Chapter Five

The ride is bumpy and unsteady, but Diluc maintains constant vigil over Kaeya as the house quickly comes into view. It continues to worry Diluc that he's so still. Too still. Diluc subconsciously adjusts his hand on his chest, intensely unsettled, yet the sensation of stillness remains.

A second later Diluc realizes why; Kaeya isn't breathing.

"No!" Diluc yells in anguish, shaking Kaeya vigorously. He looks up for help and finds that they've just come to a stop outside of the stairs leading to the house. Braxton leaps down from the driver's chair, rushing around to the rear of the wagon. Diluc looks to him, panicked, while trying to gather Kaeya up to get him out, but his hands are shaking terribly.

"He's not breathing," He explains, distraught. "I don't know for how long , I …"

Braxton shushes him, firmly but kindly, taking Kaeya away from him. "Give him to me son, we've got him." He gathers him up securely, "We've got him." Diluc fumbles, simultaneously appalled at his uselessness and overcome with terror for what may be happening right before his eyes for the second time in his life.

It was a joke to think that he had ever healed. All he'd done was bury it. His heart aches.

He jumps out of the wagon, arms newly freed and rushes ahead of Braxton, who cradles Kaeya like his own son, and literally crashes through his own front door.

"Adelinde!" He yells. She appears immediately, Jean close at her heels, concern etched on both their faces.

"I'm here sir!" she gestures to the right, to a room that has been made into a fully functional impromptu infirmary.

"Bring him this way." Her calm and sure demeanor doesn't serve to ease Diluc's worries as it normally does. But not through any fault of her own. He is too petrified of the tragedy unfolding to be consoled by anyone.

Jean inhales sharply at the sight of both of them as Braxton steps through the door. At the same time Diluc gasps out of breath. "He isn't breathing!"

Before he is even finished his sentence, Jean calls on her Vision and fills the hall with a warm healing breeze. Diluc feels some of his exhaustion lift and the persistent ache in his shoulder and head, recede a bit.

Kaeya gasps in Braxton's arms and coughs roughly. Everyone else lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," Diluc breathes

Jean pays his gratitude no heed and ushers them into the small sitting room adjacent to the main hall where two beds have been made, pails of both hot and cold water are present, along with a multitude of towels, bandages, wash clothes and instruments . Adelinde truly prepared all she thought they could possibly need.

Between the two beds, sits Barbara, more serious than Diluc has ever seen her. Intensely watching as Braxton lowers Kaeya to the bed. She begins to treat him immediately, hovering her hands back and forth over his body before they stop over his heart and she begins to sing softly. A subtle blue glow surrounds him.

The room is tensely quiet for a few minutes, until Barbara smiles gently and says "I have him now. Everything will be fine. Please rest yourselves, this will probably take a while. But he'll be fine."

The collective murmurs of relief and gratitude, remind Diluc of how beloved Kaeya has always been among the winery household. When he glances her way, Diluc notices Adelinde discreetly wipe away a tear. Braxton, standing next to his small son, mutters a short prayer of thanks and runs his hand over his beard, while squeezing his own son's shoulder.

Diluc looks away before they notice him observing. A moment later, Adelinde approaches him. "Please rest yourself Master Diluc, I imagine you have had positively harrowing night and you need some rest. All amenities have been prepared for your arrival."

"Thank you Adelinde." He answers grateful but absent.

"Please relieve yourself when you're ready." She sighs, gently touching his shoulder. When he properly looks at her, she adds "I'm glad to have you both back, rest and don't hesitate to call on me for anything at all."

"Of course," he answers more sincerely "Thank you Adelinde, for everything."

He watches the rest of people quietly disperse, most of them wishing Kaeya a speedy recovery, telling Diluc to get some rest. It all reminds Diluc of the fact that as much he may have wanted it so, Kaeya was never written out of the minds of these people.

Soon only Diluc, Jean and Barbara are left with Kaeya. There is nothing more for Diluc to busy himself with; the situation is officially out of his hands. His body realizes this a minute before he does, and as the steady surge of adrenaline that has kept him going until now dissipates, he stumbles a bit, grabbing the nearby wall for support.

Jean is by his side in a second, but she refrains from touching him. She searches his face, gauging his head space. He looks away first, aware of how uncommonly expressive his face is right now, embarrassed by his recent show of emotion and weakness.

