6. Chapter 6

CARINA’S POV

I couldn't remember the last time I had woken up spontaneously, without any annoying alarm clock noise to make me start the day with a curse, and although the pounding headache made me frown, the feeling of fingers circling my hipbone under the warm covers made my body relax.

What? Whose were these...

Maya!

I opened my eyes quickly and finally realized that the weight I felt on my body was actually not due to the hangover but to Maya's body partially on top of mine. She had her head on my chest, just a little above my breast, one leg between mine while the arm around my waist allowed her hand to make those delicious circles on my skin.

One of my hands was stretched out on the bed behind her body as the other remained under my head - a habit I couldn't get rid of whenever I slept on my back- and I was definitely comfortable.

Her head so close to my face made it possible to smell the delicious scent of her hair, and I knew it would be a dream coming true to be able to wake up to that smell, to that body against mine, to Maya's caresses.

I wanted her.

I wanted her so desperately that it hurt in my bones.

I had wanted her for 10 years, and now that she was so close, I found myself lost, not knowing how to act around her, trying to take advantage of her teasing to make my full interest clear to her, but she kept backing away every time I thought something would finally happen between us.

Last night, when Vic dared her to kiss me, I tried not to show my happiness so openly, but my disappointment was impossible to hide when she took that shot. I wanted her, and she had blown her chance to kiss me without having to take responsibility for it - she could easily blame the game the next day, she could tell me that it was just a stupid dare and that we were both drunk - but then she spoke those lovely words in the kitchen, she talked about kissing me and tasting me, and the desire I saw in her eyes gave me hope once again.

Even though I was drunk - drunk as I hadn't been in years - I managed to take advantage of the situation and had convinced her to cuddle me in bed last night. I remember now being surprised when she agreed to my request - since she was clearly a little uncomfortable and unsure of what to do - and I was glad that my back was turned to her, that way she couldn't see the huge smile that was on my face during the whole process of teaching her how I wanted her to hold me.

Her muscular body was incredibly soft, her strong arms were firm enough to give me a sense of security that I hadn't felt in years, and I remember thinking that I never wanted to leave that embrace.

Maya moved her face against my chest, gently rubbing it against my body before letting out a sigh and the movement dragged me out of my thoughts. I brought the hand that was behind her body to her head and ran my fingers through her scalp in a slow massage.

-Good... - She began to speak, and I felt her body tensing against mine.

-Shh! - I interrupted her. - Just don't say anything. Let's just stay here, you and I, not saying a single word, for a little while longer.

She nodded against my chest, and I smiled, taking my hand from under my head to gently squeeze the arm that was around my waist. I tilted my face down and rubbed my nose through her thick blonde hair, slowly breathing in the scent of her shampoo before planting a few kisses there.

Right there, in that bed, we were in our own private bubble. There were no demands and fears, no insecurities. At that moment there was only reciprocity and comfort, and I wanted it to be that way when we came out from under that comforter too.

I wanted to hold Maya's hands while I looked into her eyes and asked her if I could kiss her, if she liked me the way I liked her, I wanted to hear a positive answer to both questions and I wanted to not care about anything else. I wanted to fulfill the dreams of Carina from 10 years ago who dreamed of that mysterious blonde, who knew almost nothing about her, but knew enough to understand that this woman would be worth dating.

I didn't want the minutes to pass, I didn't want us to have to exist in a reality that went beyond that bed because since I had been back in Seattle I had never felt better. Headache, dry mouth, none of it would be enough to make me move away from Maya or go back to thinking rationally, like a woman in her thirties who needed to act maturely. I wanted to continue behaving like a teenager who had finally had some contact with her crush, who was feeling butterflies in her stomach and her heart racing in her chest - could Maya hear the impact our proximity had on my heartbeat?

-This is nice. - She whispered after a while.

-This? - I asked back as I scratched her scalp a little harder.

-All of this. - She answered, and her sleepy voice was lovely. - What time is it?

-Do you have to work today? - I asked.

-No. - She whispered back.

-Staying in bed late is driving you a little crazy, isn't it? - I joked, letting out a giggle.

-I don't usually do this, but it's good. - I felt the hand that had been caressing my hip now move up a little, squeezing the curve of my waist. - I've never done this before.

