyyyy!" cooed the attractive woman, as he started tearing up.

"W-What the...?!!" Seymour's eyes widened, his expression frozen in shock. The lustful fog that hovered above him moment ago, dissipated as the woman leaned over his crib, with her eyes glistening with genuine tears.

"Oh!" The midwife exclaimed when she saw who was next to her. She gently lifted baby Alistair out of his crib, cradling him in her arms. However, his tiny hands nervously clutch his own tiny blanket.

"Sweetie, why don't you say hello to your mother." Spoke the midwife with a large smile on her face.

"Yes, my sweet baby. It's me, your mama." The woman said, teary-eyed, as Alistair was handed to her.

"Holy sh*t!" Seymour exclaimed, looking glum and disappointed all of a sudden. "Note to self: from now onward, invest in sunglasses to protect my fragile eyes from the captivating sight of her, my mother!"

"Uh! What a buzzkill!" He sighed.

***