Old Memories

You can't mask your heart's truths when a knowing glance finds them.

Old Memories

We never mentioned that night. She shouted at me the same way when I did something wrong, and I used to get offended and call her a neurotic psycho. But something definitely changed that day: I grew fond of Hajnal and came to an unspoken decision. From then on, I became her "watchdog".

"No offense but may I ask why you're so protective of her?" Ervin looked at me shyly. "Maybe..."

I laughed. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he thought I was into old furies. Suddenly I felt an incomprehensible urge to kill Ervin.

"No, I have no romantic feelings at all for my boss, in fact, she's a bit too quarrelsome for my taste. No, I just owe her."

Has this guy lost his mind? Me and Hajnal?! She's acting like a fury, and she's human, not to mention much older than me, but even on a theoretical level we'd kill each other before we'd ever make love.

I've done a lot for her, I've let her stomp on my notoriously big pride countless times, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with her. I love her, but not romantically. She was like a stepmother I did not ask for but loved nevertheless.

"Oh," he sighed, slightly relieved that he didn't have to fight me for the hag's favours.

"And what brings you to our little town?" I questioned him before he could say anything uglier.

"Work," he sighed.

"Work?" I repeated.

 "Actually, I'm doing some research," he said with a slight smile at the corner of his lips as he ran a finger around the rim of his empty glass.

"Oh, so I can call you Professor then?2 I grinned.

"Ervin will suffice," he laughed.

"Well, and may I ask what your research is about, Prof?" I asked in a bantering tone.

"I'm doing experiments on blood," he explained, "I'm trying to test substances that can alleviate or even eliminate the thirst for blood."

"Really?" I asked and then pulled a dark brown bottle from my pocket. "Looks familiar?"

Surprised, he took the bottle out of my hand, "This is my medicine! Where did you get it?"

"I'm also thirsty for blood," I stated. "A friend gave it to me."

"Really?" He looked at me excitedly. "You're connected to the Blutkaiser family?"

"Yep," I nodded.

"I had no idea you knew the nobles," he added, "Isidora volunteered to assist me in my experiments, and even gave me huge sums of money!"

"I deduced from this that you are not one of the nobles," I remarked.

"No," he shook his head, "I am a second-generation."

"I see," I said and stood up. "Good luck, Prof."

"You're leaving already?" he asked surprised.

"Hajnal would beat me up if she saw me playing around here instead of working," I smiled.

He just laughed a few times. I returned to my work but still caught a glimpse of Hajnal leaving her office and heading for the vampire's desk. She disappeared from my sight at the stairs, so I could freely pout and shake my head.

Hajnal stepped over to Ervin's table and with graceful movements sat on his lap.

"Well, how did it go?" she asked.

"Pretty well, I think," he chuckled, "I survived, so you could call it a success."

She smiled too. "I told you it wouldn't be that bad."

"Actually, it was worse than I expected," Ervin remarked with a grimace, "There was a moment when I thought I wouldn't be able to fight the urge to jump up and run out. He can have a suffocating presence when he wants to."

He sighed deeply, and Hajnal giggled blandly.

"That's just the way Shay is," added Hajnal, "He likes to scare the hell out of people, but basically he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I have my doubts about that, but I hope you're right, sweetheart," he huffed.

"At least you can be sure he likes you," she said, "If he didn't, he wouldn't have let it go. He's an annoying kid."

Ervin thought for a moment.

"All in all, I was a little surprised. From what you said, I expected him to question me properly," he admitted thoughtfully, "But he only asked a few basic questions. In fact, I learned more about him during that conversation than the other way around."

"Oh, that's not true," replied Hajnal with a knowing smile, "He was mainly focusing on your natural micro-reactions and behaviour. That's probably why he asked things in the first place. I'm sure he already knew the answers to his questions."

"Dangerous kid," the vampire growled.

"Yes, he is," agreed Hajnal.

I wasn't eavesdropping. Seriously. The words just came to me without me even wanting to hear them. It was as if Hajnal and my favorite vampire were having a conversation standing next to me.

My hearing was sharp before, yet something had changed. I guided my gaze around the tiny pub. I could hear everything, so sharply, and in full, raw reality, that it was disturbing.

It wasn't my hearing that had sharpened, but rather, I would say, my focus had changed. Up until then, I was hearing the information I wanted to hear. Now, however, my head was instantly filled with information, like a sponge soaking up water, I was soaking up sounds. Worst of all, I couldn't turn off this function on myself.

