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Go Away I'm Watching Porn

Issei Hyoudou is the Sekiryutei. Not many people knew how powerful he is, or what he's done. And he's perfectly fine with that. He's done with people. All he wants to do is sit back, relax, and watch porn without being bothered by school or homework or devils or fallen angels or annoying conspiracies and why the hell won't they just leave him alone already! Perv OP Issei Harem.

Zero_Hand · Anime & Comics
Not enough ratings
25 Chs

Chapter 17

Seven Years Ago:

For the first time in a while, Issei was at peace.

His body was resting blissfully, his mind was a clean and pristine blank slate, and his hand…

Slap.

Was knocked away from Jasmine's breasts for the third time in the past five minutes after once more unconsciously reaching for them.

"Mmm. Oppai." The preteen mumbled from her lap, rubbing his face against her thighs as if they were the most comfortable pillows in the world.

"Riser still doesn't understand why you tolerate that brat's antics." A miffed and clearly not jealous Riser Phoenix huffed to the side as Jasmine ignored both idiots to work on her homework.

"Because the brat's useful and I know he doesn't have the balls to reach for anything more than second base. Literally." The human muttered out loud, finishing up another question with one hand while subconsciously slapping another attempt by Issei to molest her with the other.

"Awww."

It had been three months since she had gone through with this absurd relationship with Issei, and had more or less gotten a hang of how things went. She helped reign in Issei at times, i.e. babysit him, and her living expenses would more or less be slashed to a third of their original costs. It was originally going to be her education expenses, but she already had that more or less covered with her scholarships, and her grades were in the top two percentile of her class. Human and not.

All in all, her relationship with Issei really was more akin to a brother and sister at the moment than anything. Though from a certain perspective, she was technically whoring herself out to a perverted kid with an apparent older sister fetish, so take that as you will.

She could have done without the near perpetual sexual harassment that came from being around Riser, Azazel, and Issei, but honestly they were still better than most of the drunk idiots that she serviced at the clubs. At least these idiots took her feelings into consideration most of the time and didn't go further than the occasional dirty joke. Didn't help her case that she could dish out just as much as they could most of the time.

"I don't see why you're so jealous, Bird Person. It's pretty obvious that Yubella's more or less under your thumb already." She continued, starting the next problem listed in the book. "Not that it's much of a thumb to begin with. Poor girl's going to be awfully disappointed when you finally find your balls to go all the way with her. Doubt you even know what a clitoris is."

"Heheheheh." Issei giggled from her lap. Whether it was because he had heard her, or because he was enjoying her thighs more than he should have was anyone's guess.

It was always an interesting sight to see a fire elementally aligned person blush. The shade of red they took was always a richer color than most could physically achieve. "I… how dare you!? You uncultured monkey. You know very well that as a member of the Seventy Two pillars, there are restrictions on what Riser can and can't do. Even as the third child, this one cannot risk spreading the Phoenix legacy unless my partner is committed to us. Either by marriage or by being a part of my Peerage."

"Yeah, because you devils have a birth rate that would enable you to be picky about such things." Jasmine rolled her eyes. "You'd think that accidentally changing up things wouldn't matter given the circumstances, but hey, what do I know? I'm just part of the species that breeds like rabbits in comparison."

Whack. Issei's hand was knocked away again.

"Down boy."

"Murgle."

"Besides." She continued. "Who was the cultured bird who was practically offering an arm and a leg for this "uncultured monkey" to be a part of his harem-"

GRRRRRRR.

The room rumbled as Issei began to growl dangerously and maliciously, completely out of character from his normal behavior.

"I mean peerage?" Jasmine rolled her eyes and stroked Issei's head gently to calm him down. It was something that they had all found out rather quickly, but ever since their agreement, the boy had become immensely protective of Jasmine. To the point of actually being scary at times.

About a month ago, one of the devils at the school had tried to be a bit more aggressive with his attempts to woo her into his peerage. This was despite her well known constant rejections from any and all parties. This guy went the extra mile in the wrong way though, including using magic of questionable origins and the attempted use of a drug or two in his efforts. She had gotten away just fine on her own, but she couldn't do anything about the culprit since she was just a human and the devil had been one of notable wealth and influence.

… But a week later, the student body had been in an uproar when word had spread that said devil had been conducting illicit dealings with some of the local black markets, including the acquisition of contraband, sabotage of other student projects, stealing valuable school property, and the blackmailing and whoring out of one of the younger professors on campus.

Oh. And the student in question was beaten, crippled, and left hanging on the campus flagpole above a pile of evidence that guaranteed he was screwed for the rest of the century.

The odd thing was that most of the victim's injuries were internal, save for his scratched and mutilated face. His nervous system was completely mangled, his intestine were literally tied into knots, and worst of all for him, was that he was given a complete and irreversible vasectomy.

That last bit was an absolute future killer for a younger member of the Devil aristocracy.

