Chapter 59： The Dilemma of Human Nature
Su Ran completely ignored the pain in his mouth after being burned, staring at Xu Tianna with a red face, his heart beating violently. In the past twenty years, he was not an indecisive person, but this incident was too serious. His decision was not only related to his own fate, but also involved the career prospects of his friends and superiors, as well as Le Yao. The sacrifices Le Yao made to fight for his job opportunity were still vivid in his mind. Did he really want to destroy all this for Xu Tianna?
"Su Ran, what's wrong with you? Your expression is so ugly." Xu Tianna looked at him with a puzzled look.
In the struggle, Su Ran's heart suddenly calmed down. He rubbed his mouth and said to Xu Tianna: "It hurts to be burned. I'm afraid there will be blisters in my mouth."
"Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"Such a minor injury, why bother the hospital to save lives? Please, can you have some common sense of life."
"Oh, I'm glad you're fine, then let's continue to look for a house." Xu Tianna said and started the car.
No matter how difficult the decision is, it is often just a matter of a thought. Su Ran finally chose to remain silent and did not tell Xu Tianna the truth. He did not know whether this decision was correct, but he was suffering in his heart. He would rather Chen Jingming had not revealed this to him, but now that things have come to this, he can only float like a small boat in the ocean of self-blame, unable to see the other side of liberation.
The light and shadow of the street lamps were reflected on the car window, stretching longer and longer, and Su Ran's thoughts gradually became scattered. In this confusion, he could not find a win-win solution.
After searching late at night, they finally found a single apartment with a good cost-effectiveness. Su Ran immediately paid three months' rent and a deposit for one month. After the landlord left, he and Xu Tianna were the only ones left in the house.
The two stood side by side on the small balcony on the 26th floor. Su Ran lit a cigarette and looked at the night view of the whole city. After a long time, he said to Xu Tianna: "This place is tall and quiet. Your room is old but peaceful. They are all very quiet." "Have you finally admitted that the room belongs to me?" Xu Tianna asked with a smile. "The matter has been settled. I should admit it." Xu Tianna nodded as if she had resolved a matter and asked him: "Are you going to move in tonight?" "Tomorrow night." Su Ran paused for a moment and looked at Xu Tianna sincerely. "Let me stay at your place tonight for the last night. I want to say goodbye to my friends, mop, clock, sofa, and cabinet. I am afraid they will miss me." Su Ran was ready to be rejected by Xu Tianna, but she nodded in agreement. Maybe she really believed that those inanimate objects were his best friends. In fact, Su Ran was not deceiving or hypocritical. Sometimes, he would rather interact with these seemingly unconscious objects than with people who are full of subjective consciousness, because people's hearts are unpredictable, and if you are not careful, you will encounter evil beasts in human skin. Some of them even disdain to disguise and show their ugly faces, such as the actress who slapped Le Yao because of schedule issues, and Xu Tianna's uncle Mi Zhongde.
When I returned to the old house with Xu Tianna, it was late at night. Xu Tianna took the lead in entering the bathroom to wash up, while Su Ran sat on the sofa, seemingly calm, but his heart was full of ups and downs.
After a while, Xu Tianna walked out of the bathroom, applied toner on her face, and said to Su Ran in a fake tone: "Su Ran, aren't you going to say goodbye to your friends? Why haven't you moved since you entered the room?" Su Ran covered his chest and said to Xu Tianna: "My friends and I communicate with each other from the heart, and we just said goodbye reluctantly." Xu Tianna nodded in surprise: "Then you have a good understanding of each other." "Of course, in front of me and my friends, you are all ordinary people." Xu Tianna curled her lips and smiled, without saying anything more, turned back to the room, and gently closed the door. Su Ran suddenly felt that this door seemed to separate them into two worlds, his world was chaotic and disordered, and her world was the calm before the storm. After washing up, Su Ran returned to the room where he had lived for two years and was about to leave, staring at the ceiling absent-mindedly, but his mind was not empty. For the first time in his life, he tried his best to think about human nature, but found that human nature was illusory. Just like himself, when faced with a choice, he betrayed the belief he had always adhered to. He could certainly argue that it was for his friends, his boss who had given him a chance, and his own career prospects, but could these reasons really transcend the value of human nature? Could they allow him to distort human nature with a clear conscience?
As the night deepened, the bright moonlight outside the window shone through the gaps in the curtains and swayed on the quilt. Su Ran's consciousness gradually became blurred. After a moment, he temporarily put aside the burden of human nature and fell into a deep sleep.
The next day, Su Ran got up early, as usual, cooked porridge in the rice cooker, went downstairs to buy fried dough sticks, steamed dumplings and cakes, and fried two poached eggs after returning. He planned to have breakfast with Xu Tianna, not out of flattery or gratitude for her help in finding a room last night, but out of guilt in his heart, guilt that he knew the truth but chose to remain silent.
Breakfast was ready, Xu Tianna had also gotten up, and finished washing up after a while. Su Ran said, "Let's eat together. I've cooked some porridge."
Xu Tianna thanked him politely and sat opposite him. The two began to eat, but the atmosphere was always depressing and filled with silence.
Xu Tianna seemed to enjoy the silence, while Su Ran was suffering from the depression. Seeing that he ate quickly, Xu Tianna said politely: "Su Ran, take your time, I'm going to work first. By the way, if you don't have time to clean up the dishes, you can leave them first, I'll come back to clean them in the evening."
Xu Tianna walked to the shoe rack with her handbag to change shoes. Su Ran looked at her back and shouted: "Wait."
Xu Tianna didn't stop changing shoes and asked in confusion: "What's the matter?"
Su Ran was silent for a moment and said: "Give me a ride, I'll go to work with you."
"Is it on the way?"
"You work at Zhuomei Shopping Center, and our company is just opposite."
Xu Tianna nodded: "Oh, what company are you from?"
Su Ran was stunned and replied: "We are just a small company, I'm just a salaried person, not worth mentioning."
"Okay, then hurry up." Xu Tianna changed her shoes and stood outside the door waiting.
Su Ran hurriedly finished the porridge in the bowl, changed shoes and picked up the bag, and went downstairs with Xu Tianna.
Traffic was congested during rush hour, and vehicles were moving and stopping. When approaching the company, the car was once again stuck on a two-way road. Su Ran and Xu Tianna remained silent while doing nothing.
Su Ran took a disc from the storage box of Xu Tianna's car and put it into the music player, hoping to kill the boring time with music.
Luo Dayou's voice full of vicissitudes and stories performed "Love Proverbs", and the song floated in the narrow car.
The car was gently shrouded in autumn mist, and the vehicles waiting to pass outside the window turned on their clearance lights, like fireflies, making the world seem to be still. Su Ran was immersed in the song in this self-imagined tranquility.
Xu Tianna beside him was also immersed in it. She seemed to be quieter than Su Ran, but her eyes were quietly wet, and tears slowly slid down her cheeks. She seemed not to be noticed by Su Ran, and she lay on the steering wheel, leaving only a few messy hair and no face at all.
Why was she like this? I just listened to a song by Luo Dayou in the early morning, but I burst into tears. Su Ran was full of doubts, but he didn't know how to ask. He could only continue to wander in the entanglement between human nature and reality in silence and doubt. He didn't know where the future would lead him, nor where his relationship with Xu Tianna would go in this series of events. Everything was like being shrouded in fog, chaotic, and he could only grope forward step by step in this fog, and every step was full of unknowns and uneasiness.