Something about this confession warmed me up inside - probably the fact that I knew I was the first person to ever be cuddled up to Maya in bed like that; other people might have had access to that body, but only I had had access to that intimacy - and I didn't hold back, allowing myself to plant one more kiss on the top of her head.

-Do you want some breakfast? - I asked, rubbing her arm slowly up and down.

-I don't know if I want to get up. - She murmured and pulled me closer to her body.

-I understand. It's like this bed is a parallel universe. - I joked and she nodded in agreement. - We can stay here for a while longer.

And it was at this very moment that I was betrayed by my own body. My stomach rumbled embarrassingly loudly, and Maya laughed out loud.

-I think your stomach disagrees. - She spoke between laughs, and I could feel my cheeks heating up.

-I'm sorry. - I whispered.

-Why are you apologizing? Are you apologizing for feeling hungry?  - Maya got up off me and turned her face toward me, part of her hair falling in front of her face, and I was quick to tuck it behind her ear.

-Let's get up, I'll make you some French toast. - I said, smiling at the blonde.

-Do you cook? - She asked.

-Yes! I love to cook, it's therapeutic for me. Like running is for you. - I sat up in bed, and with my gesture Maya instinctively sat up too, her body turned toward me. - Any special requests?

-I like French toast. - She shrugged.

-Good, let's go to the kitchen then. - I touched the tip of her nose gently and begrudgingly got out of bed.

I let her go first, enjoying the view of her body in those short shorts that complimented her ass in the best way. I loved how Maya's body was the perfect blend of muscles and curves, and her full breasts and round ass made my body warm up without me even touching her.

When we got to the kitchen, I listed for her all the ingredients needed for me to make her French toast and discovered - to my chagrin - that Maya only had instant coffee at home.

-That's not even coffee. - I grunted when she showed me the coffee container.

-It's not as good as the Ferry's, but it's drinkable.

-It's not drinkable! I need you to come to my place so I can make you a nice cup of home-brewed coffee. - I spoke automatically as I mixed the ingredients in a bowl so that I could dip the bread before putting it in the pan.

-Is that the only reason you would invite me into your place? - She asked back, squeezing some oranges to make juice.

-For this, and to further practice your cuddling skills in bed. - I joked, now dipping a second slice of bread into the mixture and placing it in the pan.

-You weren't complaining this morning! - She grumbled back, and I laughed.

-Technically I was the one who was cuddling you this morning. - I teased her some more and Maya grumbled behind me. - What did you say?

-Nothing. - She was quick to respond.

As soon as breakfast was ready, I sat down at the table, but Maya remained standing by one of the chairs.

-Is there a problem? - I asked, noticing her discomfort.

-I don't usually sit at the table for meals. - She answered and swallowed hard.

-We can just sit on the living room floor if you want? - I suggested.

Maya looked at the platter full of French toast and the glasses of juice, she wasn't comfortable sitting at the table this was more than clear from her posture, it was as if she was staring directly at something that would hurt her, but she was also too embarrassed to ask me to stand up, this was also clear, so I stood up without saying anything, took the platter and one of the glasses.

-Let's go. - With my head I gestured to the living room.

I earned a discreet smile from Maya and managed to hear a brief sigh of relief before she picked up the other glass and the pitcher of juice and followed me.

-Well? - I asked, my gaze on the toast in her hand; she had not yet taken her first bite and looked at me intensely before bringing the piece of bread to her mouth in the slowest of movements. - Come on!

-Don't rush me! - She joked back, and that scene of a completely mundane scene, no make-up, with our hairs still slightly messed up from a night's sleep, was absolutely perfect.

I wanted more of that.

Maya took a big bite of toast and my eyebrows arched as I waited for her reaction and comment. When Maya closed her eyes and let out a sound completely unfair to my nerve endings - given that I shivered from head to toe - in a moan of delight, I knew I had made the right choice in having made that French toast that morning.

-Okay, this is probably the best thing I've ever tasted! - She said, her mouth still partially full.

-Really? - I asked and drank some of my juice. - Good to know.

-You could become my favorite flavor, you know. You'd just have to let me taste you. - She gave me a little wink and cracked a smile, not even blushing at her own cheeky remark.