When questioned what happened, all he would do was scream about the horrifying "slow motion chicken that kept on tearing off his face" and to make the nightmares stop.

Azazel, knowing better, pulled Issei to the side and merely asked what the boy had done.

The guilty party in question merely looked away to the side and said: "I'm just a ten year old kid. What makes you think I know anything about how to efficiently and effectively conduct permanent psychological and physical torture on someone?"

It didn't help that Ghost was laughing maliciously while he said that.

Translation: "Ghost gave me step by step instructions to fuck this guy over to oblivion and back."

Azazel wanted to press the matter about the chicken bit, but wisely gave up when for some reason, some eldritch abomination from beyond the folds of time and space keep on whispering "Doooooooom" in the background every time he brought it up.

Ghost praised the Fallen Angel for making the smart decision.

Either way, everyone in their small circle knew that Issei was responsible for the fiasco, and learned very quickly that he was someone that had absolutely no limits if pissed off.

Riser rolled his eyes. "Please. Most sensible women would be flattered to be part of Riser's h-peerage." He caught himself at the last moment. As egotistical as he was, even Riser knew better than to speak of any harem other than Issei's while the boy was present. "Riser is a member of the Seventy Two Pillars after all. Wealth. Prestige. Whatever one could desire, Riser would provide…"

"Sans dignity, self-respect, and the ability to speak in anything other than the third person." Jasmine snorted, shooting him down instantly, looking at him with some annoyance. "Look, I might be technically whoring myself out to the kid, but at least he doesn't want me simply because I'd look like good eye candy on his arms and a good fuck in his bed. My Sacred Gear isn't a factor either."

Whack.

She slapped Issei's hand away again.

"Though I will admit that he does has slightly less self-control than you do."

"Ooooppaiiiii."

"Humph." Riser crossed his arms and looked down at her in skepticism. "That can't be all there is. You have been approached by more than a few that could provide you sweet words and the illusion of security. What else can he provide you that others can't?"

Jasmine opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off when Issei turned over and snuggled his face into her thighs, hugging them tightly in a way that would have most females coo just from cuteness overload.

She couldn't help but relax slightly from the display of pure trust he was showing. "Well, other than the fact that he's easier on the eyes than the rest of you overconfident muscleheads that wear more jewelry and makeup than me?"

Riser's eyebrow twitched. "Yes. Other than the fact that you are an apparent cradle robber."

Her smile dropped at the insinuation. Instead of immediately replying, she turned to look at the large meter tall pile of binders and notebooks stacked nearby and nodded to them. "Do you know anyone else that would put this much effort to get was they want? To ensure that they'd do it right?"

The Devil grimaced and shifted uncomfortably, knowing exactly what Jasmine was getting at.

Issei had only just finished his first semester, but he had already covered nearly a whole year's worth of coursework and research, and that wasn't counting the credits he had come into the college with in the first place. If what Azazel had said was right, Issei was already bound to have at least three certifications by the end of the year, one in applied mathematics, one in general physics, and one in thermodynamics. The only reason why he didn't get anything in the medical and magical fields, his majors, yet was because they officially required more specialized classes and time to obtain.

Of course, with the effort needed to achieve such results, it was no surprise that Issei frequently ran himself into the ground and passed out from overwork.

It was not an uncommon sight these days to see Jasmine provide the role of a lap pillow while she did her own studies. Mix Issei's near perpetual exhaustion with Jasmine's Sacred Gear enhanced lullabies, and you'd have the kid out cold within a couple of seconds flat.

It wasn't too distracting for her though. Since so many of her subjects overlapped with his, she'd frequently rope him into what she was doing in case she needed help with anything. Even half asleep, he'd still respond correctly to most questions that required general academic knowledge to answer. Calculations on the other hand made him moan and turn over in protest. He was more of an encyclopedia than a calculator.

The questions were also enough to stop him from groping her too.

Plus, his ever growing medical knowledge was really helping out wither her own personal project that she was playing with in her spare time…

"Even you can't deny he's going to be someone big in the future." She stroked the top of Issei's head, getting the boy to genuinely purr and nuzzle her hand almost immediately. "I'm not in it for the free ride to the top, Riser. I'm in it to jumpstart my way up there with my own methods. Can you claim to be capable of providing similar opportunities, third child of one of the Devil Pillars, or do you intend for your family to do all the heavy lifting like everyone else here?"

"Tch." Of course not. There were only a handful of Devils in his generation that held the potential to be considered "great" by their own means, standing out from the shadows that their families casted. There were even fewer that were capable of providing the same for others. Finances and resources were one thing, but the genuine potential to all but assure progress was another entirely. It was one of the main reasons why he had not abandoned Issei himself despite being the butt of so many jokes over the months. He knew talent when he saw it, and wanted at least a sliver of the profits that would eventually come this way.

