40. Chapter Forty

Helping Wynonna turned into staying up well past three in the morning, listening to Waverly go into detail about her research.

Nicole was mesmerized with the passion Waverly spoke with, the passion burning in behind light brown eyes and the way her hands moved through the air as her excitement grew and she began to ramble about the curse and Revenants.

It was still a lot to take in, a lot to wrap her head around and she was still confused about a lot of it. She still had so many question and Waverly had been patient enough with her last night to answer most of them.

Nicole rubbed at her eyes, stifling a yawn as she slid into the cracked leather booth next to Waverly.

“Late night?” Joseph asked, eyes finding hers over his menu then drifting over to Waverly, who blushed behind her own menu.

“Got a call from a friend asking for input on a case, took longer than expected,” Nicole shrugged, averting her eyes from her grandpa and towards the waitress walking up to their table.

While it might not have been an outright lie, Nicole still felt uncomfortable only giving him half truths.

Her grandpa was one of the few people Nicole has always been able to be completely honest with.

She always told him everything and keeping something from him felt wrong but she understood why she couldn't tell him, tell anyone about BBD and the Earp curse.

When the waitress left with their drink order, three coffees and three waters, Joseph turned his attention back to her. His brown eyes boring into hers, unwavering and filled with something between concern and pride.

“This case have anything to do with the reason you have a piece strapped to your ankle?”

Nicole shook said ankle, feeling the reassuring weight of her Glock 43. She used to hate the weight of a gun attached to her ankle, always felt like it limited her movement, weighed her down but now? She felt vulnerable without it, naked.

“Thank you,” Waverly said as their waitress set their drinks on the table, already reaching for the sugar and pouring an ungodly amount in her cup. “How do you know she’s carrying?”

“Sweetheart,” Joseph started, taking a sip of his black coffee before continuing. “I was a cop for a long time, I know what it looks like when someone is walking around with the extra weight of a gun strapped to their ankle.”

Nicole dragged her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, finger getting stuck on the small chip near the handle. She wet her lips, feeling the eyes on her before she looked up at her grandpa.

“I uh.” She rubbed the back of her neck and let out a breath through her nose, sinking into the comforting hand at the small of her back. “I can’t go anywhere without it, I feel defenseless without it, w-weak.”

Her voice caught on the word weak . It wasn’t a word she had ever associated with herself, with her family. Haughts weren’t weak. They were strong, steady and they held their heads high no matter the situation.

Last night Waverly said she was one of the strongest people she knows and Nicole believed her because Waverly wouldn’t lie just to make her feel better but, it was hard to feel strong when she woke in the early morning, clothes drenched in sweat. reaching for her gun and sweeping the room with it because she dreamt of red eyes and nails digging into her skin.

A calloused hand stilled the hand dragging along her mug and grasped it lightly while a softer, smaller hand touched her other and a head leaned on her shoulder.

“Needing your gun to make you feel safe after what you went through doesn’t make you weak, Nicky. It’s okay to need that reassurance.”

His voice was soft in the same way it always was when she was a child and she had been hurt and crying over hateful words her father spewed at her and he was comforting her. His too large and rough hand grounded her. His eyes and smile made everything feel okay again, even if just for a moment.

In that moment with her grandpa holding her hand and Waverly pressed into her side, Nicole felt safe, felt like her old self, felt normal.

So what she woke up almost every night in a cold sweat, reaching for the cold metal of her pistol and the image of David slowly fading away from behind her eyelids.

Eventually she would have to deal with that, talk with someone about it but right now, surrounded by the two of the people she loved most in this world, she was okay and it could wait.

Their waitress came and went, Waverly ordering for her while she slowly stirred sugar and cream into her coffee. Three eggs over easy, bacon, hash browns and whole wheat toast.

There was something heartwarming about Waverly knowing her favorite breakfast meal, how she liked her eggs.

Waverly squeezed her hand and when she turned to look at her girlfriend, Waverly tilted her head to the side in that adorable way of hers and Nicole’s heart swooned.

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked, her fingers tracing the veins on Nicole’s hand.

