Chapter 015

Jun remembered that Yan pinched Deqi's neck, and it was the smokey voice who rushed to relieve him. She told Yan to let go of his hand, because if he pinched Deqi any more, he would be killed.

Yan turned a deaf ear and his eyes widened like an angry King Kong.

Deqi, who was dying, began to struggle, waving his hands in the air like crab legs and clawing at random. In desperation, he touched Yan's hand and cut it subconsciously. His sharp nails were like cutting tofu with a knife, creating a gash on the back of Yan's hand.

Blood flowed out gurglingly.

Yan instinctively retracted his hand, pressing his left hand over the wound on his right hand while secretly channeling his inner energy.

Jun remembered that even a simple needle prick could cause Yan excruciating pain, let alone a cut like this that could cost him his life.

Deqi, who had gained a momentary respite, was oblivious to the opportunity to de-escalate the situation. Instead, he continued to argue vehemently, insisting that he was not talking nonsense. He resorted to using worn-out arguments about the betrothal gift he had given to Jun, hoping to rally support from the others, then Jun had no choice but to reveal the bracelet.

The smokey voice stepped forward to quell the crowd. She claimed that she could testify that the bracelet had been left to her by Jun's mother.

Deqi immediately countered, asserting that the bracelet had been his betrothal gift to Jun. He even recounted the bracelet's origin, stating that it was originally a treasure from the palace. One day, his father cried poverty to the Empress Dowager Cixi, who then generously gifted the bracelet to Deqi's father.

Jun remembered that after Deqi finished speaking, the smokey voice no longer lingered on the topic of the bracelet. She changed her approach, suggesting that, even in the worst-case scenario where Jun truly became Deqi's wife, she would have to go with him. In this timeline, Deqi would have to give up his carefree life and face Jun every day, unable to flirt other girls anymore.

Deqi immediately backed down, and the storm was thus calmed.

Jun remembered that as they turned to enter the house, the smokey voice quietly pulled her aside, intentionally speaking candidly behind Yan's backs.

"What Cixi's nephew said was detailed and credible, not like a fabrication. Have you thought about it at all?"

Jun shook her head in deep frustration. Indeed, she remembered her mother and father, the palace attendants, and how they had just resolved the crisis step by step. However, she couldn't recall any of the things Deqi mentioned.

"I was even happy for you," the smokey voice said with disappointment. "When I heard Yan getting angry and mentioning that you two knew each other for a long time, and that your name was Jun. I thought, 'Wow, you two have been searching for each other for ages, and now you've finally found each other in this romantic way.'"

"What did Yan say? I didn't hear anything," Jun stammered.

In reality, she had heard it. Not only had she heard it, but her heart had also skipped a beat. She quickly delved into her distant memories, wondering if she had a childhood friend named Yan, if she had once been called Jun, and if they had been close.

The pain surged again, as if someone were tying up bundles in her mind. Every time the ropes tightened, her temples and crown throbbed, her vision darkened, and then countless golden needles pierced her eyes.

Recalling her name as Jun caused her a headache, but she couldn't help it. For example, when she lowered her head and saw the pair of jade bracelets on her wrist, she thought of her mother.

Her mother's family was very poor. According to her aunt, who was also the mother of Yu Gege, she would never have married to Jun's father if there had been any surplus in her family. So, saying that the bracelet was a family heirloom from her mother's side was probably a joke, just like saying that the Forbidden City was an ancestral estate of the Jun family.

Could it have been a gift from her maternal grandfather? Jun thought for a moment and then shook her head. Her maternal grandfather had no legitimate profession; he had only served in the palace as a labour a few times, which he boasted about for the rest of his life. Jun still remembered her maternal grandfather's ecstatic expression when he first saw a glass window. It's likely that he would have considered a pair of bracelets less valuable than glass.

Furthermore, her destitute and impoverished family would never have been able to keep a pair of dazzling jade bracelets. Even if they had somehow managed to keep them, Ying, the profligate son of the family, would have stolen them and sold them off long ago.

