Chp.3: Sister's reproach

Dragons could move fast and silently. As Kotaru had predicted, they didn't encounter major obstacles in their path and towards evening they reached a rather cozy place to rest. It was a large hill from which it was easy to keep an eye on the surroundings, far removed from any inhabited area. At the bottom of the hill was a small pond, so if anyone was thirsty they would only have to go there to water.

The dragons reached the top and there they looked for a comfortable place to sleep. Each of them looked for a point where the ground was soft, then flattened the grass above it and created a small bed ('small' just to say: they were, after all, beds created for creatures over five meters long). Once this was done, they cast lots to decide who would keep watch first. Since there were seventeen of them, each of them shouldn't have been awake more than half an hour: therefore, everyone would have the opportunity to rest properly.

After the order of watch was decided, the dragons began to eat and argue among themselves. After eating some meat, Haku decided that he wanted to drink some water, so he started down the hill to reach the pond.

He didn't get very far though. While still halfway there he found his way blocked by Kotaru. "We need to talk" his sister told him in a tone that didn't allow for reply.

Haku knew that sooner or later that moment would come. "Still using the invisibility rune to sneak up on me, uh?" he asked her.

"I wouldn't have to do that if you didn't take advantage of the fact that your physique is better than mine and quicken your pace every time I try to approach you alone" Kotaru replied. "You can't keep avoiding me. We need to talk, and we do it now"

Haku guessed that his sister had noticed that he was deliberately avoiding her to avoid a long discussion. She wasn't stupid after all. "Okay. Let's talk. But let it really be talking, not you talking and expecting me to listen and..."

"Shut up!" Kotaru nearly screamed, making him jump. His sister had never addressed him in that tone of voice. "Now YOU listen to ME without saying a word, ok? I'm tired of your constant attempts to avoid a serious discussion by trying to get away with a little rhetoric. You screwed up and you have to fix it. Now you go to Rhaegal immediately and apologize to him, bow and beg for forgiveness if necessary, just fix any problem you have with him!"

Haku felt his pride rage at those words. "No way! I'm not apologizing to him for something I did to keep us safe!"

Kotaru seemed on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "You really don't understand, do you?"

"I don't understand what?" Haku asked confused.

Kotaru's eyes flashed. "Haku, Rhaegal is afraid of you! Almost everyone is afraid of you now!"

"WHAT!?" Haku almost screamed. After the initial discomfort, he almost laughed: "Come on, it's ridiculous! They know I would never hurt them..."

"No, they don't know at all! And after what you've done they're even less convinced!" Kotaru exclaimed. "If you want this family to stick together, try putting yourself in their skin for a moment!"

Put himself in their skin? Haku had no idea how to do it. "Could you help me?" he asked Kotaru.

His sister rolled her eyes, but she tried hard to keep her patience. "Let's see... where do I start? Oh, well: first, you acted behind our backs. We agreed that we would make the decisions together, you were the first to say that we would do it, yet you were also the first to break that rule and go your own way! You didn't even consider how the others felt. Now everyone thinks you betrayed them, or worse, that you only trust them when they do exactly as you want! They started to think that you don't see them as brothers or sisters, but more as servants!"

Those words were familiar to Haku. Suddenly he remembered the last discussion he'd had with Sarpa, in which the ogres had said something very similar to him. However, Haku didn't think he ever considered his siblings servants... he just had good ideas and they followed him... surely the others felt the same way too... right?

However, Kotaru continued: "Second, you treated Rhaegal like shit. When someone tried to seriously oppose you, argue with you and assert their opinion, you literally attacked them. You didn't see yourself looking into his eyes. Haku, you seemed ready to jump on him and tear him to pieces! Your gaze was no different than the one you normally have when we hunt! How do you think others see you now? Not only you discuss with us what to do just when you have no alternatives or you are sure that we will do exactly as you want, but as soon as someone tries to oppose your decisions you get furious and almost seem to threaten him! How would you see a being who behaves like that? Among newcomers, those who act like this are called tyrants, and I don't need to tell you how far tyrants are capable of going!"

Haku's eyes widened. "Are you saying that you think I could hurt you or even kill you like tyrants do? I would never..."

"I know, Haku. I know you would never do that. You wouldn't have made such complicated plans if you didn't want everyone to live. But the others don't feel the same way, not anymore" Kotaru replied. "Apart from some of them like Darbi, the others fear you. And even Darbi, despite knowing that you would never hurt him, is now a little afraid for you. I'm sure you've noticed that"

Haku thought back to the conversation he had with Darbi that afternoon. Indeed, his brother had seemed rather strange to him. Even though he spoke to him as usual, he seemed preoccupied with telling him certain things. Haku remembered that Darbi wanted to tell him something, and then he let it go because 'it wasn't important'. Perhaps he, too, wanted to tell him that their siblings now feared him, but hadn't done so because he, in turn, feared enraging him?

