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Gotham's Dead End Bar

Step 1: Be a serial reincarnator. Step 2: End up in Gotham with Death of the Endless. Step 3: Open a neutral-ground bar for heroes and villains. Step 4: ??? Step 5: Profit. Don't go into this story expecting something serious or (grim)dark. This isn't that kind of story and that's not what I'm trying to do here. This is a story about a bartender telling crazy stories about his time in the multiverse to the villains and heroes of DC. It's practically crack, about two steps removed from a fix-it fic. There is a plot (eventually, the beginning chapters are pretty slice-of-life heavy) but it's never going to be some grand tale of tragedy. In the same lane, don't expect the same Batman/Bat Family that you might be used to. No paranoiax10, dark, and gritty 'Batman can't be/have fun!' Batman. My Batman is more in line with the 'Batdad' concept or the animated series Batman. Also, this is kind of an AU. Not in any major way but some of the story might not match up perfectly with the DC canon continuity. I'm going for a static DC universe. So characters and their backstories are set but I'll be avoiding the major plot points of the comics (Dark Multiverse, Infinite Frontier, etc.) Pat reon.com/dryskies_btb for early chapters. 370k words are already available there.

Daddy · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
66 Chs

32: Dinner Invitations

Kara hummed to herself, flying high above her city in costume. National City was a big place. Not quite as big as Metropolis or Gotham but close. And while it wasn't nearly as eventful as those two cities, it held a special place in Kara's heart. It was hers.

She kept her ears open, listening to practically everything within the city limits. Her mind worked at deciphering and filtering the things she heard, casually processing the stimuli as well as any Earth-made supercomputer. She pointedly blocked out most of the private conversations and l-lewd noises. They weren't any of her business and Pa Kent said every man (or woman!) was entitled to their privacy.

What she was really listening for was any sign — sound — of crime. National City had never been all that bad when it came to criminal activity but there was still a mugging here and a carjacking there. Those were quick and easy for Kara to deal with. All she had to do was swoop in, pick up the criminals by the scruff of their collars, and drop them off at a police station.

There was no need to throw a punch if she didn't have to. Kara didn't particularly like hurting people, even criminals. It'd given her something of a 'soft' reputation in her home city but she didn't mind. 'Soft' didn't matter all that much when she was only dealing with mundane criminals. Kara's city had an almost suspicious lack of villains who could or would challenge her.

Something about 'not wanting to fight the cinnamon roll'…? At least, that's what Kara had overheard from her regular criminal busts. Oh well, whatever the real reason was, Kara was just glad to be the hero of such a well-behaved city~! National City had the lowest rate of villain crime on the West Coast, all because of Kara and her positively light-handed approach to hero-ing!

Of course, not everyone could be as well-behaved as Kara wished. As evidenced by the last-minute plotting and scheming she suddenly overheard from her position high in the sky. Almost lazily, she circled around until she could get a clear view of where it was coming from. Once she had her sights set on an unmarked van parked in front of a bank, Kara settled in to watch and listen, drawing adorably absent circles in the air with her finger.

"You sure about this, Joey? This ain't even our city."

"Sure as I'll ever be. This place is a one-hero town. And that girlie can't be everywhere. She probably has school or something to worry about in her secret identity."

Kara giggled lightly. She did have school — college, more accurately — but that didn't stop her from doing her heroic duty. If anything, hero-ing was a nice break from the monotony of homework. Kara knew logically that she needed an Earth degree. But other than the 'humanities', she'd learned everything her classes taught already.

"Still, man… She's a Super… Like Superman's sister or something, right? Isn't that a bit above our pay grade?"

"We'll make it our pay grade! With no one else to compete against here, it's worth the trouble. We're gonna have a monopoly on the underground scene, man!"

"Alright but don't go saying I didn't tell you so…"

"Whatever, Jamal. You remember the plan?"

"Same as the job we tried to pull in Central City? And the one in Metropolis? Yeah, I remember the plan. You can't seem to come up with any different ones."

"Shut your black ass up, man! It'll work this time!"

"Dammit, dude… Momma always said don't get involved with you lightskin boys."