-In your dreams, Maya! - I teased back, letting out a giggle, but secretly loving hearing that kind of comment from her. It made me feel wanted, made me feel like a woman again, not just a doctor, or a sister, or a friend.

-In my dreams, things are even better! And there are a lot less clothes involved! - She continued the teasing, and I couldn't hold back my laughter.

-I guess all the alcohol consumed yesterday is taking effect today. It's too early for that kind of comment. - I tried to have another bite of the toast in my hand, it really was good.

-Does that mean that I'm winning? - She asked back.

-Never. - I squinted my eyes at her, trying to look as threatening as possible, but it was impossible not to smile at Maya watching her laugh, throwing her head back, her blonde hair brushing even lower down her back.

I don't think I've ever wanted to kiss her as much as I wanted to right now. There, at that very moment, interrupting her laughter, taking that spontaneous moment of hers for myself, holding her face and whispering how beautiful she was when she laughed like that.

-What's wrong? - She asked and brought me back to reality.

-What?

-You're looking at me in a funny way.- She finally blushed for the first time that morning, and it was adorable.

-No, I'm not. - I lied.

-Yes, you are. - She rolled her eyes. - But tell me, what was it like growing up in Italy?

-When I was little, so good. When my mother moved here with Andrea, quite lonely.  - I confessed, averting my eyes from her face because staring into those blue orbs was too intimidating.

-Did you stay with your father? - She asked.

-I had to stay with my father. - I explained, still looking at the little bit of juice left in my glass. - My mother wanted to protect Andrea, he was always very...  Instable?

-Unstable. - She corrected me softly.

-Unstable. - I repeated, trying to imprint in my mind one more word that confused me in English. - Living with him, by myself, took a lot out of my emotions. It took me a long time to realize how abusive he could be to me, belittling me and judging every decision I made, and in the beginning you forget. In the beginning, I always repeated to myself that he was my father, that it was my duty to understand, but after much therapy and many nights of crying I realized that giving in to him implied in letting him hurt and mistreat me too much.

I didn't notice the moment I started to cry, I didn't sob or shake, I just let the tears run down my cheeks while I kept my head down.

-What do you need right now? - Maya asked me and I lifted my face to look at her; I think there was enough confusion on my face that she understood it as a silent request for an explanation. - Do you want me to comment on it? Do you want a hug? Because I want to hug you, but I don't know if that's what you want.

-You can hug me. - I nodded with a discreet smile, realizing that with each conversation I was discovering more and more about Maya. I don't think anyone has ever taken this approach with me before, of asking what I needed, putting my needs first.

Maya crawled up beside me and opened her arms for me to lean into her embrace. Her strong arms were a comforting shelter in which I felt safe - to talk, to express myself, to cry. She stroked my back tenderly, planted delicate kisses on my shoulder, and kept me pressed against her body in just the right measure.

-I would never take you for a hugger. - I whispered, letting out a low chuckle.

-I'm not. - She replied. - You awaken parts of me that scare me. Sometimes I'm afraid of the influence you have on me, because there are some things that are so dormant and not part of my everyday life, that when they come to the surface I don't know how to deal with them.

-Am I pushing you? Or making you uncomfortable? - I asked, startled, and gently pulled away from her hug, creasing my forehead at her comment.

-No, never. - She was quick to respond. - I don't think getting to know other parts of myself is something negative, it's just scary, you know?

Maya smoothed my arms a few times before bringing both hands to the back of my neck, making my heart flutter and my stomach churn nervously.

-You're making me better. - She spoke, looking into my eyes. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. - It's not your job to do this, it's mine. So, thank you for doing this.

-You're welcome. - I whispered, still looking into her eyes.

Maya continued to stare at me, a small smile on her lips, then she moved closer and kissed me on the forehead.

Although the destination was different from the one I so desperately wanted, I felt that that kiss said a whole lot, there was a lot of gratitude there and that was good. It made me feel a little more important in her life, not so replaceable, I wanted to keep impacting Maya's life in that profound way.

…

I realized that I had made a big mistake when I went to sleep with Maya that night.

