There's a thieving little rat trying to steal my girl.

We begin this chapter on the full moon casting its light across the forest. Outside a small cave, goblins with family and friends protect the entrance of their home.

One throwing knife hit the goblin on the left and the goblin on the right is pulled away by a web.

"Thanks for helping me with this." I said to Yuri as we left our hiding spots. "My team has been… Not very willing to leave the house ever since we lost everything." Do you know all that money we had from the winter shogun? It's gone, it went to pay for the mansion of that fat creature.

"It's okay, also I have always wondered what adventures from this side are like."

"You must have killed lots of adventurers, haven't you?"

"Yes, most of them tasted awful." She made a sound of disgust.

"I… Didn't… Ask…That." I shook my head to get that mental image out of my mind and we entered the cave.

The rocky interior of the cave was dark and moist, full of traps that would have taken most adventurers by surprise, not us thanks to our night vision.

Using Wall Climb me and Yuri stuck to the ceiling until we got to the center room of the cave where the goblins were waiting to eat some sloch made of meat, vegetables and god knows what. The disgusting shaman often stuck his hand inside of the soup cauldron to taste the food, the sight made me want to gag.

I dropped behind the shaman and cut off its bloody head in one cut. The shock sent the other goblins in a frenzy that was short lived as Yuri dropped too and made quick work of 3 goblins with one strike of her claws.

The rest of the terrified goblins tried to run away, only to be trapped by webs we placed outside.

"Create fire."

The webs ignited and the goblins burned to death.

"That was-" "Don't jinx it." I placed a finger on Yuri's lips before she could finish her sentence.

"What now?"

"I go to the guild, show them my card and I get the reward."

"Don't they need to check if the quest was completed?" Yuri tilted her head.

"Nope, it says on the card."

"So that means…"

"Yes, you can take the bodies."

"Yes!" She began to collect the bodies of the goblins and began to bundle them on a well made web casket. It would be cute if it wasn't so overwhelmingly disgusting.

KONOSUBA.

After saving Kazuma from Megumin we had a very sad dinner and I kept thinking about Darkness.

I woke up, ate breakfast and went to my team just lazing around.

"Hey, I'm going to take a quest again, do you guys want to come?"

"No, why would we? They took our stuff, we are cold, poor and miserable." Aqua moaned.

"Exactly, which is why we need to put in the work and pull ourselves up by the bootstraps." I tried to encourage the team.

"No~"

"You know what, f**k you guys!"

"!"

"You always have this attitude, not surprising really, Kazuma and Aqua lived a life of luxury, never had to actually work for something, but guess what, this is the real world, it sucks, but you have to keep moving forward." I was nearly screaming. "And now Darkness is out there with that creature, doing God knows what, and you all just want to sit there and do nothing, f**k this!" I marched out of the house and to the city.

There was some kind of festival going on, my stomach grumbled so I stopped by and tried to find something to eat.

I spotted a kebab stand. A girl seemed to observe the thing. I bought a kebab and sat not far away to observe the weird happening.

After sometime it just got sad so I went, bought a kebab and handed it to her, maybe she is homeless or something. "Here, take it."

"Huh? I can't." She denied.

"Pish push, don't worry about it."

With great hesitation she took the kebab and I left.

After a while I realized something, didn't that girl have red eyes? Whatever, who cares.

I tried to collect information around the place, yet my mind kept going to Darkness, what she was doing, if she was fine, if she was scared. All these questions plagued my mind, taking quests helped get those questions out of my mind, yet no matter how hard I tried they always came to the forefront of it again. God! I feel so weak!

After a while of wandering about I decided that maybe I should go to the library and find a good book for myself, read that in front of the fireplace, yeah, that could work.

But then I saw the girl again, she was trying really hard to win a plushie in one of these challenge booths where you hit a target and get a prize.

After watching her fail a couple times I decided to intervene.

"Hey, I want to try." The girl got out of the way, I paid, took the bow and arrow, I had to try three times before I got the prize.

"There you go." And then I handed it to her.

She blushed, but accepted the Winter Shogun plushie. "I… I'm Yunyun." Her red eyes gazed at me with shyness.

"Oh, so you are Crimson Demon."

"My name's not weird!" She exclaimed.

"I never said that!"

I sighed, she still had a look of someone who was lost.

"Well, I'm…"

"I can show you around."

"Eh?"

"I know how you feel, lost in a new place, I can show you around."

She seemed to hesitate. "Sure."

I took her around the place, showing her good landmarks to be able to find herself easier.

A loud noise eventually caught our attention. "All right, next challenger! Is there no one else?"

Following the source of that noise, I saw a crowd gathering around a spot.

"All right! I'm next!"

The one who stepped up was a man with bulging muscles, who looked like an adventurer.

It was hard to judge what his class was, but from his body type, he was probably a vanguard.

The man picked up the hammer prepared by the store owner…

"Warrgghhh!"

And swung down mightily.

The hammer slammed on top of a certain rock.

When the hammer impacted the rock, it created plenty of sparks.

After the pounding by the hammer, the rock was…

"Damn, this still isn't enough…"

Just as the vexed man said, the rock was as good as new.

When the stall owner saw that, he shouted:

"My friend here failed! The prize is now 125,000 Eris! The entrance fee is 10,000 Eris! For every challenger that loses, the prize will increase by 5,000 Eris! Is there anyone else who is confident in your arm strength? Magic is fine too! This is Adamantite, if you can break this thing, you'll be known as a top-class adventurer! Come, isn't there anyone else who wants to test their might?"

Oh, it's one of these freak shows, interesting. I turned to Yunyun. "Hey, since you are a Crimson Demon don't you want to try your luck on this?"

"I can't break Adamantite with my powers… That requires powerful Detonation magic. Leaving the destructive explosion spell aside, detonation magic should be fine. But using explosion magic is the safest bet…" She said with a wry smile.

As we were chatting, more people went up to challenge it and failed.

The prize money was over 200,000 Eris before we knew it.

The crowd was getting bigger, and the owner of the stall yelled to raise the tension higher.

"Is Adamantite too difficult for the people in this town? I came here because I heard this town took down the Mobile Fortress Destroyer! Is there no one who can break this stone? Come on, come on! Is there no other challenger?"