"Shut up! Can't you be more like Kev, bro? Look at him, sitting there all quiet-like. That's the kind of support my plans need!"

"Joey. My brother. Kev has as much going on upstairs as a goldfish. On a good day. Don't you, Kev?"

"Duuuhhhhh… You got it, boss."

"Whatever… At least he follows orders. Let's just do this shit, gang."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm right behind ya."

The three men got out of their parked van, masks already on and guns already in hand. Kara sighed. As amusing as their banter was, she was going to have to stop them. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too much of a hassle. She still had… 'research'… from Barbara to do tonight.

Still, Kara figured she'd give the would-be bank robbers enough rope to hang themselves with. She flew in their direction, unhurried but still at a suitably brisk pace. As she did, she heard the start of perhaps the most cliche bank robbery ever. *Sigh* out-of-towners…

She arrived just in time for Joey — the lead robber — to start yelling at the tellers to 'put the money in the bags!'. The second robber — Jamal — seemed to be staying as far out of the way as he could while still participating. He did sound like the smart one in their earlier conversation. The third robber — 'Kev' — was silent but Kara could practically hear the gears in his mind barely chugging along.

"Don't be a hero! No one be a hero!" Joey shouted, trying his hand at crowd control.

It was only partially effective as one of the hostages spoke up freely, "Young man. You have to know that Supergirl is already on her way. You're just lucky she's nice…"

"Shut up, old lady! Kev, make her shut up!"

"Dur, got it, boss. Please quiet, nice lady."

"Oh, you poor thing. Is this bad man taking advantage of you?"

"Advan-huh...?"

When Kara made her entrance, she didn't even bother going dramatic. She just calmly opened the front door to the bank and floated in. The only one of the robbers who immediately noticed her was Jamal. He raised his machine pistol but consciously didn't point it at her.

His fellow robbers were a bit too busy to notice Kara's near-silent entrance. Kev was being babied by the nice old lady he'd told to be quiet. And Joey had gotten antsy, taking it upon himself to help the tellers fill bags with cash.

Kara cleared her throat, "Ahem. Am I interrupting something, boys?"

"Shit!" Joey nearly jumped out of his skin, whipping around to point his gun directly at Kara's face. "D-Don't try anything, Supes! Kev, J, little help here?!"

Jamal sighed, coming over to 'back up' his 'friend', already regretting having agreed to this mess. Kev turned to Kara, stopped, and just stared.

"Guhhh… Pretty…"

Kara gave him a soft smile, "Thank you, big guy. Now, you wouldn't want to hurt a pretty girl, would you? Just put the gun down and I'm sure we can work something out."

Kev nodded dumbly, "Pretty girl…"

"Man, I told you so," Jamal glared at his 'friend', moving to set his weapon down as well.

Before Kara could try to convince the last robber to end things peacefully, her phone rang. Taking it from the little pouch at the back of her costume, hidden under her cape, Kara paused as she saw the caller ID.

"Ah, just a moment," She said, raising a finger as if to pause the robbery. She answered her phone cheerfully, "Hey, Ma! What's up?"

"Hello, dear, how are you?" Ma Kent's kind voice came over the call as Kara held her phone to her ear.

"I'm good. Just working," Kara answered.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, not at all!"

There was a sudden racket from Kara's end. A cacophony of gunfire as Joey tried to take advantage of her distraction. He emptied his whole magazine into Kara's chest. Or tried to, at least. The bullets didn't do much and shaking hands meant that more than a few missed their mark.

Kara's free hand blurred, catching the wayward bullets before they could hurt anyone. She turned a pouting glare onto Joey, making her disappointment clear as day. Joey gaped back at her with horror that was visible even through his ski mask.

Jamal — the smart one — quickly proved himself worthy of that title, slowly setting his weapon down and facepalming, "Goddammit, Joey."

"Are you sure I'm not interrupting?" Ma asked with dry amusement.

Kara shrugged even though Ma couldn't see it over the phone, "Just getting shot at. No biggie. I can deal with them while we talk."

Especially since Jamal and Kev had already surrendered. All Kara had left to do was take care of the incredibly rude — and stupid — Joey. He tried to run in his panic. Kara didn't even have to try to catch him. She hung him up on one of the marble pillars inside the bank, using his spent magazine as a sort of pin to keep him in place.