"I thought as much." Jasmine turned back to her book and continued to study. "Stop being such a child. So long as you don't screw up, I'm sure that you'll find some way to benefit from Issei's insanity too, just like everyone else. If you spend less time bitching about him and more time trying to figure out how, you'll probably figure out something by the end of the year."

He didn't. It wasn't until near the end of the next school year before Riser found that something.

Or rather, someone else found it for him.

o. o. o.

Rias yawned as she forced herself to walk to the ORC clubhouse after classes had ended on Monday.

Judging from Akeno's equally miserable expression, she was of the same mind as her King.

The weekend they had spent training was absurd, unorthodox, and straining in a way none of them had expected or experienced before, and it drove both Rias' and Sona's peerages absolutely mad.

It wasn't due to Issei's initial training methods for everyone. All things considered, he had actually given everyone sensible tasks and goals for them to work on to improve themselves. They were well thought out, within their limitations, and overall completely reasonable.

It was what Issei did while they were training that had driven everyone up the wall.

No one knew why or how he did it, but the psychotic nutjob had frequently somehow teleported all over campus without anyone noticing and harassed the living shit out of whoever caught his attention while their guards was down.

He had kept his promise and ensured that the trucker dildos were kept out of sight.

What he did not promise, was to not use his cell phone to record the sounds said dildos made and then play said recordings at full blast right behind his victims.

Even Gasper, Kiba, and Saji were not exempt from this treatment, much to their horror.

In Issei's words, there were few things that got people more motivated to do anything than literally ensuring the sanctity of their sphincters.

By the end of the weekend, it had become widely accepted that Issei was secretly a psychotic sadist with a twisted sense of humor that even Akeno had trouble matching. It did not matter that he never smiled. They all knew for a fact that he had enjoyed their suffering immensely.

It had gotten so bad that they had been tempted to break the rules and interfere with Issei's own training to see what the hell he was doing and give him a taste of his own medicine.

They had settled for getting Raynare to sneak into one of the corners of the soccer field since she technically knew who he was already.

Two minutes after she had vanished behind the magic cloaking field that Issei had set up, Raynare had walked back out again, her face ash white and one of her eyes twitching. When asked what happened, she merely snapped back that if they wanted to do something stupid that was liable to get someone killed again, they should do it themselves… and let her know ahead of time so she could enjoy the show.

That being said though, no one could deny that the source of their misery was a hard worker. He had appeared progressively more and more exhausted and gaunt as the weekend went on, covered in more and more sweat and grime to the point that even Sona was worried for his health by the end of Sunday. Whatever his own training was, it did not appear to be easy, nor did he seem to be doing it half assed.

Come to think of it, Rias couldn't remember if she went home before or after Issei did last night.

"I don't know about you Rias, but I'm not particularly looking forward to conducting our usual activities tonight." Akeno yawned into her right hand, before flinching and pulling it away from her mouth quickly.

"I know exactly how you feel Akeno, but we have our responsibilities." Rias sighed, not noticing her Queen's behavior. Considering what everyone had gone through the past few days, she wouldn't be surprised if everyone had temporarily developed their own quirks.

Rumor had it that some of Sona's peerage may or may not have attacked an innocent truck as it passed by them that morning on their way to school.

"Ah. Yes. About that." Akeno looked nervously at her right hand for a moment. "I might need to delay some of my contracts until I get Issei to, address something."

"What did he do this time?" Rias sighed, opening her clubhouse door and walking inside.

"… I may have underestimated what he can and is willing to do in order to make a point." The Queen had the nerve to at least look embarrassed as she looked to the side with a deep blush.

Rias opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it and shook her head. She was finally starting to learn that if something directly involved Issei, it was probably better off not sticking her nose into it unless she expected her entire face shoved in it without warning. "I'm pretty sure that everyone's learned that lesson by now. Whatever it is you did to provoke him, just admit that he's right and he'll be out of your hair. As much as I hate to admit it, and I'm certain that Sona will never admit it, Issei is right about most things."

"But…" Akeno tried to think of something to counter Rias' claim, but faltered with a single tired glance from her King. "… Fine. I'll get around to it when I have the free time." And no witnesses.

"Good. The sooner we have less reasons to confront Issei the sooner and easier we can actually get him to go along with some… of our other… do you hear that?" Rias trailed off as she heard something odd coming from her office. It sounded like some woman moaning, but in a familiar way that she just couldn't put her finger on…

Not wanting to waste time, she barged into her main office to confront to the intruder, only to come across the sight of Issei sitting in one of her guest chairs staring at a laptop set on the coffee table in front of him, surrounded by several binders full of paperwork, and a cup of coffee to the side.

Oh, and the laptop in question was playing a porno at full blast.

"Less reasons to confront Issei?" Akeno gave her King a dry look, knowing full well that she was going to catch shit for it later.

To her credit, it only took Rias ten seconds for her brain to reboot and tried to take hold of the situation. "Issei? What are you doing in my office?"

