CHAPTER 4: YOUR TRUE SELF

An idle mind is the devil's workshop. That statement summarised what I was doing during my said holidays. All sorts of games; I played. All sorts of movies; I watched. All sorts of animations; I watched. I found myself binge watching movies only couples usually watched for a certain degree of excitation. It almost became chronic (I had developed eyes that could see through the dresses of females. One could imagine my state of mind). With all that loaded agenda, I only glanced through the pdf. The only thing that caught my attention were the description of colours. Red for strength… (or something like that), and so many others. Judging from how the culling phase was, I felt all the others won't be very different. All the members of my body were so at peace with my thoughts, it galvanized me to continue in my laziness. 3 days before the first of August, my parents were called to school for an urgent Parents Teachers Association (PTA) meeting. When they came back, I was suddenly urged to start living alone. The school had rented rooms for certain students to begin an intense training and I was privileged to be among the chosen ones. From what I understood, my room will be equipped with the necessary tools for the training. My whole holidays and school years were already scheduled. Everything was calculated giving me optimum hours of study, training and leisure. The way they spoke was robotic. They were so happy of this opportunity that I got goose bumps. Not having my word in it, I began packing my things. I was assisted by my younger sister, who was very happy of the news. I won't be constantly behind her back anymore. And before I could say 'ha' I was already in the school premises with several other students. As I pretty much guessed, all those who were being rented new homes were those who had succeeded the culling phase. The rooms were a stone throw away from the school, reassuring our parents how serious the issue was. We were handed our keys and left to explore our rooms. It was a comfy space. A room, with kitchen and toilet. The room had a bed, a dress drawer, a reading table with a little book shed. There was a red button on the wall, that didn't look like a normal decoration. I pressed on it several times and nothing happened. I inaugurated the toilet by taking a dump and a bath. I inaugurated the kitchen by nailing some scrambled eggs and spaghetti. And I inaugurated the bed with myself in it.

When the D-day came, the red button began glowing. Its glow was pulsating as a reminder or a countdown. And at the fateful hour, the pulse stopped and I pressed on it. It gave room to a separate chamber with a pod.

"Deep dive" and I joined the others. We were in some labyrinth and above us was Mr KK floating above us like a vengeful spirit.

"Today, you shall each discover who you really are. The only way in doing that, is trusting yourself blindly. Trust your decisions. Trust your actions. Great men always say they trust their guts or their heart and we shall try that with you guys. You shall navigate this labyrinth looking for a certain partner. How you will know that partner? Your guts shall tell you so. To make it more interesting, you will navigate the labyrinth with your eyes closed. Isn't it exciting? That said, go on."

Another strange training. How will it help us improve as engineers? I wondered. But then, I obeyed and closed my eyes. Everything was dark around me. All I could feel was the floor. He said we should trust ourselves as being the first step in revealing who we truly are. If I understand it well, it means the person I want as partner, I should trust myself to be up to that person. I should trust myself to be worthy of that person. At that moment her name came in mind. And when it did, my legs began moving. I kept advancing, with my heart being the compass pointing towards the true north. I was comfortable with my eyes closed and as I advanced, the more my pulse grew. I could feel I was sweating. It seemed like trusting oneself was taking up a certain weight that wasn't easy. When my pulse became stable, I knew I was at the right spot. I stretched my hand just to verify the truthfulness of my guts and I grabbed something. When I opened my eyes, I was grabbing her hand while sweating profusely. She was sweating too and seemed out of breath. She seemed very exhausted, it seemed abnormal.

"Good job young guns." Mr. KK disturbed again. "Since everyone has found their respective partners, the true trial can begin." He said, snapping his fingers. Dazna and I were transported to a white-infinitely-stretching space. We seemed replenished somehow. No command, order or directive was issued. We sat, shrouded in a morbid silence for a while. We didn't look at each other nor did we show any sign of engaging into any conversation. She seemed hesitant. At some point disturbed. And when our eyes crossed, she seemed angry.

"This is stupid." She broke the silence.

"What is?"

"Sitting here, doing nothing. "

"What can we do then?"

"Oh please. Just keep quiet."

"Why are you on the edge?"

"Everything is ticking me off. This senseless training. All of these just gets me on my nerves."

"You can't be serious." I answered, moving towards her.

"Even your attempt of a discussion is ꟷ" She lashed out, punching the floor and changing the colour of the room. It responded to her rage, by taking a blood red colour. The colour faded back to white when she had calmed down.

"Are you better?" I asked, stuttering a little. Her eyes seemed to be looking down on me. It was as if I wasn't worthy of being her partner.

"Kind of. Now what should we do to end this session…" She spoke, looking elsewhere.

"So, I am not even worth looking. Is that so?"

"What do u mean?"

"You keep throwing responses but your eyes gaze to the void. Where are you even looking?"

"There you go" She sighed. "Haven't you already gotten the fact that you aren't worth being my partner? It's just a waste of time." She added, moving towards me and looking at me disdainfully.

"So, that's your true self. Under the good looking, perfect and respectful president is a proud and arrogant creature."

"So? What if that is who I truly am? Why do you care?"

"I care because when you said we could be friends, I took it seriously. I was so happy of having such a friend who demonstrates such fearlessness"

"I don't need your friendship." She answered, scoffing and moving away from me.

"Yeah, I got that. I also imagined this case scenario but I didn't want it to turn out like that. What a letdown." I nodded sorrowfully. Seems like the dreams about her, were just dreams. As I was about to take the opposite direction to hers, she grabbed my hand.

"Can you repeat what you said?" She squeezed my wrist harder.