Now that I knew what it felt like to have her body so close to mine, it was hard to lie in a bed and not miss her - and I already missed Maya in so many moments of my day, I couldn't believe fate had given me another one. I rolled from side to side in bed, trying to take a late afternoon nap to cure my hangover for good and recharge my energy for my night shift that would start at 10 pm.

I turned my face to my bedside table and sighed heavily as I realized that it was still 6 pm and there was no hope for my sleep with the blonde invading my thoughts every second. I got out of bed and went to my bathroom, stared at the tub for a few seconds, but discarded the possibility of taking a long bath and opted for the shower. Once I was ready and the car by app on the way I went to my balcony and sat down on one of the chairs, letting the cold wind scratch my skin, dry my lips, and make me close my eyes.

 It was good to feel cold after the whirlwind of heated emotions I had that morning.

Leaving had been hard, I didn't want to - but I knew I needed to - and although she didn't tell me in full words, Maya's disappointment at my departure was more than evident on her face - inside her beautiful eyes - and I practically had to force my legs out of her apartment, trying to ignore the pain in my chest and the magnetism that was pulling me back to her.

I wanted more of Maya - more time, more contact, more hugs, more kisses, more moments cuddling in bed - and I knew I needed to be patient for that to happen. If all the stories about her Wednesday affairs have taught me anything, it is that the blonde has a certain fear of commitment, and I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be just one more among so many. I don't want to be just another name.

-To the Ferry Station? - The driver confirmed as I got into the car.

-Yes, please.

I need to buy a car.

I wouldn't be able to sustain my life in Seattle with Ubers, but this time the ride would be more than welcomed because it would allow me to think a little more about the woman who is taking away my sleep.

"Would you like to visit Station 19?"

The notification had made my heart flutter a little, as if I were still a teenager - it was noticeable how Maya made me feel like an inexperienced, no-game woman who was at her mercy - and my fingers were quick to type a response.

"Where did that come from?"

"Well, you are now part of our gang and you haven't met our workplace yet"

"Do you want me to meet your workplace, Captain?"

"You should always call me Captain"

"Maybe one day, if you take me to your bedroom again"

"You know it's always at your disposal"

"Waiting for the day when you'll turn your words into actions"

I laughed at the bold message I had sent, but I knew she would laugh on the other side. It was nice to be able to use my home country as an excuse to let my mind be expressed without so many filters, and I liked that I was raised within a slightly freer context than the American prudes.

"Me too"

Maya amused me even when I knew she had sent me this message with a wrinkle between her eyebrows, without a smile on her face and probably worried about whether I was serious or not.

-We're here! - The driver applied the handbrake.

-Thank you. - I said before walking to the terminal.

Luckily, a ferry was about to leave and my run to the gates was worth it.

I smiled briefly at a security guard and on my way to the third floor of the boat I passed by a few familiar faces; I exchanged glances with these people, nods and smiles, but unconsciously I was looking for Maya because it was her face that I wanted so badly to have in front of me at this very moment.

I passed the coffee stand, looked at it with both nostalgia and happiness on my face.

Perhaps it was our exchange of coffee in the mornings that had allowed us to grow closer ten years ago. Certainly, it was our exchange of coffee after our re-encounter that had brought us together again after those ten years.

I think we owed that coffee stand a lot.

I looked over to the door leading to the outside area of the boat, and before I even took my first step towards the ledge on which I liked to lean to watch the sky and the sea during our usually daytime crossings, a shiver ran down my arms. I closed my jacket tightly, making sure all the buttons were properly buttoned, and bitterly regretted not opting for a scarf that evening.

"I'm thinking about you" - I typed the message before I could give the idea a second thought.

I walked toward the outside with my eyes glued to the screen and the three little dots that waved on the message app indicating that Maya was typing.

"Me too"

More butterflies were rising in my stomach and by now I suspected that there was an overpopulation inhabiting my insides. The current of adrenaline that a simple message was capable of triggering was worrying to say the least - especially for my heart, which was surrendering more and more to Maya.

-I'm sorry! - I spoke hurriedly when I bumped into someone on my way to the ledge.

-Now that explains the “you're thinking about me, and I'm thinking about you” thing. - Her voice broke through me before I could even look at her face, but there she was.

Maya.

-What are you doing here? - I asked, excited and surprised, but she just shrugged. - What?