As the stall owner was getting into his groove, the adventurers pushed each other, gesturing for each other to take up the challenge.

Everyone knew what the stall owner was trying to do, but it still felt vexing if no one broke the rock.

As the adventurers on scene stared at each other. One young girl stepped forth from the crowd.

She wasn't in her usual robe, but a black dress for traveling in town. My party mate moved forward and puffed out her chest. Beside her was a Japanese boy.

She had the same determined arrogant face she had when she faced off against the Destroyer.

"The main character's turn!"

"STOP THAT GIRL!!" Kazuma and I screamed in unison.

KoNoSuBa.

After confirming the old man had escaped, we released our hold and Megumin regained her freedom.

As the crowd dispersed, I said to Megumin: "… Really, Aqua is more than enough trouble without you joining in. Anyway, you're not together with her?"

"Nope, she wanted to go somewhere else so we split up. The payout from defeating the Destroyer gave the town an economic boost, so all sorts of people are getting drawn here. There was someone performing in the streets for money from tips, but he was driven to tears after Aqua started doing far more impressive free performances next to him."

Aqua flexing for no reason.

"You coming with us or what?" Kazuma asked.

"Nah, I'm showing her around." I pointed to Yunyun.

"..." Kazuma stared at me.

…

…

…

"YOU ARE ON A DATE, YOU TRAITOR?!"

He screamed while shaking me. "I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE LIKE ME, BUT HERE YOU ARE WITH A PRETTY GIRL ON A DATE WHILE I'M FORCED TO HANG AROUND A LOLI!"

"Who are you calling a loli?!"

I hit Kazuma in the head. "Shut up, Jesus, this isn't a date, right, Yunyun?"

The girl nodded. "Yes, Mr… actually, you didn't give me your name."

"Oh, right, it's Samuel."

"Mr. Samuel is just showing me around." She confirmed.

But Kazuma kept a look of suspicion on his face.

"Piss off, not everyone is a degenerate like you."

He opened his mouth to respond. "I can't believe it, first the thing in the bathroom with Darkness and now this, are you a harem protag?"

"Yeah, and you will be my femboy if you don't shush your mouth." I said sarcastically. "Come on, I only ate a kebab today and I'm hungry again."

We began to walk along, but Yunyun was staying behind. "You coming or what?"

"I-I came to this town to defeat Megumin! I'm not here to build a friendship with her! I'm grateful for the shooting game just now, thank you very much! But… I can't come along with you three!" Yunyun hugged the doll before her chest and took a large step away from us.

"Someone fill me in on what's going on."

After explaining to me Megumin and Yunyun's rivalry I had only two things to say: "1: This is absurdly stupid." Yunyun flinched back at my language. "2: Join our team." It was Megumin's turn to flinch.

"EH?!" They both screamed in unison.

"I agree, she is a really good option." Kazuma stated. "She is an arch-wizard like Megumin, but she can cast multiple spells a day."

"I can't! I'm here to be Megumin's rival! Not her teammate."

"Why? What's the end goal? Don't you gain more by joining the already well rounded team that offers you food, housing and the most important thing of all to a lonely person like you: friendship?"

"I'm not lonely at all! I have friends too!"

Megumin stopped when she heard Yunyun say that. "I can't just ignore what you just said… Yunyun, you have friends…?"

"Why… Why are you reacting like this? I have friends too, all right! Megumin should know too. Like Dodonko and Funifura, they say we're friends, I even invited them to lunch before…"

Megumin sighed. "If she is to join the team then fine, I'm not a kid anymore to hold grudges."

Hearing the loli say that casually, Yunyun smirked softly. "Not a kid anymore? I remember when we competed in our degree of growth before. Since you say you're not a kid anymore, want to try that again?"

Facing Yunyun's taunt, Megumin simply said: "No, I mean I'm not a kid anymore in another way. My relationship with Kazuma has progressed so far that we've even bathed together before."

"!"

"Hey! Shut it, don't tell others about that!"

"?!"

After hearing Kazuma's conversation with Megumin, Yunyun's face turned red. Her mouth opened and shut, her entire body turned stiff.

"… It's, it's my loss today–!" After saying that, Yunyun ran away in tears.

And there goes my way of getting a good team member. F**K!!!

코노스바

"Hey Aqua, don't make me waste my breath, just give up that seat. Since Darkness isn't back, we won't be doing quests today either. I need to design the merchandise to be displayed in Wiz's shop, so get out of my way."

Oh, yeah, Kazuma made a deal with Wiz where he would make stuff from our world to sell in her shop. I wonder what he has in mind for this. I also thought of doing that, but where I'm pretty sure he is thinking of lighters, I'm thinking of guns.

"Why are you so irritable? You're too hysterical lately. You don't need to act this way just because Darkness isn't back yet. Enough about that… I heard that girl Yunyun said something to Megumin. You must pay the adequate price for everything. If you want me to give this warm place to you, you must give me something that satisfies me. Let me think, specifically speaking…" Aqua paused and pondered for a moment. "… If thou wish for the place where the goddess resides… Offer high-class wine to me. Warm light will then shine a path for the lost, NEET."

"Hey, fallen goddess, if you have the time to ask for wine this early in the morning, you should think of a way to make money or to be useful to society." I threw a piece of bread straight through her hair loop thingy.

"Hey, stop giving me weird names, okay? Useless goddess, fallen goddess or whatever. If you keep addressing me as a fallen goddess you'll suffer divine retribution! Like this incident with the lord, it might be your punishment for not taking care of me, the goddess. Samuel, if you feel bad about the way you're treating me, then say 'Sorry, beautiful Aqua-sama', and offer high-class wine to me. Go buy some, quick…"

"Have you no shame wanting to drink in the morning?"

"Hey!"

"'hey!' nothing, for a goddess your morality is certainly lacking, in fact, as a goddess I expect you to hold yourself at a higher standard." I said in a matter of fact way. "But you never do, it's kind of disrespectful really, you expect all the rewards for being a goddess, but none of the responsibility, it's kind of like stolen valor and really awf-"

Aqua cut me off and began to shake me. "Stop it! I'm a goddess okay?! I act like one too, I'm not stealing anything!!!"

