I Will Never Eat Takeout Again

ENTRY 1:

Do you ever wonder why some people don't want to grow up?

Have you ever wondered what those that don't want to grow up feel while living their lives?

For me that has been my reality as for the past couple of years life for me has become colorless. As while I have become more mature or at least I think I have life has just seemed bland.

Sleep, Eat, Work, Sleep.

Sleep, Eat, Work, Sleep.

Sleep, Eat, Work, Sleep.

Some would be okay with this as it would be showing that your life has consistent balance and you are not being rocked by circumstance.

But I can't deny this feeling that I've reached the end of the road even though I'm only in my late 20s. We were told to reach for the stars I'm now satisfied with scraps.

To be honest, I'm just airing grievances maybe this is the beginning of a midlife crisis yet before I've even reached said midlife. but every time I close my eyes I remember that this is my reality and every dream ends.

Even after attending a decent college and getting a degree in business. All I've been able to do is get regular customer service jobs. Every day my life is filled with the complaints of people that most of the time do have legitimate grievances.

Athough those are never actually addressed because these days most companies I end up working for are too big to even really want to even file the problems of one man or woman.

Regardless of how I feel about my life I like to help others even if it's only to fill up a void that I don't even know I have I do the classic things I donate blood, I volunteer at homeless shelters.

And I give to charities when I go out shopping even if most of the time the money doesn't even go to the charities it's the thought that counts least that's what I tell myself.

Yet every day I see the same visit in the mirror someone that's unsatisfied you know I even tried getting into the dating scene to see if I could find that special someone.

Rule number one of dating is never to assume romance is like how it is in stories even if it's the most realistic romance novel you have ever read. Because I wasn't even able to get her to lift her head off of her phone and eventually she just left, no words she just left.

I still have family even though my parents had recently passed a couple of years ago simply due to old age, to be honest, they were proud that they got to live that long and never had to live out of a box.

As well as providing for the four of us yes, they ended up having four kids all of them were guys my mother was disappointed in the fact that she had no girls but she was too busy dealing with the rest of us to feel bad about it.

I and my three siblings were close as most siblings are but eventually, you realize that with enough distance and enough time all relations can end up becoming distant, the oldest brother Anton Ozias ended up becoming an electrical engineer after doing a tour with the Navy. the second oldest Kristoff Ozaias ended up becoming a Marine Animal trainer that to be honest has to work two jobs to pay for basic housing but he's happy.

The third oldest Jonathan Ozias became a mechanic that often has to travel to different states to do different jobs and to be honest it works for him as he was never really able to keep his feet in one place.

And then there's me Linus Ozias. The odd one out, the one that never really knew what he wanted to do. To be honest I went to therapy because I thought something was broken with me because I never knew what I wanted and I never seem to develop skills in any specific field.

The only reason I even went into business was because it was general enough that I would never really have to worry about finding a job even if that job wasn't very fulfilling and to be honest that's even the reason I'm writing this as a means of venting my therapist says it would be healthy.

As I look around my dingy apartment that I'm barely making payments on I realize that this is my life now and it probably will be until the end and hell with the economy in the place where it is I'll probably never even be able to retire.

So here I am writing in a journal because I have no one else to really talk to as most other interactions I have in my life are just empty.

As most of the people in my work go to their tables and go to their phones and proceed to answer each and every ring ad nauseam. But in all honesty, I am not complaining as I feel lucky because even though I have not very much it's still me, or maybe that's just something I'm telling myself.

Because I have found it hard to really pick over my life as it feels like I'm slapping the face of my parents all the work they put in and all the care they've given just seemingly goes to waste which is, to be honest, the thing that brings me down the most.

These days I just find it hard to smile as well as everything around me just seemingly goes down the toilet as every day on barrage by bad news it really isn't healthy for me to even listen to this but I like to keep myself informed even if the news channels are biased.

I attempt to cook up dinner but only to order out as my cooking skills are about as good as a classic anime girl.

That thought makes me chuckle as I remember a certain Lamia from a monster girl anime. In an attempt to fill the void I tried to lean into other forms of media which, to be honest, would is not the greatest of decisions as the escapism was really not healthy for me but I did nonetheless.

The food then arrived but due to the rainy weather and the poor packaging of my meal it was soggy and to be honest, was quite disgusting and before I could even mention it to the driver he is already gone probably going to deliver somebody else's meal and as I sit back down on the table I'll begin to eat the soggy mess.

I whisper to myself every night " I shouldn't be watching this it's not real there's going to be no random omnipotent being showing up or magic spell going awry or summoning ritual as much as I wish there was".

I look over to my alarm clock seeing that it's now 10:00 p.m. and realize I need to go to sleep in order to make it to work tomorrow as I start at 5:00 a.m. and such the cycle begins anew.

If only I knew that simply writing in this journal would change everything but that is for you all to find out.