He was starting to have serious doubts. Was he really a fearsome figure in the eyes of his siblings? How could he have not noticed it? Or maybe he didn't want to notice...

Kotaru stamped a paw on the ground to get his attention. "I'm not done yet. There is one last thing you did that scared the others more than anything else. You killed our mother"

At those words Haku frowned slightly. "I had a reason to do it"

"And we know, you explained it very clearly. But that's not the point" Kotaru replied. "Haku, you killed our mother. You did it for your own purpose and you didn't show the slightest remorse. How do you think the others see it? Now you can't pretend they aren't worried that you will do the same to them one day"

If before Haku was surprised and indignant, now he was shocked. "Are you kidding me? Do they think one day I could use them and send them to their deaths? We are family!"

"True. But our mother was also part of the family" Kotaru said.

"She wasn't part of the family!" Haku exploded in anger. "She didn't care about us! We were nothing but a nuisance to her! We share nothing with her except the blood in our veins!"

"Haku, you have to understand that not everyone sees it the same way. You, me, Darbi and a few others heard the words 'I don't love you and I don't give a damn about you' from her own mouth. But the others didn't" Kotaru explained him. "Despite her betrayal, the others loved our mother. Even if they were angry and disappointed by her, they didn't want to see her dead. And then, you killed her. You killed her without second thoughts. From their point of view, it wasn't much different than killing one of us"

Haku had never seen her like that before. From his point of view, their mother was nothing but an asshole who only brought them into the world to suppress her instinct to reproduce and who wouldn't bat an eye to see some of them starve to death. To him, she didn't deserve the slightest respect, let alone affection. He couldn't imagine that the others would think otherwise. "They didn't make such a big fuss when we killed our father. Why this time it should be so different?" he tried to opine.

"Because it IS different. It is completely different" Kotaru grumbled bringing a paw up in front of her face, as if she was exasperated. "Haku, we never knew our father. We don't even know his name. When we first met him, he was nothing but a stranger who was also attacking us. We didn't have the slightest attachment towards him. Kill him was no different than killing an ogre or a fairy or any other animal. But our mother... with her we shared the first three months of our lives. Even though she wasn't around much, she was still there. You can't be surprised if the most of us have developed an affection for her"

Haku had to admit that the two situations were quite different. It was one thing to kill a complete stranger who was hostile to them, it was one thing to kill someone who had cared for them for a long time. Even though in his eyes his mother and his father weren't that different, and both of them didn't deserve any kind of love, the others might have thought differently.

Seeing him doubtful, Kotaru spoke again: "Do you understand now? You betrayed their trust, you threatened one of them and in the end you even killed someone who, in their eyes, was a member of the family even if very distant. It is natural that now our brothers and sisters see you as a danger"

Haku realized that maybe he screwed up. If what his sister said was true (and the more she spoke the more realistic it seemed to him) then perhaps he had unwittingly created a rift between him and his siblings much deeper than he imagined. "What do you suggest I do?" he asked Kotaru.

His sister snapped her claws in clear annoyance. "I already told you. Go to them and apologize, especially to Rhaegal. Do anything to make it up to you, do what they ask, give them whatever they want. And hope it's not too late"

Those last words worried Haku. "Too late for what?"

Kotaru sighed. "Too late for this family to stick together. Because this is what will happen if others keep thinking these things about you: one by one, they will leave. This family will break apart from within. They will all abandon you and you will end up alone"

Haku's heart leapt at those words. "Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't, would I be here talking to you?" Kotaru asked him rhetorically.

Haku looked down. "What if it's already... too late?"

Kotaru seemed to think about it, then answered sincerely, "I don't know. I don't know what will happen. If it's too late… I think we'll figure it out somehow, and then we'll think about what to do. For now, hope that it isn't the case". Then she turned and walked away. "Now stop talking and do what I said to you to do"

Haku watched his sister walk for a while, then he suddenly opened his mouth and asked her: "Kotaru... and you? Are you scared of me?"

Kotaru stopped and stood still for a few seconds, then turned and looked straight into his eyes. "Sometimes, Haku" she answered with a sad voice. "I know you would never hurt me... but sometimes, you scare me". And with that she turned and walked away quickly, leaving Haku alone with his thoughts.