08

Gᴡᴇɴ Eᴠᴀɴs

I cried in front of him.

I feel like I totally freaked him out. The only person who's ever saw me break down is my mom, and no one else. I had a panic attack in front of him. He probably thinks I'm crazy now, he's just too nice to say it to my face.

I've been alone for too long. I haven't had friends. And now that I have them, I fucked it up. Maybe I should've never made him forgive me, would've saved me the embarrassment.

Right now, I'm standing outside the history classroom, debating with myself if I actually wanna go in and face Asher. Well, I clearly don't want to.

I entered the class and settled down in my seat. From the corner of my eye, I could see Asher walking in.

I'm not gonna do this to myself, I won't talk to him. It's not about him now, it's about me.

He instantly rushed to his seat beside me as soon as he entered. "Munchkin, look, last night was a bit of a bust, I'll agree." He rushed out. I didn't spare him a look as he continued, "And you don't even have to explain yourself, I know why you acted weird after all that but I just want you to know that it's totally normal and I don't give a fuck."

He stared at me, waiting for a reply, but I kept staring out of the window, pretending like I didn't even acknowledge him sitting next to me.

"And... she's ignoring me again." He sighed as he switched his gaze to the front of the class. "Gwen, talk to me, please." He whispered the last part.

I ignored him. Because I was too fucking embarrassed of people seeing me at my lowest.

•°•°•°•°•

The class ended with me ignoring Asher. I walked out of the classroom and heard a familiar voice from my side,

"What's up, G?"

I continued walking as I felt Jax join me, walking with me now. "Hey, Jax."

"Where've you been? You didn't talk to me after you went to apologise to that Asher guy."

"I was with him."

"Uh huh. So.. everything's good between you two?"

"Yeah, totally fine."

He nodded his head and I spotted a smile take over his features as he looked ahead. I followed his gaze to see Theo walk towards us with the same expression on his face.

"Hey, Jax. Hey, Gwen." Theo greeted. I nodded my head with a smile in response.

"Hey, Theo." Jax said, their eyes not leaving each other's even for a second.

"Last night.. it was good." Theo blushed.

I switched my gaze at both of them, with furrowed brows for a second before actually processing what he's saying.

"I should go." I muttered, trying to turn around, but Jax grabbed my wrist, giving me a tight lipped smile as if to say 'if you leave me in this awkward situation alone, I'll fuck you up.'

"Yeah, love third wheeling. Favourite thing in the world to do." I muttered under my breath, but stopped when I saw both of the guys giving me a look.

"It was good, indeed." Jax replied with a smile.

"I really.. wish to see you again tonight." Theo said.

"Ye-yeah sure, I mean- we could try the mint chocolate chip ice cream you were talking about." Jax stumbled out.

"Great. At my place. 7 pm." Theo smiled before turning away to leave.

"Oh. My. God." Jax gasped and turned to me but stopped and stood up straight when he saw me crossing my arms over my chest, as if asking for an explanation.

"You wanna tell me what last night was about?" I asked.

"I was about to tell you." He said, putting his hands up in surrender.

I raised my eyebrows at him which made him roll his eyes at me before speaking, "Alright, we- we kinda..."

"Say it!"

"We kissed."

I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"You guys kissed?" I asked in confirmation.

"Yes, we.. kissed."

"You motherfucker." I laughed, "That's really good for you."

"I thought you'd slap me for making the first move or something." He said.

"You made the first move? Stay away from me, whore." I said jokingly as Jax gasped dramatically.

"Ugh, I love you." Jax groaned before wrapping his arms around my small frame, bringing me in a hug.

"I love you too." I said to him but it came out muffled since my face was buried in his chest.

We stayed like that for a few seconds when a voice interrupted. "Epic moment." We pulled away to see Asher standing there with a smile on his face.

Perfect.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to steal her for a second." He turned to Jax.

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead, I was just about to leave anyway." Jax said as he left us alone.

"I need to talk to you." He said, looking at me with an angry expression on his face. No, wait, I don't think he's angry but I can't read his expression. I'm not good with reading people, probably something to do with my hatred for them.

"About what?" I muttered, not looking him in the eyes.

"About what? I don't know.." he put his index finger on his chin, pretending like he's in deep thought before fake smiling, "Right. About you ignoring me unnecessarily."

"Fine. Let's just go somewhere private first." I agreed.

He nodded before walking ahead of me. He stopped at a door and opened it, gesturing me to go in first while holding the door open. I went inside the empty classroom and he followed behind me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Yeah, Munchkin, that's the question. What is it? Why do you ignore me after every fucking inconvenience we have?"

"Don't you get it, Asher? I'm not fucking used to this, okay? I'm not used to being friendly with people. And yes, I have behaviour issues, sue me." I groaned. I seriously don't know how to react after all that happened.

"I get it. You didn't have friends, you don't know how to talk to people, but that's what I'm trying to tell you, that it's okay. That's what friends are for, and you, out of all people should understand this because you are a brilliant friend." He said in one breath.

"I'm not." I whispered. "I don't even know how to be a friend."

