"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
That is me screaming at the sky in frustration. I am in a field that is mostly frozen over and littered with snow. Bare-chested. What I am doing is trying to see whether it's possible for extreme temperatures to force my dumb, dumb brain to learn to 'look inside my body'.
Is it so hard? For the past six months I've had to watch the others pass each stage one after the other. As they did, it's like the aura around them changed. In the manual it explained this as the way they are letting their internal pressure leak out. One is supposed to be able to control it after you've completed learning the technique and started refining your Hani.
HOW HAVE I NOT GOTTEN PAST THE FIRST FREAKIN' STAGE YET?! It's unreal! I have always been able to handle myself when it came to any training, even if I lagged behind the rest.