I Miss'd 'Chu

PREVIOUSLY: The blond boy furrowed his brow, eyes still closed. "Come. Sleep. Miss'd 'chu m'love." The found boy's words slurred, fading off to nothing but a whisper before he fell back into the obliviousness of sleep, a soft sigh passing his lips. Dongmyeong allowed the tears previously pooling in his lavender orbs to fall as the sleeping male clutched his hand tightly in his unconscious state.With approval from the nurse, Dongmyeong carefully climbed onto the bed with Jimin, Kanghyun pulling the soft yellow blanket over the pair of them as the older wept tears as silently as he could, but not bothering to hide them from his friends.

*******

Hospital Room 316

Son Dongmyeong's P.O.V.

I'd missed Jimin so much. When he left us nobody from our band, OneWe, was home since we'd been booked for a couple gigs literally a thousand miles away. While we were on the road I'd talked to Harin and Kanghyun about how I felt about Jimin and they both convinced me that I needed to confront myself and let him know the way I feel about him.

Honestly? My heart hasn't changed in the years it's been since we've seen each other and to have Jimin's first words to me again being that he missed me, I couldn't help but cry because I'd missed being around my wonderfully sweet love, the person who made me a better version of myself. The best version.

I couldn't imagine what the boy in my arms had been doing after he left us - after he left me. I hated that he'd turned up in this condition; what had he been going through while he was away? Had Jimin really been happy without us? Without me? Right now, it didn't look like he'd been okay, he looked as if the hospital gown was going to swallow him whole. His once slender hands were now bony, his face was jaunt, more angular, and his skin was pale. So pale.

Honestly?

I don't know if I wanted to know how he'd been doing without me; in my mind I believe that he had been doing well, flourishing, without me. We all know I hadn't done anywhere near as well as I'd have liked; my lack of motivation in writing songs, having absolutely no desire to leave the house, let alone perform on stage and I'd left the band completely.

I don't know why Jimin left us or what had even happened to make him want to leave in the first place and I keep thinking that maybe it was my fault he left us, maybe it was all my fault! I don't know if it was something I'd done, or anything we had done. I hoped to talk to Jimin when he was conscious and, just maybe, sort this out. I wanted nothing more than to be with him.

What would be the cost of finding out? I don't know if I'm ready to hear the answers.

***** time skip three days *****

Hospital Room 316

Park Jimin's P.O.V.

I listened to the obnoxiously loud laughter on the other side of the curtains, smiling quietly as I heard Taehyung's distinctive laughter and picturing Jeongguk's cute bunny smile. They were chatting with a few of Kookie's friends who had come to visit and drop off some of his schoolwork that he'd be able to do remotely on the Tablet, as well as being able to submit his work to the Professors because Seokjin wasn't going to let him slack off even if he was in the hospital.

Before I dropped out of college, after I moved in with... that girl... I have to admit that Professor Hristakos (khris-ta-kos) was one of my favourite teachers, Social Education was usually a total bore but Prof. Hris made class a blast and really interesting. Mr. Lau was one of my other favourite teachers - he was brilliant with mathematics and made everything relatable and easier to understand for the class so that even students who would normally be falling behind weren't too bad off.

My true passions were to dance and sing. I love to dance and I believed that even though I'm not a great singer (She always told me I was useless and that I sounded worse than a rusty nail on a black chalkboard), I knew that when I let myself go and really sing, just feeling the emotions of the song; I was always able to show others how I was feeling, I could channel my emotions through dance and honestly, it was the main reason I got as far as I did with Sheila.

Wong Shei La.

That manipulative girl broke me, ruined what was left of my sanity and my life, made me want to kill myself. Remembering everything, all the shit she put me through. Manipulating me and playing on my already broken feelings, my uncertainty about my feelings for Dongmyeong, knowing I liked someone but wasn't ready to be in another relationship, I'd let her convince me to pretend to be my girlfriend, you know, so I could use her as an excuse with anyone who was hitting on me if I went to a bar with my friends. I let her cut me off from the people who mattered most to me. The people I who loved me as I was, the people who didn't ask me to change- only to heal. I lost the person who mattered most - my Myeong.

Kanghyun, Harin, Kihyun and Dongmyeong who saved me from dying.

Keonhee, Gunmin, Dongju, Eileen, Lalisa, Jooheon and Ravn who helped me find courage in myself.

Hwanwoong, Seoho, Leedo, Jaehyun and Youngjo who helped me to laugh again, and to dance.

Yonghoon, Jibeom, Hyeonhee, Wonho, Yeon and Joochan who helped me find happiness in myself and be able to open up to other people, to trust others again.

Dongmyeong, who helped me believe I am worthy of love, that I am enough – just as I am.

This group of amazing friends helped me realize that I am worthy. I am capable of loving and, if I allow it, of being loved. Dongmyeong was not my first love, but he's the love I felt the most. It sounds embarrassing and makes me go all red when I came to the realization that I still feel the same way about that man as I did when I left the house two years ago.

I've tried to avoid him by pretending to be asleep and insisting that I'm having trouble talking because I don't know how I'm going to face him (or any of them) when it comes down to it. I'm a coward. I'm ashamed that I was in a relationship where I was manipulated into being cut off so easily from the people who mattered most to me and would have been able to help me when things got out of my control - the worst part is that I didn't even fucking know what she was doing until too late. Until after she'd already taken control of pretty much my whole life from under me. I believed in her words rather than trusting myself, I allowed her words to turn me away from those who loved me unconditionally.

Everything hurts. My eyes, my chest, my lungs, my heart.

I'm crying again, the tears like a tidal river continuously ebb and flow. My heart hurts as if it's burning; the guilt in my heart simmered and flickered like an ember ready to spontaneously combust with the smallest breath of air.

I am guilty of abandoning my friends, the only people who cared about me and I'm pretty sure going to suffer for it for the rest of my life, being burned alive with my own conscience.