"Bad news, this is bad! Samuel, bad news!"

Suddenly, a beautiful lady charged in and shattered the oh so peaceful atmosphere.

Her dressing gave a noble impression. The expensive looking dress, white high heels, and her head of long braided hair flowed down her chest from one shoulder. She looked like a daughter of some noble family.

But her noble dressing couldn't hide her alluring figure.

"… Who are you?" Kazum asked.

"Darkness!" I screamed in happiness and gave her a tight hug. "You are back, you are really back!!" I spun her around a few times.

"Oi! Oi! Has gone into you?" She exclaimed with her face burning red.

I then realized what I was doing and put her back down. "It's good to have you back." I said while blushing.

"Welcome back Darkness. You don't need to explain what happened. Here, go take a nice long bath to soothe your body and soul."

"…? Bath? What are you saying Megumin?"

"Listen to me, go take a warm bath and cry your heart out."

"What are you talking about? Why do I have to cry? And what's with the bath… What is it, Aqua? Why are you pulling on my skirt?"

Aqua, who stopped wailing and was tugging on Darkness's white dress, confirming the material said: "This is definitely high-quality material. This must be the bonus reward the lord gave you."

"Darkness… You worked so hard… I'm going to kill that man if he did anything to you." I told Darkness emotionally.

"Stupid! What exactly did you think happened? The lord didn't do anything weird to me, this dress is mine! Why? You think I didn't return earlier because I was being abused by the lord?"

"What else could it be? We were thinking how terribly they were treating you… But if this wasn't given to you by the lord, then what's with this expensive dress? You say this belongs to you, is it for a noble lady cosplay? Are you researching a type of play?" Kazuma asked.

"No! This… This isn't cosplay! Sorry for making you worry, but that lord didn't have the guts to request anything rude from me… Forget about that, look at this!"

Darkness then handed an album-thin booklet to us.

Instead of an album-thin booklet, this was more like a… "… What is this? Oh, a handsome guy? How unpleasant." Looking at the photo of a bright and cheery man, Kazuma unconsciously tore it…

"Ahhh! Look at what you've done to the marriage interview photo! If you tear it like this, how will I reject the matchmaking now!"

"A F**KING WHAT NOW?!" I said that way louder than I intended because everyone was looking at me funny.

I cleared my throat. "Explain it."

"That's right! That damn Alexei, using cheap tricks like this! I did promise to do anything, but my father would reject him if it was too offensive. I knew that, that's why I promised him back then, but…" The panicking Darkness said.

"But we aren't gonna let this… guy, for lack of a better word, steal you from us."

"Steal?"

"Shush, Megumin. Look, we are a team, we stick together, right? Through thick and thin, we help each other, no matter how much of a pervert Kazuma and Darkness are, no matter how much of a pain Aqua is, no matter how childish Megumin is, no matter how rude I am, we stick together, so come on guys, we can't let this happen!"

"... Is there something you want to tell us?"

"So rude!!"

Konosuba.

"… In short, Darkness's father wants her to give up the dangerous job of adventurer, so he sends her to matchmaking sessions whenever he has the chance. But Darkness doesn't plan on marrying yet and has rejected all previous attempts." Megumin, who had put on her boots, said as she sat near the entrance.

Aqua continued to repair the photo on the table.

In my opinion Kazuma should be the one repairing it, but since Aqua was happy to do so and was doing a great job, I decided to let her be.

This girl really had all kinds of unnecessary talents…

"… Yes, you're right. To be frank, I'm very satisfied with my current life. If I continue my career, an evil mage or a minion of the Demon King's army might target me. I'll resist until the very end, but still get captured by them in a miserable state. It'll be terrible. I'll be tied up in locks and chains, my clothes will be all tattered…! Ugh…! Stop… Stop…!"

"I think you should retire and get married soon." Said Kazuma, and I agree, hopefully to me.

Darkness was lost in her own fantasy, squirming about with a blushing face, making Kazuma back away from her.

Megumin shook the staff in her hand and said doubtfully: "I see, the previous matchmaking sessions were by the request of Darkness's father, where you can reject. But this matchmaking session was raised by the lord, and you've already promised to do him one favor. Darkness's father is eager and the lord's also eager, so you can't reject it under such circumstances. But the lord wants you by hook or by crook, so why's he so obsessed with Darkness? I don't get why he wants you as a daughter-in-law either. With his status as lord, if he really wanted to, he could force Darkness to be his concubine."

Hearing what Megumin said, Darkness lowered her head.

She put her hands together before her chest, rubbed her fingers for a moment and finally said:

"… My, my real name's Dustiness Ford Lalatina. I'm a daughter of a rather esteemed noble family…"

"Ehhh!"

Seeing our surprised expression, Darkness flashed a lonely expression for a moment, and seemed sad.

She must've surprised many people before when she introduced herself.

"Dustiness…! That's not just rather esteemed, it's a super powerful nobility clan! The top adviser in this nation, that Dustiness? In this town?"

Darkness answered the screaming Megumin softly: "… Yes."

Next, Aqua asked: "What! So, if I become a child of the Dustiness family, I can slack around all day and live an extravagant life?"

For Aqua, who missed the important point, Darkness replied with a slightly troubled tone: "Yes… But, our family's not looking to adopt…"

I retorted the most important point at the troubled Darkness. "Darkness, you are often acting all serious, trying to be like a proper knight! But your real name is Lalatina! It's so cute!"

"Don't, don't call me Lalatina!" Lalatina's face turned red, and she shouted with tears in the corner of her eyes.

Megumin, who stood up because she was too surprised, sat down on the carpet near the entrance and said: "Well… This might be surprising, but Darkness is Darkness. For me, Darkness is a tough Crusader; an important comrade. That's all."

When she heard Megumin say that, Darkness said with a happy expression: "… Yes, please take care of me from now on too…" She then smiled with relief.

Seeing their interaction, Aqua pointed at herself cheerfully.

"… Hey, hey, I have something shocking to tell you, okay? Well, I've said this before but you didn't believe me… Actually, I'm a goddess!"

"Wow, that's great!"

"Why don't you believe me!?"

"We have to bring this photo back and convince Darkness's father. Here, look at this. How is it? Isn't the repair perfect?"