Thinking about this, Jun was almost certain that the bracelets didn't originally belong to her. They must have appeared suddenly, and she likely first saw them when she was thirteen years old.

By that time, she had already spent six years in the palace and had grown accustomed to the opulent yet cold life there. However, she still yearned for her home, for her Er Niang and Amah. But instead of feeling that a reunion was a distant dream, she firmly believed it was just around the corner. She was convinced that as long as she made something of herself, she could provide her Er Niang and Amah with a better life.

What is constantly remembered will inevitably be recalled. One day, Empress Dowager Cixi suddenly summoned her and bestowed her with several sets of clothing, some gold and silver jewelry, and the opportunity to visit her home.

The entire palace was in an uproar over the Empress Dowager's inexplicable favouritism towards Jun. Yu Gege were especially furious, throwing a tantrum and using all sorts of provocative language. Jun had no choice but to accept the Empress Dowager's gifts and allow Yu Gege to pick whatever she wanted.

While the clothes and jewelry were nice, what Jun valued most was the opportunity to "visit home." She hadn't been home since entering the palace, and she had only glimpsed Er Niang from afar when her mother accompanied the Duchess into the palace. Now, with the chance to be with her family in person, Jun wished she had wings to fly back home immediately.

As the carriage left the palace gates and headed north, Jun inexplicably grew nervous. She thought, perhaps this is what Master Weng meant by "near the hometown, emotions grow timid." To calm herself, she began reciting Song Zhiwen's poem "Crossing the Han River." However, as she recited, her heart started racing even more, and she found herself short of breath.

"So young, yet you leave your mom. It's quite pitiable. Go home and see for yourself," these words from Empress Dowager Cixi echoed in Jun's ears. She dared not scrutinize the Empress Dowager's true intentions, she only wished to hurry and reach her beloved family as soon as possible.

The carriage stopped in front of her family's home, and Jun jumped out. As she looked up, she saw two white lanterns hanging above the lintel, and the two characters for "mourning" felt like two heavy hammers striking her, causing her vision to fill with golden sparks.

Tears welled up in her eyes, and Jun stumbled her way past the screen wall and into the courtyard. The main house facing south also had white silk hung up, swaying eerily in the night breeze, while paper figures and paper horses were piled up at the entrance, adding to the eerie atmosphere.

"Er Niang, I am home, why didn't you wait for me?" Jun fell to her knees with a thud and began wailing loudly. "I shouldn't have gone to that wretched place in the palace. I should have stayed with you."

Jun's head knocked loudly, and blood seeped from her forehead, staining the grey bricks on the ground.

A hand grabbed her to stop her from self-harming, and when Jun looked up, she immediately stopped crying and broke into a smile.

"Er Niang, you're not dead?" she exclaimed.

"Silly child, a thirteen-year-old young lady, speaking without thinking, no manners at all," said her father. He was wearing a robe with an apron on top, sleeves covered with sleeves protectors, and held a papier-mache bull's head. It had been six years since they last met, and Jun felt that her father had visibly aged.

Before Jun could greet her father properly, her mother rushed over and embraced her. The familiar scent of osmanthus blossoms filled the air, and Jun recognized it as the fragrance of her mother's hair oil.

Her mother cried, her shoulders trembling uncontrollably.

Jun wanted to cry too, but she held back. She needed to make the most of this time to spend with her parents, as these memories would have to sustain her once she returned to the palace.

Her mother's hair had turned much whiter, with white and fluffy bits sticking to the strands. Jun picked up a strand and examined it closely; it was cotton.

Her mother felt a bit embarrassed, using her apron to dust off the cotton from her hair while explaining to Jun that as soon as they knew she was coming back, they hurried to make her a cotton-padded jacket. They didn't expect her to arrive so quickly.

"You all knew I was coming back?" This surprised Jun.