The human waved her off with one hand while totally absorbed by what appeared to be a devil woman being spitroasted rather violently, which meant pretty much nothing when one remembered how durable devils were in general. "Shhh. Go away. Watching porn. I'm backlogged because of all the crap I've been doing for you guys and have to catch up."

She didn't even try to understand the full context of his explanation. "Ok, but why in my office?"

Issei shivered violently for a few seconds. "It's no longer save in my home. My sanctuary is compromised."

"… Can you explain in words I can understand?"

"Oi. Princess." From another couch, Raynare was lounging as if she owned the place. The only reason why she wasn't noticed earlier was because Issei was being Issei. "You're going to be there forever if you try to get a straight answer from him, so let me save you the headache."

o. o. o.

That morning:

Issei was in full crash mode.

He had barely managed to get back home before his body finally gave out from the exhaustion of his own version of working out for two days straight.

It was a miracle he didn't pass out in the shower and ran up the water bill. Again.

Laid out on the cheap, broken in couch in his room in nothing but a set of pajama pants, Issei was completely unconscious and exposed.

Under normal circumstances though, even being in this state would not prevent him from immediately waking up and tearing apart anyone that intruded into his home or room without his permission. Rather, it could be said that his paranoia was so extreme that it vastly superseded his need and desire to rest.

Under normal circumstances.

"Do it."

"A-are you sure that this is a good idea? Asami-san?"

"Do it. Trust me. I… I mean, Issei needs this." Asami argued in a totally convincing way that betrayed no ulterior motive in the slightest. "He's going to be late for school if you don't wake him up. And this is good practice for your Japanese."

She probably would have been more genuine looking if her eyes weren't sparkling with anticipation and mischievous glee.

Asia shifted uncomfortably, looking into Issei's room and seeing the pornographic paraphernalia strewn across the walls.

"I totally agree with Asami-san." Raynare nodded alongside her host, her expression completely serious. "Issei needs to get up soon, and as the newcomer, it's officially your job to do it."

"Oooh. Nice touch. I should have thought of that." Asami briefly swapped to Japanese to compliment her first guest, getting a brief pat on the shoulder in thanks. Not one to break her momentum though, she turned back to the still very nervous Asia. "Don't worry. Issei won't do anything to you. You're the type of person that's in the least amount of danger with him around. Issei's a complete softie."

"Says you." Raynare was still planning her revenge for the trucker dildo stint.

"O-ok. If you say so." Mustering up what little courage she had, Asia slowly and nervously walked into Issei's room, a feat that would have been immediately detected by its owner with the first step but was met with silence.

"I knew it." Asami hissed to Raynare excitedly. "I knew it I knew it that girl's just like Jasmine! We hit the jackpot!"

"Who?"

"She's the only person until now that doesn't set Issei's nerves off in any negative way. He's complete putty in her hands. It doesn't matter if it was to hug or smack him upside the head, he'd let her do it without any resistance at all. And now we have another one." Asami gleefully grinned. "You've probably heard of her already. Issei calls her Nee-san."

"Nee-san?" The Fallen frowned for a moment before recalling that Issei did occasionally bring up this anonymous person in conversation every now and then. Mostly to claim just how much her own capacity as a woman of the seductive arts paled in comparison to said older sister figure. "You mean that supposed sex idol he worships? I thought she was just some wet dream of his. If she's so important to him, where is she now?"

Asami's gleeful expression gave way to one of instant regret, as if realizing that she touched a subject she shouldn't have. "Ah. Jasmine? She's around still. It's just that after what happened, she and Issei…"

"O-ohaiyou, g-gozaimasu, Issei-s-san."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Asami's explanation was cut off by a high pitched scream of terror.

It wasn't Asia's.

o. o. o.

"I kid you not, he literally jumped out the second story window head first and would not take a step inside the house after that."

Issei shivered, his eyes wide with haunted fear. "None are safe from the Ninja Puppy. No domain sacrosanct. No defenses impenetrable. She will find a way in without fail and rub your inadequacy in by feinting moe ignorance. The fiend."

"You should have seen it." Raynare ignored Issei's traumatized state. "Asami-san was stuck between laughing her ass off and squealing like a girl that just discovered that her adorable puppy was doing something that made it more adorable. I just settled for laughing my ass off."

Asia, on the other hand, was just blatantly confused and scared as to why Issei had screamed like a girl the moment he had woken up and dove out the window. Like a normal person would.

"I'm more disappointed that I didn't get a chance to see it for myself." Akeno gave Issei a satisfied smirk. After the hell he put her through, a little petty revenge in any form was satisfactory.

"Issei, I understand that you are uncomfortable with the current state of your home, but that does not give you and excuse to use my property as your new base of operations." Rias tried to be diplomatic, but it was hard to be taken serious with hardcore porn being played in the background and drowning out half of what she was saying.