I was looking for whisky so I turned away from the door. He took a seat without a sound and opened his mouth to speak when I turned and put the glass down, perhaps with a little more force than I had planned.

"How...?" he raised an eyebrow, but didn't ask anything in the end. He just drank the whiskey in one big gulp.

I was muttering something incomprehensible under my breath, and seeing that I wasn't exactly on top of my game, he let it go. I just couldn't tell him that the scent from the daggers hidden in his coat was a dead giveaway. Especially as there's a reason for it, not many monsters besides wolves can smell it.

"I need intel," what can I say, Geri didn't tell me anything new.

"Hm."

"About the Behemoth's new boss," he added.

I looked at him in surprise. He shrugged.

"The previous bosses had been in touch with the Crosspherat and they reached an agreement. They'd like to know how they can pay off his successor."

"Pay him off?" I raised an eyebrow, but seeing that he was quite serious, I laughed.

He grumbled to himself and waved for another whisky.

"You can't buy Rada," I declared.

"Every man has his price," Geri countered, "At least according to the judges."

"Well, then his price is so high they won't be able to afford it," I shrugged and started wiping.

"I thought Behemoth was driven by money," he said.

"Most are," I corrected, "Rada does not fall in that category."

"Then tell me what he wants," Geri said.

"He had a sister, but the previous head of the gang killed her" I explained. "He infiltrated the organization, waited patiently, developed, and worked his way up. He was the boss's right-hand man, the only one he trusted. Revenge was what he wanted."

"And what does he want to do with the organization now?" asked the hunter.

"Who knows," I said, "but there will be changes. I don't think Behemoth will be an organization that pubs have to fear for long."

Geri hummed and gulped down his drink. He became somber.

"The Crosspherat has discovered that the monster I made my informant is you," he said, barely audible, but it was enough to stop my heart for a moment.

"Have they made a move yet?" I asked. "Have they demoted you or are they watching you?

He shook his head. "No, nothing like that. But I think from now on I'll be sent on missions similar to your brother's. It didn't help that I'm under him."

I wasn't sure that Geri would survive such missions with the same luck as Des.

"I, uh..."

"It's not your fault," he interrupted harshly.

I looked for a moment into his black eyes which absorbed all light and couldn't continue talking. No, Geri didn't want me to apologize for anything. He didn't want me to feel sorry for him, because that would be the ultimate blow to his pride.

"I only wanted to say, if you hadn't interrupted me," I gave him a devastating look, "that you should die a hunter's death, and sooner rather than later. You irritate me."

He laughed and I grinned mockingly.

(...)

 "I will enter your mind," Lordling declared, as lightly as if he was talking about the weather.

"What?!" I asked indignantly.

"I won't repeat it," he said, "Just try to push me out!"

The next moment Lirdling was rummaging through my memories, and try as I might, I couldn't push him out of them.

"Kill him!" the hunter beside me shouted.

I looked at the vampire kneeling before me. He was sobbing. He looked at me with his red eyes and begged for mercy.

"Please...! Please!"

He killed humans. He sucked them dry, yet I couldn't say I thought he deserved to die. No, it was far from that. But I had no choice. I knew if I didn't kill him, we'd both die — and I wanted to live. I drilled my gaze into his. I tried to convey to him with my eyes the message that I would have paid with my life to say.

I'll be quick. So fast, you won't feel a thing — I promise you that.

He's gone quiet. There was no longer a glimmer of hope in his eyes as if he truly understood what I was trying to tell him.

"Do it, hunter!" that one word contained all his hatred and contempt.

Those were his last words. Indeed, I chose then. I chose to be a hunter.

"Kill him!" the man beside me ordered again, I knew it was his last command and I did it.

Without hesitation or mercy. He felt no pain. Nor was there time to be surprised. His head simply flew off his neck. It was the least I could do.

Suddenly I found myself in a dark room.

"I can still... move," I cried, trying desperately to get to my feet, but the next kick sent me back to the floor.

I felt the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn't. All was lost. The masked man spat saliva to the side and started to move.

Geri stepped up beside him.

"He may live."

For a moment, it seemed as if Gery wouldn't answer, but then he did.

"Are you done?"

"Don't misunderstand me," said the masked man, "The odds are merely higher than zero."

My next encounter with the masked man ended the same way. Geri tried to pick me up off the ground, but I sank my teeth into his hand.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

If I could have killed with my eyes alone, the young hunter would have dropped dead.