-Nothing. - She answered. - It's cold, are you sure you want to stay out here?

-Sí. - I nodded a few times. - Well, now I don't know. I had come outside to enjoy the view, but I didn't expect to find you here.

-I was bored at home. - She commented.

-Me too. - I didn't need to tell her that she had stolen my every thought and that I had come to the Ferry to feel closer to her so that I wouldn't have to call and ask her to meet me less than six hours after our earlier goodbye.

We walked together to my original destination, I put my forearms on the ledge and leaned forward slightly. I could see the foam created by the movement of the boat and its propellers, the sea was already dark, but the sky was beautiful, with an inspiring sunset.

-If you were missing me, just say so. - She shoved me with her shoulder, laughing at her own teasing, and I turned towards Maya, standing on my side, leaning on only one of my forearms.

I took my time to admire her face, her rosy cheeks - due to the cold? Due to my presence? I would never know - to the discreet gloss on her lips that indicated that she had just recently applied chapstick. I looked at her mischievous smile, at her provocative eyes, at the involuntary movement her nose made every time a stronger draft of air passed between our bodies. I looked at her long blonde hair flying behind her body.

I wanted her.

-I missed you. - I let the words come out of my mouth. - And it hasn't even been eight hours since I saw you last.

Maya's eyes went down to her own feet.

-I missed you because I like being with you, because I feel that you understand me. - I continued. - I feel that you understand me since our first conversation ten years ago. I miss you because now I know how good it is to be with you, to hear you talk and laugh, how you turn red when you're drinking or when I make an inappropriate comment.

There they were, I thought as her eyes returned to me and her parted lips showed me that she was trying to articulate words but wasn't being very successful.

Sometimes words saved us, and I had always been a big fan of talking, of deep dialogue, of solving my problems through conversation.

But sometimes none of them were necessary.

I reached out, let my cold fingers make contact with the warm skin on the back of Maya's neck before sliding them up a little further - wanting to feel those soft blond strands against my touch - and stepped forward. Her head tilted up, she was following my every move, reacting to my touch, and in her eyes, I could see that she wanted the same thing as I did. Our foreheads touched, our noses brushed, her hands touching my waist so lightly I could barely feel any pressure.

I wanted her.

-Let me show you how much I've missed you. - I whispered, enjoying the feeling of having her so near me and closing my eyes to let my other senses intoxicate me.

Her scent. Her touch.

-I've been missing you for ten years. - She whispered back and leaned forward.

That her mouth was soft, I had no doubt - with each kiss she placed on my face, I became more eager to taste her against mine - but the sensation of having those lips that I had stared at, that I had longed for, against mine after so long was inexplicable. Fireworks exploded in my chest as our mouths remained glued together, and I was afraid I would pull away and realize that this was all just another dream, but Maya did it for me and pulled away for a brief second only to capture my lips again.

My heart was racing in my chest, and my fingers tangled in her hair closed a little tighter, pulling the strands gently as I moved my face to make the fit of our mouths even more comfortable.  When her lips opened to take mine again, I took that opportunity to slyly run the tip of my tongue gently against her bottom lip and had to control myself from letting out a whimper when I felt her mouth open a little wider to receive me.

I wanted to taste her, as much as she wanted to taste me.

Her tongue was warm and soft and delicious. There was no fight for dominance, just a slow, teasing massage inside our mouths that warmed me inside and out and seemed to incite a fire that had been burning inside me for ten years. I could feel my nipples aching as they swelled and the middle of my legs pulsing with arousal, and these reactions of my body made me want much more than that kiss - and reminded me how long it had been since I had surrendered myself to anyone.

Maya's hands left my waist and went to the small of my back, she was pulling me against her body, and it was delicious to feel her so close to me, so intimately. The wet sound of our kiss invaded my ears and made me want more, her taste was addictive and I found myself fighting against the need to breathe so that this moment would last a little longer.

When we pulled away, our foreheads remained glued together as our breaths mingled between our open mouths. I wanted more, but my brain had not yet fully processed what had just happened, and I suspected that giving it another dose of confusion in such a short time would cause me a stroke.

-Yep, I think we need to talk. - Maya whispered.

-I think so too.