She may be a devil coming from a family of nudists, but even she was completely out of her comfort zone when it came to actual intercourse, let alone the extreme stuff that Issei was watching as if it was a Saturday morning cartoon rerun.

"Why did you even come here in particular to begin with?" She shook her head.

"Second least likely place I'd run to." Issei droned absently. "Only an idiot ever hides in the most unlikely place."

"And for you, that would be?"

"Enabler's office." Rias was stuck between chiding herself for not making that assumption sooner, and debating whether to hold this over Sona's head as potential blackmail material.

"Come to think of it, how did you get in here before us?" Akeno brought up a good point. "You practically had to strong arm me to open the doors for you on Saturday out of paranoia that Sirzechs-sama might have modified the building's security."

"Tweaked said security system to key my signature into it during the weekend while everyone was training. And he did." Issei blandly replied while writing down notes on the form he had in his hands.

"You hacked the security system to my clubhouse." Rias spoke slowly, already lamenting how the day was turning out. "A security system that was apparently reinforced by my brother without my knowledge?"

"Devil magic runs on the same principles no matter what form it takes. It's all intent based. Once you know how to work around those principles, getting into the system of over ninety percent of all Devil complexes is pretty straightforward." Issei shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.

Truth be told, doing the dirty deed in question from the inside of the complex made things a hell of a lot easier for him, but his statement still stood.

"Intent, oh, that's right. Akeno told me you're a battle medic." Rias pinched the bridge of her nose and gathered her thoughts together. Issei had already proven that he could hijack the offensive magic of others, and bypass the natural defensive magic of his targets. Who was to say that he couldn't penetrate a building's defenses as well with the same twisted logic?

Apparently, Issei was still sour about the current title of his specialty if his slumped shoulders and incoherent grumbling was any indication.

"Seriously? He's a battle medic?" Raynare looked at Issei with a questionable gaze before thinking better of it. "You know what? Why not? It's not like making him even more bullshit than he already is changes much."

"Ladies and non-ladies. You've seen it yourself. The Cougar can in fact learn."

"Fuck off."

"Speaking of which." Akeno looked curiously at the pile of papers and documents that were stacked to either side of Issei. Despite the nature of the videos, the forms themselves appeared to be quite orderly and official. "Why do you have all these about for watching these videos? I thought that your obsession with sex was merely…"

"A coping mechanism? A shallow distraction? A perpetually immature attempt to utilize escapism to avoid the world in its entirety?" Judging from his automatic and dry response, this wasn't the first time that he had given this answer. "Yes they are, but I can be productive watching porn too."

He gestured to the documents to the right. "Those are the debut videos, or virgin videos, of women trying to start their careers in the industry. Most of them are utter trash, and the best they'll manage is get a high view count on pornhub for some cheap add revenue."

He gestured to the vastly smaller pile of papers on his left next. "Those are for sponsored and financed full featured pornos, starring notable actors and actresses in the industry. These are the legitimate movies that eventually get statues and accolades from those porn awards that are held in Vegas and in the underworld that everyone hears about but few bother to watch."

"Are they any good?" Akeno, as opposed to Rias, was more familiar with porn.

"Nope. Both piles are standard trash faire with dumpster fire performers. Only real difference between them are the budget, camera quality, and length." He shot down her assumption instantly. "All things considered, you three top ninety eight percent of these idiots on looks alone."

"I thought there was more to the full movies after how much you praised porn." Rias probed, noticing that he didn't notice that she and the other girls were slightly caught off guard by the off handed compliment.

Issei yawned. "There is, but we're in a slow season and I'm stuck reviewing the niche, avante garde crap that wouldn't be touched if anything better was out. Most of the good stuff isn't released until mid to late summer. Everything else is more or less the equivalent of tryouts to get noticed by anyone with money."

"So basically prostitutes trying to land the biggest fish then." Raynare summarized.

"More or less. Not that anyone's complaining. People fuck. People profit."

"Sounds like you know what you're doing then." Akeno hummed. "Do you have any preferences? Girls. Boys? Threesomes? Bondage? Interspecies?"

Issei didn't even react to her teasing. "I'll watch anything so long as it isn't horrifyingly disgusting to lay my eyes on. I don't do homosexual male films because I'm not into dudes. Not into guro or scat or anything disgusting like that, because I actually do have standards. Not fond of most cosplay porn either, but that's because most costumes are too over the top and it just looks stupid when they finally get to having sex, but there are exceptions if it's done right."

"Still didn't hear anything about bondage." Raynare teased. "Does the cranky brat have a secret kink?"

"No. The cranky brat is just tired of seeing the genre butchered hundreds of times. The odds of finding a good bondage video are as high as the odds of finding someone on the street that actually knows what BDSM stands for. Philistines."

"Butchered?" Now Issei had her undivided attention.

