Go

The next day dawned, and I slept through till noon. I think it was because it had taken me so long to get to sleep that I made up for it. Gwenna couldn't wake me up, not when she had scouted out another den in the ruins for her and Ada, and Nathan had apparently gotten up early to do... something. No doubt going around and scouting for his mate again, suffering from the common fear that maybe he wouldn't find his for years, or ever, or worse, that they would be a pack wolf. A week ago, that would have been my worst nightmare. To have a whiny, boot licking pack wolf for a mate. By the Goddess, how I wished that had been the truth.

Because tonight, I would have to betray my family, my friends and my people to save myself and a mate I wish I didn't have.

I had already set myself back by waking up so late, in fact I had a little under two hours to get everything ready, and more importantly, chug down enough cheap coffee to keep me up all night and alert.

I made my way down to the cook tent, grabbing a huge mug of coffee and drinking it as quickly as I could, following it up with two more. I was just finishing up when Sadie came and sat down heavily next to me.

"Now then, pup, I've heard through the grape vine that you and yours aren't raiding tonight, despite the dark moon. And while that does raise questions of its own, I'm more curious as to why you're drinking coffee like you won't see your den till morning." I groaned.

"I'm drinking coffee because I've been having trouble sleeping since Gwenna moved out." Plausible, and often common. We were pack animals at our heart, even if we were rogue, and me and my littermates had been joined at the hip since we were able to shift. It was common for wolves our age to start straying from the pack, finding our mates and starting families, and for those left behind often struggled to function until they adjusted.

"Ah, the old separation issues. I've noticed that Nathan's having a few of those himself. Don't worry, it'll pass. Or you'll find your mate and settle down and it'll sort itself out." She reassured me, before hesitating and going on. "Usually, you teens tend to throw yourselves into raiding when this happens. But not tonight. What gives?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because you've yet to give a half decent answer, kiddo." I scowled, putting on a performance of being grumpy while letting just enough trepidation show through the cracks in my facade for her to pick up on.

"You're nervous about going raiding. No, not about going raiding, you've been doing that since you were little and your bloody good at it. What's changed. You have a team, yes, that you've earned yourself, and you've never shied away from leadership before, so that isn't it. The only other thing that's changed is that- oh! I get it, you're worried that your mate is going to be a pack wolf." She said, snapping her fingers. It was close enough to the truth that I decided to just give in.

"Yeah." I allowed. Sadie laid her hand on my shoulder.

"Alright then, let me give you a piece of advice; no self respecting rogue is going to judge you because of who your mate is. It's not something that you can control." I didn't know if that logic would extend to an alpha, and I couldn't exactly ask without giving the game away.

"Yeah, I know. I just... I don't know if I even want a mate." Sadie smiled and squeezed my shoulder.

"I promise that'll change when you meet them." It hadn't so far, but sure. "I know it's too late for you to plan a raid for tonight, but I think that next month, and a little bit in between, you need to go raiding. Leave it too long and you get rusty, and then you die." With that last optimistic piece of advice, she stood up and left, letting me down the last of my coffee and pocket the empty cup, even though they were meant to be washed and returned. I would wash it, but I'd need it for later.

I made my way back to the den, pausing by an old abandoned bath tub full of rain water to rinse the coffee from the cup, drying it on my top. It was stagnant, but we had strong stomachs, and I was used to not smelling nice. When I was safely squirrelled away in my den, I pulled out the bottle of pills and tipped a huge dose onto a rock, using a pebble to grind them into dust. I wasn't any good with meds, but I did know it was very hard to kill a werewolf. So it might knock them out for longer than I intended, maybe make them sick for a few days, but they'll live. And if I have to choose between my life and the life of a random rogue, I knew what I would pick.

I poured it into the paper cup and twisted the top as shut as it would go, burying it in my pocket. It was time to go for my shift at the cooking tent, taking a quick glance into the alpha's cell to see who was guarding. I wish that I hadn't. Poor Theo was a decent enough tapper to be nominated as a guard, so it seemed. I was beginning to feel terrible. I had taken his team, Gwenna had taken his girlfriend, and now I was going to knock him out and steal the prisoner out from under his nose. And I knew my da. If I managed to get away with this, and I reckoned that I could, his wolf would still demand some sort of retribution for letting an enemy get away, and Theo would get a thrashing in my stead.

But I was a rogue, and we didn't survive long if we were 'throw ourselves on the grenade' kind of people. So it sucked, but he would have to take the wrath of my father, because I couldn't risk it.