As I was deep in thought, Aqua handed the photo to us with a cocky face. The photo was as good as new. You couldn't tell that it was torn before.

"Can't you just get the royal family to get that vermin off your back?"

"I would rather not abuse my family's name like that."

I went deep in thought once more, this is a really important thing, this guy is going to steal my Darkness, my Lalatina.

It's a political marriage, one in which she would be trapped and alone, a pawn in someone else's game…

"Sigh… I must come up with a reason and return this photo to the other party. I'll then apologize using this excuse and try to convince my father… That's why, I hope someone can accompany me to do this…"

Darkness looked at the repaired matchmaking photo in my hand and eased up as she requested us for help. And then…

"That's it–!"

"Ahhh!"

I tore the photo in half.

KONOSUBA.

"Dustiness mansion. Darkness, count-" "-How many servants are here." Me and Darkness smirked at each other.

The building situated on the main street of town had an appearance befitting a grand aristocratic family.

"Is this true? Are you really fine with this, Lalatina? Are you willing to seriously consider this matchmaking session?" Darkness's dad held her hand as he said excitedly.

We are inside Darkness' home.

Darkness told her dad that she was willing to go for the matchmaking session.

"It's true, dear father. Lalatina wants to try it."

When Kazuma and Aqua heard Darkness say that, they lowered their heads.

"Hey, hey, Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san, she said 'Dear father'."

"Are… Are you stupid, Lalatina is funnier, she called herself 'Lalatina'."

Normally I would laugh too, but the situation is too serious, a guy is trying to steal my girl.

"Lalatina, who are these three guests?"

Hearing him ask this, Darkness extended her hand towards the group of delinquents that is us.

"These are my adventuring companions. For this matchmaking session, I wish to employ them as temporary butlers and maid to join me for the event."

Her dad frowned and seemed uneasy about this.

"Um, about that…"

That won't do.

I took a step forward, put one hand on my chest and stood up straight.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm the adventurer Samuel, I've been in the care of Lady Lalatina. If the matchmaking is a success, we probably won't be able to meet Lady Lalatina because of our difference in status. I know we're flaunting the rules a little, but for this very last moment, we wish to stay by Lady Lalatina's side, and see for ourselves if we can entrust our important companion to the groom." Without any stuttering, I stated my piece fluently and bowed.

In the end Darkness' dad accepted our request.

The maids brought us to the meeting room.

"Please wait for a moment. We'll prepare the attire for our honored guests."

The maids ushered us to sit at the couch and served us tea. After inviting us to 'enjoy the tea', they left the room.

As expected of a meeting room for a grand aristocratic family.

It looked plain at first sight, but it was obvious that it costs a lot of money to maintain the appearance of nobles.

We waited obediently for a while, but eventually got bored.

Unable to sit still, we wandered around the meeting room, picking up and observing the decorations.

Years in the house of people richer than me gave me an eye for appraising things, so I can tell that every one of these had to be expensive pieces.

For example, the painting hung on this wall.

At a glance, it looked like a child's scribbling, but it should be those so called modern art pieces.

Kazuma rubbed his chin as he looked at the painting, mumbling a little as he acted as if he was appreciating this painting.

"Kazuma, you really like that graffiti, huh?" Aqua, who didn't know about art, told him when she saw the idiot admiring the art piece.

"Hey, how uncultured. This is what you call modern art, those who understand will know how wonderful it is. It must be a work of a master painter."

Listening to his bull**it, Aqua said casually from the couch: "But in the eyes of me who has learned about painting, that's just normal graffiti."

Kazuma shrugged and shook his head at Aqua. "Well, being able to paint and the ability to appraise are two different matters. Look at this part. It might look like scribbling at first, but if you…"

"Kazuma, you don't know anything about art either, on the contemporary side of things there are pieces like minimalist pieces, Abstract pieces, stuff like 'electric fan', 'levitated mass', 'dispersion' and 'number 5' are great examples of what modern pieces are all about. And they, just like this painting, are pieces of s**t."

As I called modern art what it is, Darkness walked into the meeting room.

"Sorry for the wait, you… Hey Kazuma, that's a painting of my father by me when I was young. Father really likes this painting, so he hung it here to show it off to the guests. Don't stare at it, it makes me feel embarrassed…"

"It's great." I, in case you haven't noticed yet, have no principles whatsoever.

At this moment, the maid entered the room carrying clothes for butlers and a maid.

"Kazuma-san, Samuel-san, this is the attire for a butler. The size should be just right, please try it on."

"Thank you, also there's no need for honorifics." I received the clothes from the maid and followed her into the dressing room next door.

… Yeah, it fits perfectly.

"It looks good."

Hearing me say that, the maid bowed and retreated to a corner of the room.

I returned to Darkness after putting on the proper attire.

Aqua was already there, dressed as a maid.

Unexpectedly, the pure dressing of a maid suited her well.

"Aqua, you look nice in it. Right now, you look like a top-class minion."

"You too Kazuma. You look just like a try-hard apprentice butler. It feels just like you'll be bullied by mean senpais and will end up crying by yourself in a corner."

"Ara, what an interesting way of putting it. If we weren't in the mansion of a grand noble right now, I would've given you a piece of my mind… Well then, are you ready, Lady Lalatina?"

"Don't… Don't call me Lady Lalatina! Just addressing me as 'my lady' will do if others are around!" Darkness hastily barked at Kazuma.

The meeting will be held in this mansion. And Darkness's dad asked for mine and Kazuma's help.

He asked for our assistance to stop his daughter from doing anything rude during the meeting.

Not just that.

He was also willing to pay me for my efforts if the meeting went smoothly.

On one hand I want this to go as bad as possible because I want Darkness for myself, on the other hand I really need money, let's compromise, okay?

"The two of you, this way. Listen carefully! You know what to do, right? I'm counting on you!"

Darkness had an uneasy expression as she led us to the entrance to receive the other party of the matchmaking session.

With maids flanking her on either side, Darkness looked the part of a lady from a noble house.

Konosuba.

"But… To think that you would agree to this matchmaking. I'm really happy… When Alexei said he had something to discuss with me, I was worried about it. He was confident you would not reject too. Leaving Alexei aside, his son is a good man. You'll have a wonderful life with him, Lalatina." Darkness' dad said to her happily.

