Okay So Maybe I'm Falling...

Falling in love is like leaping off a cliff

Your brain screams that it's not a good idea and that hurt and pain will inevitably come to you

But your heart believes you can soar.

|Previously|

I walk up the stairs to my room and convince myself to do the homework due in two days. When I finish that I scroll through Instagram until I get tired and my eyelids fall shut.

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I wake up to my alarm going off at 6:30 and get dressed for school and then I drive off to hell. I walk through the doors with my hood up as always and lean against the wall. I play candy crush on my phone for ten minutes until the halls are less crowded. I make my way to my locker and grab my stuff for class. I walk to Mrs.Shaeffers class at a slow pace because who even really wants to go to class? I enter the classroom and sit in the back next to the window and organize my school books. The bell rings and everyone goes to their seats and waits for the teacher to walk in. Mrs.Shaeffer walks in looking flushed and is fanning herself. I tilt my head a little and stare at the hickey on her neck that's darker than a bruise. Nobody seems to notice but me and she sits down at her desk looking giddy? That can't be possible because the only expression anyone has ever seen her make is a scowl.

She clears her throat and gets herself back together and says "You guys can use the time in my class to do whatever you want." We all stare at her shocked because she has never done this in her entire career. Is she high? I get my grey notebook out and start to write. I liked to make poems or quotes in my free time to express my feelings or things I wish I had the courage to say out loud.

{ Someone once asked me what being triggered was like,

I closed my eyes and thought of planes crashing and car accidents

But instead said the beach

Falling asleep under direct sun only to wind up drowning

When you open your eyes, gargling salt water where once had been air

Forgetting how to swim and knowing you could die right there }

I finished and just stared at the page willing myself to not break down. "What's that about?" someone asks from behind me. Damien, thing one, and thing two are there staring at what I just wrote intensely and I immediately shut the notebook. "None of your damn business." I snap back. I narrow my eyes at them in question under my hood. Thing one reaches for it and I immediately grab his wrist. "Let us see your face." thing one says. "Sorry honey but your not privileged enough" the other two snort like somethings funny. Damien leans down and puts his lips next to my ear and whispers "I want you to sit with us at lunch" and my breath hitches. "Do you know how much attention I would get if I did that. " I whisper back. He puts his hand up cups my cheek and said "No one will do anything to you. I'm here."

I shake my head and he sighs and moves away. "Your sitting with us" he says firmly and I know there's no room for discussion. "I never got your name?" Damien suddenly realizes "Aspen" I reply. "Aspen" he whispers to himself like he's testing it on his lips. He smiles softly at me and nods. Swoon.

"What class do you have before lunch?" thing two asks speaking for the first time. "We'll wait for you outside the class and you'll walk with us to lunch." Damien says. I have "I-I Mr. Jackson" I say. I have this thing where when I lie I stutter or I'll clench my right fist into a ball. Damien narrows his eyes and snarls "Your lying." I sigh and whisper "I have Mr. Clark'' Damien nods approvingly and stares at me.

The bell rings and I get my stuff together and begin to follow everyone out the door. Suddenly I'm being pulled into someone's hard chest. I look up and stare into Damien's eyes, he pulls my pulls my hood back enough to see my eyes and whispers in my ear "I'll see you later sunflower." He then kisses my cheek and walks away with his friends behind him. I'm left standing there a blushing mess late for my next class.

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I exit Mrs. Clarks class not excited for lunch and standing against the lockers opposite of the door is the trio. I internally curl up in a ball and cry while walking towards them. Damien stands in front of me and leans down to pull my hood down slightly to see my eyes. I think he's obsessed with them. "Hey sunflower" he says softly. I think my hear just stopped working. Swoon. I wave shyly afraid that if I try to talk actual words won't come out due to my mini hear attack. We start to walk towards the doors and my heart rate picks up I start to think of all the consequences from doing this. They kick the doors open and I mentally thank them for the dramatic entrance bound to get everyone's attention. They walk in with no emotion on their face while I follow behind them like a lost puppy.

Everyone's attention moves to me and I'm mentally cursing Damien to step on glass barefoot for this. We make are way to their table and I'm pulled down in-between thing two and Damien. thing one says "are you going to put your down?" And I turn to look at Damien skeptically who is already looking at me. He leans closer and whispers "I know you don't like people seeing your eyes so after lunch we can go to the back of the school and you can show them if you want too." I nod my head and do something stupid. No, this goes beyond stupid, like I must have been missing the part of my brain that thinks rationally. I moved up and kissed his cheek. I FUCKING KISSED HIS CHEEK. How dumb do I get. He turns his head to me eyes wide. I know I'm as shocked as you buddy.

I blush furiously and stare at my hands. He grabs one and intertwines them. I want to snatch mine back but his hand feels so warm. The kind of warmth I craved as a child while I cried herself to sleep every night. I must have been in my own world because I didn't even realize that the three of them them were engaged in their own conversation. I just listen to them bicker as I think about what I'm going to do. Falling for Damien is inevitable but the real question is, am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

.

______

Lunch is over and we're now walking to the back of the school. I don't know why I'm so scared about showing them my eyes. I just really don't like being stared at and when people see my eyes that's all I get. They open the backdoor and we walk through and suddenly they're all staring at me. I grab Damien's hand for support and feel sparks. Like literal fireworks here. He squeezes my hand before letting go and I sigh.

I close my eyes and pull my hood down. I open my eyes and they both stare wide eyed. Like come on dudes its not that weird. They just stare and don't say anything and I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Damien realizes this and clears his throat. Honestly I'm tired and ready to go home.

I sigh and say "Damien I'm gonna go" he pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle into his chest. I breath him in and he smells like mint and smoke. A combination I never would have thought went together until right now. "You wanna take a nap sunflower?" He whispers and I nod slightly. He picks me up and I stick my head into the crook of his neck and start to drift off. He rubs my back and whispers "I'm here" like he's making a promise and if I wasn't so tired I probably would have cried. I kiss his neck and finally drift off into my first peaceful sleep in years.