"Most idiots drop the half assed themes of their videos the moment clothes start coming off and dicks are whipped out. Half of these "Kinky" videos where everyone is dressed head to toe in latex, pvc, or leather are just idiots having sex with weird clothes on. Total buzz kills. It's especially disappointing when the main cast are mostly Fallen." He sighed dejectedly.

"Fallen?" Rias didn't make the connection he was getting at, but Akeno and Rayanre did.

It was no secret that Fallen Angels had a tendency to gravitate towards the darker pleasures due to their sinful nature. Bondage and the like were no exception, especially if one considered how many of their warriors were often donned in bondage-esque garb on the battlefield.

"You'd think that since S&M is such a huge part of modern Fallen culture that the average grunt would at least be able to make a decent short, but noooo. Lazy idiots just assume that they'd get a free shot in the industry by gimping themselves up in full body suits and letting themselves get gangbanged into oblivion. That's just bondage with sex people. Not a legit, well planned and established S&M performance. Morons don't realize that they're giving their partners a better shot at getting a job at that point by showing how long they can last and how many loads they can shoot."

Akeno was hoping that he'd stop talking soon. She needed to grab a pen and paper to write down what she was learning for future reference… not that she was interested in going into the market, but… yeah.

"Yeesh. That bad huh?" Raynare winced. She knew more than a few of her kind tried to make it big in porn, but she didn't know just how badly they could fuck up getting literally fucked.

"I'm more likely to find new costume designers and cameramen with these stupid things than actual performers." They could literally feel his frustration.

"And you watch all of these?" Rias had to admit it, she was impressed that he was dedicated enough to watch all of these videos.

"Weeb, I review these things, and get paid doing it." Issei took out his wallet and showed her what looked like a crimson membership card with a gold star and some writing on it. "There's not a list of elite porn critics out there that I'm not a part of. You name a quality production in the past five years, I've been one of the first to give it an official score. My word is borderline cum soaked gold in the industry."

Akeno was more interested in something else though. "… Chibi-sensei?"

"Hey, it may be a shady industry, but even they have an age limit to maintain outer appearances." He shrugged and put his card away. "Doesn't matter how good you are at the job, no one's going to take what you say seriously if it's coming from the mouth of a twelve year old. On the other hand, my official anonymity in the system only makes my reputation vastly more interesting than other reviewers by leagues, which makes my work and approval extremely high in demand."

"How high are we talking here?" Raynare asked curiously, walking towards one of the stacks of documents and picking it up to get a better look at the contents.

"Finishing the pile on the left will land me enough cash to cover all of my home's general expenses for a year, including taxes, groceries, and miscellaneous expenditures."

"Bullshit."

"The pile on the right is enough to cover almost half of the annual expenses for my personal hobbies, including any equipment or resources I need to invest in." He continued, completely ignoring her.

"Ara. That does seem like quite a bit of money." Akeno tilted her head to the side, contemplating just how much his side businesses make. "I'm curious, how much do you make a year Issei?"

"It varies depending on the market." The purveyor of porn yawned. "I do stocks and investments on the side too, but I haven't done anything deep on that end for a while. Plus some property management projects that I did with Zaz early on that just snowballed. Those are my major cash cows these days. Anything Porn related is just icing on the cake really. Everything together, general annual profits after all expenses are paid off are generally somewhere around, I wanna say a couple hundred million yen-ish? Give or take."

The sounds of several non-humans choking were heard clearly in the room. A couple hundred million yen, or a couple million dollars a year. Rias was the heiress to one of the Seventy Two pillars of Devil Society, and even with the backing of her family, she wouldn't be able to reach such numbers without some serious luck and help on her side.

"Why are you guys acting so surprised?" Issei glanced at them confused. "It's just money. Weeb's family owns and markets an entire small country in the underworld. I have jack in comparison."

True, but the Gremory family's wealth was built off of generations of war, reputation, and dynastic rule with roots that spanned back several millennia. There weren't many devils this side of the AD BC crossover that had actually made a fortune on their lonesome. That didn't mean that they were bad at managing their money, just that they weren't necessarily effective entrepreneurs.

Once again his behavior threw them all for a loop. Most people would thrive on flaunting their wealth and power in front of others, but Issei disregarded it as something next to meaningless.

"Son of a bitch, he really is loaded." Raynare moaned into her hands. "I always thought he was stashing more money than he let on with all the random crap he has, but this is ridiculous."

"For once I am in complete agreement." Akeno nodded, dumbfounded.

"Issei, against my better judgement, why did you put so much effort into earning so much wealth in the first place?" Rias asked. "Even for those gifted at a young age, there are few that would put so much to accumulate so much so quickly, and you're not exactly the type of person to go to such extremes for anything unless you intended to use it for something important."

Surprisingly, or not, her question caused Issei to pause, restraining his movements for a good three seconds, before his body slackened and seemed to be void of energy. It was a telltale sign that the topic was one that he did not care to think back on.