Nicole looked between Waverly and her grandpa, a slow smile tugging at her lips as she nodded. “I’m perfect.”

Joseph slowed the truck down and pulled off on the shoulder of the road in front of an old, wooden sign, the red and white paint peeling off and the words Welcome to Aston, home of the Broncos barely visible.

Nicole’s grip on her hand tightened to the point where it was almost painful as Nicole stared at the sign in front of them.

Waverly rubbed Nicole’s back with her free hand as she turned to Joseph. “I think we’re gonna skip taking pictures here.”

He nodded, already starting the truck back up when Nicole spoke, voice tight. Her face blank and emotionless making Waverly just want to hold her until everything was okay again, until Nicole was okay again, was her Nicole again.

“No. We can do it. I want you to remember this trip.”

It's sweet and Waverly loved Nicole for wanting to make this trip memorable for her but, this trip isn't about her, isn't for her. It's for Nicole and it might be time to remind her of that.

Waverly turned to Joseph with a look she hoped he could read.

He seemed to understand because he gave her a tight nod and with one last concerned look towards Nicole, he got out of the truck, walking around to the tailgate, leaving them alone.

Waverly undid the seat-belt across her lap and turned in the bench seat to face Nicole fully, reaching down to undo Nicole's as well.

“Look at me.”

It's a soft command, no more than a whisper in the nearly silent cab but Nicole followed the order nonetheless.

The pain clouding her favorite pair of brown eyes with those breathtaking flecks of gold in them is enough to make her gasp softly.

She had seen that same kind of pain in Wynonna’s blue eyes, almost every day since she's been back.

It's the kind of pain that came from getting hurt and tossed aside at a young age by the people who were suppose to love you, protect you.

From words hurled like knives aiming for the heart and hitting their mark each and every time, tearing away bits of the heart and soul. Leaving behind a scarred, unrecognizable mess.

She underestimated how badly this place and the people in it hurt Nicole. She underestimated how badly Purgatory and everyone in it hurt Wynonna.

Underneath all the pain swirling in Nicole's eyes there's a sadness that made Waverly want to turn the truck around and drive straight back to Purgatory, made her want to get Nicole far, far away from this place.

Waverly ran a finger along Nicole's jawline before cupping her cheeks in both hands, gently. Watching Nicole's eyes flutter closed briefly before opening and meeting hers again.

“I don't want to remember this,” Waverly said softly, thumbs stroking fine cheekbones. “I don't want to remember the pain in your eyes.”

Nicole's eyes darted away from hers as if ashamed and Waverly mumbled shit under her breath at having made things worse instead of better.

“We can go home,” Waverly offered, her thumbs still rubbing circles along Nicole's cheeks. “We can get on a bus and go home if you want. We don't have to this. You don't have to do this.”

Nicole shook her head, eyes finally coming back to Waverly's, watery now with unshed tears.

“I'm afraid.”

The words came out so quietly Waverly wouldn't have heard if she hadn't been so close to Nicole, so focused on her.

“Of what?” She asked, watching Nicole's eyes dart around the cab once more, feeling her hands shake slightly from where they were pressed against Waverly's abdomen.

“That when we drive over that line all the anger, hate and pain I felt at sixteen will come rushing back,” Nicole wet her lips, looking down at her hands. “I don't want to be that angry again, not with you around.”

Waverly dropped her hands from Nicole’s face and ran her fingers through red locks. “What do you mean?”

Nicole turned to stared out the windshield, at the Aston sign, one of her hands finding Waverly’s free one and lacing their fingers together.

“My father, my family, they bring out the worst in me. They know exactly what buttons to push, what words to say to hurt me and sometimes, it gets to a point where I lash out and usually it is at the people I loved most.” Nicole turned to look back at her, the hand not holding hers coming up to touch her cheek lightly. “The last thing I want to do is lash out in anger at you, hurt you because I’m hurting.”

Waverly wasn’t sure what to say to that, what to even do with that information. She has had people lash out at her before. Hell, sometimes she felt like it was Champ’s favorite pastime but Nicole?