"And stay," Kara commanded. "Honestly, you could have hurt someone like that."

The casual display of her power and the sound of pulverized stone made Joey nod his head so quickly that Kara almost thought it would fall off. She turned her pouting glare onto the other robbers.

Jamal raised his hands in resigned surrender, "I ain't gonna do anything. I knew this shit was a bad idea from the start."

Kara nodded, satisfied. Leaving Joey to hang, she flew over to pat the other two robbers on the head like behaving children. At least they were polite. Especially Kev. He just grinned dumbly up at her. If he hadn't fallen in with a malicious idiot like Joey, Kara was sure he would have been such a nice young man.

Kara turned her attention back to her phone call, "There we go. That's that handled."

"Yes, I'm sure it is," Ma drawled, well assured that her children weren't so easily endangered by something as simple as gunfire.

"So, what's up, Ma?" Kara asked curiously, floating near the bank's ceiling for some semblance of privacy. "Our usual call isn't until later tonight."

"I just wanted to invite you to dinner tonight, dear," Ma said. "I realize it's a bit short notice but-…"

"No, no, I can make it!" Kara hurriedly interrupted. "You know I'd never miss one of your dinners for the world, Ma! Short-notice family night? No problem~! I'll be there!"

"Funny you would mention that," Ma began. "I was thinking tonight might be a bit different from our usual family get-togethers… See, I was talking with Clark this morning…"

Kara suddenly had a strange premonition of danger to come. Danger that she wasn't going to be able to dodge… "Uh oh."

Ma ignored her adopted daughter's worry, "He told me about a little something. Or maybe that should be a little… someone?"

"I, uh, I don't know who you could possibly be referring to," Kara pled ignorance.

"Really?" Ma asked — her voice light and teasing. "You haven't been getting close to a certain young man your age? Someone who your cousin would be familiar with, at that?"

"Sean and I are just friends! Just good friends!" Kara quickly claimed.

Ma's reply was the perfect picture of 'calm and unworried', "Well, I'd like to meet this good friend of yours, dear. As would your father. And Clark seems to think you've been avoiding him lately for some reason…"

"I haven't been avoooiiiid~iiing~ him," Kara whined. "I just didn't want him to flip out when he saw me and Sean together."

"And would he have a reason to 'flip out', as you say?" Ma asked patiently.

"No!" Kara squeaked. "M-Maybe…?"

Kara could practically hear Ma's nod through the phone, "Then best to do it in a controlled environment. Bring him to dinner, Kara."

While Ma's voice was as warm as ever, Kara knew there was no use arguing with her invitation, "… Okay, Ma. What-… What if he says no though…?"

"If he's any good for you at all, I'm sure he'll take a night off from running that bar Clark tells me about to meet your parents, dear," Ma gently reassured.

"He's good for me!" Kara insisted, defending Sean before she could even realize the embarrassing words coming out of her mouth.

"Then there won't be any problems, will there?"

"Oh… Yeah, I guess there won't be."

"Good, dear. We'll be expecting you at 7 tonight. Before you ask, yes, Clark will be there. And I think it would be a good idea for you to invite your friend Barbara too."

"Barbara? Why…?"

"Just a feeling I have about the three of you," Ma chuckled. "Call it a mother's intuition."

Kara felt her face grow very hot, very quickly. And she didn't have a clue as to why! They were just friends! Very good friends! Who shared 'research', in Barbara and Kara's case… And whatever it was that happened in that locker, in Sean's…

"Okay, got it! I'll invite Barbara and we'll be there at 7! I Gotta go! Bye! Love you!" Kara hurried to end the call in her sudden 'unexplainable' embarrassment.

The last thing she heard over the phone was Ma's light laughter and an amused, "I love you too, dear."

Kara floated there for a moment after hanging up the call, doing a remarkably good expression of a tomato. Oh, Rao, this was going to be tough… She didn't regret agreeing to the dinner. She never did. But now, she had to invite Sean and Barbara. And Sean would finally be meeting Kal to talk. Kara gasped in muted horror. And Lois, Jon, Conner… Oh, Rao, he was going to meet her entire family.

