Fleeting Things

I know I am not smart, no, sometimes I do though that I am smart for being able to do many meaningless things that just required me to be a blessed human, a human who is born in an able family.

The liquid dripped down from my hand, Raphael's hand into the poll of similar liquid.

I always though even other people won't be able to do it but I will be able to do it as long as I put effort in it, yes… perhaps I may be able to do it, yes, HAHAHAHA… yes effort. But did I put any effort, the answer is no.

Mysteriously I felt so out of my body, my body that is continuing doing whatever it's doing on its own.

I am lazy, I am childish, I am someone who is disrespectful, I am not someone who can put effort into something just because I made up my mind into something a moment ago, I am not like them, I don't have any spectacular dream to do, I am not like them, I never had someone to fall in love with me, at least as far as I know, I am not like them, I never had any of those wonderful experience, sleeping over my friend's house, in the first place do I even have any friends? I am someone who is selfish, but isn't any human selfish too, I don't know. I AM NOT LIKE THEM! I can't read the mood spectacularly, only to realize it after I failed at it. So should I just make them like me?

Raphael let go of the thing that he held in his hands before he clenched it into a fist pounding down.

People changes, just like many other quotes or fact, when I read it, I just though 'okay' or 'wow, amazing, it sound just amazing' or 'it is logically right' but never that I felt several of those quotes right after experiencing it myself.

My fist wet with the liquid; quenching sound sounded out as my fist strikes down again.

I have to admit that I have changed over the course of time, even if I didn't notice it someone else did, even though I don't know who. Other people do changes, or perhaps I just saw their 'outer faces', perhaps I was just mistaken about them, assuming who they are. WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!!!! I don't like changes because it is hard to understand people or things… but changes make it even harder for me to understand them.

My first Is hurting, Raphael want to stop but my body continued to strike down my fist, Hmmm? Who is that? That twisted face full of rage and sadness.

I don't like myself, because I idealized myself as someone impossible for me, like how I want to be kind like those Main Characters, like how I want to have many experience but HOW WOULD YOU DO THAT IF YOU KEPT WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO DRAG YOU TO IT!!!!! Ah…yes someone did drag me out from my comfort zone, making me smile, making me experiencing many fun and hard times but I liked that me better than the former me who only imagining while reading other people's stories, fictional or not, I desire to be like them, I liked it when people share their story to me for advice? Or it is just for me to listen to them. Who is it again, that person who dragged me out from my comfort zone, someone who shared their story to me, someone who encouraged me? WHO IS IT?

Hahahaha… for the first time I finally can feel the imaginary glasses is cracking, just like how those Main Characters in the stories I read. Isn't it good Raphael want to be like them didn't i?

I was amazed by the happiness I felt just by interacting with the right people, it's gave me more excitement and happiness than just reading novels, anime, biography, manga, film, movies, any stories, Huh? Why did their face look blurry?

Gradually the crack increased as the skin on my fist peeled and it doesn't even look like her anymore, Raphael thought.

Huh? Who is her? It fell in love again, but this time I am close to her, at least I am friend with her, unlike my previous crush who is someone distant to me, someone who is not even my friend, someone who rarely talked with me because even though I am making effort I am just to nervous to go and talk with them, but with her I was already friend with her first before I fell in love with her, I can talk with her more comfortably. Try to make her fell in love with me properly, show off to her properly, try harder properly, to make her fall in love with me so my love will be mutual.

Hmmm… now I truly know much more about the feelings of the character Raphael read at that time, like how slow they are to realize the things they have done or how their body just moved before they even thought of it.

And finally, I succeed!!! I encouraged myself to speaking Infront of the mirror that day, I checked my body, confidence rushed me as I looked at the result of my hard work of exercising to build my confidence since the first time I confessed and the first time I am rejected, I imagined how I would be possibly rejected and my eyes couldn't help but water at that though but I have prepared myself so even if I do get rejected, I would be able to hold myself back from crying and run before crying. Yes, it is perfect, I put on my most cool casual cloth, I put on everything I though the best but at the same time making sure I wouldn't looked like a weirdo. I called her after I arrived at that place, I already confirmed with her that she has no plan that day and at that time, so I said I want to have a talk with her. As usual when I am too nervous for some reason sweat damped my armpits and those sweats smells really bad, thank goodness I put on the deodorant. When she arrived I have her sat besides me, Huh? Why did her face looked so blurry I wonder? Well I put that thought aside. I talked casually while trying to little by little leading the conversation to my confession, I focused so much that anything other than her vanished from my mind, finally I confessed and pulled out the flowers I prepared, she was surprised, she looked surprised right? I can't tell her face is blurry then she agreed and for the first time I shed the tear from happiness.