She doesn’t think she’s ever really seen Nicole angry before. She couldn’t imagine Nicole lashing out at her or anyone for that matter.

“We don’t have to do this,” Waverly repeated and she meant it.

If Nicole decided she didn’t want to do this anymore then Waverly would get them on the next bus to Purgatory. She would do whatever Nicole needed her to do.

“I wanna go back home,” Nicole said, resting her forehead against Waverly’s. “But I know I need to do this, I need to let go of the past and move on. And the only way to do that is to face it.”

Waverly leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Nicole’s lips. “I’ll be by your side the whole time.”

Nicole nodded and knocked on the back windshield, signaling to Joseph that they were ready to go.

Thirty minutes later Joseph pulled the truck to a stop in front of a small house with a rusted tin roof, faded blue paint and a front porch that looked like it had been recently built compared to the rest of the house. A huge oak tree loomed over the back of the house, shielding most of the house from the afternoon sun.

It reminded Waverly a lot of the homestead, only smaller and slightly better cared for over the years. It looked cozy, warm and so full of love. Things the homestead had lacked growing up but Waverly hoped to changed that with Wynonna’s help and hopefully Nicole’s as well.

Nicole slide out of the truck with a shaky breath, staring up at the house and holding a hand out to Waverly to help her out.

Waverly stood next to Nicole, leaning her head against Nicole’s shoulder as Nicole wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Well, this is it. It’s not much but this is the house that built me.” Nicole swept the arm not around Waverly out in front of them.

Despite the pain Nicole showed last night and this morning, there was a fondness to her voice now, a love for this place, this house.

This town may have hurt Nicole, may have damaged her in a lot of ways but this house seemed to be her safe haven.

Waverly had watched the way the tension Nicole held in her shoulders since the crossed over the town line disappear when they turned onto the long, gravel driveway. She had watched Nicole’s furrowed brows smooth out as the house came into view.

Nicole kissed the top of her head then rest her cheek against the spot she kissed. “Until I met you, this was the only place that ever even remotely felt like home.”

Joseph came around the front of the truck before Waverly had a chance to comment on Nicole’s confession.

“I can bring your bags in and get your sheet washed and bed made up if you two wanna head into town and do something.”

Nicole nodded, tensing up just a bit at the suggestion but turned to Waverly with a single eyebrow raised in question nevertheless. “You wanna go into town? Maybe get a drink?”

There’s a reluctance in Nicole’s eyes that Waverly couldn’t ignore. She wouldn’t force Nicole to go into town and run the risk of bumping into people she wasn’t ready to face just yet.

Waverly looked around them at the trees that surround three sides of the property, to the well cared for, bright red barn to the left of the house, where chickens walked around pecking at the ground. To what looked like a garage on the right side where an ATV was parked next to it.

While the house was modest, the property it sat on was huge. Waverly could just make out some sort of building behind the house and off to the right some.

“How about you show me around?” Waverly suggested, watching Nicole’s shoulders sag in relief.

She didn't just suggest it so Nicole didn't have to go into town yet but also because she wanted to see where Nicole grew up, wanted to know the spots on the property that held the most meaning to Nicole, held happy memories.

“I can do that,” Nicole said, giving her a grateful smile as a light came back into her eyes. “Piggyback ride?”

“And this,” Nicole said, spinning them around in a wide circle around the middle of the garage, narrowing missing knocking her right knee into the car covered by an old, paint splattered tarp, her grin growing as Waverly pressed her face into her neck, laughing. “Is where grandpa and I spent weekends working on his Mustang.”

“You work on cars too?” Waverly asked, her breath ghosting across Nicole’s ear seconds before she placed a kiss just behind said ear. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

There’s laughter in Waverly’s voice that sent Nicole’s heart skyrocketing and has her feeling lighter than she had since she woke up this morning.

It still amazed her how easily Waverly was able to turn her moods around, how easily her laugh or smile made Nicole feel okay again.

Waverly felt like one of the few good things in her life. Waverly made everything she went through as a child, as a teenager worth it. If given the chance to do her whole life over again, she’d follow the same path as long as it led her to Waverly Earp.