We stood in front of the door, ready to receive the thieving little rat.

"How mean, dear father. Lalatina only said she would seriously consider the marriage, fufufu… After thinking it through, I think it's still too early for me to marry, but it's too late now. I agreed to the matchmaking session, but I didn't say I wanted to marry! I'll mess up this meeting! I'll destroy the matchmaking meeting! Hmm… Hahaha!" Darkness felt there wasn't any need to act anymore and revealed her true nature!

Kazuma had for some reason created a mad plan to absolutely destroy the matchmaking by having Darkness act like… well… Probably herself.

Her dad turned pale as he realized our true intent… "Could… Could it be the reason the two of them are here…?"

Her dad looked at us in fear.

Oh no, Darkness was so excited that she forgot about keeping her family name untarnished.

At this late juncture, she probably didn't care anymore.

"… My lady, your choice of words is too crude, please don't speak in such a way." When they heard me say that, Darkness and her dad looked at us in surprise.

Aqua seemed to like her maid attire a lot, swaying her skirt around happily as she ignored the tense atmosphere.

After understanding my true intent, Darkness' expression turned sour. Her father blinked away tears of joy, looking at me as if I was the messiah.

"Samuel, you… You…! What is this, are you planning to betray me?"

"I'm trying to not give your father an aneurysm." I pressed my finger against her head. "So don't do anything stupid, let me work my magic."

Her father sighed in relief and replied: "You… You're Samuel, right? Even if this session fails… At least, don't let Lalatina do anything disgraceful before the other party! I'll reward you well! So… So…!" Before her father could even finish, I bowed deeply.

"Please leave it to me, old master. I'll aid my lady with all I can…"

At this moment.

The door of the mansion opened with a crack, and the man I saw in the photo appeared at the door.

He had an entourage with him.

Darkness was hell bent on making the first move, crossing her arms and glaring at the other party as she said loudly: "You're the brat who's meeting with me, right? I'm Dustiness Ford Lalatina! You can call me Queen Dustiness…"

"Ara, watch out my lady! There's a bug on the back of your head!"

Kazuma delivered a strong blow to the back of Darkness's head!

Nice save!

After Kazuma stopped Darkness from making a scene we excused ourselves, saying that we wanted to check if the bug stung the lady and moved to the room next door. Darkness' father accompanied the guest to buy us time.

"Hey, what are you thinking? Are you not here to help me?"

Darkness grabbed Kazuma's back collar and dragged us to the corridor.

Aqua, who still didn't understand what was happening, followed beside Darkness. She seemed to like stroking Darkness' plaited hair, toying with it in her hand.

I broke them apart. "No, idiot! Listen, you are forgetting the part where you are not supposed to destroy your family's reputation, you buffoon."

"If the negative news spreads, I won't be able to marry and can continue my adventuring career without worries! The worst case would be my father disowning me, but I'm already prepared for that… After being disowned, I'll feel uneasy about my uncertain future… Despite that, I'll still do my best to survive and take on jobs that are too hard for me. In the end, my body won't be able to take it and I'll get captured by the minions of the Demon King's army, and be ravaged…! … I want to live a life like that."

"I can give that to you after we are done with this." She blushed as I took her hand. "So don't do anything too bad."

"Is that guy as bad as you say? According to your father's description, he sounds like an okay guy. But I only know what he looks like though." Kazuma asked.

"It doesn't matter how bad he is!" I blurted out before Darkness could respond, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Kazuma. "What I mean is that she doesn't want to marry him, that's all that matters, now let's go end this farce."

Kazuma and Aqua stayed behind as me and Darkness went back to greeting the rat. "So, sir Walther, ready to begin the meeting?" I said to him, he stood taller than me, brown hair, strong build, a chad in all but name.

"Yes, please show me the way."

We led him to the guest room, but then Kazuma placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come with me for a second."

I followed him to a different room. "You like Darkness don't you?" He said bluntly.

"Yep."

"Wh- I wasn't thinking you would say yes!"

"But it's true, look, I won't let it get in our way, okay? I promise you that."

He sighed heavily. "Fine, I guess it's not my problem as long as it doesn't interfere with the team dynamic."

"Actually, since we are already, I know you have zero romantic experience, but do you have any tips on what I should do?"

"Hey! I don't have zero romantic experience."

"Dating sims don't count, Kazuma- ah!"

He jumped me and after a few seconds I managed to restrain him.

We went back to the guest room, I positioned myself behind Darkness who was sitting at the couch.

"Well then, let me once again introduce myself properly. I'm Alexei Barnes Walther, son of the Alexei family. My job is to assist my father in managing the territory."

"I'm Dustiness Ford Lalatina. I don't think I need to introduce my family. Even the son of some upstart landlord should know… Ahhh!" She screamed as I casted Create Wind from the tip of my finger on the nape of her neck, turns out you don't have to scream your spell and just whispering has the same result.

"Are… Are you okay?" Walther asked with concern, but Darkness continued.

"I… I'm fine… It's just that seeing Mr. Walther's face is making me uncomfort- Nnnhhh!"

Before finishing, Darkness lowered her head to the table with her ears red.

"Young lady Darkness' tummy has been acting up since morning. Isn't that right, Darkness?! Don't push yourself if your stomach hurts."

"Huh? No, I'm not…!" Darkness denied as Aqua tried to make an excuse for her.

Leaving Aqua who was making matters worse aside, I said: "The young lady was eager to meet Mr. Walther since early morning, she was a little too excited. As you can see, the young lady is so shy that her face is all red."

"Er… Well, her face is really red… It's a little embarrassing…"

I leaned in and whispered to Darkness. "I'm gonna do it again if you don't stop acting stupid."

"… What, what a wonderful reward…" She panted.

Our young lady was acting as usual.

When he saw the way his daughter was acting, Darkness' dad seemed to understand what the situation was like.

Since he could grasp the situation, it meant that he knew about his daughter's fetish. I couldn't imagine anything worse than knowing your child's fetishes.

To cover for me and Darkness, her dad brought up a topic to chat with Walther.