"He's in good hands now," She says carefully "He'll be okay." He nods absently at her words. Her gentle tone makes him feel cornered, confronted by everything he has experience in the past day. All the feelings he has been bombarded with. The question in her eyes, asks him to explain it and he's not ready to even fully acknowledge them, let alone explain them. But as understanding and patient as Jean is, she has never shied away from what is hard or uncomfortable. She regards him patiently, but does not back down, "What happened?" she asks quietly.

Diluc turns away from her, stepping away from the wall to alleviate the sense of being smothered. He watches Barbara at work, watching Kaeya's face for a sign of change, of improvement. There is none so far, but Barbara does not seem concerned, only concentrating. He looks back at Jean.

"I was in Wolvendom last night. I'd gone to challenge the wolf.

"I found him on my way back. He'd been attacked by a rift hound and was severely wounded, hiding in some bushes." He watches her face, noting the emotion that she only barely keeps under wraps as he details Kaeya's misfortune. What is it about Kaeya that enamors the people around him to him so? Diluc wonders. How does he worm his way into everyone's hearts so well? Is it his nature as a spy? Does he have the entirety of Mondstadt wrapped around his finger as he was tasked to?

But even as he asks himself these questions, Diluc knows it isn't true. Kaeya may be a lia,r but there are some emotions, some sentiments that can't be faked. Diluc once told himself this was not true, that Kaeya, master of manipulation, had tricked both he and his father into loving an imposter whose every single word had been theater. But it was wishful thinking to justify his rage.

Kaeya was devastated when he and Diluc crossed blades that night. He had been genuinely sorry for the charade he had been tasked with for all those years. He was truly sorry that Crepus had died, the father who had unconditionally loved him as Crepus was want to do.

Kaeya does not amount to nothing but the sum of all his lies and last night in the forest, ravaged by fever and pain, his fear and regret and gratitude had been real. He'd been genuinely happy to have Diluc by his side in what he thought were his final hours.

Diluc looks away from Jean again before she can see all this in his eyes. He swallows thickly.

"I tried to help him while waiting for the opportunity to make it safely out of the woods."

Jean frowns slightly folding her arms "You don't need to make it sound like a report Diluc. I'm asking as a friend, to both of you," she adds "I know you still care, I know…this had to be hard."

He looks at her again, annoyed although he doesn't mean to be. She means well, but she has no idea. His emotions concerning Kaeya are so conflicted, he has no idea at the best of times. But she is right about the fact that last night had been difficult. In more ways than she knows.

He sighs and shifts gears "Did you know that rift hound corrosion is contagious?" He asks

She frowns, eyes widening "What precisely do you mean by contagious?"

He shakes his head, not ready to answer after all. "I thought I was past this. I thought we had grown past the point where this could hurt so much." He says instead frustrated

Jean looks at him confused, "That's not a surprise. You can't just turn off caring for your family. You never stop... "

"He's not my family though." Diluc interjects sharply, almost on principle.

Jean's face takes on the pinched look that she always gets when confronted with the subject of Diluc and Kaeya's parting. She knows there is a fundamental aspect to the falling out that she doesn't know and that they will probably never tell her. She is therefore left to navigate their warped relationship in the dark.

She sighs, adapting as well. "Why are you angry Diluc?" she asks instead, impatience and frustration shelved for the sake of helping a friend unravel himself.

He's slightly taken aback by her question, because it hadn't occurred to him that he was angry, but in truth that is exactly what he's feeling and he doesn't know why.

He paces further away from her, towards the big bay windows overlooking the vineyards, contemplative. Trying to figure out this answer for himself.

He is immensely relieved that Kaeya survived the night, that Kaeya is still alive. But he is also frustrated because…?

Because he thought he was above this kind of pain?

Because he erroneously envisioned himself beyond the reaches of the inner turmoil that family can bring?

Because he was harshly confronted with it, in the woods, in the dark of night, watching Kaeya, no, watching his brother, scream and writhe in pain and not be able to lift a finger to ease it?

Because sneaky old Kaeya never really stopped being his brother, despite how much Diluc tried to stop being his?

Diluc sighs, pondering how to articulate this to Jean, but before he can respond to her, they are interrupted by a pain filled groan from Kaeya.