"But-"

"No, Asher. I'm not someone you're looking for to be friends with. There are so many cool kids out there in this school and you chose to talk to me, I'll never know why. I'm a fucking trainwreck, I don't know how to treat someone normally and when I try to be as social as I can, I get called a weirdo! And it's fucking true because I am weird. I'm dumb and I make a fool of myself everywhere I go!" I said, my voice rising now. "And now I have made a fool of myself in front of the only person who took interest in talking to me even when I ignored you! Do you know I felt calm seeing your face once? But now I look at you and all I think about is me breaking down in front of you!"

Tears were now running down my cheeks as I looked at Asher who stood in front of me in shock, still processing what I said. My chest was starting to clench really hard as I tried to breath in and out normally.

I couldn't breathe all of a sudden. My chest got heavy as I tried to catch my breath.

"Gwen?" Asher said, and I looked up to see my vision getting blurred. I couldn't focus on one thing in the room, it's like the room is spinning around me.

"Asher-" I whispered, trying to grab onto something to keep myself steady.

"Gwen, it's okay, it's okay, take deep breaths." I heard him say as he grabbed my shoulders, "Just look at me."

"I- I can't-" I clutched onto his shirt, trying not to fall as I breathed in and out in practice.

"It's temporary, alright? It'll be over soon." I heard him say.

"It's temporary," I whispered to myself, "it'll be over soon."

I kept clutching his hoodie in my fists as I slowly regained my breath. My breathing went back to normal after a few seconds.

I pulled away from Asher, not looking him in the eyes. I turned around to leave the room quietly, wiping under my eyes to get rid of the tears.

I left the room and this time, he didn't stop me.

I need a cigarette.

•°•°•°•°•

I was sitting at a bench in the park outside a cafe right now with a lit cigarette in my hand. I don't think I can ever look at Asher the same way again. I really don't deserve friends, do I?

My phone rang, pulling me out of my thoughts and I saw my phone lit up with my mom's contact. I picked up the phone and heard her say,

"Gwen, can you please pick up some groceries on your way home, darling? I'll send you the list."

"Okay." I muttered.

I disconnected the call before putting out the cigarette by my foot and standing up. I straight up went to the grocery store to get the things.

I've heard people say that they don't cry anymore because all their tears have been used up, I wish it was the same case with me. I know I said that I didn't care but that was just so people don't think I'm weak. But I am weak, and I care more than I intend I do. I'm sick of crying about everything but the tears keep running.

I wish all my tears would've been used up.

More than half an hour later, I was home. I knocked on the door once but no one answered. I knocked again and stood there waiting with the grocery bags in my hands.

The door opened a few moments later and I walked in when I heard a voice behind me, "Where have you been, young lady?"

"The groceries were-"

Wait a minute-

I turned around to the source of the voice, only to see Asher standing there with a spatula in his hand, wearing an apron. He smiled at me brightly as I looked at him with complete shock.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Oh honey, I invited him. I hope you don't mind." Mom said and I looked towards the kitchen to see her standing in there with an apron on.

"I do mind, mom. Better ask me next time." I said, rolling my eyes and running up the stairs to my room.

"Gwen!" I heard mom call out from downstairs.

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. Did she really have to do this? And now? I can't fucking believe it.

I heard a knock on my door and I looked up to see Asher leaning on the doorway.

"Hello, sweetheart." He smiled.

"Go away." I sneered, taking one of my converse off my feet and flicking it at him. He dodged the shoe with his hand and chuckled, "Woah, calm down, woman. No violence."

He sat down beside me on the edge of my bed. I didn't look his way. "The FineLine poster looks really good." He said, and I looked his way to see him looking at the wall, admiring my wall filled with 1D and solo posters.

"Yeah." I muttered.

"I think my points were valid and I don't wanna repeat them." Asher said, out of the blue. He's not wrong.

"I know." I said, "Please tell me I'm being dumb."

"You're being dumb."

"I know, right? I fucking knew it."

I can't believe I'm saying this but I want to talk to Asher, so, I don't care now. I'm gonna keep talking to him even if my negative energy rubs off on him.

Why the fuck do I have so much mood swings? The next thing I would know is that I'm ignoring him again. But I'm gonna control that now, hopefully.

"Tell me to talk to you again." I said to him.

"Talk to me, señorita." He chuckled.

"You are señorita. Only I can call you that, not the other way around." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"God, call me whatever you want just don't fucking ignore me again." He said. I nodded while smiling.

"Friends?" I asked, holding up my pinky finger to him. He held my pinky finger with his while smiling and agreed.

"Friends."

"Hug me, idiot." Asher laughed, and I scoffed lightly before basically jumping onto him. He growled as I crushed him with my weight. "Fucking hell, you're heavy."

I slapped his arm while laughing lightly. I tightened my arms around his waist as I rested my head in the crook of his neck. He stroked my hair slightly as we just sat there comfortably in each other's warm embrace.

"You're free to hit me if I ignore you again." I said to him.

"I don't hit women." He said. "So good thing you're not one."

"Fuck off." I told him, but kept him close nonetheless.

I don't wanna lose a friend like him.