"Mr. Walther, I heard your mansion was destroyed not long ago. Where are you living right now? How about bunking in my place? Of course, you'll have to sleep in a different room from my daughter." Darkness' father said half-jokingly, and Walther answered with a smile.

"Hahaha! No, if I'm to live under the same roof with the beautiful Lady Lalatina, it would take tremendous self-restraint to stop myself…" You little rat!

And so, as Darkness was trembling with a blushing face, the two of them conversed idly…

KONOSUBA.

After saying 'An old man staying around would only be a hindrance', Darkness' dad took his leave.

As he was leaving, he whispered in my ear, 'I'm counting on you.'.

Right now, Darkness and Walther were strolling in the family courtyard with Aqua, Kazuma and I in tow… And it was grand, as expected of a famous aristocratic clan.

The vast courtyard had a pond, and colorful flowers were blooming despite it being winter. These were probably high-quality breeds.

Aqua whistled and clapped when she saw the fish in the pond.

I was curious about what she was doing and looked, and saw the school of fish gather towards Aqua… Kazuma and I were amazed at that trick.

"Lady Lalatina, what are your hobbies?" Walther asked, what a master conversationalist, no, I'm not salty at this guy, shut up.

"I hunt monsters when I'm free." She responded.

"Yup, like that wolf we rescued."

"That's true, that was a successful and great mission." I'm sure she isn't saying that because she got mauled by wolves.

"There was also that time with Beldia where you managed to miss every single strike."

"That's rich coming from you, remember when we were purifying the mansion and the ghosts almost dragged you away?"

"And they failed, so I still won anyway." I shrugged as she elbowed me while giggling.

Walther smiled wryly, tilting his head as he asked me who was unnaturally close to Darkness. "… The two of you seem to be really close."

Kazuma's sace turned white as he said that.

"Yeah, you can say that." I responded proudfully.

"I'm very close to this butler, Samuel. We spend every day together. Be it meals or bathing, even sleeping at night is… Is… Ugh…" Darkness who said something foolish on impulse couldn't continue and blushed.

"The young lady loves to joke. That's the way she is, a cute girl who gets embarrassed by the things she herself is saying. Right, young lady Lalatina? What's the matter, young lady Lalatina? Your face is getting red, young lady Lalatina."

"Ugh… You, I'll get you for this…" Hearing Kazuma repeat the cute name Lalatina, Darkness ground her teeth as tears welled in her eyes.

Good, she won't act up for a while.

Seeing our interaction, Walther had a slightly lonely smile.

"… You're close to each other… It's making me envious." Stay mad, BI**H!

"This is the bond between us, we do lots of things together and can't be separated, we eat together, we fight together, we bat- ow!" Kazuma stepped on my foot as I was running my mouth.

"They just love to joke around these two." Stop elbowing me so hard, Kazuma.

Darkness suddenly stepped away from us when she heard Kazuma say that.

Oh?

"I don't want to beat around the bush anymore! I can't take this!" I don't know what she was thinking when she tore the skirt of her dress. Her white thigh was visible from the torn portion, showing Darkness's alluring body in plain sight. Lewdness tore her skirt to an easy to move length. She then tore a line up the side of her skirt.

Walther couldn't help averting his eyes as Darkness shouted at him.

"Hey, you're called Walther, right? Since you're a knight, you should know how to use a sword! My job's a Crusader, let's go to the dojo. I'll appraise your capability there. Come, follow me!"

Well, I don't know what's going on, but things certainly got more interesting.

Konosuba.

"We fight until one party surrenders. Just try to make me say 'I can't fight anymore', or 'Please stop hitting me'! If you can do that, I can marry you or follow you anywhere!"

Darkness brought us to the training room that Kazuma called a dojo, but I'm gonna kill myself before a call an European training room a 'dojo'.

"Um, Lady Lalatina, I'm a knight. Even if this is just training, I can't point a sword at a lady…"

Hearing Walther say that, Darkness frowned and said unhappily: "What a gutless fellow. Kazuma and Samuel who are standing right there claim to be gender equality advocates. They would not hesitate to drop kick a woman. You should learn from them."

I mean, it's true, but don't say it like that.

Walther looked at me when Darkness said that. What the hell is that look?! Do you want me to punch you?!

"… I understand. To be honest, my father forced me to come, and I'm here to reject the marriage… But after seeing you, I changed my mind. You're different from the other daughters of nobility, as expected of the only daughter of the national chief adviser. You seem to have a bold personality, but get embarrassed by your own words. That's cute. Your way of speaking is straightforward and isn't haughty towards the butler serving you, treating him as an equal. I'm very interested in you… Prepare yourself, Lady Lalatina!" After the sudden confession, he slashed at Darkness!

The quick slash disarmed Darkness's wooden sword and hit her shoulder.

Seeing that the attack was a success, Walther sighed in relief thinking that victory was a sure thing.

But Darkness picked up her wooden sword and said nonchalantly: "Very good, next. Come at me!"

– After more than thirty minutes.

"Enough! The match is obviously over! Why aren't you giving up?"

"Because Darkness never gives up!!" I cheered from the side.

Despite Walther having the advantage, it sounded as if he was forced into a corner.

In terms of capability, Walther was dominating.

Since the start, Darkness' wooden sword couldn't touch Walther. Darkness was hit multiple times and was bruised all over.

But other than being out of breath, Darkness was fine and her eyes were full of life.

Her fiery red cheeks were covered in sweat, and Darkness yelled. "What's the matter? Don't be shy, attack with everything you've got! Show me your determination to persevere to the end!"

Seeing Darkness act this way, Walther tossed his wooden sword away.

He then raised both his arms in surrender.

"… I give up, Lady Lalatina. It's my loss. Even if my skills are better than yours, I'm not as strong as you mentally… I can't attack you anymore. You're a strong person."

Walther looked at Darkness with a dazed look and smiled.

"LET'S GO!!" I screamed in happiness, earning stares from everyone, but f**k it, I'm happy. "What? I'm celebrating for my team member."

Walther smiled at Darkness. "… I've really fallen for you…" He mumbled.

– On the surface, it was a beautiful story of Darkness winning over Walther with her determination.

– Below the surface I'm seething because how dare he say that.

In Walther's point of view, Darkness with her panting and red cheeks looked like a Crusader enduring incredible pain.