Even with my trained body, Raphael was sore from punching until it was beaten to meat pulp, Raphael picked up the thing from the red poll, some of them even darkened slightly dried.

I was really nervous, she was the first girl I ever dated, the first girl I ever give gift to aside from my family, she was the first girl that I ever take date to, she was the first girl I am teased with because we are actually in relationship not because I have one-sided crush on someone else, in many was she had taken many of my first time, usually the term first time in romance is always the kiss, virginity or such but I realized there is many first time other than that. Before this I scoffed at the term that your world would changes when you are in love but now I realized it is true, my world changes when I am with her, then the time comes she dragged me to a love hotel, the owner was looking weirdly at me when we rented a room, I don't know his face is blurry too.

Raphael walked toward the other 'things' in the room before Raphael stabbed the knife on his hand toward the 'thing' repeatedly making the red liquid splashing into my face and body.

When we entered the room, the room was really dark only some dim light was on around the bed and the bathroom, the door closed automatically with a click behind us, after making me sat on the bed, she rushes to the bathroom after telling me she will prepare herself first while winking at me. I was too nervous that I forgot to take off my clothes, I shakingly took out several condoms from my pocket, my hands brushed against the knife that I always brough with me when I am with her, after all she is a beauty, who know if some bastard want to have a go with her, so to make sure I would be able to protect her I brough this, I even practiced some knife wielding to make me looked more professional so that when I pulled the knife out it would scare the opponent or perhaps if they pushed it I can wound them.

After all the 'things' in the room is cut beyond recognition and the room is splashed with blood while the bed remain quiet clean, now Raphael noticed it how come no one comes to check on this room after that much screams, well whatever Raphael just entered the bathroom washing the blood off me with ease.

In my nervousness I checked on the table next to the bed and on it there is one condoms of each size, I was about to divert my attention by checking what logo the condom have, but then the sound of her showering makes me freeze in place before I sat on the edge of the bed quietly closing my eyes, then the shower sounds stopped, I opened my eyes looking at the bathroom door after several seconds passed the door was opened and she in her white towel warped around her body sexily walked out from the bathroom, then… then… then… UGH! Then what happened, ugh, then! THEN! THEN!!!!

Damn, the skin around my fist hurts when I used soap or it was hit by the hot water, Raphael though while wiping his body as he walked out from the bathroom naked while wearing a white floppy, every step he made send a ripple on the poll of blood on the floor, until he reached the wardrobe and searched for clothes that will fit me before Raphael went back into the bathroom and he threw that red floppy before wearing those clothes and he put on his cleaned shoes while he put on a new floppy on the shoes, Raphael walked out the bathroom, out from the room, out from the love hotel.

UGH! THEN!!! It was like the sound of a glass breaking hitting the floor, breaking into pieces, then the blurriness faded, yes, that owner was looking at me in pity, yes, she was indeed a beauty, and yes, she was looking at me mockingly outside the bathroom. And then the light in the room was turned on all the sudden, when the sudden brightness came I closed my eyes for a moment before I opened them, on the far left side of the bed, the opposite of place we entered there stood my friends holding their mouth and stomach, holding cameras and their phones? In the next moment several of them fell into the floor laughing, rolling on the floor, while the one who is still standing laughed out loud too, the scene and the laugh stunned me.

Then the only one who is not holding a phone or camera wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes before walking toward her while facing me, he spoke to me, "Hmm… are you surprised by our surprise." He said opening his arms wide, and I was relieved ahh… it was just a joke, just as I was about to let out an awkward laugh.

Before that could happen, he reached my girlfriend and groped her ass, weirdly she didn't resist at all but I instinctively reached into my dagger.

"You still don't get it." He said in mocking voice.

"Really, he is always a little slow isn't he Dear~" my giR+lfrE_ND said before kissing him.