Diluc whirls around and is by his side in an instant. Jean goes to the other side of the bed next to Barbara, equally concerned.

"What's wrong?" Diluc asks

Barbara wipes away a bead of sweat from her brow and looks up from Kaeya, who is weakly thrashing.

"His condition is still very serious, Master Diluc. But before I can improve his life signs more significantly, I need to address the wound directly, it's causing him a lot of pain.

Jean steps a little closer, noticing something. "Barbara are you OK? Your hands are shaking. "

Barbara waves away her sister's concern. "I'm fine Jean. As I said, he was very badly hurt, so it took a lot of energy to bring him back to this point. But it's nothing I can't handle."

"Perhaps I can help you," Jean offers.

Barbara smiles up at her gratefully and Diluc can see it too; the signs of fatigue. She seems to have expended a lot of energy so far, meaning Kaeya had truly been very close to death.

"That would be great." She concedes "Thank you Jean." Diluc watches Kaeya, as Jean let's off another burst of healing Anemo energy. It swirls around them gently, longer than the first time, moving both of the sister's hair and as the warm breeze passes over Kaeya, he calms.

Barbara sighs appreciatively. "Thank you,"

She turns back to Kaeya again, determined and reenergized, she begins to undo the bandaging.

"Ok, back to work." She slowly peels away the cotton packing the wounds. "Is this your doing Master Diluc?" she asks politely

"Yes, what of it?" he responds somewhat concerned. It comes across more brusquely than he meant it to.

"It was very well done," she responds kindly, ignoring his tone. "It could be the reason no infection has set in yet."

Diluc highly doubts that idea but nods curtly.

She continues her work, quietly singing as she does. Kaeya is not as unaware as before, but neither is he as agitated. He has not regained consciousness yet, but he obviously feels what she is doing.

Once the wound is completely uncovered, Jean and Barbara gasp. Diluc remains stoic having seen it at its worst.

"May I ask what sort of creature caused this? Barbara asks softly, stricken.

"A fierce wolflike creature of the Abyss known as a rift hound or rift wolf." Diluc answers sullenly "They are very rare but one of them ambushed him in Wolvendom."

Barbara notes the angry red edges of the large gashes, which have started bleeding again.

"Do you know how long after he was attacked, was it before you were able to dress the wounds?" She asks frowning

Perhaps she is reconsidering the praise about his handling of the injury. Diluc thinks darkly. After all there is nothing to praise, it was too little, much too late.

"It was a very long t…." he pauses and clarifies. "It was a number of hours afterwards." He corrects himself.

Barbara and Jean both turn to him, confused.

"Rifthounds possess a highly contagious venom on their claws. We….agreed," Diluc continues with a hint of self-loathing "That while he was still being afflicted by the venom, I should keep my distance so I would be capable of bringing him to safety when it passed." Diluc turns away from them both to hide the emotion he cannot keep stifled at the remembrance of Kaeya bleeding out, biting his hand to stifle his screams of pain, while Diluc stood back and watched. He doesn't want to see the sympathetic looks forming on their faces.

"The effects of the venom lasts…a long time. By the time it was safe for me to touch him, he was unconscious."

Barbara gasps quietly, "Oh Master Diluc! That must have been terrible. I'm so sorry." She turns back to Kaeya's open wound, regarding it with new concentration. "Thank you for telling me. I understand now." She repositions her hands near the wound and sparkles appear as she softly hums a non-descript tune. Then she says, "Unfortunately his wounds will scar heavily, but I believe he will otherwise make a full recovery."

"Thank you," Diluc says politely, sincerely. But he does walks away from the bed; from their sympathy, from Kaeya's still, weak form. However, Jean catches up to him before he can leave the room all together.

"Don't be too hard on yourself Diluc," She tells him "You did the best you could. If you had not made the hard decision that you did, Kaeya would probably be dead right now, and who know what would have happened to you."

Diluc knows this is true, but it doesn't erase the feeling in his heart, that Kaeya suffered more because Diluc is who heard is pitiful whimpers last night, instead of someone else.

"I know," Diluc responds "and thank you, but I obviously have a lot to sort out."

Jean backs off nodding slightly to herself, acknowledging his insistence to deal with this alone. "Please take care of yourself Diluc," she says to his retreating back "And please let me know when his condition improves. If there is anything I can do to help either of you, don't hesitate to tell me."