Darkness was still out of breath as Aqua came to her side to heal her wounds.

I sighed deeply, but Darkness picked up the wooden sword Walther tossed aside…

"Come, Samuel. Show Walther your merciless and despicable side. Let him learn."

After saying some dumb stuff, she gave the wooden sword to me, who was sitting at a corner of the training room.

Darkness, has the fight given you brain damage?

No, she just had a fight with Walther. She was probably still feeling the adrenaline rush.

"… I too wish to see how one trusted so much by Lady Lalatina fights." Walther added unnecessarily.

Fine. I took the sword and got into a stance. "Great, that's the spirit Samuel! Just like when we usually spar! Come at me, and don't hold anything back!"

"Create water." A torrent of water fled my extended hand and drenched her.

"Eh?"

Walther sounded surprised, and I asked in confusion: "?… What's wrong?"

Walther answered in a panic: "… It's… It's nothing, just that a match with wooden swords usually would not allow magic…"

I shrugged. "Tough luck."

"… How strong! as expected of Samuel-san, who's the best in sexual harassment. He's good!" I think you are thinking of Kazuma.

Prompted by her, I looked towards Darkness. Her underwear was visible through her soaked clothes, coupled with her torn dress, I have never been so hard in my life.

Kazuma couldn't keep his eyes off her, which annoys me, but I'm not dating her yet so I let it go, for now.

As for Walther, he couldn't look at Darkness anymore. He lowered his head, not daring to lift it up.

"Fu… Fufufu… Observe, Walther! In a spar with wooden swords, he'll suddenly humiliate me with such tricks. Witness how this man really is!" Darkness said in euphoria.

"Ughh…!"

I cast freezing magic, making the soaked Darkness turn pale and hug her shoulder.

"De-Demon…! Deep in the winter, you not only soak her with water but you freeze her with magic too…?!"

"I'm fighting to win, dude."

"That's right, this man never holds back, he is controlled by his feelings of anger and wrath!" Darkness jumped at me, she tried to attack but it went the exact way you think it went.

I dodged and parried her attacks with ease, not that I needed because she was either facing the wrong way or misjudged the distance. I stepped sideways and stuck my foot out to let her fall, but she grabbed me as she went to the ground.

I tried to wrestle her and place her on an arm lock.

"You think you can beat me in strength? You're underestimating me!" Darkness shouted as she happily grabbed my right arm and began to twist it.

"I don't know what you're planning, but the difference in strength between a Crusader like me and an adventurer like you is… Ahhh!" Darkness who was grabbing my hand calmly suddenly screamed.

Drain touch, bi**h.

"What's the matter? Aren't you confident? Hey Darkness, say something! Wahaha… There's no way I'll fight you head on; you don't understand that after partying with me for… Ahhh!" I thought my victory was ascertained, when I screamed due to my arm being twisted.

Darkness who was squeezing my atm laughed in a shrill voice. "Fu… Fufufu… This… This is Drain Touch, right…? But before you drain me of my strength, I'll break your arm first!"

"Kukuku… You can try if you can… Ahhh! It hurts!!!"

I absorbed the stamina of Darkness with Drain Touch while she planned to overpower me with brute force.

Neither of us were giving in.

Darkness overwhelmed me with her strength bit by bit, but she had a pained expression at the same time.

Damn it, I was siphoning her stamina with Drain Touch but her vitality seemed endless!

"Ugh, hey Darkness! Let's make a bet! You wanted to fight me because I did a lot of things that pissed you off, right? So, let's make a deal. The winner can ask the loser to do anything." I gritted my teeth to endure the pain while Darkness leaned her entire weight over as she said:

"You… You want to make a bet? Fu, fufufu, stalling for time? You're on! If I win, you'll have to prostrate!"

A chance!

"Deal! No take backs!"

"Yeah, of course! You're done! Surrender! Or your arm will really…!"

I was being suppressed bit by bit, but I still said with a confident expression: "I'm serious! Don't regret this! Promise! After I win, I won't back down even if you come crying to me!" Despite being at a disadvantage, I smiled arrogantly at Darkness.

She must've been confused because she lessened her strength. "What… What are you planning to do if I lose?"

"I'll make you go red from ear to ear, something that'll make you cry and beg! Hehe, it's a bet! Let's decide the match! I can already see you begging for forgiveness after my victory! You just wait for your fate! You will be screaming for mercy!"

Darkness shivered when she heard that.

Her power turned weak.

"Ugh…! What… What are you scheming…? Tell me! Hurry!"

"Fuhehe, it's something you can't even imagine, something even more overboard!"

"Wha…! Stop…! Ugh…! Even… Even if I resist, my strength's being sapped…! Why's this happening, if this goes on…!"

Drain Touch should only be absorbing vitality, but Darkness' power grew weaker and she dropped onto one knee.

"Hah… Hah…! You, what do you want to do to me…! Hah, hah…! Ahhh… I'll lose if this goes on…!"

The breathing of the blushing Darkness became heavy as sweat dripped from the back of her neck down her collarbone.

"I'll keep sucking your stamina until you faint! Look forward to your miserable sight when you wake up!"

"Ahhh! You…! Ugh… I might lose this fight, but no matter what humiliation I suffer, my heart will not give in…! And… What's that terrible thing you're planning!?"

Darkness was still grabbing my hand as she knelt onto the ground of the training room. Her face red with expectation and her strength draining away.

Once she was done I let go of her.

Walther shouted in surprise. "Bringing up a bet on the verge of victory, how merciless!"

I just flipped him off.

– At this moment.

"I heard you were in the training room, so I brought some beverages…" Darkness' dad appeared at just the right time.

And the basket full of beverages fell hard onto the ground.

As I was thinking what was happening, the house help behind him was also dumbstruck.

I followed their gaze and… They were looking at Darkness, who was bruised all over with her dress torn. She was wet, making lots of places visible. Darkness, who was in a pitiful state, was being treated by Aqua.

Walther and I looked at each other.

And Aqua and Kazuma pointed at the both of us and said: "… They did this."

"All right, drag them out and execute them."

"No, this is a misunderstanding!"

Walther and I shouted at the same time.

KONOSUBA.