"… It was for something stupid. Something beyond my ability to ever have and keep in one piece. A pointless goal." His reply was empty, devoid of any emotion or energy. It was the answer of someone that had completely given up on something important.

Rias grimaced, knowing she had made a mistake. Issei was withdrawing into himself again. Once he completely shunt himself away from others, it would take at least a few hours before he was willing to open up again.

Thankfully, Raynare knew just what to do.

"So you're telling us that you got paid to watch bullshit like two girls one cup?"

"HURK?!" For once, Issei was about to blow chunks for reasons that were not related to his trauma. Not his main one anyways.

"Two girls one cup?" Rias blinked in confusion. "Is that some porn video?"

"NO!" Issei stood up with fury. "That abomination is not Porn! That is the furthest thing from Porn you can get! It is a cruel joke that only the most sick, deranged, and troubled minds would be able to watch without disgust! I firmly believe that showing that vile thing to anyone is in direct violation to the Geneva Convention!"

Raynare snorted at his reaction. "Stretching the truth a bit, but I won't exactly argue against it either."

"Ara. It must be pretty bad to get that sort of reaction from him." Akeno smiled.

"Don't blame me if you actually do watch it later and get nightmares. Or do. I'm pretty sure I'd get an award in some circles if word spread that I traumatized the relative of a Satan." Raynare wasn't joking about that either. True, it was a shallow and meaningless victory all things considered, but then again, there were loads of shallow and meaningless people out there.

Issei turned to Akeno with a dead serious expression. "I'm cruel enough that I will chase any of you around for hours with twisted sex toys of unspeakable functions. I am cruel enough to throw your shortcomings and potential traumas in your faces. But even I am not cruel enough to show you that thing."

"Ahaha. Duly noted." Rias laughed nervously, lifting her hands up in surrender. She decided to take Issei's word for it. If whatever it was made him react that poorly, then it really must be that bad. Regardless, it was best if she calmed him down again so he'd leave her room. Looking around, she found a solid distraction. "Issei, you paused your movie."

"Hm?" He turned to see that he had indeed paused the porno he was watching when he had that minor episode. The screen was showing a closeup of the actress with a large amount of cum on her face. "Ah damn it. Missed the money… shot…"

Raynare shook her head as Issei leaned forward and inspected the screen carefully. "See something you like brat? Don't tell me you're going to bust a nut here."

"… That stupid bitch."

"Come again?"

Instead of replying, Issei let out an angry groan and started to go through his binders for a specific one and opened it to get a document inside. "This is the third one this week. When are these morons going to realize that they are fucking themselves harder than the gangbangs they are putting themselves in?"

Now all three girls were completely lost. Rias looked over his shoulder at the stillframe to try and see what had gotten him so angry. "What's the matter?"

"Idiot's a druggie. Shot herself up just before the video to "enhance her performance". Dumbass." Issei finally found the form he was looking for and began to write on it quickly.

"Drugs?" Akeno was now looking at the screen as well. "How do you know? It's just a closeup of her face. Why would she inject herself there?"

"The sclera of her eyes are tinged green. The tears she let out from overworking herself are also tinged green, meaning that her lacrimal system, the part of the body responsible for tears, is also contaminated." Issei pointed out factually, looking absently between several documents to make sure he had the information right. "Remember that drug that stray took last week? Same stuff, smaller dose. From the symptoms I'd say she's been using it frequently for at least a few weeks."

"Wait. What?" This time even Rayanre couldn't hold back her surprise. "Why the hell would anyone take that shit to record a porno?"

"In controlled doses it increases one's sex drive, sensitivity, performance, stamina, energy, and," He paused as if debating to tell them the last part, "… supposedly a few other properties that some would consider enticing for other reasons."

Obviously there was more to the story than he was letting on, but none of the girls called him out on it. At least, not now.

"So, it's a sex drug that in large doses turns us into mutant freaks with body parts growing everywhere." Raynare summarized.

"And incredibly addictive, and can easily cause irreparable damage to the brain and internal organs if taken too frequently or overdosed, yes." Issei nodded, writing down everything as fast as possible. "Fucking hell. I don't know what's going on, but whoever's behind this is handing the shit out like candy all of a sudden. The stuff was just rumors for years, but suddenly it's everywhere and literally in my face."

Not only that, but…

"Partner." Ddraig whispered from inside his arm, making sure only Isseai heard him. "There were only a handful of people that knew how to make this concoction in the first place. All the documents for it were supposed to be destroyed or locked away. Azazel never did give you a straight answer when you asked him about the matter either. It's unlikely, but you don't think…"

"Don't even go there." Issei gave his left hand a dark glare.

"You can't deny the timing though." The dragon persisted. "You were the one that made the connection. The drug only started getting noticed when Gremory took the territory recently. And the availability has accelerated in the past couple of weeks, just when you start to go outside regularly. This isn't a coincidence. They're calling you out specifically. Mocking you."