He turns back to face her, guiltily. She does not deserve his ire. She has been nothing but a good friend.

"Thank you, Jean," he come back over to her. "For everything, for being here." He looks away ashamed. "Please excuse my foul mood, it's not directed at you in anyway."

She smiles knowingly, folding her arms. "I take no offense Diluc, I understand that you need some space and I respect that. I just want you to know you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be."

He nods, acknowledging the invitation to talk.

"I can't stay much longer," Jean adds. "So please do let me know how his condition changes and take care of yourself."

"Of course," Diluc nods. "Now if you'll excuse me, I reek of blood."

"Please," Jean gestures politely

He quietly walks out of the new infirmary, upstairs to his suite of rooms. He passes through his personal office to the bedroom and stands in front of his mirror. He examines the sorry state of his clothing and the red streaks on his face; that covers his hands. The darkness of it seems to clash with the brightness of his hair in a sinister way.

He walks away from the mirror and removes his filthy clothes, soiled with copious amounts of Kaeya's blood. He vehemently tosses the entire offending pile into the empty fireplace and burns them to ashes. Then he continues into the bathroom and heats the bathwater Adelinde had prepared for him to a scalding temperature. He sinks into the water using a now familiar brush to scrub the blood from himself, trying thoroughly to soak it out of his skin.

He feels nauseous.

Which confuses him, because Diluc knows the smell of blood intimately. He is well acquainted with violence; with how soft and fragile humans are, how much blood they are. How easily they can end up torn on the ground. How easily they burn. For a large swath of his adult life thus far, he has made violence his home. The smell and sight of blood are nothing new to him.

He has even had the experience of inflicting grave injuries on his own family; He will never forget the damning pain of driving the knife into his father's chest to end his suffering. Nor the hurt of his fight with Kaeya on that horrible night, the vaporizing steam and the burns it inflicted, the slashes of his heavy claymore; although they were voluntarily inflicted, these incidents are never far from his mind. Haunting him, they make every strike he does, stronger.

So why is he so affected by Kaeya's near death today?

He scrubs at the blood surrounding his nails. The water is now tinged pink around him.

Diluc gets out of the still scalding water and changes it.

By the end of his third bath, he figures he's as clean as he is going to get for now, and he doesn't feel any less confused. At the very least, he knows that he won't be at ease, until he has seen Kaeya awake again.

The confused state of his mind in regards to his relationship with Kaeya amplified by the trauma both of them endured during this ordeal, is definitely not going to abate until he has had a chance to talk to him.

Perhaps, not until he has had the chance to reconcile the Kaeya who Diluc experienced tonight, with the one that he fought with in the rain years ago and the one he has kept at arms length all these years, will he understand.

He dries off and dresses in a soft white shirt and black pants with socks, forgoing the jacket and shoes. His hair remains wet and as unruly as ever and the ache in his shoulder has nearly fully abated, but his head still throbs.

Because Kaeya is not awake when Diluc reemerges in the sitting room again, nor will Barbara even be finished with him for some hours yet, Diluc finds himself with absolutely nothing to do.

Before long, Adelinde takes the opportunity to give him a meal, some herbal tea for his head and an essentially non-negotiable suggestion to rest.

To his surprise, he devours two helpings of the simple bread and meat, more hungry than he had realized and the tea certainly helps.

Once he does reluctantly lay down on the bed next Kaeya's, sleep comes surprisingly quickly. But before he commits to a nap, Diluc asks Barbara about Kaeya's progress. She explains that she will give Kaeya one more session in a couple hours before she'll be satisfied. But both he and her need a break, so his body can catch up with what she has done and so she can replenish her energy.

Diluc thanks her again and directs her to ask Adelinde for absolutely anything she may need or want, for as long as she's here. No matter what it may be. This is the least he can do to repay her. She thanks him profusely while reminding him that this is both her job and her passion so no thanks are necessary. But at his insistence, she heads across the hall to find the headmaid for something to eat.

Finally, he lays down after more than 48 hours on his feet. Within minutes, he falls into a dreamless sleep.