"Uh, hey Girl-Supes?" Jamal asked, having stayed surprisingly well-behaved during Kara's call. "You good, girlie?"

Kara floated down from the ceiling, absently nodding. She went about finishing what she started with the bank robbery bust. Mostly just getting Joey down from his pants-pissing perch. The other two robbers were still cooperating to the best of their abilities. Which was adorable from Kev as he followed along behind Kara like a 6'6" duckling.

"Yeah, I'm okay…" Kara said. "I think, at least? Ma just invited my boy-friend to dinner tonight… And my girl-friend too…"

"My condolences," Jamal winced. He wasn't alone. Most of the witnesses in the bank winced with him. Except for a young female bank teller who whistled, sounding impressed.

"Damn, both? Get it, girl!"

Kara's blush went nuclear and she sputtered, insisting, "I-It's, It's not like that!"

"Hey, no judgment, Girl-Supes," Jamal reassured. "A pretty girl like you deserves a boyfriend and a girlfriend."

"Awawawawawa~…!"

IIIII

I was doing something a bit different with my night tonight. Instead of running the bar like usual, I was going to dinner. A very special dinner with two of my friends. As such, I left Didi and Alice in charge of the Dead End for the night, assured that they wouldn't have any trouble running things.

Kara sounded very nervous when she called me. Considering she was going to be introducing me to her family, that was understandable. I promised I'd be on my best behavior. For me, at least. So only a hint of mischief. That was the best I could do, even for her.

Barbara was invited too for some reason. Kara hadn't been able to explain that other than by saying 'Ma had a feeling'. Perhaps Ma Kent was even cannier than I gave her credit, accurately pegging Barbara as the initial push behind me and Kara's 'relationship'. I'm sure I'd find out soon enough.

Dinner was scheduled for before the Dead End opened for the night. Barbara came by even earlier. We'd agreed to 'carpool' together, so to speak. AKA Barbara mooching off my abilities for a free teleport or two. She arrived out of costume and — perhaps unsurprisingly — with a warning glare already on her face.

"You're going to behave tonight, aren't you, Sean?" She 'asked' pointedly.

I grinned, "I'm not planning on releasing anything world-changing, at the very least."

"Like Mew," Barbara grumbled under her breath.

"Yes, like Mew," I agreed. "I heard the Watchtower received a visit from him recently. How did that go?"

"I have a new 'sibling' now," Barbara did the air-quote motion with her fingers. "And I still don't know whether Bruce is serious about the whole thing or not."

"I'm sure Mew can fight crime with the best of them. It might be nice for the Bat Family to have a heavy hitter on their side."

"Damian's certainly happy about the inclusion. And Selina. I think it'll turn out to be permanent, if mostly honorary."

"Good," I nodded. "I can't have you guys completely stealing my best boi."

"Best boi, indeed," Barbara deadpanned. "Somehow, the little pink cat manages to perfectly embody your special brand of chaos, Sean."

"Of course. Mew learned from the best, after all."

Barbara huffed, "Whatever, I just don't want you to drive the Kents insane. They're good people, Sean. Go easy on them."

"I know they are. And I plan to," I said, becoming a bit more serious. "That said… teasing Kara isn't out of the question, is it?"

Barbara smirked, "Of course not. That's half the reason I agreed to come along tonight. The other half is Ma Kent's cooking. Oh, and keeping you in line, I suppose."

"Ah, yes," I mused theatrically. "Your eternal labor. Truly, you sacrifice so much, Barbara."

"Someone has to do it," Barbara agreed, faux-seriously. "I certainly have my work cut out for me though."

I tutted lightly, "And without an ounce of compensation in sight. Such a shame. Perhaps I should see what I can do to change that…"

Barbara suddenly stilled completely, abandoning our joking banter, "Sean… Are you serious?"

"Yes…?" I blinked.

"Oooo~hh~…" A shudder ran through Barbara's body and she closed her eyes for a moment. "Then yes, I think I would like to be compensated for my 'eternal labor'."

Amusement crossed my lips, "Would a drink token be enough for said compensation? Maybe two?"