Her parents exchanged a strange look. Just as her father was about to speak, her mother pulled Jun aside and led her into the house to explain.

Jun happily followed her parents but stopped after a few steps, pointing to the white silk hanging in the main hall, asking what was going on.

"Your fifth uncle's third son has passed away..." her father said awkwardly.

"Fifth Uncle's third son?" Jun thought for a moment. "Puren? He passed away? Shouldn't it be his family's responsibility to handle the funeral? Why is he laid in our house?"

Her mother chuckled even more awkwardly. "Well, your cousin was still underage, and his death was rather sudden. Keeping him at his own home wouldn't be respectful to the elders."

Jun's anger flared up. "So it's disrespectful to his family but respectful to ours? Amah, you're also one of his elders!"

"I'm not listed in the family genealogy, so I can't be considered his elder. That's convenient, as it spares me from involvement," her father's awkwardness shifted to a wry smile.

"Not being in the genealogy means we have no relation to him at all, and he definitely shouldn't be laid in our house," Jun insisted.

Her mother tugged at Jun. "This house belongs to your second uncle, my dear. It's a matter of hosting someone under one's roof, which sometimes requires us to be humble."

Jun remained silent. She understood that this was a sensitive issue for her mom and dad. Pushing too hard would be inconsiderate of her parents' feelings.

"Let's go inside," her father suggested.

He courteously lifted the door curtain for the mother and daughter, momentarily forgetting that he was still holding a paper bull's head.

"Amah, what's this?" Jun pointed to the paper bull's head, knowing well what it was.

Her father quickly hid the bull's head behind his back, but it was too late.

"The paper bull is meant to drink up the dirty water splashed when the deceased was alive. It has to be made by the son or daughter of the deceased. What does fifth uncle mean by this? Is he treating you as his son's son, expecting you to serve as a bull or horse in the afterlife?" Jun questioned.

"Well, you know, it's just a custom, a bit superstitious. Darling, why are you taking it so seriously?" her father tried to downplay it, pretending not to care.

"Not taking it seriously? Then why hold a memorial, make a paper bull, and go through all this trouble? Just roll up the shroud and throw it on the burial mound," Jun retorted.

"You little rascal, always talking nonsense. I see you haven't learned any manners during your six years in the palace," her mother scolded, pretending to threaten Jun.

Her father quickly intervened, saying, "I'm skilled at papier-mache. It's about making a little money without embarrassment. Even Cao Yin, the author of 'Dream of the Red Chamber,' used to sell kites to earn a living. If he could do it, why can't I?"

Jun couldn't stand to see her father deluding himself. "Did my fifth uncle give you any money? I bet he didn't. I think he's just taking advantage of you."

"That's well said!" A voice came through the screen wall into the courtyard.

Jun turned to see her long-unseen brother, Ying.

"Whether our family is the one being taken advantage of or taking advantage of others in the future depends on you," Ying said as he handed Jun two strings of candied hawthorns. The golden sugar coating wrapped around the red hawthorns was mouthwatering.

However, Jun resisted the temptation and didn't reach for them.

"Oh, the sun has risen in the west. Someone who's so eager for sweets that she'd eat snow as candy isn't tempted by candied hawthorns?" Ying teased.

"Penny wise, pound foolish," Jun retorted.

"Er Niang, look at your girl. She's making it sound like I'm trying to cheat her."

"Er Niu, your brother heard you were coming back, so he rushed to the market early this morning to buy your favourite candied hawthorns," Jun's mother explained.

"You can eat them with peace of mind; I promise they're not poisoned."

Jun finally accepted the candied hawthorns and took a big bite, savouring the familiar sweet and sour taste that filled her mouth.

"Er Niang, did you tell Jun about that matter?" Ying's face showed a hint of unease.

Jun's mother looked a bit anxious.

Her father quickly intervened, "What's the rush? Your sister just arrived."

"But it's not something we can delay. The day after tomorrow is the auspicious day..."

