Arisa's Perspective

'Hey, Takeuchi! Look at this!'

'What did you find Arisa?' Takeuchi was looking at me with an expectant face.

'It's a four-leaf clover!' Takeuchi's face was shining.

'Wow, I've never seen one before! That's so cool!'

'Indeed indeed!' I nodded my head up and down.

We then played for hours in the fields. Takeuchi was chasing me around and I was running. I was always fast than him though so he could never catch me.

'Arisa that's not fair! You're just too fast.' He was sighing and panting on the ground.

'You're fast Takeuchi, don't worry too much!' He looked up at me with a smile.

'Am I really fast Arisa?' I grinned smugly.'

'You're fast, compared to a very slow person.' His face immediately soured. It was hard to stifle a laugh.

'Arisa you're so mean, I hate you!' For some reason, I started crying. His face turned from a sour one to a worried one. Maybe thinking, <i>shit! What will happen if Arisa tells on me?</i>

'Sorry sorry Arisa I don't hate you, you're my best friend how could I ever hate you?' I looked up at him. He put his hand on my head and started petting it, it felt nice.

'I-if you really do then. Then. Marry me Takeuchi!' he looked surprised.

'I don't think we're old enough to marry each other.'

'Then you won't? You really hate me after all.' I started bawling again.

'Listen, listen you didn't let me finish. We're not old enough yet but when we are old enough I'll marry you!' I smiled. I was happy but I didn't know why. Back then I didn't actually know what love or getting married meant, I just said it because I thought it suited the moment.

Even in junior high school, we did everything together. We were both in the gaming and soccer club. So we'd do those together after school. Then he'd either come to my place to play sports or we went to his place to play games. He was always better than me in games by a landslide. But instead of bragging about it he taught me and was patient with me. On the other hand, he was almost as good as me at sport so I couldn't teach him much. It always felt like he was doing more for me than I was for him.

'Takeuchi what grade did you get on your test?' It was the last test of finals in our final year of junior high school. If you failed even one test you'd need to stay back a year.

'I don't know Arisa what about you?' I was not very good academically back then so even I had a hard time passing.

'Alright let's see together then. On the count of three, one, two, three!' We both pulled out our exam papers out of our sleeves at the same time. Takeuchi's face relaxed heavily. 'What did you get Takeuchi?' He grinned.

'51, I just barely passed! What about you?'

'I got 50, I just passed too!' He hugged me tightly, it felt slightly weird but I was used to it at that point. After all, we've hugged numerous times over the time we've been friends.

'Hey, Arisa what do you want to do for summer break? We should go to the movies, we haven't gone to the movies in a while, I heard some good ones are releasing in summer break.'

'Sorry Takeuchi, I'm going on a trip with my family to Tokyo for the entirety of the holiday but I'll see you again when we enter high school okay?' He seemed slightly disappointed but then gave his signature obnoxious smile. I couldn't help but smile too.

'Enjoy your trip Arisa!'

We were always together for summer vacations, we would see each other every day and do something or the other. Even Akari would join us sometimes. But something strange happened. During the trip, I felt an emptiness in my heart. I yearned for Takeuchi, it was a strange feeling. We would still text each other on our phones but it just wasn't the same.

However, whenever he did text me my heart would start fluttering, I would immediately open the message eagerly and text him back. <i>What is this strange feeling? Why does my heart skip a beat whenever I think of him?</i>

I didn't know what to think, to put it simply I was confused. <i>What were these feelings? Why did they only show up now? Why is Takeuchi the only thing I could think of?</i>

We chose the same high school to go to, because of course we did. But I couldn't confront him, if I did I wouldn't know what to say or do.

'Hey, Arisa! How are y-.' I stared at him coldly, hoping for him to go away.

'Sorry I have classes.' With that, I hurriedly ran off. He stared at my back, his mouth was open, as if in disbelief. He confronted me again at the end of the day.

'Hey, Arisa wanna walk home with me?' I was closing my locker.

'I'm sorry I have cram school, I can't go home with you.' He looked confused.

'Cram school? What do you mean by that it's only the first day of the year why would you have cram school?'