"Sean…" Barbara growled, honestly growled. "If you don't fuck me until I can't see straight after dinner tonight, I'm going to do my damn best to kill you. And then have Didi bring you back so you can give me what I deserve and actually fuck me! I've waited way too long to play games anymore…"

"Very well, Babs," I laughed at her ferocity. "You'll get your ~compensation~"

I leaned in to brush a strand of hair out of her face. The determined and intensely pent-up expression there was a beauty to see. She shuddered as my fingers trailed down the side of her face to linger on her neck. My teasing only made her glare at me harder.

"Thank you~" I whispered tempting silver-tongued nothings into her ear. "For all of your hard work~"

"Sean, if you don't stop right now, I'm going to fucking jump you and we'll never make it to dinner," Barbara warned. "As much as I need you to fuck me, I'm not about to disappoint Kara OR Ma Kent by doing that."

"You might just have a point there, Babs," I chuckled. "Let's not keep the other woman in our lives waiting."

She gave me a deadpan stare, "You just had to say it like that, didn't you? I'm already the other woman in your life, Sean."

"Well, to be fair, when the main woman is Didi, everyone is an 'other woman'," I joked, half serious.

"… Point," Barbara sighed. "Let's just agree to call it 'whatever we want' and not think about conforming to society."

"As you wish. Labels are for suckers anyway. Now, hold on tight and we'll be off."

Barbara enjoyed 'holding on tight' much more than she would have ever admitted. The evidence was in her eyes, staring up at me as she pressed her chest against mine. And in the way, her hands subtly roamed to pinch my butt. The satisfied and aroused purr that rumbled in her throat also said quite a lot about her feelings for the situation.

With a fond shake of my head, I engaged my magic. The Dead End disappeared in an instant as I temporarily KILLED the space between two places and stepped through. It bounced back as I brought the space back to LIFE, practicing the other side of the abilities Didi and I 'shared'.

In a single moment, we went from Gotham, New Jersey to the outskirts of Smallville, Kansas, appearing in front of the Kent family home. It was a simple but homely house on a large property of farmland — legendary if not in name, then in what had taken place here over the years. The origin place of Superman. The concept, not just the man.

Our arrival didn't go unnoticed. Kara zipped out of the house to greet us. Barbara was still blinking at the utterly smooth transition when she was suddenly 'assaulted' by her frantic friend.

"Sean, Babs! You have to help me! They won't stop asking-! Q-Questions~!" Kara's voice became more and more panicked and shrill as she spoke.

"That's what family tends to do, Farm-Girl," Barbara deadpanned, recovering quickly.

"But-! But it's so embarrassing~!" Kara whined.

I laughed at her 'predicament', "Don't worry, Kara. We're here now. Let's see if we can't take some of the pressure off of you."

"Yay~!" Kara smiled brightly before stopping suddenly in dawning horror. "Oh no…"

As much as she tried to stop me, I wouldn't be deterred, walking up to the house our Kryptonian friend called home. Her adoptive parents waited for us on the porch, amused as they watched their daughter zip around me like the world's most adorable mosquito. The Man of Steel himself — Clark in his casual wear — stood in the doorway behind them, waiting with an unreadable expression on his face and crossed arms.

I carried Barbara until we got onto the porch. Only then did I set her down on her two feet, now a blushing mess as the implications of a bridal carry to but not quite over a threshold (not yet, at least) set into her mind. I paused for a moment, grabbing Kara's hand so I practically snatched her out of the air to stand on my other side.

Now that we were presenting a united front, I smiled and introduced myself to the Kents, "Hello. I'm Sean Caine. It's a pleasure to meet you both. I've heard so much good about you from Kara."

Ma and Pa Kent were two people just starting to get on the far edge of middle age. Not quite elderly but certainly older and wiser. Pa was a well-put-together man but not so much to be considered 'stuffy'. He looked like someone you'd want to share a beer with. Ma was his perfect opposite. Warm and motherly, she was the kind of woman you wouldn't want to disappoint for the world.

Ma treated me with a welcoming smile, "Come in, come in. We've been expecting you. It's a pleasure to meet you too-… May I call you Sean?"

