And It Isn't All It Seems

It had only been about an hour since you'd left the Bunker, but it felt like days. Every step was one more away from home away from what you'd lost. Although, truthfully, it was your fault. You hated being around the boys now. They were pressing and close and always hovering. Not that you hated the boys, no, you loved them. But their presence almost irked you in an indescribable way. And Dean... something about him had changed. So much more clingy and lovey-dovey, so unlike the Dean you had known. You wanted your boys back. But you knew they had been left behind with the body they tore you away from not-so long ago.

And it wasn't just the Winchester's, you'd lost John Bobby within that short span of time. To say you were depressed and needed help was an understatement. The boys were reckless, Cas just couldn't show up in time, you had to watch the men you loved more than your own father slip away because "the hunt is more important". Daddy's little soldiers must never disobey. There was nothing tying you back down, nothing to keep the nagging noise at the back of your mind loud and center stage. Just you, the worn bag slung over your shoulder, and the swaying trees that dropped colorful leaves with every dying breath of wind.

Crunching the leaves under your shoes as you went, you looked up at him the dimming sky and felt your back pocket for the wallet you knew was there. Full and as old as you were, it brought a sense of comfort. A small tune escaped your lips and you felt free once more.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Lucifer out of nowhere. "I don't really know. Somewhere I'm welcome, I know that much. Less drama, by myself. Just me and a figment of my imagination." He smirked at your reply and added, "Said figment ain't that bad, is he?" You rolled your eyes and stayed quiet. "Is there a good hotel around here? I'm assuming you'd know," you said, gripping the straps of the bag tighter. You still hated talking to him, but your will had broken after almost two weeks without sleep. He let you sleep for two days straight, the most you'd ever had. But still, it was hard. He wasn't like Gabriel.

After agreeing on him staying away for a while, he disappeared and then you were alone in the silence again. By then, it was dark and cold outside. The wind wasn't so welcome now. Another flap beside you and you finally resigned to the fact that Cas was going to come after you. "(Y/n), why did you leave?" he asked. "Go away, Cas. I don't want to deal with you guys right now. Please. I just want to be by myself. Stay away, Cassiel. For your own good. I don't want hurt you," you warned. "No, you must come back and try to fix the damage that has been done. We can fix this, right?" You have him a suspicious look. "Where did you learn to talk like that all of a sudden?" He shrugged. "Come back," he pleaded. You ignored him. "I will take you by force," he said calmly. "You will do no such thing, Castiel."

He reached out for you and you pulled an angel blade out of your jacket pocket. "(Y/n). Put it away. There's no reason for violence. I'm trying to help you," he said, lowering his hands. "No, Cas, I'm helping myself now. I'm a big girl. Let me go, Cassiel." He took another step closer and you swung the blade out at the man who taught you how to swing it. It cut the arm of his trench coat and he stared down at the torn fabric. "I will not stand by and let you get hurt," he whispered. "Too late. I'm just good at hiding it, even from you." With one last pitiful look, he disappeared. The blade stayed close to your side, tucked flush against your warm skin under your shirt. A moment longer and you knew he wasn't coming back. But it still hurt like he was standing in front of you.

You stumbled over on the side of the road and crumpled down to the ground. It was getting hard to breath. "Stay away right now, Luci, I need a minute," you whispered for Lucifer to hear. Leaning up against a tree, the moon shone brightly through the branches. You hated lying to anyone, especially the boys. Your eyes welled up with tears and you angrily brushed them away. "This is all your fault, G. I friggin' hate you," you whimpered as you pulled your knees close to your chest. Almost a year and you still couldn't even say his name.

A small noise came up from behind the tree and you grabbed your angel blade from under your shirt. Preparing yourself, you peered around the side and sighed. No angels, no humans, just... a small, grey kitten.  It mewed quietly as you scooped it up. You smiled for the first time in a long time and rocked it in your arms. It padded on your shirt, continuing to meow. "Hey, there, Lil Key. Aren't you just all that?" you murmured, stroking his stomach. He stopped meowing so loud and looked up at you with big yellow eyes.

"Cutie. I'm gonna keep you."