Her father kept signalling to Ying with his eyes, but Ying ignored him and ushered Jun and her mother toward the inner rooms.

"Er Niang, please tell her quickly. This is good news; let my sister be happy too."

Then, Ying slammed the door shut with a loud noise.

The candied hawthorns in Jun's hand instantly lost their appeal, and she couldn't explain why. A mixture of anxiety and reluctance surged from the depths of her heart.

Her mother chattered on, initially about the traditional wisdom of males marrying at an appropriate age and females being fit for marriage. Jun was thirteen this year, not too young, and given her father's status in the family registry, it was high time for a marriage proposal.

Jun suddenly understood what Ying meant by "good news." To be honest, she didn't feel excited or angry. After six years of experience in the palace, she had long realized one undeniable truth: marriage was fate for a woman, something she couldn't escape or control.

Seeing her daughter silent, Jun's mother quietly let out a sigh of relief and then took out the pair of jade bracelets to put them on Jun's wrists.

Oh right, she remembered. Her mother said these were the betrothal gifts.

Jun raised her hand slightly, and under the dim, yellowish light, the pair of jade bracelets shimmered with a soft, gentle radiance. It was evident that they were of the highest quality, likely sourced from the palace.

"You see it now, right? A betrothal gift like this indicates that this family is no ordinary one. By the way, he mentioned seeing you in the palace..."

Jun didn't inquire further about who this person was, and her mother didn't elaborate. In their minds, the bracelets conveyed everything they needed to know. As for whom she was going to marry, whether it was Tom, Mike, or Jeff, those details were no longer important.

"Considering your father's background, we wouldn't be able to marry into a family like this..."

Her mother glanced anxiously at Jun. "So, when you marry over there, you won't be the primary wife. The primary wife has already been designated by the Empress Dowager Cixi, and you'll be a concubine..."

Her mother almost whispered the last word, her voice barely audible.

Jun wasn't surprised. From a young age, she had been ingrained with the belief that her fate was unfortunate, that she was inferior, and that she wouldn't marry well. She wasn't angry either. After all, wasn't Empress Longyu and Consort Jin both equivalent to a primary wife and a secondary wife? What was the difference? Both were neglected by Emperor Guangxu.

Her composure made her mother nervous. "My dear, I know. It would break my heart to see you suffer as a concubine. If you're not happy, I'll ask your father to cancel the marriage immediately. I'm not afraid of offending anyone; I only care about my precious daughter's happiness."

Before Jun could respond, there was a loud crash from outside. She recognized it was the eagle Ying had raised—it was swooping down. It seemed Ying hadn't gone far.

Her mother also heard it, and she managed a weak smile at Jun. "Don't worry about your brother. If he wants a bright future, he can chase after it himself. He shouldn't use his own sister as a bargaining chip. We don't care what others might say."

Jun understood the underlying uncertainty in her mother's words. She smiled gently and held her mother's calloused hand. "It's alright, Er Niang. Who I marry isn't as important as being able to support the family. Have you set a date? My brother said it's the day after tomorrow?"

Tears welled up in her mother's eyes, and she sobbed, "My dear, I'm sorry. I've given you an ineffectual father and an unsuccessful brother."

Jun shook her head. "Er Niang, you're saying strange things. Amah and Ying have always been good to me. I don't want Ying to be successful. If he becomes the emperor, I'll be married off as a political pawn to some foreign land where not even chickens lay eggs. If my husband dies, I'll marry his son. If his son dies, I'll marry his grandson..."

Jun's mother forgot about her tears, her eyes widening even more than bells. "Is it true? Are those princesses who are sent away for political marriages really that miserable? Isn't it almost like treating them as livestock?"

"Er Niang, are you genuinely concerned for me or just curious? Look at you, you get a little gossip, and you forget all about your own daughter."

Mother and daughter embraced, sharing a laugh. Jun remembered that night when she and her mother talked for hours. Her mother said that such moments would become increasingly rare in the future.