I squeezed Barbara and Kara's hands reassuringly before dropping them and 'taking the lead'. We followed the older couple through the door. Clark stood aside so everyone could pass, still with that 'steely', unreadable expression on his face.

"You may, Ma'am," I replied.

"Then you can call me Martha. We've heard about you as well, Sean. Though it's a shame we had to hear it from the 'wrong' child, so to speak."

"And call me Jon," Pa's voice was a bit gruff and to the point but not unwelcoming. "We didn't hear a peep from Kara but Clark wouldn't stop talking about you."

He chuckled as he extended a hand to me. I took it and shook firmly, looking him straight in the eye and letting him get a good 'feel' for me. The 'firm handshake' was a damn near religious ceremony for men like Pa. Only fools skipped out of it, especially if they were trying to make a good impression.

"I was simply telling you about the newest… inconvenience… we've encountered at 'work'," Clark gave a resigned retort, nearly a sigh, as the ice was broken by Ma and Pa's joke.

"'Inconvenience'?" Barbara snorted in good humor. "That's one way to describe Sean. Personally, I'd go with 'infuriatingly likable nuisance'."

"Yes, I realize you've become something of the primary point of contact between Sean and the heroes," Clark said to Barbara. "If dealing with him is anything like dealing with Mew… Well, you have my condolences."

"No need," Barbara smirked. "You get to deal with him too, now."

"Jeez, son," Pa chuckled at me. "You certainly seem to have developed interesting relationships with those who wear the cape and cowl."

The corner of my lips quirked mischievously, "I'm something of a 'rabble-rouser'."

Ma laughed, sounding more like a well-tuned piano than the traditional tinkling bells, "Oh, you're funny, Sean. I think I like you already."

"See?" I elbowed Kara conspicuously. "I told you there was nothing to worry about."

"I-I wasn't worried," Kara hurriedly denied.

Ma and Pa smiled fondly at their adoptive daughter. Even Clark's lips twitched into the beginning of a smile. A touch of teasing done, I turned to officially introduce myself to Clark.

"It's an honor to meet you, Clark. You're more of an inspiration than you could possibly know. Even Beyond the Source Wall, your name and legend are famous. When existence thinks of a superhero, you're the first one that dons the cape."

Clark blinked, surprised by my words and the earnestness in my voice. His 'steely' expression wavered ever so slightly, "Oh, that-… Well, thank you. I suppose I couldn't ask for anything more than that from a story like mine."

Pa's face scrunched up in a bit of confusion, hearing the capitalization in my words, "Beyond the… What the H-"

"Language, Jon," Ma cut off her husband, chiding. "And you, Sean. Save that kind of talk for after dinner. We have a rule in this household about hero business at the table. And I think that… whatever it was… counts."

I nodded easily, "As you wish, Martha. I wouldn't want to impose."

"Oh, you're not, hun," Ma chuckled. "I'll be wanting to hear more about that 'whatever'. Just after dinner. We wouldn't want to ruin our appetites and let all my hard work go to waste, would we?"

"No, we certainly wouldn't," I said, giving her a genuine smile. "I've heard good things about your cooking. Barbara seems to swear by it."

Barbara agreed without a hint of shame, nodding, "It's really good. Really, really da-… Dang good."

"Thank you, Barbara Dear. You know you're welcome in my home at any time."

"Score!" Barbara whispered-shouted to herself, pumping her fist. The grin on her face betrayed the joke. I suspect Ma Kent had told her that same thing many times before.

"Clark?" A woman's voice called from the den behind the Kents. "Are those our guests?"

"Yeah, can we finally eat already?!" Another voice — this one young and male — added.

Pa grinned a little conspiratorially, "You heard the boy, Martha. We should keep this show moving on. Don't want our guests to go hungry, do we? I'm feeling a touch peckish myself."

"Yes, we wouldn't want to keep 'the children'," Martha looked pointedly at her husband at that. "-Waiting."

IIIII

[AN: Double post today. Sing my praises as you see fit. Next chapter is the proper dinner/meeting with Kents. And then it'll finally be time for Barbara to have her relief from 'stupid, sexy Sean'. Probably just in a smut-focused interlude though, not a full chapter.]