After Walther and I desperately explained, we managed to make things clear and got over this mess.

But as a result, our real identities were discovered by Walther.

Still, Walther seemed to have noticed that I wasn't a butler from the very beginning, the guy is sharp, razor sharp.

Darkness, who was the culprit for our crisis, was still sleeping because of my skill.

After being brought to the meeting room, we stayed beside the slumbering Darkness. The maid helped her change into the usual casual clothes she wore for adventuring, which was a tight black skirt and shirt.

The maids also served us tea.

Finally, Darkness' dad spoke with his eyes on his daughter. "My girl isn't good with people… Even with ones who are close with her. Samuel, you're in the same party with my daughter, right? She refrains from talking about herself, right?"

I stayed silent, just like me Darkness didn't mention our previous lives before adventuring, now that I think about it, we lived completely different lives, she is the daughter of one of the most important families in the Kingdom who wanted to make friends with the peasantry, I was a street rat mingling with people of a higher standard than me, she lived in luxury, I wondered every day if there was going to be food in my table.

"Even as a Crusader, my girl was always alone… She went to the church of Eris every day, praying to Goddess Eris, wishing for comrades she could adventure with. One day, my girl came back from the church and told me she met her first comrade and made a friend. She was so happy as she told me about her female thief friend…" His voice grew melancholic. "As for our family, my wife passed away when Darkness was young… I didn't remarry after that, raising her as a single father. I was always doting on her and always bore her freedom in mind… I probably spoiled her that way…"

"Nah." I instantly denied. "Darkness is many things, crazy, a lunatic, hot headed, stubborn, but she is also kind, diligent and great." I was subconsciously reaching out my hand to touch her face. I pulled my hand back when I noticed what I was doing.

I cleared my throat. "My point is that Darkness is an important member of our team, and I'm going to fight for her, literally."

"I think Lalatina's a charming girl and at the same time is as capable as any man. If not for Samuel, I would definitely want to take her as my wife." Walther said.

I nodded to him. "Good, because I'm not joking, I was going to have a fist with you if necessary."

Walther seemed to have something to say to me, but Darkness' dad cut him off and continued: "Also, Samuel."

"Eh? Me? Yes, anything I can do for you?"

The sudden change in topic confused me.

"Please take good care of my girl. Please watch over her, and don't let her do anything foolish. I'm counting on you."

"Don't worry about it."

"… Hmm? Ugh…? Meeting room?… Ahhh… Right…" Darkness regained consciousness.

She seemed to recall what happened before she blacked out and said: "… Ugh, is it over already? After losing consciousness, what filthy things have been done to me?"

"Nothing, idiot, who do you take me for?!"

Hearing me scold her Darkness smiled deviously.

But I'm not worried, whatever she has to say can't be any worse than what usually comes out of her mouth.

I took my tea and sipped it, damn, it's cold.

"Dear father, Mr. Walther. Please pretend this meeting never happened. I've been keeping this from you… I'm already pregnant with Samuel's child…"

I spat out my tea on Aqua. "HEY!"

"What are you saying about a virgin like me? Ahhh!! I didn't do anything, and you have my child? Do you think you're Mary? You're a virgin too!"

"I see, since you're bearing Kazuma's child, I have no choice but to give up." After finishing, Walther stood up.

"Hold it! She is lying! What the hell?!"

"I'll tell my father that I rejected this marriage proposal. That should be for the best."

After finishing, Walther bid farewell with a smile and left.

Despite the fact he is a rat who wanted to take my girl he is also a cool guy.

Darkness and I noticed at this moment that three people were acting strange.

"Grandson… First grandson… My… My cute grandson…!"

"Ahwahwah… So Samuel and Darkness reached that stage before I realized it! I-I need to tell everyone! I need to tell everyone in town!"

"I thought that you were like me! But you are some type of harem protagonist, first your date with Yunyun and now this!"

"There was no date with Yunyun you crazy man!!"

We had to spend thirty minutes clearing the misunderstanding with Darkness' dad who was crying, the confused Aqua and the angered Kazuma.

This is why I love this woman.

Konosuba.

"HOME SWEET HOME." I said as we approached the mansion.

"Right, Samuel! That was your win just now! So, what do you plan to do to me? You were saying something more terrible than I can imagine…!"

I shrugged. "It's probably going to involve ropes, but I don't know yet. Hey, stop staring at me like that Kazuma, YOU don't have the right to judge me, you degenerate."

We arrived at the door and when I opened it.

"Boo! Sniff! That's too mean! Megumin's a meanie!"

"It's about time you stop crying! Kazuma and the others should be back soon, they'll think I'm at fault if they see this… Ah!"

What we saw was Yunyun sniveling near the door of the mansion.

As I locked eyes with Megumin who was consoling her, I closed the door softly.

Someone pulled the door open forcefully.

"Don't pretend you didn't see anything, I can explain this!"

"No, it's fine. I already know you like to bully others." Kazuma said, I took a few steps back to get away from this insanity.

"That's wrong! To be honest, when Yunyun and I were classmates…! No, that's not important right now! It's not the time to be so worked up over Yunyun!" Megumin said as she waved her staff around in a panic.

"Not important! You, you say I'm not important! No need to get worked up over me! Wah, wahhh–!"

"Ahhh! Enough, you're troublesome! Excuse us for a moment, the two of us need to talk!" Megumin said as she closed the door, and she talked with Yunyun in the mansion about something.

Not long later, the door opened again and Yunyun left while sniveling.

"I-I'm sorry for disturbing everyone." Yunyun bowed deeply and walked away.

… What was with that?

Actually, now that I think about it, isn't now the perfect time to confess to Darkness? My blood is fired up, she is now free, let's go.

"Hey, Darkness, there's som-" "Kazuma, bad news! This is bad news!" Megumin abruptly interrupted me.

"I know. From what I just saw, there's plenty of bad news." Kazuma said

"That's not it! Never mind Yunyun for now! That was just a squabble between us, don't mind it! I'll explain it to you when we're free! It really isn't the time to be talking about this! The situation is bad, it's that prosecutor! That one called Sena is on her way here! She declared that she'll definitely arrest Kazuma this time!"

She told me with a pale, panicking face.

God dammit, what could she want now?