'I just can't go home with you!' I hurried out of the building, Takeuchi staring at me once again.

That day Takeuchi disappeared. He didn't come to school the next day. He was someone who would come to school even if the world was ending. And if for some reason he didn't go, he would text me. But he didn't. It seemed pretty normal but it had me worried. I would see Akari around the supermarket every now and then. Recently she had been seeming pretty down, and by recently I mean since the day that Takeuchi hadn't come to school.

I approached her on the third day that Takeuchi was away from school

'Hey Akari what happened to Takeuchi?' she looked up at me. She glared at me.

'Wouldn't you like to know? Don't waste my time and get out of the way.' I was surprised, she never acted that way with me. She used to call me Arisa-nee chan and we were pretty close too.

I decided to give it up and just wait for him to come back to school.

It was two weeks and he hadn't come back to school. I was worried sick but had other duties to attend to, I was elected to be a part of the student council so I was so busy. I was so busy that I didn't even see Takeuchi the day that he came back. I was too busy with student council duties that I couldn't even see him. At the very end of the day, at the very last period, I saw him.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my heart and I gave a sigh of relief. But when I looked into his eyes I didn't see the playful and cheerful Takeuchi I usually saw. Instead, his eyes were cold, so cold and dead. He stared daggers at me. It felt like he wasn't even looking at me but at the same time, I was the only thing he looked at. The feeling was horrific and disgusting.

'If only you walked home with me that day.' He said just that one sentence and left. Leaving me there in shambles. I felt like I committed a horrible crime. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I couldn't face him anymore. I couldn't tell him how I felt and he didn't want to talk to me either. Slowly he and I drifted apart and we became completely different people. Takeuchi at the bottom and me at the top.

One day I saw him getting beaten by Hamachi and his friends.

'You bastard hehe. You didn't get us the money we wanted. Where is it huh?'

'Sorry I didn't have enough!' Hamachi bashed his head in. Blood spilled out of his head. I was horrified by what was happening to Takeuchi, but I was even more scared of Hamachi. Takeuchi saw me and reached his hand out towards me. I fled out of fear of Hamachi. My cowardice was what led to him being despised by everyone. If only I stopped Hamachi that day. If only I helped him. If only I could travel back in time. I regret the decision every day.

Slowly he was bullied more and more until he was merely an empty husk. I simply stood by and watched it happen. Everyone started to hate him, and I too had to hate him to fit in with the crowd. Even his sister hated him. I think back every day to how if only I stood apart from the crowd, maybe then he would've forgiven me, if only I stood by his side just like I always had done.

Then one day I was making breakfast in the living room. My dad was watching the morning news as usual. And then.

'Breaking news! Teenager killed saving his little sister last night! The teenager's body was so mangled that it was difficult to identify him.' On tv was Akari crying while wrapped in a towel. I glanced over at the tv and I was horrified. 'After some time and a witness report, the teenager was identified as 17-year-old Takeuchi Kisaragi.' I dropped my bowl in shock. No way, no. I couldn't even confess my feelings to him. I couldn't even apologise to him for being such a horrible person. No! No! No! I fell to the floor and tears started flowing out like there was a river in my eyes. I cried for so long. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. And still, I tried to cry.

A month later and I was still trying to get over his death. No one at school said a word and Akari was grief-stricken. I used Renji as a crutch for my grief. I became his girlfriend, not because I actually loved him, no I hated every part of him. I did because I saw him as a replacement for Takeuchi. Another cowardly thing I did. But if I let go of Renji now, who knows what would happen to me? I'd completely break down.

So when that Mordred guy shot Renji into the wall, I treated it as if it was Takeuchi that was shot into the wall. I got mad, very mad. I walked up to him and grabbed his collar. I shouldn't have even been mad, after all, I didn't actually like Renji.

But that look in his eyes when I grabbed his collar. They were so full of pain and sorrow. They looked like Takeuchi's eyes. It was like I betrayed that Mordred guy again, even though the only one who I betrayed was Takeuchi. I pushed him away, I couldn't bear to see that kind of look in his eyes. Don't stare at me like that, no don't stare at me like that. I shivered. Don't look at me like that again Takeuchi.