"I said shut up."

"Issei? Did you say something?" Rias looked at him worried, and making him realize that he had actually been physically speaking to Ddraig.

Damn it. Yet another bad habit he had had to break again.

"You all right dumbass?" Raynare looked at him curiously. "You looked like you were about to have a real nasty freakout again."

He had the decency to flinch at the accurate accusation, and his hands tightened into fists momentarily before he forced himself to relax again.

Much to Issei's surprise, Rias and Akeno were also giving him tentative expressions. They looked curious, slightly worried, and… even a little bit scared from the violent gleam he had in his eyes.

That last part was what viciously murdered any intent or energy he had in his body.

That look.

He was so tired of that look.

Just calm down Issei. Don't get riled up again. Nothing good ever happens when you get worked up. Ever.

"I don't like these sorts of drugs." He lamely sighed, letting his body sag lifelessly as he sat back down into the couch and actively avoided eye contact with everyone. "Too many idiots rely on them for just a quick fix that causes more problems later on. I run away from my problems too, but even I won't risk damaging my mind for it. It's one of the last things I have."

"Considering how much porn you watch, that's up for debate." Raynare deadpanned.

Issei held back a biting retort. It was always better to give context in these situations. Talking also helped distract him from what Ddraig was getting on about earlier. "… Zaz, the Grigori, own a good number of porn companies as side businesses, revenue generation, information dealing hubs, and propaganda outlets. They run a lot of their prospective employees past me to see that they're clean physically. Even if I don't inspect anyone directly, I have a sharp eye for catching warning signs. Druggies and health hazards and the like. You'd be surprised just how many women that want to get into the industry ignore or miss odd growths and lumps on their bodies, discolorations on their skin, the usual. Makeup covers them up most of the time, but funny thing about sex is that it's messy. Concealers and creams wipe away pretty quickly in the middle of gangbangs, getting out of skintight clothes, and rough sex. It's actually how Zaz found me in the first place. Saw one of his girls show signs of a potential brain tumor in a video when I was a kid and tried to get the word out. A few weeks later, Flat Head Sensei was on my doorstep."

Flat Head Sensei?

Akeno had a suspicion she knew who he was talking about, but kept quiet about it. The less she had to do with that man, the better.

"Guess that's where "Chibi-sensei" came from." Rias smiled weakly as she looked over all the papers he had stacked up. It gave her a sense of déjà vu with her own paperwork that she frequently had to deal with. "You go through all of this by yourself?"

"Eventually. Most of its just medical and legal jargon. Write your name here. Check down the boxes there. Side notes on these lines. Makes sure to include timestamps in these sections. It's almost like making a halfway decent youtube video after a while. Only you don't have to deal with those skewed filters that everyone knows doesn't work."

Rias shook her head and gave him a look of pity. It was clear now that Issei didn't just use Porn as his coping mechanism, but his outlet to try and be productive and helpful in some way to others as well. The hypocrite hated and was terrified of the very idea of being with people, but simultaneously can't seem to handle the idea of not trying to help others in some way for an extended period of time.

She was frustrated with just how he could be endearing and infuriating at the same time.

"Well, that at least explains why you look like shit all the time if you're perpetually buried in that crap." Raynare missed the point entirely. "My eyes would be bloodshot too if I had to sit around and fill out those things while watching this all day every day."

It was then that Rias and Akeno realized that, for lack of a better term, Issei looked like shit. The only reason why they missed it earlier was because he was too absorbed into his videos or ranting to give them a good look until then.

His eyes were extremely sunken, bloodshot, and had deep bags under them. His skin was simultaneously flush and tanned, as if he had been dehydrated and left out in the sun. On top of that, on closer look, there was a slight sway to his head, as if he was perpetually on the verge of passing out.

All in all, he looked vastly worse than the last time she saw him during their training that weekend.

"Issei, are you all right?" Rias moved to get a better look at the clearly exhausted teen.

"That's a loaded question, and you know it." He didn't bother to look up from his paperwork. It took a moment to realize that the words he was looking at were blurring again and he was getting dizzy.

Damn it. Getting worked up from Ddraig's accusations earlier had drained the little focus and energy he had left in his body. And the couch was really, comfortable. And now it was getting harder to… stay awake…

"Ara. As much as I agree with that statement, Rias is right to be curious." Akeno tilted her head to the side. "You do look quite under the weather. I'm somewhat surprised you even made it through school today in that shape."

"Depending on who you asked, he didn't." Raynare recalled the past few hours…

o. o. o.

First Period:

"Zzzzzzzz."

Second Period:

"Zzzzzzzz."

Third Period:

"I suppose I'll have to give Hyoudou an extension on his homework…"

Thump.

Issei's arm flopped on his desk. In his hand was the homework he had missed that week and the report due that day.

"Zzzzzzz."

To be continued.

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