Nicole stepped back until the back of her legs and Waverly’s ass hit the trunk of the car, feeling a sudden, overwhelming urge to tell Waverly she loved her, that she was so damn in love with her.

Waverly got the hint, unwrapping her legs from Nicole’s waist and removed her arms from around Nicole’s neck.

She turned around to face her, planting her hands on either side of Waverly as she moved to stand in between Waverly’s legs. She smirked when she saw Waverly’s eyes drift down to her lips before flicking back up to meet her gaze.

“Hi,” Waverly breathed out, eyes once again falling to her lips as she wrapped her arms around her neck once more, pulling her closer.

“Hi,” Nicole closed her eyes and smiled softly as Waverly toyed with the baby hairs at the nape of her neck.

Nicole opened her eyes slowly to find Waverly staring at her with that smile that always reminded her of bottled sunshine. Bright and warming her to the core

“You know I love you right?” Nicole asked, searching Waverly’s eyes for any signs of doubt and thankfully finding none.

“Of course I know that Nicky. What’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?” Waverly’s fingers grasped either side of her jaw, stroking the skin there in that gentle way of hers that never failed to send Nicole’s heart skyrocketing in her chest.

There’s concern etched in Waverly’s features as her eyes sweep over Nicole’s face but, Nicole ignored it for now and took one of Waverly’s hands and placed it over her heart.

She needed to get this out before she lost the nerve. She needed Waverly to know that she is everything , that she is it for Nicole.

Nicole isn’t sure where the need came from. Maybe it was this place, filled with so many bad memories and she just wanted to reclaim it, replace terrible memories with good ones, ones with Waverly.

She can’t erase her memories tied to this town (no matter how much she wished she could), but she can make new ones. Ones that are actually happy, that are filled with the woman she loves.

She had been scared before to tell Waverly that she wanted forever with her. Scared that Waverly didn’t want the same with her but now, that fear was nothing more than a whisper in the back of her mind, one she could easily ignore.

For better or for worse, she wanted Waverly to know that she was hers, that she would spend her life loving Waverly and making her happy as long as Waverly wanted, as long as Waverly gave her the chance.

“When I first got to Purgatory, I was damaged in more than one way. I was running from my past, my pain, this fucking town. I was merely existing, not living but then, I met you and everything changed.”

Nicole drew in a shuddering breath, wetting her lips before meeting Waverly’s confused eyes, getting lost in those tiny specks of green in them briefly.

“I wanted to do more than just waking up and going to work, more than just existing. I wanted to live and love, be loved by you. And by some miracle you did love me, do love me.” Nicole squeezed the hand over her heart. “You healed me in ways I didn’t think possible. Yes, there’s still so much damage but, you put my heart back together and Waverly, it’s yours, for as long as you want it.”

Waverly’s lips parted but Nicole silenced whatever she was going to say with a single finger against them.

“Let me finish, please,” Nicole said softly, dropping her finger from Waverly’s lips when she nodded. “I love you Waverly Earp and I’m yours for however long you want me. As long as you want me, I will be by your side, through the curse and everything after it. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, if you’ll have me.”

Waverly blinked at her rapidly, tears welling in her beautiful eyes before sliding down her cheeks at an alarming rate.

Her heart sunk in her chest, her stomach twisting with discomfort. She read everything wrong, Waverly didn’t want a future with her, didn’t want a forever with her.

Nicole moved to pull away, to get away from Waverly before the tears blurring her vision had a chance to fall but Waverly stopped her with legs wrapping around her hips and hands gripping her shoulders, keeping her firmly in place.

“You do not get to say things like that and just walk away,” Waverly said, wiping at the tears on her cheeks before catching Nicole’s gaze. “You do not get to confess to wanting to spend your life with me and walk away without letting me get a word in.”

“Dammit Nicole Haught,” Waverly shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips as she held Nicole’s face in her hands. “Can’t you see how madly in love with you I am? Can’t you see that a life spent with you is more than I could ever ask for? Is all I want?”

