Shame

Izuku gets the okay to go home two weeks later. The line in his hand has been removed along with the tube in his nose, and after they watch him eat solids for three days, they say he's fit to go home. Hitoshi had in fact been giving Aizawa daily updates on everything that Izuku had done, even including the time Izuku had sneezed when getting his nose tube replaced. Izuku thought that had been a bit excessive, but he wasn't the boss apparently, so he let his boyfriend do as he pleased. Thankfully, Hitoshi depriving him of any privacy, means his dad is outside when he's being discharged, so he comes in to sign the forms to take Izuku home. The car ride is awkward, the suspense of Izuku seeing papa again hanging over his head. He considered that he might be rejected, but Hitoshi squeezed his hand, smiling softly at him to help him relax. It doesn't work, but Izuku is glad for Hitoshi's effort. Izuku feels deathly ill when his dad stops the car, and the panic settles in. It had been papa who had been hesitant about Izuku, and Izuku understands. He does. He just doesn't want to see his papa's face fall as the fear sets in when he realises there's a monster in his house.

"Izuku."

Izuku's head snaps up, and he realises that his dad and Hitoshi both look slightly panicked, and his breathing is irregular, heavy like he's ran a marathon. "I-" he pauses, the words stuck deep in his throat and trying to force them out pains him, so he looks wildly at Hitoshi, hoping to convey his panic.

Hitoshi sighs softly. "Take us to my place. He's not ready."

Izuku can see the soft lines of disappointment take over his dad's face, but he nods, starting the car as Hitoshi takes Izuku's hand, trying his best to get him to focus and relax.

Izuku meets Hitoshi's mother formally, stumbling and calling her Mrs. Shinsou. Hitoshi snorts behind him, a hand resting on his back. "Focus Izuku baby. Relax, it's okay."

Izuku breathes deeply, recalling the scent he had once smelled off Hitoshi on his scarf. He can clearly smell it now, smell the sharp scent sting at his nose. He inhales, tilting his head as he notes she doesn't smell just right.

"You're adopted."

"Yes. but you knew that already, you're smart Izuku."

Hitoshi is right, he had known somewhere deep in the back of his mind that she hadn't smelled quite right. Her scent was too heavy, where it should have been calming and light like Hitoshi's own. Unless she had been threatening towards Hitoshi, Izuku would have known by now, especially from Toshi's scent. His dad stands behind him with a small bag of his things, and he promises to come visit soon after he talks to Hitoshi's mother, who lets them head upstairs to get comfortable. Izuku stands awkwardly in his boyfriends room, he feels out of place, he misses his dad, he misses papa, and he misses when everything was normal. He cries for what he believes he's lost; and what he knows will come, and Hitoshi is by his side like he always is, whispering soft words and assurances.

-

Shouta sits silently in Izuku's room. It had been a common habit since Izuku ran away, but now he knew where Izuku was, and he just couldn't bring him home. It's a few hours before Hizashi starts to worry, appearing in the doorway. "Sitting here isn't going to bring him back Sho, come to bed.'

Shouta doesn't move. He can't be here, he needs to be with his son. But he knows Izuku is safe, so he can spare two minutes.

"When I asked you to stop, why didn't you?"

"Sho?"

"When I asked you to stop talking because he was listening, why didn't you stop talking?"

"He was asleep, Shouta. I waited until he was asleep. I made sure-" Hizashi falters, looking at Shouta as the realisation settles in. "He… No he was sleeping."

Shouta stands, pushing the hair from his face. "His breathing rattles when he sleeps as a wolf Hizashi. You know it does. You sat and watched me cry over it for weeks after the USJ. We need to give Izuku time to understand his quirk. I told you I would help him. Now excuse me." He lifts Izuku's favourite hoodie from the closet, an Eraserhead one that Shouta had surprised him with after he hadn't flaked on his sports festival speech, and he heads for the door.

"Shouta? Where are you going with his stuff?"

"To see him."

Shouta swings the door shut, already halfway down the hallway before he hears it click.

-

Izuku spends the next few days relearning his human body. His legs are unsteady, he has the overwhelming urge to topple forward, used to the balance of four paws. He has to relearn the scars on his face, how not to burst into tears at the sight of them. Hitoshi constantly hovers, but he knows it's to keep him both safe and sane. After all, the last time he was human, he had just killed his mother. He sees his dad everyday, they talk over things that happened in the time Izuku had missed. Apparently Bakugou had been having some trouble with his quirk, and Izuku swore he'd go back to see him soon. His dad tells him he can return to school if he wants, but he won't be taking part in any heroics lessons until he puts some weight on and regains some of his muscle. He says he can still train as long as he takes it easy, so Izuku agrees, determined to build himself up to how he was before, and surpass that. He wants to be the best he can be, especially now that he's with his dad again. He still misses home and papa though.