"Hahahaha… look at his face."

"Wow, it was really worth it pretending to be friends with him."

"Yeah, yeah, maybe we should do it again, who should we target, how about a girl this time."

"It's good you lose at that game right, ********* we got to do this."

"Gezz, why don't you be the one to do it next time! It was really hard you know maybe I could be an actor if I tried." M >- G1r-..rl(f) r | \E+N=D said.

I lowered my head and tears dropped down, huh? Why did it drop anyway? They laughed some more seeing my tears.

In the next moment the dagger in my pocket was already thrown and it miraculously hit her throat, then the room became quiet while she looked down on her throat. While the room was quiet, I was already running toward her taking hold of the dagger I purchased with the intention to protect her, I dragged the dagger toward the man who is already pushing her ripping more of her throat and splashing the blood at the man, as he stumbled down, I stabbed down, while stabbing down I remembered that the heart is on the left side of the chest, his left side is my right side, and the video telling me if I want to stab the chest I must positioned the blade horizontally so it can slip between ribs.

In the next moment the dagger was already deep inside his chest and I already pulled it out, roaring while running toward my next target. Realizing what just happened the tried to run, some of them fell down pissing themselves, some of them fell because someone else pushed them, some of them that managed to get running realized that the door to exit the room is behind me.

They didn't even try to fight me, they dispersed and tried to run toward the door but the room was only that much big, so I slashed the throat of two person before the first of them managed to reach door only to realize it was locked, as if remembering something some of them shouted.

"Who have the key!"

"Hurry up open the door."

Some of the even banged on the door, then just one of them shouted "I have them! H- "only to be cut down by the dagger piercing the back of his neck.

With horror, one of the remaining two near the door tried to crawl away and one of them tried to fight back, managing to land a punch on my face before I managed to pierce his throat.

I turned around jumping and landing at the back of the crawling figure slamming him into the floor, as he tried to beg I lifted my leg and stomped down on his head, again, again, again! And AGAIN! Until he no longer twitched and the remaining four just looked stunned at the sight of me brutally stomping down on the head of one of them.

I turned my head up to look at them smiling before saying "You guys are next."

One of them who had a wet stain on his pants, screamed and tried to run toward the door that is just several steps behind me, of course I slammed my dagger up from bellow his chin to his brain.

The remaining three, one of them who is still sitting on the floor, now trying to stand up and the remaining two posed some defense posture trying to fight back.

I asked "Hey, guys, where is Silica? She is supposed to have a date with me today, should I change my cloth it's dirty from cleaning some trashes."

One of them answered "You bastard! Didn't you just killed he-" before he finished his throat was already slit, he fell down in shock with his hands on his throat gurgling sound was heard from his mouth.

The one who was sitting on the floor managed to stand up and put up a defense posture too defending their head. Then one of the original two who is trying to fight back charged toward me and I swung the dagger toward his throat but he managed to block it with his arms, making my dagger slice flesh deep into his arms but he too managed to punch me in the stomach, making me stagger backwards pulling my dagger with me, thinking it was the chance he tried to punch me again while his guard is still up but mid swing he froze and looked down, seeing the dagger inside his stomach, he looked up to my face as I pulled the dagger out from his stomach.

The last one? He is shaking while standing there no longer putting a guard up, he spoke then "He- Hey, it's not my fault, you know, yes, yes, it's not my fault I am just dragged into this, don't you want to know who the mastermind is?" Raphael lowered his dagger while slowly walking toward him.

Perhaps thinking it's working he spoke up faster, " Yeah it's the Diro who proposed this game, then it's Marcel who suggested you to be chosen, then, then, yeah, Mirio is the one who told us your class, Yani is the one who told us who you are, Kashi is the one-" just like many other trashes before I interrupted him with a dagger to the throat.

"What mastermind?" I asked.

With his eyes wide in disbelieve he fell backwards from my push.

Raphael 'interrogated' the guy who he stabbed in the stomach, every time that guy hesitated, he cut off the tip of his finger until it was revealed that the first two is indeed true while the remaining three is just dragged participants before he died, when the last one died I felt that I really changed, the change was drastic and very visible, and I thought 'I really have changed haven't i?' then I walked back to her corpse.

**************************

Then? Then Raphael went to his room and sleep on