After a while, I had to realize that when one is treated like a monster by those around him, he slowly begins to behave like a monster. Slowly and unstoppably he becomes a monster.

I was sucked into another memory. I couldn't move, everything was screaming in pain. Geri lifted me, and I wanted to die from shame, but my damned self-healing ability wouldn't even allow that.

"If you ever tell anyone, I'll kill you," I said through gritted teeth.

The boy smiled.

"You are very much like your brother," was all he said.

The next moment, another memory was flashing before my eyes, of Geri patching me up again, for the thousandth time. I clenched my fists. My claws dug into my skin, and a few drops of crimson blood fell from my fist to the floor. No! Don't look at me with those eyes! Don't you dare pity me!

"It's all right..." Geri would have started, but I could tell from his words that he didn't believe them either.

"Stop it," I growled.

He closed his mouth, but his eyes still sparkled with pity.

"I don't need your pity," I snapped, and then, feigning composure, I walked towards the door.

My footsteps echoed coldly in the room. I paused and glanced back at him with my perfected, killer stare.

"I don't need it. A monster repays his debt with interest."

Again I was caught in the uncontrollable whirl of memories, and again I could only glance at the next one before Lordling grew bored. Geri was furious.

"You'll break your own bones!" he shouted in an outburst.

"What do you care?!"

"Don't do this!" he pleaded, "Your body is human, it'll break under the pressure!"

"There is nothing human about me," I spat, looking at him in disgust.

"You are wrong!"

"I'm a monster," I said calmly. "You'd better accept that too. The Crosspherat does not take kindly to his dogs making friends with monsters."

In the next memory, Geri held a newspaper in his hands. He had a lot of enemies, so no one was surprised when a certain was mentioned in the pages of Kaleidoscope (yes, we had it as a newspaper before the app) as the victim of a brutal murder.

[They tore his body to pieces. They tortured him almost beyond recognition.]

Everyone had more or less correct guesses as to who the perpetrator was. Geri stood before me in silence. He knew it was me.

I grinned mockingly. "You look so stupid. I told you I was a monster..."

He got down on his knees and hugged me. I wanted to scream at him, but no sound came out of my throat. I just stood there and looked at him, my eyes wide.

"You are not a monster," he said, in a lower than a whisper. "You are not a monster."

My chest tightened, but Lordling ignored it and pulled me into the next memory.

"Sometimes..." said Geri. "I dream."

I looked up, but Geri was just looking at the sky. I said nothing. I turned again to the endless blue.

"Don't you have any dreams?" he asked kindly.

He only used that voice when no one was listening. Especially not Des.

"I don't need dreams," I growled.

He grunted. "Everyone needs dreams. It's what drives us forward."

"What is your dream, then?"

"I want a bike," he said, "One of those old Simsons my father had. I would travel around the world. I'd go to beautiful places, meet beautiful people, and taste all the booze there is!"

"What a dream," I remarked with a grimace.

"I believe that one day I will buy my bike and leave all this behind me," he said, unperturbed, and then suddenly turned to me.

He grinned, the way he always did when he wanted something from me. He wanted something from me very much.

"Now it's your turn."

I sighed because I knew he wouldn't leave me alone until I told him something.

"I want a normal life," I said, "I want to go to school and then get a job. Marry a wonderful woman. I also want a house, a car and a child."

"Well, that's... terribly boring," he grimaced, disappointed.

Sometimes we were talking about our dreams. Geri wanted to be a veteran motorcyclist, a broker or a professional lawyer. He always talked about something different, and he was always so into it that it made my heart clench.

Geri wasn't as broken as most hunters, perhaps because of his dreams - because there was still something driving him forward. I didn't want to tell him what we both knew: that, like my dreams, his would never come true. None of them. So I just listened to his silly stories and watched his smile as he spoke.

I finally managed to push Lordling out of my mind — not that he wanted to stay after all those memories.

"This..." I gasped. "What was it for?!"

"You've experienced what it feels like to have another mind in your own, and you've learned one way to get rid of it," he replied.

I wanted to argue, but deep down I knew that Lordling only did what was necessary.

"Remember that feeling," he commanded, yet smiled softly, "and rest! Think of the trap you will set for me next time I'll be in your mind!"

I straightened up and nodded.

"I suggest you don't worry about your hunter friend too much," he added, "I'm sure he can handle the situation."

"He is not my friend!" shouted I indignantly.

"You have forgotten to deny worrying," he remarked with a wry smile.

I mumbled a few choice words under my nose.