So, with only a little bit of guilt, I went to the cooking tent and started helping out. I was rarely trusted to cook, so I was usually sent on errands to the storage tent, or to deliver food to those who had reason to take it alone, or just carrying things about. I kept a close eye on the table that was being used to prepare food to be taken away, watching until a single portion was being prepared. I wouldn't carry that one, but I did brush past the juice bottle when it was open and subtly emptied the contents of the cup in when no one was looking. A few moments later, a younger girl poured the water in on top of the cordial, screwing the lid back on. She was flouncing around in a ridiculously oversized cardigan, which turned out to be a Goddess send for me. She spun around and her hem hit the bottle, sending it tumbling to the ground.

For a heart seizing moment, I thought that the bottle would split and it would have to be remade, and I would loose my chance, but it didn't. Instead, it would have only shaken it up. I grabbed the next tray that was ready and set off, choosing the one for my da. He'd review who was in the kitchen tent, so if I was open about it, he'd hopefully not peg me as a suspect.

He was asleep when I entered the ruins, which I realised when I felt down the link to him only to feel his walls were solidly up. Usually, to go into a wolf's den when they were sleeping was a good way to get your throat aired, but I was his pup. I barged in, dropping the tray down on the desk before turning to leave. I figured that he hadn't woken up properly, just enough to take a whiff of my scent, but as I was leaving, he spoke, voice muffled and sleepy.

"The mate bond always wins. Fight it for as long and as hard as you like, but the mate bond always wins, Natalia." He muttered, voice sad, and a hidden meaning behind his words that I didn't dare to guess. Did he know? Or was he referring to my mother? Most wolves thought it was unnatural that he was still alive. After you lost your mate, you usually only clung to life long enough to kill the person responsible before you let your broken heart take you too see them again. My da had been holding on for years now, maybe he was finally feeling the toll of my ma being dead. I went to where his sleeping bag was laid out and nudged him gently with my booted foot, not saying anything. I didn't need to. He reached round and squeezed my ankle, a silent way of showing affection for one another.

I left feeling even guiltier about betraying him than I had before.

But it had to be done. It was late evening now, most of the raiding teams had already left. I had agreed to spend the evening drinking with my own team, but obviously I needed to get myself out of it. I wandered into the woods around the camp, hunting out a bush with black berries and stuffing a pocket full of them. That would be enough to make me throw up, but hopefully not enough to cripple me for the night. Gwenna and Ada were there, pawing at each other, as was a very forlorn Nathan. I made a show of drinking like I usually did, hoping that no one could tell that I had anything on my mind.

As soon as I could stagger away to 'break the seal', putting on my drunkenness, I gulped down the berries, wincing as the bitter taste threatened to trigger my gag reflex. A few minutes after I returned to the party, I had to dash to the nearest tree and empty my stomach, earning a cacophony of cheers from behind me.

"Ain't often you see Nat chunder!"

"You're taking your drink like a pack wolf now!"

"Come on then, boot and rally." In order to preserve what was left of my reputation, I made a valiant effort to down another beer before my stomach rebelled and I had to chuck it back up. This time, Nate got concerned.

"Jeez, Nat, that don't smell right. You okay?" He asked, clapping me on the shoulder. I nodded and forced a smile.

"Yeah, I reckon I ate something dodgy is all. I, uh, need to head into the forest." I said, clutching at my stomach. Everyone stepped back like I was cursed. D and V travelled like wildfire around the rogue camps, and when you didn't have the budget for toilet paper you tended to be careful not to catch it.

I stumbled into the woods until I was out of view, and then straightened and began to loop around to make my way to the tree where I had hidden my spare, petrol infused clothes and got changed. My scent masked, I picked my through the abandoned part of the camp, checking through the link that my da was out raiding, so the ruins would be nearly empty. I knew the patrols around the camp like the back of my hand, so I could sneak through them no problem.

I peeked through the window of the cell, and sure enough, Theo was sprawled onto the floor, half asleep and on his back. I vaulted the sill and rolled him onto his side, just in case he threw up. The alpha pup wouldn't take his eyes off of me, and mine kept sliding back to his even as I grabbed the key for the padlock chaining him to the ground. I leant in close to his ear.

"I'm saving your flea filled hide, so shut up and do as I say, or so help me I'll leave you to them." I threatened, before realising that he probably wanted me to live. "And I'll die if you tattle." I added on for good measure, pulling him to his feet and walking him out of the ruins.