No Direction
Everyone besides Pavor were stunned by this sudden accusation.
"How dare you speak to the princess that way?" the King of Sagacitur snapped at Tudo.
Tudo immediately smacked his mouth. "My apologies! I did not know she was one of the princesses because I did not see her as often as the others during my time in Sagacitur. But I recall someone of her likeness to be the one who sneaked into the Temple of Memtem to steal his bow….. I must have been mistaken!"
He composed himself and stood up, not meeting their eyes. "Excuse me."
He went to take his leave with the other Retaliators. Princess Minerva suddenly seemed to be back to her steely expression, not showing anything on her face.
That was when Pavor knew it was indeed her who tried to steal the bow.
She eyed Tudo with a certain intensity, and Pavor suddenly had a bright idea. Treating her wariness as a chance to shift her interest, he said....
"Was it true? Did you try to steal the bow of a god?"
Princess Minerva said calmly. "Of course not, Your Highness. You have heard the boy, he has mistaken me for someone else."
"Really? But it seems like Tudo doubts you still. If I were you, I'd keep an eye on him and try to speak with him to ease his apprehension." Pavor suggested.
"..... You are right, Your Highness. I will try to speak with him tonight."
Pavor mentally patted himself on the shoulder. 'Not bad at my first attempt at matchmaking'.
And so until night time came, Pavor lurked in the shadows to see how the rendezvous between Princess Minerva and Tudo would go.
He went up to his room and stared at the gardens from the balcony, where Tudo liked to spend his time at night charting the stars and just ruminating in his studies of spells. He watched as Princess Minerva tried to approach the spellcaster, hiding behind the fountain with a statue of two swans with their beaks together to form a heart.
Pavor may not be an expert on love and courtship, but he has seen all the cliches that humans undergo when it starts to happen.
The passing glances, the rosiness on their cheeks, the increase in heartbeat...…
In a way, it was quite similar to how their body reacts to fear. He suppose that makes them two sides of the same coin.
He looked up at the stars, and they were countless. So too was humanity. There were millions of them. And yet, they still seek to find the 'One'. Their 'soulmate', their 'perfect match'.
It's all a facade, truly. Anyone can be anyone's match, it's just up to luck and one's efforts.
Just like anyone could fear anything, anyone could love anything. It was fate's design that determined which is which, but the possibilities were still there…..
The alternate paths.
"I see two paths before you, child....."
Pavor closed his eyes as the gentle breeze brought with them pieces of memories, fragmented and blurry. For some reason, now that he had become mortal, they have resurfaced no matter how many times he suppressed them.
Perhaps it was because memories were the only thing humans have. Without immortality, they cling into every single moment that passes by, clinging on to them until death.
He decided to let this memory play, for it was not really a memory that he particularly hated.
"I see two paths before you, child. A path of where your heart, broken and scorned, becomes consumed in darkness and craves to spread that darkness to others. And on another, I see a path of light, where you come to realize that you are valued…. And you are loved."
"It would be a simple life, but it would be as beautiful as the stars above. The one who loves you most will make everything into paradise for you."
Pavor didn't hate this memory because it had already been done. He had taken the first path, and the second one just becomes a laughable hypothetical scenario that never and will never come to be.
He does not seek love. He does not need it.
"What do you seek?"
Pavor turned around at the voice, and lo and behold it was the small priest again.
Then he realized what the blind little priest said and narrowed his eyes. Did he read his mind? He had behaved like he could since they met again in this life.
He did hear about how priests of Amore were blessed by the gift of empathy, of understanding the hearts of mortals in their deepest core. But was it really just empathy? Can empathy go as far as 'knowing', not just 'feeling'?
Davien smiled. "You seem to be at a loss, my Lord. You do not know what direction you will take, and so you allow yourself to just go by the whims of your predicaments. No goal, no certainty. You float like a dark feather in the wind, allowing it to take you anywhere."
Pavor did not say anything, merely anticipating how much the priest can 'empathize' with him.
The priest went beside him by the railing of the balcony. The wind blew the hood of his shawl...
Revealing hair so white that it glowed, perhaps even brighter than the moonlight.
But it was a soft glow, not straining to the eyes. The way the strands fluttered reminded Pavor of butterflies, as if he was made of thousands of them and could easily fly away...
Shifting like a dream, bound to disappear any moment.
"What do you seek, my Lord? Reach deep within yourself, because I could see that you have buried all your desires and aspirations deep into a void of your own making."
The Void.....
Everyone fears the Void, and humans believed that the Void had manifested because of Pavor. The world beyond this world, what lies ahead as eternal damnation without the saving grace of the gods.
But Pavor does not really know if the Void was from him, or something else completely.
For all his existence, he was tied with the Void. Fear and Death, interlaced together. After all, Death was the true fear of everyone. Not just Death in its literal form but....
The end of all things.
Fear of abandonment came from the fear of a connection coming to an end. Fear of forgetting comes from the fear of your grasp of memories coming to an end.
The End was that one looming darkness, the Unknown, that truly gives birth to Fear.
"You are not one of them, Pavor. You are different. You do not belong among them. You are alone, a singular entity... A black swan."
He looked at the two swans in the fountain.
One white, one black, their beaks overlapping like two swords.
Seeing the comparison, he started to wonder if the swans were truly meant to be lovers….. Or actually enemies.
Why was it even in this castle, he wondered? Who's idea was it, and for what purpose?
He was in the Unknown. Everything around him were just questions, endless questions, and so he could not do anything but just be whisked away. Allowing himself to float by in the chance that he can find answers to these....
"Secrets." Pavor said.
Davien turned to him. "What did you say, my Lord?"
"What I seek...… are secrets. Mysteries. To know the truth, the absolute truth, without the facade casted upon this world."
The priest seemed to ponder over this response, letting it set in. Then, he nodded.
"I believe you. If that is what you seek, then may your chase for the everlasting truth be fruitful. Because that is a chase that may last for a thousand lives, and still not be achieved. The desire to know will never be quenched as long as there is always something new to know."
Pavor looked at the stars. Endless. Even as gods, they were endless, but there was always something out there.
And beyond that was something even more.
The Unknown was Endless. The Void... It felt so unreachable, the ends of the cosmos. The end of everything there ever was.
He turned to Davien to say something, but the little priest was gone. Only the shawl remained….
And a single white glowing butterfly that flew deep into the forest.
Pavor thought about it, and decided to follow it. He could not fly, but it was a pain going through all the steps. Luckily, he had something else he could use.
"Amor Vincit Omnia."
He summoned his sword and jumped from the balcony. He struck the sword to the ground, breaking his fall with its divine energy.
It did feel like relying on Amore in some way, but he really had no choice in the matter as it was more convenient. Brushing himself off, he rushed into the forest to follow the little insect.
As if being drawn by its aerial dance, Pavor walked past branches and shrubbery like someone in a trance. And then….
"La la lu la la….. La la la lu la la...."
A familiar voice was singing, and a familiar figure was dancing under the moon above.
There she was.
"To love is to believe, someday I will see you again la la lu la la…."