School is strange. It's unfamiliar and familiar at once, the noises all drown together and individually cut through him, and he hates and loves every second of it. His classmates try to ask him where he went, but Shoto and Hitoshi get them to clear off incredibly quickly and Izuku takes his seat. He's glad for the peace, but it doesn't last. He freezes as he hears familiar footsteps coming towards the classroom. He looks wild as he shoots onto his feet and heads to his dad, on four paws before he can actually consider what he's doing. He lays beside his dad, whining softly, but his dad understands, as he always does, and he pets Izuku's head, letting it rest in his lap like he had all those months ago when Izuku had been nothing but a street mutt. Izuku hears breath catch from the doorway, and he cracks an eye open to see his papa staring at him, eyes wide and watery.

"Izuku? How are you here? When-"

Hitoshi and Shoto are by his side in seconds, staring at his papa like he's a threat. Izuku is confused. On one hand, this is his papa, who has allowed him into his house, lay with him as people called a live TV reporter, dragging him through the dirt, who comforted him when he cried and bought him a dog bed so big it could barely fit through the doorways.

But Izuku had also got in the way of his dad and papa, he had made them fight, and papa wanted to send him away for help with something that was part of him. He didn't need help, not from a stranger. He needed his family and some time. He thinks he can hear someone talking to him, but it's not until Hitoshi pets his head softly and whispers to him that he's right there that he starts to focus. The bell has rang, It's only him, his dad, Toshi and Shoto in the room while his papa stands awkwardly in the doorway. He shifts back, letting Hitoshi play with his hair as Shoto holds his hand.

"I'm sorry papa."

It's croaky and slightly broken, giving away his lack of using his voice, and how vulnerable he is right now. He sniffles as Hitoshi smiles softly at him, trying to calm him.

"Hizashi, we can do this later-"

"It's okay dad. We can talk now."

And they do. Izuku is left with his parents after he tells Shoto and Hitoshi that it was just fear of rejection that made him so scared, and they reluctantly leave him behind to go home, and Izuku sits, and he listens. He listens to his dad explain that Izuku has done nothing wrong, how sorry he is and as he starts to try to explain himself, Izuku cant listen anymore. It sounds false, like he's only saying it to appease whatever his dad has argued with him about.

He sits on the roof, watching the sky. He knows it was rude to leave while he was being spoken to, but he can't listen to false opinions right now. He can hear his papa coming up the stairs, swinging his human legs over the ledge as he sits. After what Izuku assumes is hesitation, his papa walks up towards him, standing a little behind him. He's silent, so Izuku speaks first. The promise of an olive branch.

"You can speak freely now. You don't have to lie for dad, I'll listen to what you have to say."

Papa takes a soft breath, and he sits. Izuku looks over, a sad smile on his face as he sees the dull scars that Izuku's own blood red ones match. He's still silent, but Izuku gives him the time he needs to form the words to his own opinion.

"I want you to come home Izuku. I miss having you in the house, the sound of your claws clipping against the floors and getting to make you dinner."

"...but?" Izuku is waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's been waiting for it. He's waited since his dad laid eyes on him for the very first time. He knows it's happening now, and he doesn't like how unfinished it feels.

"I want you to seriously consider getting your quirk looked at by a quirk doctor. You don't have to, but I think it'd be best if you did."

Izuku stares at the ground that's so far below him. All it would take is a slip, and this whole situation would be over. Instead he lifts his head to stare defiantly at his papa. "And if I don't? What happens then?"

"Nothing. We will try and help you the best we can. We won't send you away Izuku, you'll have to register your quirk so it shows when you take your hero exams, but the rest can be done as you please."

"Why?"

Papa stares at him like he's grown a second head and confessed to being a reincarnated serial killer. "Why what?"

"Why are you letting me have my way when it clearly bothers you that I can't come to terms with the fact that my quirk slipped out of my control and made me kill my mother?"

"Because my son is a soft, sweet boy who's so nervous it took him months to even tell us that he didn't actually like some of the food we made him. He's kind, he cares about his family and he'll fight to the death to protect them. The boy I see now is scared, defensive and he's barking and baring his teeth at shadows. I know you've had a rough time Izuku, but let us help you. I want you to be my son, but only if that's what you want. Let us help you heal and love you."

Izuku's shoulders shake as he cries, broken, wet sobs that tear out of his throat and cause him pain. He holds his papa's hand, and he holds him tightly on the roof as Izuku cries until his mouth and throat are dry and his chest hurts from heaving. He's cried so hard his chest is rattling with every inhale, but it's okay because his papa is scratching his head and humming softly, just like he always has.

Izuku feels ashamed that he ever doubted his family. He's also relieved that they still want him to be their son.