Late in the evening, he wakes before Kaeya does and Adelinde informs him that Barbara has left now, leaving herbal tea for Kaeya to help with pain and to relax and reports that Kaeya will make a full recovery with a few prominent scars. He is also not do anything strenuous for at least three weeks.

Diluc thanks her and asks that she ensure that Barbara is properly compensated for all that she has done regardless of whether she will accept it or not.

Afterwards, he settles down to wait for Kaeya to wake up.

Sometime later, he turns around from the wide windows he stood by earlier with Jean, having been lost in thought, to find Kaeya watching him with tired, clear eyes.

Diluc hurries over, grabbing a cup of water from the table by the fireplace on the way.

"I'm at the winery? " Kaeya asks quietly glancing around without otherwise moving.

"Yes," Diluc answers setting down the cup on the table next to the bed. "It's been a few hours since your last session with Barbara. How do you feel? "

Kaeya closes his eye for a moment and shifts slightly, "Like Varka hit me with the flat of his claymore and then threw me into a ravine." he says frankly. He belatedly realizes perhaps he should not have mentioned the knights so soon after being revived by the hospitality of Diluc's good will.

But Diluc takes it in stride, even chuckling a little. He sits down by the bed. "That's oddly specific, "

Kaeya smiles slightly, glad the saying didn't offend Diluc in some way. "Well, I feel specifically wrung out. But other wise I'm fine. Nothing really hurts." He looks Diluc in the eye, after a pause . "Thank you for saving me. You have my sincere gratitude and apologies for all the inconvenience this senseless oversight caused." He says properly, carefully. Because there is no way the genuine inefficiency and incompetence of not only a knight of the Ordo, but Kaeya himself would not be forefront in Diluc's mind. Kaeya will never forgive himself for having been blindsided like that, so he certainly shouldn't expect Diluc to.

But Diluc surprises him.

He shakes his head, holding up a hand, "There is no need to be so formal Kaeya. You couldn't have known what would happen, I don't blame you for anything."

Kaeya arches his eyebrow and regards Diluc with a mix of gratitude and mild apprehension.

Diluc ignores it and continues "How much do you remember?"

"I think I remember most of it until I lost consciousness, though some bits are fuzzy." Kaeya answers cautiously

Diluc hums, amiable "That's to be expected, in light of everything."

"I'm not sure how we got out of Wolvendom though," Kaeya is truly curious to know this.

Diluc smiles slightly, "I jumped with you in my arms, while near all of the winery staff waited below."

Kaeya's eye grow comically wide "Really?" Then realization dawns on him and he covers his face mortified. "Oh well, there goes my reputation. "

Diluc laughs out right "You've been carried by at least three people today." He adds "I'd say there is no longer a reputation to speak of."

Kaeya looks even more surprised.

Diluc grows a bit more serious. "A lot of people helped to make sure you survived." He says quietly, an odd look on his face. Kaeya would call it fond or tender but that seems unlikely. His smile fades as well and he shifts a little. "I am genuinely sorry and grateful though and that goes for Adelinde as well and anyone else who had any part in saving me."

"I know," Diluc says gently. He seems truly untroubled by Kaeya's recklessness.

Kaeya tries to sit up, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar territory. He feels like he's missed a step. And looking up at Diluc from the vulnerable position of laying on his back, is unnerving. But he winces and stops when he actually engages his abdomen.

"Stop," Diluc scolds. He gathers the pillows from the other bed and helps Kaeya up, stuffing the pillows behind him.

Kaeya looks up at him, even more weary of this kind, amiable, smiling version of his brother. "Thank you."

Diluc grunts, nodding.

Kaeya watches Diluc, wondering. "Are you ok?" he asks softly

Diluc looks a little surprised by the question "I'm fine Kaeya, why wouldn't I be?"

Kaeya shrugs before realizing that hurts as well. "I don't know what happened after I lost consciousness, and you're acting rather…strangely." Kaeya looks a little unsure of the wording of that last line but presses on. "I'm fine now, if that's what's troubling you."

Diluc smiles a little sadly "I know you're fine now. But its going to take a little while for me to not look back on our impromptu camping trip with unease."

Kaeya smiles lightly, "It was something of a camping trip wasn't it. That shelter you built was actually rather cozy."

"And you are just as hard to understand when you are feverish, as you have always been."

Kaeya looks pleasantly surprised and unconsciously relaxes when Diluc remains undisturbed. "I think I remember calling you fat?"