"So, now you use force when someone confronts you? You keep sinking lower than I thought." I provoked, shaking her hand off mine.

"Take back those words."

"I won't."

"Take it back!" She screamed, with the colour of the room changing once more. "I am not a letdown. I am not a disappointment!" The blood red colour began turning muddy. My words had struck a certain part of her she couldn't control. And instead of calming her, I wanted to see her for who she is. Not the perfect lady of every day.

"Am I speaking with milk in my mouth? I said I won't. Force me if you can."

I shouldn't have gone that far but that was late. I realized that only when my body was flung at an incredible speed. I scraped my body for a certain distance before coming to rest. The pain was real but wasn't entirely reflected on my body. With such rapid displacement and floor kissing, I should have broken multiple bones and lost bits of flesh everywhere. But all I did receive were some bruises on my hands and back.

"As expected from a girl's punch. It doesn't even tickle." I poured, tapping my chest.

"Oh, how I like tough guys. They last very long as punching balls." She responded, closing the wide gap separating us. I didn't see her move a foot. Nor did I see her move a finger. Despite her closeness, I saw nothing. I just suddenly started feeling pains at multiple areas at the same time. The pains kept increasing while I heard her laughter echoing in the room.

"Are the punches still tickling?" She whispered in my right ear, gently stroking my neck and moving in front of me. "You still don't want to take it back?"

"Didn't I tell you to force me?" I responded, vomiting blood. I still didn't see what she did but I understood that, what ever she did was fast. If my eyes couldn't follow, I just had to make my body withstand that. The intent changed the colour of the room to black. Noticing that gave me a boost of confidence. With what I did in the first training, I stretched all the muscle fibres of my legs, hands and abdominal area. A few seconds later, her hands were bleeding. Her attack had met an impenetrable defence.

"Didn't I say your punches just tickled?" I mocked. While she was still trying to understand what was going on, I landed a solid blow on her right side, flinging her several kilometres away from me. The whole room echoed with the sound of her rib bones shattering. I knew that won't be enough to finish her off. But to the very least, she might give up this bickering of a fight.

"We can stop here if you wish?"

"Stop?" She questioned, coughing blood and staggering to her feet. "We haven't yet begun." She laughed, as though drunk from the pain she was from receiving.

"If that's your wish, I will end it." I jumped towards her. Before I could land, the chamber became green and red successively. And upon landing, she had disappeared. Before I could realize what had happened, blood was oozing from my hand at several positions. It was obvious. With the change in colour, I was distracted for a split second. She profited to enter into my blind spot waiting for me to land. When I landed, she attacked me and punctured my hands. The mystery was with what she attacked me. Was it weapon? If yes, how did she get one. If it were just her hands, at what speed did she hit my super stretched muscles in order to cut them. The last but not the least, how can she still move despite the injuries she sustained? I had to find out but this time around things would be different. She was fast, but in my form, I could follow her movements. When she dashed towards me, I stretched my muscles the more and guarded but that was still ineffective. Her blows were very rapid punches on precise locations. The immediate effects were my muscle fibres being torn. But that wasn't enough. She seemed to be lacking in energy as compared to the beginning. So, I guarded and threw random punches to see her reaction but she wasn't dodging or guarding. She seemed to be challenging me in a dog fight.

"Suit yourself. I will take you as you come." I shouted, lowering my guard and pouncing on her. It became a bloody instance. We just kept exchanging blows. The more I punched, the more my body fatigued and my muscle fibres kept tearing bit by bit. But that didn't make me stop. I kept throwing as she threw. Her face, hands, abdomen. Any part of the body I could perceive why she rained hers, I poured. We kept on, covering our positions with blood. Did we not feel any pain? I couldn't tell. I just felt like I had to wake her up from something. But I didn't know what. We went on and I lost my left hand. A hand was sufficient. With a hand lost, each of my blow seem to be less effective. I began shifting backwards. With each backward step, rained a storm of blows. They were painful but seemed ineffective. I increased the blood flow to my eyes to further my visual acuity and noticed emptiness in her eyes. She wasn't fighting me. She was beating a ghost that wasn't even there. From the beginning, with the words I said, she wasn't even looking at me. Our fight was pointless. But it couldn't end as such, she had to be brought back to her senses. With my eyes similar to a telescope, I easily read her hand movements. As she threw, I blocked them with my fore head and broke them with my right hand by heavily punching them. I grabbed her and screamed in her face.

"Be the strong lady you fake every day!!" I threw her up. As she was landing, I gathered what I had left as energy and punched her to the floor. Grinding all her innards and leaving a hole on her stomach. I punched so hard that my hand shattered. It looked like it was all over. From the looks of things, the training will end if we both reach an agreement or if one of us abandons. But since it had not yet ended, it meant Dazna had not yet given up. And she made it known to the whole space that she had not yet given up. The whole space became green and I saw her body repair itself. When it was fully repaired, the whole space began glowing red. She began slowly levitating. Looking at me from above while I knelt down on the ground with all the fibres of my muscles shredded. Looking at her, I saw her eyes finally looking at me. It was a furious glare. Surely with all my insults, I merited her anger. But, be it as it may she was not only showing her true self to me she was also looking at mine. Our true selves were confronting each other.

"You are finally looking at me. How does it feel?"

"You will know the feeling from this attack." She spoke. Her words were sincere. No mask. Just pure unfiltered thoughts transformed into audible frequency.

"Then come on. I will accept you whole. Who you are. All your sins. I will shoulder it all." I said, smiling as she dashed towards me pulling a large gust of wind. Before her blow landed and my vision distorted due my denatured face, I saw tears slipping from her eyes sealing the beginning of our troublesome journey.