“Yeah?” Nicole ducked her head, looking up at Waverly through her eyelashes, at a loss for words. Her heart full and ready to burst at the seams.

Not only did Waverly love her but she also wanted a life with her, a future. It almost fell too good to be true. Almost felt like a dream that Nicole was sure she'd wake from at any moment.

She didn't know what she did to deserve someone like Waverly Earp, to be loved by Waverly Earp but she'd thank her lucky star every night for the rest of her life for leading her to this woman.

“Yeah, you goofball,” Waverly whispered, rolling her eyes and drawing her in for a kiss.

It started off gentle, slow, like all their kisses. Nicole putting everything she felt for Waverly in that moment into that one kiss and it felt like Waverly was doing the same.

Things turned heated when Waverly’s hands drop from her face and skimmed along her shoulders to her collarbone, edging their way to buttons on her shirt.

Nicole groaned into Waverly’s mouth when Waverly nipped at her bottom lip then smoothed her tongue over it as her fingers worked the buttons on Nicole’s flannel. Their lips still moving together with urgency

She gripped Waverly’s hips pulling her to the edge of the car as Waverly shoved her shirt off her shoulders, breaking their kiss to attach her lips to Nicole’s exposed collarbone.

Nicole drew in a deep breath through her nose, the scent of old motor oil and stale air reminding her where they were as Waverly’s teeth grazed her skin.

“Waverly,” Nicole moaned lowly, unable to stop it as she fisting her fingers in Waverly’s hair and she felt a tightening in her lower abdomen.

As much as Nicole wanted to continue this, finish what they started last night. As much as she wanted to sink into the heat between Waverly’s thighs and watch her come undone under her, she knew they couldn’t do it here.

They deserved better than a quickie on the top of a car, in a dusty old garage where anyone could walk in. Waverly deserved to be worshipped and Nicole wanted to take her time doing it. She wanted to take her time making love to Waverly. She didn’t want it to be just sex.

“Waves,” Nicole tried again, tugging gently at Waverly’s hair and cleared her throat, trying not to sound so God damn aroused . “Waverly, not here. Not like this.”

Waverly pulled back then, cheeks turning pink as she gave Nicole a sheepish grin, tucking some hair behind her ear.

“Sorry. I got a little carried away.”

Nicole shook her head with a small smile, leaning forward and kissing the tip of Waverly’s nose. “Don’t ever apologize for wanting me.”

Nicole looked around them, waving a hand behind her to emphasize her point. “This just isn’t the place to get lost in each other. You deserve better than this, we deserve better than this.”

Waverly nodded her agreement, reaching out with one hand and placing it over Nicole’s heart while she brushed her thumb along Nicole’s bottom lip with the other. Her eyes so full of love it nearly took Nicole’s breath away.

“Say it again,” Waverly whispered, her eyes impossibly soft and never leaving Nicole’s.

Nicole’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion, unsure of what exactly Waverly wanted her to say.

“Baby, I don’t,” Nicole started, searching Waverly’s eyes for the answer, for the words she wants to hear.

After a few seconds she spotted it, under the love and softness. It’s there, where it always is hiding just underneath the surface. Fear and insecurities.

And Nicole knew what Waverly needed, what she wanted to hear and Nicole was more than happy to give it to her.

“I love you, Waverly Earp.” She leaned forward, brushing her nose against Waverly’s, along the bridge of her nose up to her forehead, placing a gentle kiss there before pulling back and meeting Waverly’s gaze once more. “I am so damn in love with you and I want to spend every day of my life loving you the way you deserve.”

Waverly is kissing her again, with too much teeth because she can’t stop smiling and Nicole is sure that this is the best kiss they’ve ever shared.

For the first time since they arrived in this town, Nicole isn’t freaking out, isn’t tense, isn’t worried about running into her parents.

For the first time Nicole believed she could do this, could face her past because Waverly loved her and wanted to spend their lives together and no matter what came out of this trip, no matter the words her father would certainly spew at her, she would still have that, she would still have Waverly.

And that was more than enough for her.