Diluc laughs properly "Not fat, 'big'. Somehow you believed it could be understood as me getting angry."

Kaeya grins and looks down at his hands. "It seemed to make sense at the time."

Diluc smiles back.

They talk.

They talk about the ordeal, sometimes serious, other times more lighthearted. Happy to have averted tragedy; happy to be alive.

They talk about the past in a way that they haven't in years. Neither gets angry or hurt and they smile more often than either of them have genuinely done in one another's company since before their father died.

At one point Adelinde brings in a server of the herbal tea that Barbara leaves with instructions for Kaeya to drink two cups of for pain and to help with sleeping.

And when Kaeya finishes the first cup, Diluc generously pours him a second while they talk about no one else being able to lift Diluc's sword.

Kaeya takes the second helping without complaint and although he's grown very tired again, he doesn't want the rare brotherly banter to end, so he keeps going.

Maybe two hours later, during a comfortable lull in conversation, Diluc notices Kaeya staring down into his tea, quiet. His expression is confused, and his eye seems to glisten with tears. But Diluc, couldn't possibly imagine why. A moment later one tracks down his cheek.

Diluc comes back towards the bed from having tended the fire in the hearth. Adelinde long ago took the tray of uneaten dinner from an hour ago and the used cup.

"Kaeya what's wrong?" he asks worried.

Kaeya smiles ruefully, but doesn't look up. He sniffles quietly "Nothing, I think this tea is a little suspicious is all." He says unconvincingly.

He doesn't elaborate further and Diluc watches, utterly confused, as Kaeya closes his eye and tears begin to slide down both sides of his face.

"Kaeya?" Diluc sits on the bed by Kaeya's leg, at a loss.

Kaeya reluctantly looks up, with an eye overflowing with tears.

"I think, perhaps, this tea is making me a bit emotional." he says unsteadily "Because I never knew… "he pauses, unsure, blinking the tears out of his vision, "I never let myself acknowledge, how much I missed this." He gestures to Diluc and the house and himself. He takes a shaking, heaving breath, as though he is on the cusp of sobbing.

"How much I missed just talking to you about nothing, making jokes about the fisherman down by the docks, staying up way into the night, just hanging out. " He takes another tremulous breath that dissolves into quiet sobs. "I've missed just being friends and it doesn't even make sense that it hurts so much." Kaeya blinks and struggles to get himself under control.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Kaeya looks troubled by his outburst. He looks at Diluc uncertainly when Diluc gets up from the bed. Tears still streak down his face and it's evident how much of a toll the past couple of days has taken on him.

He shakes his head, still trying to master himself. "Please don't mind me Diluc, I'm just really tired, I think."

Diluc sighs softly, affectionately, and gently takes the cup from him , placing it on the empty table next to the bed. When Kaeya looks at him confused, Diluc sits right next to him on the bed and beckons, "Come here," he says softly, pulling Kaeya into a fierce unexpected hug, pressing his head to his shoulder.

Kaeya hugs back with less strength, but no less conviction.

Diluc pays no heed to the moisture silently accumulating on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for everything we've both been through, for what was unfairly required of us. I'm sorry it has taken this long and you nearly dying, to tell you I forgive you. That it has taken this long to realize that I forgave you long ago."

Kaeya squeezes him more tightly, bolstered by these words that he has so longed to hear, and Diluc can feel the vibration of his silent, heaving sobs against his chest.

Diluc absently picks pieces of bark and leaves that are still stuck in Kaeya's hair out with one hand while rubbing his back with the other.

The force of Kaeya's sobs, perhaps slightly enhanced by the calming effect of the tea, surprise Diluc. He holds on to his brother all the more tightly, realizing how deeply Kaeya's loneliness and rejection ran.

Forced into an existence filled with intrigue and subterfuge from the outset of his life. Buffeted, abandoned, rejected or cursed to a world of lies, by those he would have grown close to because of a lie he was commanded to uphold first by his homeland and then his found family.

"It's okay Kaeya." Diluc reassures him, squeezing once more "We're okay."

"Okay," Kaeya answers in a watery voice

Diluc hangs on to him, savoring the knowledge of having snatched his brother back from the brink of death in time to get to know him again. He decides not to let go again.